W hat had I been thinking? Agreeing to go on a blind date with this guy from Mindy's apartment building had to be one of the dumbest things I'd ever done. It was impulsive, rash and completely out of character. Then again, I reasoned, considering the way my life had gone this past month, maybe doing something against my natural instincts was exactly what I needed right now. If taking my time, thinking things through nice and slow when it came to my relationship with Ronald had led me to this point, maybe it was time to reconsider the way I looked at things .

Not that I was desperate or crazy enough to go with Adelle's suggestion of hiring a hooker. No, a blind date was as adventurous as I was going to get .

If I could figure out what to wear .

How pathetic was that? I’m twenty-five years-old and had no idea what I should wear on a first date. It wasn't surprising, really. After all, it had been seven years since I'd last had one .

Damn it, why did everything remind me of Ronald !

I'd been a college freshman at the University of Illinois when I'd met him, a teacher's assistant for my general psychology course. He'd asked me out after just a couple weeks and that had been that. We'd kept it quiet until the end of the semester, but we'd been a couple from that point until the day he'd walked out before our wedding. And it hadn't been like our first date had been anything I'd really needed to dress up for. We'd had a picnic on the quad with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, a thermos of Ramon noodles, some Saltines and two slightly warm beers we’d had to sneak and pour into red plastic cups. I'd found out later that Ronald had cleaned out his cupboards and fridge for the meal. His roommate had been pissed. At the time, it had seemed romantic .

I shook my head, trying to banish the memories. I didn't want to think about Ronald or anything we'd done together. The problem with that line of thinking was that if I disregarded that part of my life, there wasn't much in the past seven years I could think about then. He was there through all of it, intricately woven into almost every memory .

A knock at my door startled me .

“Cavalry's here !”

I sighed in relief as I heard Mindy's muffled voice. I hurried down the hall and through my tiny living room. When I threw open the door, she grinned at me, most likely because I was still wearing my ratty cotton robe with dancing bananas. She and Adelle had constantly told me to get rid of it and buy something sleek and sexy. I refused. My banana robe was comforting, and during times like this, I needed as much comfort as I could get .

“Oh, sweetie, I knew you'd need some help, but I had no idea it'd be this bad.” She gestured at my robe, rolled her eyes and then headed straight for my bedroom .

I was so glad to see her that I couldn't even pretend to be annoyed. I just followed her into the bedroom, ready for whatever advice she could give me .

“Did you realize it's been almost a decade since you've gone on a date with someone? Like a real getting-to-know-you date?” She put her hands on her hips as she looked at the clothes strewn across my bed. “Things have changed .”

“No, Mindy,” I said sarcastically. “I thought it was still the custom to bring a chaperone to make sure that we kept a respectable distance for each other as we took an evening stroll home from the barn-raising .”

She rolled her eyes again. “Always with the sarcasm, Bree.” She gave me a sideways look. “You know, it's a good thing your students can't hear how you talk outside the classroom .”

I picked up a pillow, threw it at her and whined, “Just help me figure out what to wear .”

She laughed as she caught the pillow and then tossed it back onto the bed. I was glad it was her and not Adelle who'd come over. I loved my best friend to death and we'd both grown up in working class families, but she sometimes forgot that I wasn't in the same financial situation as she was now that we were grown .

Case in point, my entire apartment was smaller than the first floor of her townhouse. And my clothing selection was much more limited, even though it usually filled my tiny closet to overflowing. Most of my clothes were for work, new ones bought over the last year with the belief that finances would soon be a little less restrictive. Ronald and I had worked hard on our budget so that we could afford a place in a nicer neighborhood, but I'd managed to figure out how I'd have enough for a couple new outfits for school, ones that made me look more like a teacher and less like a student. Now, I had clothes I probably could've done without and the same crappy apartment I'd had for the past year instead of the cute little place Ronald and his new girlfriend, Sami, were renting in Lincoln Park .

“Bree?” Mindy nudged my arm. “Where'd you go ?”

I blinked and gave her a tight smile. “Nowhere good.” I gestured toward the bed. “Let's find me something to wear and you can tell me all about how dating's changed since the Dark Ages .”

I didn't think relaxation was going to be an option, but I at least calmed down a bit as Mindy started going through my entire wardrobe. I could almost pretend she was helping me get dressed for a girls' night out. She wore the same weary expression now that she did then, clearly telling me without saying a word that my fashion sense was horribly lacking. Not that I dressed like a bag lady or anything like that. No, her problem with my clothes was that I tended to dress simply, nothing bold or outrageous. I was the kind of person who could wear pretty much anything in my closet to work while Mindy had to choose carefully so she didn't end up in an outfit that showed far too much cleavage for a high school math teacher .

“When we get our Christmas bonus this year, you and I are going shopping,” she said as she reached the halfway point. “If you're getting back into the game, you have to dress the part .”

I didn't tell her that I didn't want to get back in the game. I didn't want games at all. In his apology text, Ronald had said that he never meant to hurt me, that it wasn't something he planned... blah, blah, blah. It was all the same shit that I'd heard a million times in movies, and I'd always wondered who those assholes thought they were fooling saying it. Ronald and Sami might not have been having some year-long affair – hell, they might not have even been looking at each other for more than a month – but it had been a game nonetheless. A short one, but one I had lost .

“No,” Mindy said firmly. “None of that .”

“None of what?” I asked .

“No thinking about your asshole ex tonight. No comparing my guy to him.” Mindy put her hands on her hips. For someone so tiny, she could be kind of scary. It was probably what made her a good teacher. “Tonight's about moving past Ronald and getting the attention you deserve.” She picked up a top and a skirt. “Put these on .”

I stared at her; she had to be kidding .

“These were a Halloween costume from college,” I protested. I'd been a sophomore and Adelle had helped me pick out the clothes. I'd lost my virginity that night, and I'd never worn the outfit again. I wasn't even entirely sure why I'd kept it, then almost laughed at myself with that thought. I knew exactly why I kept it, sentimental fool that I was .

“And they're the only thing in your closet that doesn't make you look like a schoolteacher.” She folded her arms and gave me her best 'don't argue with me' look .

“But I am a schoolteacher,” I retorted, earning another eye roll from my friend. Despite my comment, however, I slipped off my robe and started to dress. I'd already chosen a pair of white lace panties and bra, but that was because I didn't really have much of an option. The only lingerie I had that was truly fancy was what I'd bought for my honeymoon, and that wasn't something I was prepared to wear just yet, especially not on a first date with a stranger .

“That's better,” Mindy said as she looked me over with a critical eye .

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was still the same size I had been when I was nineteen and that was a good thing. I didn't think I'd have been able to fit in this outfit if I'd put on any weight. The skirt was tight black leather that hit me mid-thigh, just barely long enough that I didn't look trampy. The shirt looked more like a camisole than something I should wear in public. Thin straps, clinging material and short enough that if I raise my arms too high, I'll be showing off a strip of golden flesh. The skirt was black, the shirt a deep, rich purple that made my eyes look darker than usual. In a detached sort of way, I knew I looked good, but there was a difference between knowing it and knowing it .

Mindy reached up and teased my curls back into place. “I still can't believe you cut off your hair .”

I frowned. “I needed a change .”

She wrapped her arms around me and put her cheek on my shoulder. “I know you did, and that's why it's so important you do this. You deserve to have it all, Bree .”

I didn't say anything, but I let her hug me. I knew she meant well, but moving on wasn't going to be as easy as my friends seemed to think it should be. It wasn't like some casual encounter was going to mend my broken heart. I wasn't going to find a Prince Charming to erase seven years with love at first sight. I believed in real love, but I just wasn't sure it applied to me anymore .