CODY
If Skylar’s idea of earning my song meant torture and agony, then she succeeded. Somehow lunch had become three of us, with me being the third wheel.
“Where’s Chugger?” I asked.
“He needed tutoring this afternoon.” Blake reached up and moved Skylar’s hair off her shoulder. She startled, and he quickly added, “It was getting in your food.”
I forced my eyes off his hands, reminding myself to play the game. “Since when does Chugger need tutoring? He’s a boy genius.”
Blake shrugged. “I’m not his keeper. Maybe he’s with Henry. They do have Western Lit together.” He reached out, his hand hovering over my fries. “You done?”
I pushed the tray over with more force than intended. Something was off. Chugger hanging with Henry? Not in this lifetime.
“And Zoe? Doesn’t she usually eat with you guys?” Not that I liked her. At all. But this situation felt way too constructed.
Skylar picked small pieces from her sandwich. “She wasn’t feeling good. Went home after second period.”
“Did you hear Clearview is ranked number two this year? Some talk that they could beat us.” Blake mashed the stolen fries in his ketchup.
“Not a chance.” My tension eased slightly. I could talk wrestling. Wrestling was safe.
Blake snorted. “That’s what I said.” He turned to Skylar, offered one of his smiles that often resulted in rosy cheeks and giggles. “What about you, beautiful? You gonna come watch us sweep the state this year?”
Sure enough, her skin flushed, marred the softness in her face. She glanced my way; a motion Blake didn’t miss. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
The silence became strained, edgy. I stood, my momentum so abrupt, the chair screeched against the tile and wobbled. I couldn’t sit there and not look into those eyes. And if I looked into those eyes, Blake would know I wasn’t playing by the rules.
“You’re leaving?” Skylar scanned the empty seats around us. The hurt and confusion on her face were even worse than this morning when I ignored her during first period.
“Yeah. There’s something I’ve got to do.”
“See ya around, man,” Blake said. I sensed his approval, as if I’d just realized this was all some grand scheme to get Skylar alone. Knowing Blake, that was exactly what it was.
I pushed through the cafeteria doors with frustration. Nowhere to go and twenty minutes left for lunch. Without thinking, I stomped toward the gym. Weights, pain, sweat. Those were all things I could control.
A soft sob echoed on the other side of the basketball court, and I froze. It was a girl’s cry, but Fatty James still burst from the crevices of my mind. His wails were always the loudest.
I moved toward the sound of whimpering.
Lindsay sat crumpled in the corner outside the girl’s locker room, her face buried in her knees.
Run, run, run. I crouched and gentled my voice. “Something happen?”
“I’m on the Torments List. I hadn’t looked at it in so long that I never realized…” She wiped at tears that wouldn’t stop. “I’ve probably been on there for weeks.”
Chugger’s comment popped in my mind. The List. The one he said I was better off not knowing about. “What’s the Torments List?”
She took out her phone and started tapping. She zoomed in, put in a password and handed it to me.
I’d never seen the website, but it was clearly for Madison. Our crest was on the banner with the title. Five discussion threads were available, each with someone’s name on it. I recognized Lindsay’s, and the sophomore girl who bashed Toby, but not the other three.
A suffocating pressure built in my chest with each comment I read. They were cruel and disgusting. Lily, the sophomore, had twenty comments about the chocolate milk plan. Date, time, what to say after it happened. How long to moo at her when she walked down the hall. All planned. All calculated viciousness that would hurt her for years.
I looked up, my throat so tight I couldn’t swallow. “How did you know about this?”
“I’ve known since we started high school.” Her face fell as if a judge declared her guilty. “You were on the Torments List for a long time. Up until you made the wrestling team.” She turned away. “They posted pictures of what happened to you.”
The pressure was now constricting my airway. I pushed a palm hard against my sternum to ease the gripping pain. All those years I’d suffered. All those nights I’d lay in bed and wondered why people hated me so much. All those times I hated myself. All because of a stupid list. Some teenage joke taken too far.
“Whose site is this?” I choked out the words, tried to push away the memories.
Her shoulders rose and fell. “No one knows. It’s been around forever. If you’re chosen, a password is texted to you from the site, anonymously. Anyone can post within the threads, but it’s a mystery who adds or deletes the names.”
I continued to read through the filth until Lindsay put her hand on my arm and squeezed. Her light touch and anxious eyes showed the sacrifice. I’d never seen her touch anyone but Blake. “I’m sorry, Cody. If I ever made you feel…like this.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered. But nothing felt okay. Everything felt like pounding misery. I handed back the phone. “I’m telling Principal Rayburn. He’d never let this continue.”
Her voice lowered, hushed and serious. “You can’t. It’s been turned in before. They simply take down the site, and then it pops up again on another domain with new passwords. The last guy who turned it in ended up withdrawing from school.” She shook her head. “It’s not worth it.”
“We have to do something.”
She leaned against the wall and closed her eyes, defeat showing in the set of her shoulders. “What can we do? It’s the Internet.”