SKYLAR
My feelings for Cody grew with each second we spent together. I’d managed to pull him out of his shell and even had him laughing and joking. This version of him matched the texts he’d sent, a complete contrast to the stoic guy who walked the halls of Madison High.
His hands strong against my back, he pushed me on the swing set with a silence that was not only comfortable but also soothing.
The cry of an electric guitar filled the air. My dad’s ringtone.
“Is that your phone?” Cody gripped the chains, stopping the swing.
I jumped off and ran to where it sat on the table. “Hey,” I said, trying to catch my breath.
“It’s past eleven. Where are you?” His voice was weak, but still strong enough to create a pit in my stomach.
Was it really that late?
“I left you a note. I’m sorry. I didn’t notice the time. Are you feeling better?”
“A note, Skylar, really? When has that ever been acceptable? Come home. Now.”
“Yes, sir.” I pressed end on the phone and turned to tell Cody, but he was already walking toward me, keys in hand. “I’m sorry. I have to go.”
“No problem.” His gentle smile sent a flush of heat into my cheeks, a reaction I’d had to him all night. Cody had been my obsession, the fantasy guy who took my emotions on a roller coaster. But tonight he showed me the man behind his façade of indifference. His soft spirit and touching compassion. Tonight, he stole my heart.
We walked to my Mustang, side by side, and though we didn’t touch, I felt him over every inch of my body. I didn’t want the night to end. Didn’t want to go back to school where the real Cody might disappear.
We stopped at my car door, staring at each other, the weird will-he-kiss-me-or-not moment vibrating between us. Electric tingles created a duet with the drumbeat in my chest. My lips parted, sending him a clear signal I wouldn’t flee this time.
Cody dropped his head, not making eye contact. “If I’m standoffish at school on Monday…” He paused, kicking the dirt, and then looked back up. “Just know it’s not you.”
Irritation, like ice water, doused my fantasy of a leg-popping moonlight kiss. “Why would you be different at school?”
His eyes pleaded with mine. “It’s complicated.”
Embarrassment, disappointment and irritation battled inside me. Zoe was right. The guy sucked you in and then refused to acknowledge anything. I shook my head and jerked open my door. “No, Cody, it’s not.”
He reached out and lightly gripped my arm, pulling me back to him.
My breath hitched, the combination of anger and anticipation turning our growing heat into a scorching fire. Heart pounding, I looked up, glanced at his mouth before staring into his tortured eyes.
“Blake and I are teammates. There’s a code for these situations. If we go public, you have no idea what will happen at school.”
“But I don’t like Blake. And he’s not even over Lindsay.”
Though he seemed relieved by those words, it didn’t take the sadness out of his eyes.
“It doesn’t matter. Blake expects absolute loyalty.”
I was beginning to hate that word. It had been corrupted into something dark. An excuse to control others. “Then why are we here if you had no intention of taking it further?”
He brushed a piece of hair off my face. “You were so sad today. I just wanted to make you smile again.”
And yet, all he’d done was hurt me more.
He dropped his hand and stepped back, a dark emptiness replacing his strong arms. “I like you a lot, but I need more time to figure out all the moving pieces.”
Rejection and rage warred within me. “You still don’t trust me.” Cody was pushing me away just like my father had. When were they going to realize I was strong enough to share their burdens?
His head recoiled as if I’d smashed it with a baseball bat. I kinda wish I had.
“This isn’t about trust. It’s about me protecting you.”
“From what?”
“Madison preys on the weak, and if certain people saw how much I care about you, they would try to destroy us.”
My spine went rigid. “They don’t need to. You already have.”
I was halfway inside my car when strong arms tugged me back and spun me around. Hot lips pressed to mine. Everything came alive, my cheeks, my hands, my stomach that wouldn’t stop swirling. I touched his back, gripped his t-shirt. I wanted him everywhere. Wanted the moment to go on for eternity.
When his lips no longer warmed my own, he put his forehead to mine, his voice husky and uneven. “Don’t walk away from me.”
I pulled him closer, laid my head against his solid chest. His heart had a strong, steady rhythm, and I inhaled the scent I wanted on my pillow at night. “Then don’t play with my heart. I’m not like Jill or other girls who do this for fun.”
“Rumors, Skylar. All rumors. I made one mistake last year, and I’ve hated myself for it. But there has been no one else since.”
“My whole life is a secret, Cody. I don’t want this to be.” I felt the weight of his sigh. The tightness coiling through each muscle.
“Then it won’t be. I’ll talk to Blake. I’ll tell him how I feel, and then no one will blame for you for any of it. Just give me the weekend to figure it all out.”
Hope rose in my chest. “Thank you.”
He cupped my cheek, and I could sense something in him changed. His eyes darkened into shadows, and his words felt like promises too heavy to grasp. “Know this. Whatever happens on Monday, you’re worth it.”
*
I set my purse on the counter, the flicker of the TV in the living room telling me my father was waiting.
He paused the show as soon as I came in the room and turned to face me. “Skylar Anne, giving you a car was not granting you permission to trek around Asheville without a curfew.”
My eyes drifted over him wrapped up in a blanket and weak with fatigue. The deep crevices under his eyes made me wonder how bad his night had really been.
I sat next to him, careful not to pull off his coverings. “I’m sorry. I just lost track of time.” I hated that I’d worried him.
He leaned over and picked up the note I left, scanning it with his eyes. “This ‘friend.’ Was it a guy or a girl?”
I bit my lip nervously. Casting down my eyes, I slowly replied, “A guy.”
My father’s head hit the top of the couch, and he looked like he was saying a silent prayer. Then he turned his pointed gaze to me. Seeing the disappointment there, I felt tears sting my eyes.
“Sweetheart, I know tonight was a letdown. I’m so sorry we weren’t able to hang out. But, under no circumstances are you to go out with a boy I have never met.” He took my hand, giving me a second to acknowledge his reprimand.
When I nodded, he continued, “This is a lot to get used to, us being here now, not having so many people around all the time. I’m sure it’s lonely. But, you still have boundaries very much in place.”
“I’m not lonely, Dad.” He was the only person I missed, but it wasn’t fair to say so. He couldn’t control what was happening any more than I could.
He pulled me in for a hug, and I snuggled up to his side, relishing the calming smell of the man who was my rock and my hero.
“What’s his name?”
I sat back up, allowing a sheepish smile. “Cody. He’s the captain of the wrestling team.”
“Did he keep his hands where they belonged?”
My mouth dropped open, my face flushing from embarrassment. “Dad!”
“What? It’s a fair question. I don’t want your first kiss to be from some meathead in a public park. Sue me.”
I glared at my father like he’d lost his mind. “I’m seventeen years old. I’ve already had my first kiss.”
He furrowed his brow. “Who have you kissed?”
“Whatever, Dad. Just play the movie.” I reached for the remote, but he grabbed it instead.
“No ma’am. Who have you kissed? And why didn’t you tell me?” There was an edge to the words, even while his tone seemed playful. He wasn’t going to let this one go.
“Fine. I was fifteen. Tyler and I were curious.” I shrugged my shoulders. “No big deal.”
“No big deal?” My father’s voice went up an octave. “You kissed Ricky’s nephew? The kid is a menace, Skylar, a felony waiting to happen. Ugh. And here I thought you had taste.”
I lightly pushed his arm and giggled. “Stop. It was just one time in a closet. Honestly, it felt like kissing a brother or something. No fireworks.”
He shook his head, still looking stunned. “I’m a terrible father. My only daughter gets her first kiss in a closet from…” He scrunched his face. “Tyler Prescott.”
Rolling my eyes, I reached for the remote again. He was starting to make me feel embarrassed, and I didn’t like it.
Still holding the darn thing out of reach, he gripped my chin and pulled it around to face him. “Now listen to me. A man who’s worth your time, energy and affections won’t want to kiss you in secret. He’ll want to kiss you in front of the world so everyone knows you are his. Don’t you dare settle for less.”
I flung myself into his arms, forgetting for a second he was so fragile and squeezed him tightly. “I won’t, Daddy.”
“I know I haven’t always been the best father. I drank too much. Partied too much. I took you and your mom for granted.”
The ache in his voice tore at my heart. He must have been looking at old pictures. This was always the story he told when he missed her most. “You changed. I don’t even remember that person.”
“That’s because Brianna took you away from me. Your mother forced me to face my demons and if she hadn’t…” He pulled me tighter, held on like he’d lose me if he didn’t. “I’m so sorry I let you down tonight.”
I held his sad face in my hands. “You didn’t let me down.”
The depression seemed to ease a little, but I still sensed he was trying to hold our crumbling world steady. He took my hands in his. “Will you do something for me?”
“Sure, anything.”
“Will you go to church tomorrow with Josie?”
How could I say no when he looked so pathetic? “Why?”
“Because I feel like I’ve left you stranded. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future, but I do know when tragedy strikes, it’s the people in your church family who surround you and lift you up. When your mother died, I wouldn’t have made it without their support.”
“Stop saying that. You’re going to be just fine.”
His pause highlighted his struggle to believe. “I hope you’re right, sweetheart.”
“I am right. God wouldn’t be that cruel. I know it.”
“God is never cruel, Skylar. We may not understand His ways, but it doesn’t change who He is.”
I stretched out on the couch, laying my head across my father’s lap. His hands found my hair and began long rhythmic strokes as if he were strumming chords on his guitar. Soft music filled my head, and my body relaxed with its harmony.
“Skylar, I need you to do this for me. For my peace of mind. Can you? Please?”
There was only one answer, even though I felt certain her church would be exactly like her—snobby and judgmental. “Okay, I’ll go. But no more talk of death and support.” I took his hand and tucked it close to my heart. “It’s you and me, Daddy. It always has been, and we’re going to beat this cancer.”
*
Sunday morning didn’t hold its usual appeal. Instead of curling up next to my dad, I had ten minutes until my obligatory field trip with Aunt Josephine. She was probably already here, tapping her fingernails on the counter while she glared at the cuckoo clock in the hallway.
The woman was frustratingly punctual, and I wondered for the millionth time how she and my dad came from the same parents. He and I both suffered from chronic tardiness.
As expected, she sat by my father at the bar, waiting, when I walked into the kitchen. She fussed over him, checking his temperature and then stood to pull his meds out of the cabinet.
My heart softened a little. She did love my father. That much was impossible to deny.
Daddy hugged me and whispered a warning in my ear about holding my tongue, which I agreed to do.
I followed Aunt Josephine out to her glossy, white Lexus in the driveway—even the rain wouldn’t dare leave a smudge—and resigned myself to two hours of torture.
She droned on about something from the minute we left the driveway. I tuned her out. Sure, I agreed to go with her. I’d even be polite for my dad’s sake, but I wasn’t going to be her new BFF.
When it was obvious I wasn’t listening, she stopped her chatter and turned on the stereo. The sounds of Bach filled the car.
Ten minutes later, we pulled into a crowded parking lot, not a vacant space to be found anywhere near the front doors.
Six brick columns shot up to the sky and the dome on top of the building imitated the European Renaissance architecture Ms. Stapler forced me to study. The building reminded me of home. It took me back to a time when our family could actually attend church and worship together. Familiarity swept over me, and my icy heart began to thaw. Images of my mom and dad played like a movie in my mind, bringing me back to a time when life seemed like a fairytale.
My eyes burned, unshed tears threatening to undo my carefully applied makeup.
“This church is almost a hundred years old. Beautiful, isn’t it?” She stared at the historic structure. “The design is based on the cathedral and dome of Santa Maria del Fiore in Florence. Your father told me you’ve been there.”
I nodded as a new wave of grief stole my voice.
She must have sensed my feeble composure and turned off the car, ending our short conversation.
My dad would say we shared a moment, that for one second Aunt Josephine and I were on the same team. But we weren’t. I was on team life, believing with all my heart God would spare my father. She was on team death believing each day might be his last.