chapter six
NOAH HAD NEVER known you could taste love.
They’d kissed before but it hadn’t been like this. Kissing Lucia was every dream he’d ever had made real. If it hadn’t made him feel like a complete pussy he would have cried at the overwhelming waves of affection and acceptance he could feel emanating from her every caress. She was holding him in her arms and stroking his skin gently like he was something precious. Something that she treasured. How long had it been since anyone made him feel his existence made their life worth living? So long ago that he couldn’t remember.
Maybe never.
“I love you so much, Noah. There were so many times I wished I could tell you how I felt.”
Noah kept his face buried in the curve of her neck. She allowed him to stay there, her fingers stroking through his hair gently. He closed his eyes and inhaled the unique scent of Lucia. The scent of home.
“Why didn’t you?” he finally asked.
“I was scared. You always treated me like a kid. If you’d rejected me, I think I would have died.”
Her softly whispered words shook him. Although he wasn’t the most demonstrative guy in the world, surely she’d been able to tell how she affected him. Could she not see how jealous he was when she gave those sweet smiles to anyone else? Maybe she hadn’t noticed that he went on a rampage when her safety was threatened. It seemed insane that he could feel the things he did for Lucia and she would have no idea the entire time. There had been times he’d been sure his obsession with her was tattooed on his forehead for all to see.
“The only reason I tried to treat you like a little sister is because you’re so young, Lucia. You needed time to grow up without some guy sniffing around your heels.”
“I’m not that much younger than you,” Lucia protested.
Although it was factually true, Noah snorted. Then he winced when she tugged his hair.
“I’m a grown woman, Noah. Even if you still see me as that stupid teenage girl who has no idea what’s going on.”
He pulled back slightly so he could see her eyes. “I’ve never thought you were stupid. What you are is … sheltered.”
“And whose fault is that?” Her voice had softened slightly though.
“Mine. I acknowledge that with pride. Some things in this world should be sheltered because they’re too precious to risk. You are too precious to risk, Lucia. A bright shining light in a world of darkness.”
She let out a soft sigh and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “So are you. I know that you’ve had such a hard life, Noah. The things you’ve had to do to survive.” Her voice wavered slightly. “But I understand. You’ve never wanted to hurt anyone. I know that with everything inside of me. And you deserve to be protected, too.”
Then she was kissing him again and not with the gentle hesitancy he’d expected. She gripped his hair in both hands and devoured, sucking on his bottom lip with a carnal growl that sent most of his blood racing south. Noah groaned as he hardened instantly and Lucia purred when she felt his arousal. The little vixen had the nerve to slide her legs up and around his waist, squeezing tight and rocking against his length.
“Lucia,” he breathed warningly.
“Yes. Did you need something?” She batted her eyelashes innocently. It was supposed to be innocent anyway but everything she did was sexy.
“Everything. I need everything from you.”
Something snapped in him and he was suddenly intensely grateful they were already on the bed. They fell back onto the covers in a tangle of arms and legs. He couldn’t get his mouth everywhere he wanted to at once and the urgency drove his need higher. Lucia bucked under him when he took a big mouthful of her breast, sucking hard through the fabric of her T-shirt.
“Need more,” he growled and then pushed her shirt up and pulled the lacy cup of her bra down so he could get at what he wanted.
“Yes, that feels so good,” Lucia whispered.
Her mouth fell open as his tongue swirled around the delicate point. Noah couldn’t have stopped if he’d tried. He couldn’t get enough of the taste of her skin. She whimpered his name several times before he gave her a break. When he pulled back, her nipple was hard and red as a cherry. Lucia’s eyes followed the movement when he licked his lips.
“Noah! Take this off,” she demanded.
He loved hearing the need in her voice, and her eyes glittered when he helped her sit up and pull the shirt off. At his first sight of her in nothing but panties and the lacy black bra, the swells of her generous breasts overflowing the cups, he almost broke down and begged right then and there. She was a goddess walking amongst mortals. Oblivious to his internal thoughts, Lucia pulled at the hem of his shirt.
“I’m the only one undressed. I’m feeling a little lonely over here.”
“We can’t have that.” Noah yanked his T-shirt over his head and threw it on the floor.
Lucia sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down into her embrace.
“I really was lonely, you know. For so long all I’ve wanted was for you to see me. For you to let me love you and give you the family you’ve never had. I’ll be your family, Noah. Me and, hopefully one day, our children. You’ll never feel alone again.”
His world stopped spinning and he pulled back to see her face. “Our kids?”
It shouldn’t have been a surprise. He knew Lucia wanted children and a traditional family. Wasn’t that why he’d hated watching her date so much? Because he’d known that one day she’d find some guy, marry him and pop out a few adorable babies. It had torn him up to imagine his Lucia round with another man’s baby.
But the idea of fathering her children hit him like a ton of bricks. He came from the streets and had very few memories of his own father. What the hell did he know about any of that? He’d seen so few functional relationships that it was almost laughable to think he could suddenly be husband and father material. Lucia needed a man who could do both. He looked down at her all flushed and glowing with love in his bed. What had he ever done to deserve the love of a woman like this?
You don’t deserve it, the insidious voice in the back of his mind whispered. She has no idea what you are truly capable of.
“Noah? What’s wrong?”
He hadn’t even realized he’d pulled away until she spoke. Lucia crossed her arms, covering her breasts. Noah’s mind raced as he was assaulted with images of what the future might hold— Lucia holding a beautiful baby with his dark hair and her gray eyes. Lucia happy for a while until she figured out that Noah would never be the man she needed.
Lucia leaving him.
“Nothing. I need to check on things. Stay here.” He kissed her forehead softly when she started to speak. “I’ll be back.”
He could feel her eyes on his back as he knelt to grab his shirt off the floor. It felt like a laser drilling a hole through him and it only made him move faster. He needed to get away. Away from expectations and the love shining in her eyes. He had a job to do. He would never be the man Lucia truly deserved but he could be the protector she needed. All this emotion was enough to make him forget what was truly important, keeping her safe. Emotion made you soft and he couldn’t afford that.
Not with Lucia’s life on the line.
Lucia watched with mounting fear as Noah dressed quickly and left the room. He’d moved stiffly while yanking his shirt back on, like he couldn’t wait to get away from her.
She sighed.
With Noah the dance never ended. Anytime she thought she was making progress with him, something would happen to remind her that he wasn’t just a guy. He was a complicated man with an extremely dark past. Despite everything they’d talked about today, she didn’t fool herself into believing that he’d been completely honest. There were so many things about his past, especially his childhood, that he never discussed. She’d tried over the years to cajole information out of him.
Where had he lived up until his parents died?
Did he remember his life before then?
How had he survived being shuttled from foster home to foster home?
So many questions. The only reason she even knew he’d been in foster care or that he was an orphan was because Rafe had told her once. Looking back, it was surprising that her secretive brother had shared even that much, but he’d been trying to make her understand why Noah was different from the boys she knew, despite being closer to her in age than he was to Rafe. No doubt her brother had thought it would turn her off and keep her away from Noah, but it had done the exact opposite.
Ever since she’d found out about his tragic beginnings, it had fostered a deep well of affection for the lost boy who’d become such a serious, brooding but protective man.
A man who was going to need more than a few I love yous to trust her. Lucia slid off the bed and found her shirt. After putting it on, she went into the en suite bathroom. Her hair was wild around her head but her eyes shined with a secret knowledge. She looked … happy.
It was true, she realized. Even though Noah had walked out, she’d gotten through to him. She’d shown him how she felt and received his love in return. Things weren’t perfect but this was the happiest she’d ever been. Because now she knew Noah truly loved her, too.
After splashing water on her face, she patted her skin dry and secured her hair in a bun on top of her head. She walked back into the bedroom and then out to the hallway. The loft was always busy, so the sounds of voices didn’t alarm her, not even when the voices turned into shouts. The guys who worked for Noah communicated the same way he did— loud and proud.
When she descended the stairs, Jonas stepped out of the kitchen. Just who she wanted to see. Lucia didn’t know the whole story with Jonas but he definitely seemed to understand Noah. If anyone could shed some light on his behavior it was Jonas. Her second choice was Matthias, but she knew Noah thought of him as a kid. Plus she couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t go blabbing to Noah.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Jonas eyed her warily but followed her to the other side of the loft. There was a seldom-used sitting area with two couches separated by a glass-topped table. Lucia walked over to the tall windows looking out over the city. The view up here was simply breathtaking. The city looked like a maze of concrete and buildings. Jonas joined her at the window and took a sip from the mug of coffee he held.
“You’ve known Noah a long time, haven’t you?”
Jonas nodded but didn’t speak. Lucia smiled. These guys were all cut from the same cloth— suspicious, hesitant but loyal to the core. Jonas liked her, but he wouldn’t do anything to betray his friend. It made her like him even more.
“Don’t look so worried. I’m not asking you to tell me anything. I’m just happy that he has you as a friend. He deserves to have good people around him.”
Jonas glanced back at the window. “He’s hard to get to know, but it’s worth it. There have been so many times that guy has saved my ass.”
“I’m sure you’ve done your share of saving, too.”
He chuckled. “That I have. That is one crazy dude. You know I used to be a cop?”
“Sure I did.” Lucia shook her head back and forth while she said it which made Jonas laugh.
Considering how closemouthed all these guys were, she was lucky just to know their names. Although, she could see Jonas as a cop. He was the type of guy who liked to follow the rules. He would have been one of the good ones, the kind in it for the right reasons, to serve and protect their community. The kind they needed.
“Well, there was a lot of corruption behind the scenes in my precinct. Noah got me out of a seriously fucked up situation and I never forgot it. When he offered me a job years later, it was a lifeline. I know you get frustrated with him but he’s only trying to protect you. Funny thing is, I think you might be the one who can save him.”
Lucia gulped, wishing with everything she had that it was true. “It’s hard to hold someone close who doesn’t know how to stay in one place. Noah isn’t used to being loved.”
Jonas was quiet for a minute and Lucia resisted the urge to beg him for more information. Although she did want his help, she’d never want to make him feel that he was compromising his loyalty to his friend. Sometimes that was the only thing you could count on. Now that she knew more about Noah’s background, it was apparent why his friends were so important to him. Lucia was glad he had a whole team of people he could count on in his life. She loved him, and that was all she wanted for him. Even if she wished with all her heart that she could be one of those people he trusted implicitly.
“Don’t give up on him. Be patient with him. He’s only going to let you go so deep. Hell, he’ll probably try to get away just because he thinks he’s not good enough for you. Don’t let him,” Jonas finally said.
“I won’t. I promise.”
Lucia squeezed his arm before he walked away. In a way, she felt like she’d passed a test. Jonas had trusted her enough to tell her that and these guys, they didn’t trust easily. But hopefully she’d shown them that she was trustworthy and, most importantly, that she loved them all. She would never do anything to hurt or compromise them.