O n my way out the door, I paused by the bathroom and added a bit of lip gloss and mascara, twice as much makeup as I normally wore. The outfit was new...well, kind of. It had been hanging in my closet with the tags still on since the end of year clearance last winter. The sweater dress, combined with tights and knee-high boots was both warm and cute, two things that didn't always work together when you fell into that round and petite category, like me .

The rich, deep blue glowed against my skin, and I thought maybe the color was one of my better ones. It was definitely better than the typical black and gray I had been wearing for so long .

For a brief moment, I studied my reflection and wondered why I had gone to the extra trouble. All I was doing was having lunch with my aunt .

But it really hadn't felt like trouble .

And I looked nice .

Aunt Blair was always getting on me about dressing up a little bit more for our girl dates. I'd surprise her .

So what if it was just a pretty blue sweater dress and a lip gloss? And mascara. A pair of knee boots that showed off the fact that while I might be a bit on the plump side, I definitely had some killer curves .

Grinning at myself, I decided I'd have to wear the sweater dress for Jake sometime. Or maybe one of the other outfits I'd bought and hadn't ever worn outside my house after trying it on at the store and thinking, if only .

I'd had all sorts of if only moments come true with Jake .

I might as well enjoy every single last one of them now .

* * *

T he taxi ride to the restaurant took fifteen minutes and cost far more than a subway ride would have. Granted, it wasn't like I needed to worry about money. I had a trust fund from my grandma that allowed me that plush apartment in New York City, and I didn't even have to work another job as I built my freelance career .

But that didn't mean I should be careless with money .

Still, I hadn't ever gotten use to the subway .

One of my first excursions had resulted in me getting lost, and I'd never been able to quite convince myself that future trips would be better. Still, I was thinking more and more about asking Blair if she'd go ahead and show me the ropes as she'd offered to do more than once...twice .

I asked her after we ordered, and she was so surprised, she'd dropped her fork. It hit her plate with a clatter that she barely even noticed .

"Okay, honey, you have got to tell me what is going on with you." She clasped her hands under her chin and pinned a hard, penetrating look on me, even as a bewildered smile curved her lips .

I stared at her. "What do you mean ?"

"You're all dolled up." She waved a hand at me. "You did your hair . I have to beg you to do something more than a ponytail for the Christmas party at the magazine, for pity's sake, darling. You're wearing make-up and you came strutting in here in those adorable boots like you owned the place. By the way..." Her lips curved in a smile. "I approve ."

Blood rushed to my cheeks, and I wished I'd done something more than lip gloss and mascara – foundation or powder would have dulled the rush of color that suddenly flushed my cheeks. "Aunt Blair ..."

But she continued, unfazed. "You didn't come scurrying in here the way you so often do. I know you're shy, it's okay. But, today...it's like it's a different you. It's the you that I've always known was buried in there. I just want to know...what brought this out ?"

"I scurry ?" I demanded. "Seriously? You make me sound like a mouse ."

Aunt Blair caught her lower lip between her teeth .

Groaning, I dropped my head into my hands. "I look like a mouse, don't lie ."

"Oh, honey." Aunt Blair leaned in closer and wrapped her arm around me. "It's okay. You're not a mouse. You moved to New York , for crying out loud. Mice don't do that. But you are shy, and you've always been quiet. Some things come more naturally to others. For others, it's harder. But today...well, it's like there's a new you." A delighted smile curved her lips. "What's going on with you? Are you...honey, are you seeing somebody ?"

"No," I said, laughing a little. As if , I thought to myself. But my mind drifted to Jake, and I wondered what she would think if I told her I had been having sex with the King of Multiple Orgasms. I had no doubt she would gape at me. Full out gape...her jaw would drop and she'd stare ...

No.

She'd be positive she hadn't heard me right .

That was the most likely reaction .

Some impish part of me wanted to say it just to see which one it was .

But that was a terrible reason to do anything, I told myself. Wasn't it ?

As she continued to watch me, I said, "No." I even forced my voice to be quite firm. "I'm not seeing anybody ."

It wasn't even a lie. Jake and I had a sex thing going on. She was talking about a relationship. That definitely didn't describe what was going on between me and Jake, did it ?

Aunt Blair nodded slowly, and I could tell she believed me but there was still that small part of me that wanted to mention Jake. And I realized it was because I wanted to talk to her about him. I wanted to ask her about what she thought, see what she had to say...not just because I wanted a reaction either .

What would she think about him? I knew what I thought about him. My heart clenched a little bit when I thought about him and that wasn't just sex .

Other things clenched that were related to sex, but it was completely and totally possible to feel a dozen different things and all of them be real and valid. I didn't even think this was because of something as simple as infatuation either. I'd felt that before, the pangs of a crush, that keen edge that almost felt like obsession, but not quite .

This was...different .

"So," Aunt Blair said, seemingly unaware of my distracted thoughts. "So maybe you're not dating anyone right now. But are you ready to think about dating? Because I was thinking that there is somebody I'd love to introduce you to. He's one of the copy editors, and he seems like just your –"

"No." Cutting her off, I shook my head. "No blind dates. I love you dearly, Aunt Blair, and I know you mean well, but I'm so not into the blind date idea ."

She threw her head back and laughed. "Okay, okay. Maybe you're not a brand-new Michelle after all." She leaned over and hugged me. "That's good. Because I absolutely adore you ."

I hugged her back, warm inside. "I love you too ."

"Now, let's talk about the next article you're going to write." She wagged her eyebrows at me, grinning. Delight sparked in her gaze. "Tell me...do you have any ideas ?"

* * *

I t wasn't until I got home that I really let myself start to think about what had transpired earlier. Aunt Blair and I had come home on the subway, which had been enough of a distraction to keep me from thinking about much of anything else. Including Jake...and my feelings for him .

I did have feelings for him .

But I'd rather think about them when I was alone, not while experiencing the New York subway system. And it was an experience. One that a person had to truly...well, experience themselves to understand .

I hadn't gotten lost this time, although that was because of Aunt Blair, I had no doubt. Near the end of the ride, a group of gentlemen all dressed in dressy black slacks, suspenders and black bowlers got up and started singing .

Once we'd disembarked, Aunt Blair told me that wasn't exactly the normal ride, but it did happen .

She also assured me what happened earlier wasn't exactly normal either .

That, in my opinion, was a plus .

I'd give up the snazzy singers in their excellent hats if I didn't have to witness two women getting ready to brawl because one had talked to the sky and the other woman hadn't liked it .

"Typical New Yorkers ignore crazy," Aunt Blair had said with a sniff. "It's what we do ."

She'd been irate that the second woman had been irritated by the woman talking to nothing. In truth, the woman who'd been talking to nothing hadn't been hurting anybody. She'd just been...talking .

And...odorous .

But harmless .

Hell, I often talked to myself too. Just not in public. At least I hoped I didn't .

I'd assured my aunt that I knew all about the rules when it came to ignoring things. After all, I'd lived in the city for years now. I'd learned to ignore plenty .

Now, sitting in the living room of my loft apartment, I studied the subway map without really seeing it .

I was thinking about Jake .

More specifically, I was thinking about Jake and me. Why had he told me about his past? He'd glanced over a great deal, my gut told me, but he hadn't needed to tell me anything. Why had he ?

And why had I told him about my past ?

Because I trusted him, I realized. Because I trusted him, and I'd wanted him to know. I wanted him to understand .

And he had. More, he had cared .

But what did it mean anyway? And what did we have ?

It was more than sex...wasn't it ?