chapter eleven
NOAH WAS SCREWED. He knew that. He was bleeding like a goddamned stuck pig and as he eyed the road ahead of him, he was suddenly aware that walking out without medical attention may not have been the smartest idea he’d ever had.
He shook his head hard, trying to clear the gray fog threatening the edge of his vision. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t taken any precautions. He wasn’t just running around letting himself bleed to death. He’d dressed the wound himself and he knew what the hell he was doing.
The problem was the damn dressing wouldn't hold. That's what Noah got for doing his own field dressing in the car. But now he had the added problem that all the guys were out on jobs and Lucia was at home. He could have gotten Oskar to come and help him, but that would have left Lucia unguarded. And that was never going to happen. He could have called Dylan to come for him, but he had to stay with the client.
So he was on his own.
Damn it, they were spread too thin. He knew it. They all freaking knew it. Something had to let up. But there was no way he was leaving Lucia unprotected and there was no way he was giving up on the people who counted on him. Who counted on them. There had to be a way. He’d have to bring on more men, or outsource, or something.
Because he couldn’t keep doing this. He had been too distracted today with his attention too divided. And now he was leaking all over the place because some punk had gotten a lucky swipe. A lucky swipe that was definitely going to need stitches. He might even need a tetanus booster shot or something. That piece of shit. He’d gotten off lucky. If Noah hadn’t evolved from the old days, he might have taken a little bit of time and some extreme pleasure in causing that little turd pain.
But you’re not that guy anymore, are you? No, he wasn’t. Though it scared the shit out of him when he had flashes of wanting to return to that place. All he had to do was get to Lucia. He’d he happy if he just could see her.
Truthfully, he probably shouldn't have been driving. But, short on resources and all that. He pulled into the basement garage and swiped his keycard to bypass the security gate. He pulled into his usual spot. It was concealed in the shadows, just how he liked it, but it still had easy enough access to the elevator. Just because he was stuck and bleeding didn't mean he’d ignore security procedures. He put a hand on his belly and frowned when he drew back and saw that some blood had seeped through the bandage and his dark T-shirt. Damn it. Before climbing out of the car, he placed a 911 text to the team’s on-call doctor.
Maybe if he just made it into the medical bay, Lucia might not see him. Yeah, good luck with that. To get to the medical bay he’d have to walk straight through the kitchen. And from the kitchen, you could see everything. So one way or another, she was going to see that he was hurt. Noah sucked in a deep breath.
Now that they were trying, the last thing he wanted was for her to see him like this. He didn't want to put out a neon beacon that said, ‘Hey, killer, killer. Look over here, I'm a killer.’ Yeah, some killer you are. Getting nicked by some two-bit punk. So stupid. If his head had just been in the game, this wouldn't have happened.
Between looking for information on the Del Tinos (anything to give them leverage), trying to handle their current client caseload, and then figuring out how to stop ORUS from carrying out their contract on Lucia, he was doing too much. But was there really any other choice?
Mustering enough energy to open the door to the Range Rover, he slumped out, praying his legs would carry him at least to the elevator. It was a private elevator that went straight up to Blake Security. Once in there, all he had to do was push a button and then he could lie down. Lie down and sleep. Oh God how badly he wanted to sleep.
No. No sleeping. That was the blood loss talking. With a hand pressed over his wound, he lumbered over to the elevator, stopping once because he needed a damn break. But all he had to do was get inside the elevator dammit. Get inside, and he’d see Lucia again. That would make him feel better. He hated leaving her to go on jobs. But he couldn’t let everything slide just because her life was in danger. He had to find a better solution.
It was time to bring on more men. Right now they had more work than they could handle. Five more steps. God, he wanted to see Lucia. She had been so twitchy this morning. He hadn’t been able to get to the bottom of it. But that's what he'd been thinking about all day. That's what had him distracted. Because she was twitchy. Fuck, he was so pussy-whipped. He had to get a handle on that shit. Three more steps.
His mind, seeking a refuge from the pain, went to the one source of comfort he could conjure up. Love. He’d had women want to sleep with him, want to use him, want to claim him. He’d never had one want to love him before. He had no idea what to do with that. All he knew was he wasn’t letting her take it back. No way. She was his now.
He still couldn’t believe it. She loved him. No one had ever loved him. Besides Rafe. And now Lucia. Noah wanted to be in her arms. One more step. As soon as the doors opened, he fell in with a sigh. Almost home. Almost to Lucia. Damn he was tired. He just wanted to—
The elevator doors opened. And he forced himself to standing position. All he had to do was make it to the med bay, and then he could pass out in peace. The doctor would get here soon. They’d patch him up and he would be fine. But fuck, why was he so tired? He could barely keep his damn eyes open. But luck was on his side. There was no sign of Lucia. Because while he wanted her and her comfort, he also wanted to shield her. So it was a good thing she wasn’t back yet. That was great. All he wanted to do was make it into the—
“Noah. Did you just get back?" Lucia’s voice, soft and melodic, floated down like angels from heaven.
Then she appeared, her sharp eyes running over him, no doubt taking in his disheveled appearance. He hadn’t taken off the bloody shirt, too much work, but had thrown his jacket over it. His fingers tightened, holding the edges of the jacket closed.
He managed to grind out, "Yeah. I'm just going to my—office." Fine. The office wasn’t where he wanted to go, but it would do until the doctor got here. Damn. He’d been so close.
She frowned. "Noah? What's wrong? You look pale."
"I'm fine, sweetheart. I'm just gonna go to the office for a minute." He kept his back straight and forced his legs to move in the correct direction. With every step, he warned them not to shake, not to crumple. He also warned his brain that nobody was passing out. Not yet. He wasn't having any of that shit. If she saw, she’d be terrified. And she’d had enough fear to last a lifetime.
"You are not fine, Noah Blake. Look at you. Something is—" And her gaze went to the floor, and then back to the elevator and then to him. "Oh my God, you're bleeding." The horror and terror were so apparent in her gray eyes.
He frowned at her. How did she know? He was doing an excellent job of hiding this. He had protected her from himself, from the kind of life he led. She couldn't know he was bleeding.
"I'm fine." Shit, was he slurring?
The room started to spin too. Damn thing was tilting upside down. He felt drunk with the worst headache known to mankind. It’s blood loss. Stay on your feet. If he could just keep his shit together, she wouldn’t have to see him like this. He’d hoped to always protect her from this kind of shit. How’s that working out for you?
He went down on his knees. Oh shit. The gray started to encroach on his vision, just in the periphery. It shadowed out the light, creating a pinhole effect. The last thing he registered before he went down was Lucia screaming for Matthias and Oskar.
This was it. Lucia was going to kill Noah. Okay, first she was going to make sure he was absolutely better. Then she was going to kill him.
Four damn days. Four days that Lucia had been watching Noah sleep. Four days she'd been watching the doctor change and dress his wounds. Four days he’d been going in and out of consciousness. The knife he was cut with had been rusty as hell, and he’d needed a tetanus booster.
He’d had a fever yesterday that fortunately had broken quickly. He was already getting back to himself. He grumbled at Ryan for fucking up his breakfast this morning. He was definitely feeling more like himself. She'd never been so scared in her whole damn life. Noah kept insisting it was fine.
Yeah, well he should have seen the blood. How he'd even missed the fact that he was leaking was beyond her. The slash in his abdomen was nasty. At least nothing major had been punctured. With most of the infection gone, he had less to worry about. But he wasn’t out of the woods yet.
Because just as soon as he was better, she was going to kill him. How dare he try and hide something that serious from her? From what she could gather, his intention had been to go to his office, either patch himself up, kind of like he attempted to do in the car, or call Matthias to do it. He wouldn't have let her help, because even when he was hurt, he was trying to protect or shield her from himself. Who he was.
She was not down for that.
He had to get it through his thick skull that they were in this together. That he mattered to her. Her words weren't just surface words. She didn't just love the Noah who irritated her, then teased her into watching bad action movies. She loved this other side of him. The one that was edgy and dark. The one that needed her love the most.
He never wanted to show her that.
Well, too bad for him. That morning, after the doctor had left, she offered to take his dressing duties over. She knew how to apply a bandage thanks to Nonna, who’d been a nurse back in her day. She’d taught Lucia the basics.
Lucia hesitated outside his bedroom for just a moment. What if he didn’t want to see her? Well tough shit for him. She loved him and he’d scared her, so she didn't bother to knock. Hell, she’d been sleeping in here every night anyway. On the couch in the corner, ready to wake up if Noah needed her. Who was she kidding? There hadn’t been much sleeping happening. She’d sat in there and stared at his sleeping form. And the moment any of the guys had come in to try and relieve her, she’d threatened their balls. For some reason that made them all smile. What the hell was wrong with them? They might not fear her, but they would if they understood how much she loved him.
Her chest squeezed just thinking about how much blood he’d lost. How much worse it could have all been. That terrified her. What if she’d lost him?
So, no, there’d been no sleep for her. Not when the man she loved was in pain. Yeah, she was tired. But she was too terrified something would happen to him if she closed her eyes.
With her smile firmly in place, she pushed the door open. "Hey, I need to change your dressing."
He shifted his laptop and pinned his intense green gaze on her. "Lucia—you don't have to do that."
She ignored him. "Funny, you don't seem to know the difference between have to and want to. And you don't seem to understand how love works."
He sighed. "Lucia —"
She put up a hand to halt him. "No. I don't want to hear about how you are protecting me. Blah, blah, blah. The same old song and dance. We established that I love you, and you love me. That means no secrets. And after everything you’ve told me, I thought we were done with that. So you don't get to hide this part of yourself. The parts that need bandaging. The parts that need help. I'm just here to change the dressing so I can help you get better faster. The moment you're better again, I'm going to kill you."
His green eyes sparked with fire, and she saw that her threat to harm him had the exact opposite effect. Instead of him looking scared for his life or even remotely docile, his gaze turned predatory. "Just how do you plan to kill me? With your mouth? With that sweet tight p—?"
"Noah Blake. Stop that now." His brows popped and his eyes widened to form a mock innocent face. "I know what you're doing. You will not deflect."
"Lucia, I'm fine. You see I'm fine. And I wasn't trying to hide. I just didn’t want you to do what you ended up doing; sitting by my bedside all night worrying. Freaking out."
“I will have you know that I did not freak out. I was extremely calm. I remember having to lug your injured carcass into the med room. Granted, Matthias helped with some of that. I was there and didn’t become some whimpering girl, crying and screaming. I was strong. And you need to start seeing me that way. I'm not weak."
He shook his head. "I know you're not weak. That still doesn't stop me from wanting to shield you from these things. Wanting to shield you from me. I never wanted this side of me to touch you."
"Newsflash— It's already touched me. And it wasn't necessarily from you. I need to be prepared. I can't be surprised by things. I love that you want to shield me and keep me safe, but you can't have it both ways. Either I'm a child who needs protection, or a woman you see as your equal who deserves your love."
His gaze snapped to hers and held. "I'm the one who doesn't deserve your love."
Lucia shrugged. "Well, that's too bad then because you've already got it." She leaned over and kissed his shoulder. Exactly over the scar she'd given him. "Please stop hiding from me. So that we can both get started really loving each other."
"Okay, I promise you. No more hiding. From now on, you get the raw truth. Every time."
"This means, no more shielding me from things that you think would be painful. Either I'm an equal or not. If I'm not, then I probably don't need to be in your bed."
His gaze narrowed on her. Yes, she was bluffing. Because she knew well enough by now, that she would be in Noah's bed. But she needed to stand her ground. So she met his gaze directly.
Even as he worked his jaw, he nodded. "I'll tell you everything."
She nodded. "Good. Now, I need to figure out just how to get you naked without disturbing your bandage."
Noah laughed. "I swear woman, you just want me for my body."