CODY
Joey’s gaze followed me as I took my seat in the back of Ms. Bakerfield’s class, the seat I’d abandoned last week. He was spying on me again. Ready to report back to Blake if I so much as raised my phone to text Skylar in class. Like I’d be that stupid after this weekend.
But I needed something. A look. A smile. An accidental touch.
Jill’s hand slid across my arm right before she took the empty chair next to mine. “Hey, handsome.” I bit my tongue. It wasn’t a coincidence that Jill decided to switch seats. Of that, I was positive.
Skylar walked through the door, and my temperature spiked. Everything about her was beautiful to me, but her profile could be immortalized in art. The slope of her neck, the slight lift in her dainty nose, how her green eyes popped against her fair skin.
She didn’t look my way and, instead, took a seat next to Stoner. That wasn’t his name, but long, scraggly hair and the leather jacket he wore, even in a hundred degree weather, earned him that title. His reclusiveness and the headphones permanently jammed into his ears didn’t help the image.
Skylar introduced herself, and they spoke for a few seconds. He offered her one of his ear buds, a gesture I’d never seen him make before. She accepted and then rocked her head back and forth.
What was with that girl? She was like a magnet for misfits and outcasts. Or maybe she was just a magnet for everyone. It made sense. Her father had captivated an entire generation, and she was now captivating every person at Madison High.
Ms. Bakerfield came in and slammed the door.
Skylar returned the earpiece to its owner, but not without a smile that could melt the polar ice caps. My stomach burned. I didn’t want to be the one on the outside watching. I wanted inside in her head. I wanted to figure out how she could so easily fit in a world where labels and status dictated happiness and security.
Jill leaned over. “Still pining, I see.”
Yes. “Not at all.”
She pulled back and whispered, “Yeah, right.”
*
I sat on a bench in Veteran’s Park, staring at the empty play set. Two of the four streetlights were out, casting shadows along the pebbled area. They matched the shadows in my mind. I hadn’t been here in two years. Not since I walked from the locker room in a daze, pants dripping with toilet water, lip split open and ribs bruised.
Blake had given me the loyalty assignment during wrestling practice. It wasn’t big. I just had to “accidentally” spill chocolate milk on a snotty sophomore girl who called one of our teammates “brain deficient” in class. Never mind that Toby was a walking imbecile and probably deserved her comment. Rules were rules, and no one badmouthed the wrestling team. The spill was to happen in two weeks. On picture day. Biggest impact, and enough time so that it didn’t look like retaliation. Another brilliant set up by the king of the school.
I continued to watch the swings sway in the breeze and wished for the same clarity that came after I stood from the locker room floor. The clarity that said no matter what, I would no longer be a victim. I wondered what that naïve kid would think if he knew he’d one day become the bully.
Pounding a fist on the empty space next to me, I contemplated how I would get out of this mess. I needed Blake to screw up just once. To give me one piece of evidence I could use to buy my freedom.
I pressed my back against the bench’s hard wood, stretched my legs out in front of me, and texted the one person keeping me sane.
Me: What were you listening to in class?
There was no response, but I sensed she was reading.
Me: From the head banging, I would guess Steel Panther.
Me: Or maybe Fall Out Boy? Come on, I need a new song.
A bubble finally appeared.
Skylar: I’m still trying to figure out the one you sent me.
I’d been telling myself I didn’t care that she hadn’t responded after I sent a song that bared my soul. But right then, I knew it was a lie. I wanted her to know me. Wanted her to see past the music.
Me: You’re in the stillness.
Skylar: That doesn’t help.
Me: It’s all you’re getting. Keep listening. I lost sleep picking out that song for you.
Skylar: Really?
Oh, if she only knew how much time she’d already consumed. How much time I spent thinking about her, wanting her, hating myself for letting Blake have her.
Me: At least an hour. :)
Skylar: So why weren’t you at lunch?
Because I can’t see Blake touch you without wanting to slam his head into the table.
Me: Last minute homework
Skylar: Slacker
Me: I know. So, my song?
Skylar: You’ll have to earn it.
Me: How?
Skylar: Eat with us tomorrow.
The girl had no idea what she did to me. No idea how hard it was to hide my feelings when she simply bit her lip or twirled a lock of hair.
Me: What about Blake?
Skylar: What about Lindsay and Jill?
Me: Not interested
Skylar: Me either
And with those words, the shadows suddenly became a burst of color.
Me: I’ll be there, then.
I was walking into a landmine, and I didn’t even care.