N either one of us said a word as we walked the short distance down the hall to my apartment. My hands were shaking and my head spinning, but I didn't ask him for help. I wasn't sure I could handle him touching me, even just a brush of fingers by accident. Not until I knew what was going on .

I felt his eyes on me as I struggled to get the key into the lock, but I didn't look at him. I needed to be in the safety of my own place before I could risk it. What had happened in the elevator was proof I couldn't control myself around him .

I walked inside and left the door open behind me, hoping he'd read that as an invitation. When I heard the door close, I knew he had. I walked over to the far side of the room before turning towards him. He stopped a few feet away, and I was grateful for that. My insides were in knots and every inch of me was tense again. Despite everything that had happened, I wanted him, but I wasn't sure my heart could take it. The only thing I did know was that I wasn't going to speak first .

“I don't know any other way to say this than to just come out with it .”

It took me a moment to realize why his voice sounded strange, but when I did, I was surprised. He was nervous. My strong, confident Cade was nervous. My heart did a little somersault when I realized I'd referred to him as “my” Cade .

“I tried to go back to how things were before, but I couldn't.” He ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back off of his face. “I even had a client earlier this week .”

I looked down. I didn't want to hear about that .

“But I couldn't do it .”

My head came back up and my eyes met his. There was no mistaking the honesty I saw there .

“And I don't just mean mentally,” he said. “I kept looking at her, trying to convince my body that I found her attractive, but it wasn't happening. I couldn't see anything but the ways she wasn't you .”

I felt a flare of hope and tried to squash it. I needed to hear him out. He'd told me he cared about me before. For all I knew, this was just going to be him talking about how he needed to get me out of his system .

“For the first time since I started doing this, I couldn't...perform.” He took a step towards me. “I didn't want her. I wanted you .”

I swallowed hard. I couldn't do this. I couldn't wait for him to give me hope that things had changed, then crush it. “I want you too.” His face lit up and then crumpled as I continued, “But it's not enough.” Seeing the pain I brought to him made my heart ache, but I had to make sure he understood I wasn't going back. “I tried too. I tried to do the casual sex thing. And not just tonight .”

His mouth tightened and I saw the jealousy burn in his eyes, mixing with the hurt there. Heat flooded me as I remembered what he'd said before about how he didn't want any other man touching me .

“I couldn't go through with it then,” I said. “We went back to his place and when he was kissing me, all I could think was that he wasn't you .”

“And tonight?” The question was soft, as if he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer .

“I was planning on sleeping with him,” I admitted. “Because I saw you with that woman at the club and figured you'd be having sex with her .”

He frowned for a moment. “The woman at the...oh, her. She's a pro.” He must've realized that didn't really help matters because he quickly added, “When I told her I was too, she left me alone. No money in trying to seduce another escort .”

“It doesn't matter,” I said. “Because this isn't what I want.” He flinched and I had to force myself to continue. “I can't do the casual sex thing. That's not who I am. And I still can't be with you, no matter how much I want to, not while you're with other women .”

“I'm not.” His voice was firm. “That's what I came here to tell you. I'm done with that life. After experiencing with you what it's like to have that emotional connection, I couldn't have sex with some random person. Not anymore .”

I folded my arms across my chest. No, I wasn't going to dare to hope. I'd let my guard down in the elevator, but he'd surprised me. I hadn't had time to shield myself, to prepare. Now, I'd pulled myself together .

“I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, Aubree.” He moved closer, his gaze holding me in place. “The way you look. The sound of your voice. Your scent.” He reached out and wrapped a curl around his finger. “How you feel .”

I closed my eyes as he ran the back of his hand down my cheek. I couldn't deny the way my skin warmed under his touch, how the heat in my stomach spread through me at the mere thought of his hand in more intimate places .

“Tell me you haven't thought about me,” he said. “Tell me honestly that this isn't what you want and I'll go. That you don't feel the same way I do. You do that and, I promise, I'll walk away and never bother you again .”

Tears burned against my eyelids and I bent my head. I couldn't tell him any of that because it wasn't true. I cared more about him than he did me. I'd been lying to myself when I'd said that seeing him with that blonde had gotten me over him. I wasn't over him and I didn't think I'd ever be. I wasn't just falling for him. I was in love with him .

And that was why I had to let him go .

It hurt now, but it would be so much worse if I let him in and then he realized what he felt for me wasn't that strong. I knew myself better because of him and that meant I knew if I allowed it, I would give myself over to him whole-heartedly, without reservation. I was already his and to admit my feelings would be the final step. Look at how long I'd stayed with Ronald because I'd refused to consider that things were done. And I'd never felt for my ex even a fraction of what I felt for Cade. How depressed I'd been this past week was proof of that. If I let him, he'd own me .

So I stayed silent and let him read into it what he would .

His hands rested lightly on my shoulders and I felt him kiss the top of my head. “Okay then. I'll keep my promise.” He released me. “Good-bye .”

The tears spilled over at the pain I heard in those words and I pressed my hands against my chest. I heard him start to walk away. And then, so quiet that I might have imagined it, I heard him speak .

“I love you, Aubree .”