SKYLAR
Cody wanted to pick me up, but I met him at the radio station instead. In one night, I’d lied to the two men I cared about most. My father thought I was with Zoe, and Cody had no idea that being here with him was outright defiance. My dad’s latest ultimatum was clear—no contact outside of school until he met the guy who had me too infatuated to eat.
But I wasn’t ready. Daddy’s chemo was the one secret I locked away. He’d lost another twenty pounds, and his face seemed permanently pale, the kind that screamed terminal disease. When Cody met him, he would know my dad wasn’t well. And if he started acting like Aunt Josephine, expecting my father to die, I couldn’t take it. Hope was all I had left.
Cody pulled open my car door and lifted me right into his arms. His broad shoulders dwarfed mine, and I swore the guy had biceps made of steel. My stomach began its tiny flip routine when he kissed me without a word. My hands landed just above his belt, and the heat of his body flowed up my arms and right into my cheeks.
“I’ve wanted to do that all day,” he said.
“Me too.” Cody had been strict about the kissing at school. I knew it was respectful and gentlemanly, but mostly it made me crazy.
“I’m so glad your dad eased up. Did you tell him you’d be my cohost?”
“No. Not this time.” I’d forgotten how differently Cody acted outside of Madison. Guarded indifference became smiles and banter. Careful grazes became full on hugs and stolen kisses. I wanted more of that person.
With his left hand laced in mine, Cody pushed open the door with his right one and ushered me through. “It’s just us, Joe and the station manager here, so I don’t think you have to worry about being recognized. Joe’s a metal head, so your dad’s music is a little too soft for him. My manager wouldn’t know rock from rap, but he’s good at the business side and lets us play whatever we want, as long as the ratings stay up.”
I watched his eyes light up as he pointed out each room and who did what during the day. “You really enjoy this, don’t you?”
He stopped, pulled me close. “Yes. And you are the only person I’ve ever shared it with. I think that’s worth a week of secrets.”
I kissed his mouth and smiled. “Nice try, Radio Boy, but a deal’s a deal.” His turns had become my lifeline. For every moment my dad kept hidden from me, Cody gave me one of his. He’d chosen me. Trusted me. It filled an emptiness I didn’t even know was there.
We entered the sound booth, and Joe waved from the shared glass. When he thought I wasn’t looking, I saw him flash Cody a ten with his hands and bounce his eyebrows. Laughter bubbled in my chest. Joe had long salt and pepper hair braided down his back and glasses thick enough to make his eyes appear twice their normal size. He probably couldn’t even see the color of my hair let alone rate my prettiness.
“Everything is digital,” Cody explained, pulling up the playlist and the songs the station had rights to. “I have fifteen minutes of commercials to disperse throughout the hour and then another ten I usually take for phone calls. The rest is music, and tonight, it’s all you.”
He slid his chair back and pointed to the library of singles waiting for my selection.
“The theme is Ladies’ Night, so I won’t question any of your choices.”
“Really? So if Taylor Swift ends up on my list tonight, you won’t care?”
His brow crinkled, but he kept his face a mask. “Nope. Your choice.”
“And what about Demi Lovato? I heard her new single is number three on the pop charts.” I was baiting him, and even though red inched up his neck, he continued to pretend he didn’t care.
He swallowed twice. “I trust you.”
His words sank deep into my heart, and I put him out of his misery. “My first choice is Janis Joplin, then we’ll hit some Alanis Morissette and then PJ Harvey.” With each name, his shoulders relaxed.
“Sounds like the perfect mix of sass and depth. I’m sensing a kinship.” The glint in his eyes reflected his double meaning, but he caught my hand before I could smack him. Strong arms pulled me onto his lap. “Will you go to the Super 32 next weekend?” He must have sensed me tensing because his voice turned to a plea. “I know it’s far away, and you’ll have to beg your dad. But maybe tonight is the start of him letting go a little.”
And this is why lying is stupid. It always led to more and more deceit. “I don’t think so.”
Sadness replaced the earlier cheer. “You don’t know what it’s like to have a team that wants you to fail, to know that everyone is against you.”
I brushed my hand though his hair. “I’d go if I could.”
“I know.”
“I’ll be cheering for you in spirit. I promise.”
Though I sensed his growing frustration, Cody never pushed to meet my dad. He accepted my wariness even when it meant our time was limited to school hours and a few stolen moments in the park.
With a pat to my thigh, Cody lifted me off and back into my chair. “You better hurry and pick. We go on in ten minutes.”
And with that Cody was back to his radio alter ego, CJ. But part of me recognized I’d missed out. Because for all the secrets he had shared, that was first time he’d let me see any real vulnerability.
*
Cody sat with his back against the picnic table while I lay across the bench seat with my head in his lap. His fingers danced through my hair like air through wind chimes.
“When do you guys leave?” I asked with my eyes closed. It was a beautiful November day, mid sixties, cloudless skies, mild breeze.
“Friday evening. Coach wants to make sure we get plenty of sleep.”
The Super 32 was only a few days away, and Cody’s mood had become darker and more withdrawn as it approached. It was like the radio show had been a turning point, only taking us backward instead of forward. His secrets were hardly even noteworthy this week. A fall from his bike at four gave him the scar on his right arm. He always ordered a cheeseburger, but took off the cheese because he only liked a hint of the flavor.
Nothing significant. Nothing to ease the pain of the newest rumor that had settled over the school. Last week, Cody started eating with Lindsay in the library on the days I ate with Zoe. I couldn’t exactly complain. Zoe wanted to be with Chugger, which meant we sat at Blake’s table. But the move had fueled a new wave of whispers and accusations.
“You’re pouting,” he said, running his thumb along the line of my lips.
“I’m sorry. I guess Jill’s comment about you and Lindsay bothered me. Quickly, tell me your secret so I can focus on that next time I hear how you guys hooked up behind the N-P aisle. Or was it the W-Z section?”
Soft lips lingered on my forehead. “You’re welcome in there anytime.”
“I know. I just thought things would die down by now.” But I’d been known to live in my own fairytale world. Or at least that’s what Aunt Josephine had said when I yelled at her for replacing dad’s bed with a hospital grade one. She said the new bed would be more efficient and comfortable for him. I said she needed to stop turning our house into a nursing home. We hadn’t spoken since.
“I threw up before my first match.”
“What?” My eyes popped open, and I shielded the sun to watch Cody’s face.
“My secret today. Last year at our first match, I saw Matt in the stands, and I ran to the bathroom and hugged the toilet for like five minutes. Coach had to send someone after me. Strange thing is, I think I’m more nervous about Saturday than I was then.”
I sat up and spun until I straddled the bench next to him. He’d lowered his defenses, given me another chance to put him first. And this time I would. “Come over to dinner tomorrow night. I want you to meet my dad so I can see you kill it in Greensboro.”
He didn’t even pause before pulling me close to him and dropping his mouth to mine.
We separated, and his eyes sparkled with a happiness I hadn’t seen since our first night at the park. “Thank you.” He cupped my face. “I don’t think you realize how much I needed you there. How much you matter to me.”
“You matter to me, too.” The alarm on my phone dinged, telling us our twenty minutes were up. My dad would start asking questions if I showed up later than five.
I pulled his hand until we both stood and shook off the gnawing unease about what I’d just agreed to do. There was no going back now. Tomorrow night, Cody would learn the only secret powerful enough to destroy me.