CODY
Skylar’s phone didn’t even ring twice before her voicemail picked up. She had either turned it off or was screening her calls. Either way, her message was clear.
Like the other ten times I heard the beep that meant I wouldn’t talk to her, I ended the call and shoved my phone into my gym locker. Two hours of practice, then I could leave this miserable school. Figure out how to fix this mess.
The media was relentless. Tributes to her father, along with speculation on his condition, headlined on every news channel and social media site. The worst image, though, was the video of Blake holding Skylar as he pushed their way into school this morning. That one stayed on repeat in my mind. A minute-by-minute reminder that I’d failed her.
Blake sauntered over to my locker in his gym clothes, a smug smile on his face. “So, you’re bangin’ a rock star’s daughter. My, my, you never stop climbing that ladder do you?”
I clenched my hand but stopped there. I wouldn’t do it. One more fight, and I was off the team. My stupidity lost me the Super 32 and Skylar. I wouldn’t let it take away my chance to get her back.
I kept my gaze fixed on the locker in front of me, my voice calm and controlled. “Talk about Skylar like that again, and I’ll call the cops on Chugger’s next kegger.” Not an idle threat and he knew it.
His mild laugh twisted everything inside me, but I still didn’t move. “Face it. You lost. The team thinks you’re a joke. Lindsay’s a walking zombie, and Skylar dumped you. And after Zoe calls and comforts her and sings all my wonderful praises, she’ll come to me. Beg me to give her another chance. And I’ll be ready and waiting.”
Over my dead, rotting body. I met Blake’s soulless eyes. “Keep dreaming. Skylar sees right through you. She has since day one.”
“That so?” He stepped away, pulled out his phone, and pressed a number on speed dial. A second later, his face lit up. “Hey, beautiful. Just wanted to see if you got home safely.” He walked backward toward the gym, smiling like he did after winning a match. “Of course. I’m more concerned…” His voice disappeared behind the locker room door.
I grabbed my keys out my bag. They slipped through my fingers and landed on the floor. I cursed. My hands shook as I snatched the keys back off the tile. I cursed again when my vision went blurry.
Screw practice. I’d storm the gate if I had to. She was going to talk to me.
*
The line of cars that stretched to Skylar’s gated neighborhood was literally a quarter-mile long. I’d been inching up for forty-five minutes, wondering, hoping they’d let me in. The media, perched like vultures, surrounded her neighborhood. Fans lined the strips of grass along the fence, laying flowers and get-well signs as a tribute to their idol. If they really wanted to honor Donnie Wyld, they would back off and let his family deal with his illness.
Another round of anxiety rolled through my stomach. She wanted honesty. I was about to drown her in it.
There was only one car in front of me now, arguing with the guard who checked his list and shook his head. The car lunged forward and squealed around the U-turn. My hopes plummeted. There was no way Skylar marked me as an approved visitor.
Inching my truck to the guard, I noted he looked stressed, tired, agitated and was probably thinking he didn’t get paid enough to deal with the circus surrounding the gatehouse.
“Cody James. I’m here to see Skylar Wyld.”
He recognized me. He’d worked here the night I met her father. Even gave me a pep talk when I rambled on about it.
“Go ahead,” he said without even consulting his clipboard.
I wanted to get out and hug him but focused on getting to the girl I knew was hurting.
The driveway held two black Town cars, a shiny Lexus and her Mustang, which was parked haphazardly at an angle. A sure sign she’d barely made it in before storming the house. The last memory I had of her face flashed before me. The unshed tears, the tight lips, the shredded way her eyes bore into me.
The edgy, disheartened feeling escalated as I knocked on Skylar’s front door. I should be cold, freezing even, since it was forty degrees, and I was in workout clothes, but my body was a furnace.
The door swung open to a father’s scowl.
I stood straighter. “Hi, Mr. Wyld. I wanted to see if I could talk to Skylar.”
Donnie Wyld laid his forearm against the doorframe and assessed me from head to toe, much like he did the night I came to dinner. “I’ve got a pretty upset little girl in there. You here to make it better or worse?”
“Better.” I hoped.
He raked a hand though his hair, his face etched with stress and frustration. “I’ll give you ten minutes because I’m desperate.” He stepped out of my path. “But if I get a hint that you’re upsetting her more, you’re done.”
“Yes, sir.” I stepped into the grand foyer and immediately heard the buzz of news from a television in the other room. He gestured for me to follow and I did, keeping my eyes peeled for red hair.
The two security men from school were in the kitchen, and a tall skinny guy was standing in the living room watching the headlines scroll across the flat screen on the wall. He turned when we walked in.
“This is bad, Donnie. She told them just enough to give them a story, but not enough to press charges. Speculation alone is going to kill you. I think it’s time to make a statement.”
Donnie stared at the ceiling for two beats, ignoring the advice. “Cody, why don’t you wait out back? I’ll get Skylar.” He pointed around the corner and left without an introduction.
The skinny guy turned back to the TV.
The tension in the house was so suffocating it was like pushing through thick, wet sludge as I made my way to the backyard. I felt Skylar’s loss. The ease that was there before had been completely sucked away.
I thought about sitting, but the pulse in my veins was too intense, so I walked. The mulch around the shrubs was bright red with a lingering smell of fertilizer. I touched a leaf, hoping in some way it would connect me to the girl who painstakingly planted it.
“What are you doing here?”
Skylar’s voice made the hair on my neck stand straight. It was still harsh and distant. I turned around to see her standing just outside the door. Her arms wrapped around her torso and her eyes red and puffy.
I approached slowly. “I came to check on you.”
“I’m fine. You can leave now.”
“Okay, I came to talk to you.”
“There’s nothing left to talk about.” Her expression was blank except for the creases at the corners of her eyes, as if looking at me was painful.
It certainly hurt to look at her. “There’s everything to talk about.” I hoped the desperation wasn’t as obvious to her as it was to me. “I want to explain.”
She faltered for only a second before her stare went back to its indifference. “I told you, I don’t care anymore.”
“Yes, you do.” I reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. Frustrated, I gripped the back of my neck. Wished the sickness in my stomach would stop for just one moment. “I need you to understand why. Why Lindsay’s fight became mine.”
She stared down at her hands, turning them over as if to check for scratches or bruises. Seeing her cold expression was bad, but not seeing it was worse. I’d have to do this blind. Confess my worst nightmare without knowing if she was even listening.
“I used to be fat and shy and socially awkward. It didn’t make much difference in junior high. Kids just ignored me. But at Madison, it changed.” I shoved both hands into my pockets and kicked at some stray rocks. “Freshman year was bad. Teasing, some roughing up behind the school, papers missing. But nothing like sophomore year. Tom Baker had it out for me.”
“Tom Baker?”
I closed my eyes. She was listening, even if she still wouldn’t look at me. “The king of Madison two years ago.”
“What did he do?”
My chest burned with pressure and every breath felt like a victory. “Fatty James. That’s what he used to call me. Every day. Every time he passed me in the halls.” Finally, she met my eyes. There was recognition.
Heat engulfed me. “You heard this before?”
“No. Lindsay said something about Tom Baker and pictures.”
Sweat trickled along my forehead and stung my eyes. I prayed for calm. I had to do this if we had any chance. “Tom’s girlfriend was like Lindsay. Shy, timid, kind. But he was cruel to her on a regular basis. I saw her crying outside and gave her a tissue. We didn’t even speak, but that one act of mercy sealed my fate.”
“What happened?” Her voice was soft, barely over a whisper. I clung to it, immersed in the fact that the bitterness was gone.
I rubbed my palms across my eyes, feeling sucked back into my horror. The bullied kid, the outcast, the crushed boy who fought to forget. “He broke me.”
Seconds passed. I’d spent years pushing away the memory, fighting to forget the agony of that day and yet keeping it a secret. One that rotted inside me like a decaying body. Telling her was like opening an infected wound and pouring alcohol on it.
Skylar would know the ugliness. The broken parts of me that couldn’t be fixed.
“One day in the boys’ locker room, Tom and five other guys stripped me down, beat me, drew on me and then took pictures. Those pictures were posted on a private webpage usually seen by juniors and seniors. Lindsay knew about the pictures because Blake had access our sophomore year. I didn’t even know the website existed until Lindsay showed me.”
Her eyes shimmered.
“I didn’t choose Lindsay over you. She already knew.”
I dared to move forward. To touch her cheek. She didn’t turn away. “You said I didn’t trust you. You’re wrong. I didn’t trust myself. I’m broken. They broke me. And I’ve spent two years putting together the pieces, doing everything I could to make sure they never shattered again. I’ve made terrible mistakes. Compromised my values. Tried to heal by fitting in with the very group that laughed at me.
“But never once have I felt whole since that day. And I didn’t really even notice it until I met you. Then suddenly I was aware of every crack and splinter. Protecting Lindsay made me feel like I was fixing it. Made me believe that I could be happy again. Made me think I could be a man worthy of someone like you. When I see them attack her, it’s like I’m getting punched all over again.”
She didn’t say anything and I waited, giving us both time to process everything I’d just admitted to her.
“Thank you for telling me.” Skylar didn’t look me in the eye when she said it, and her words were so quiet I almost missed them.
I placed my hands on her shoulders. “I should have told you sooner. I just didn’t want you to ever see me as weak.”
Her eyes shifted to mine. “My mother left my father when I was three years old. He was touring in Europe, and she brought me home to the States. My father told me it took him one week before he completely fell apart, canceled the tour and came to find us. My mom didn’t take him back for six more months. Do you know why?”
I shook my head.
“Because he was messed up, Cody. And he had to fix himself before he could ever be the kind of father and husband he needed to be.”
I pointed to her house. “But he changed. He became that man.” I could, too, if she’d just give me more time.
“He did.” She touched her locket while a tear slid down her check. “But not because my mom took him back.”
She was going to rip my heart out. Right here on her back porch. I took her face in my palms and begged. “Don’t do this. Please, Skylar, it’s not the same.”
“It is.” Her voice cracked. She pulled my hands down and squeezed them. “It doesn’t matter if you take care of Lindsay or if you help me through this mess with the media. Or if you beat Blake in a round of wrestling or even win state. Until you face what happened to you. Until you move past it, you will never stop fighting.”
I spread my arms, frustration exploding inside every vein and muscle. “I’m fighting for us! I’m trying to be a better man. That’s all I’ve done since I met you.”
“But who’s fighting for Fatty James? You can’t erase him, Cody. He’s a part of who you are.”
I couldn’t look at her. “Don’t say that name.”
“Why not?” Skylar pulled me back, angled me until I met her eyes.
“Because he died on that locker room floor.”
“No, he didn’t.”
Skylar’s voice lowered as if calming a wild animal. Maybe she was. Maybe I’d finally lost it.
“That scared kid is just as alive as Lindsay is. And sooner or later you are going to have to face him. Just like I had to face the fact that no matter how much I wanted normal, I can’t have it. My mother is dead. My father has cancer. I will forever be a rock star’s daughter. There are things in life you cannot change, no matter how much you want to.”
I shook my head as if doing so would make her words not true. For the first time since I met Skylar, I didn’t want to be near her. Didn’t want to get lost in her eyes or buried in her smile. She didn’t understand. “You’re wrong.”
“I’m not.” There was a heaviness in her tone that twisted my gut into a tighter pretzel. “I know you care about me. I know you want to be there for me. But you can’t. Not until you deal with the ghost inside you.” She hovered by the door, gripping the handle while I stood frozen.
“What about you? Us?”
“My father’s dying, Cody. That’s the only ‘us’ I can worry about right now.”
And with those words, she walked away.