chapter three
LUCIA SCREAMED FOR her brother. Staring down the man who had shot him, she lifted the gun Rafe had given her and fired. The crack of gunfire startled her awake.
Trying to calm herself, she greedily sucked in deep breaths as she tried to remember all the things the therapist had taught her.
Deep breaths. Nice and easy. Do not panic. She was losing it. That nightmare would be the end of her sanity.
Once she steadied her breathing, she reached over to the lamp on her bedside table, trying to turn it on. It was never this dark in her room. Thin slivers of silver moonlight usually peeked through her blinds. She fought the momentary weight of panic and forced her mind to clear. It was only then that she remembered she wasn’t at home.
She shuddered at the thought of the man in her apartment. He was intent on killing her, intent on killing Noah. He'd already given Ryan a concussion. God only knew what he would have done to her.
What if he’d hurt Noah? What if he’d killed Noah? Would she have minded?
The answer surprised her, because she would. Not just because she wanted the pleasure of doing it herself, but also because she cared about him. That reason was more frustrating than anything else. After everything he’d put her through, everything he had done. She worried about him. Because she cared. It was impossible to stop loving him even though she knew what he was.
You are a damn glutton for punishment.
She wished she could set fire to her feelings and watch them burn in a pyre down to ashes with no regrets. But she couldn't. Despite his lies, he’d taken care of her, even when she didn't want him to. He took care of Nonna and looked out for her.
He was still looking out for her.
With a growl, she yanked back her covers. She fumbled around for her phone, finally finding it on the opposite nightstand and checking the time. Damn. Only a little after 4 in the morning. Far too early to get up.
After that nightmare, she was neither tired nor was she in a hurry to return to the clutches of the shadow dreams. With bare feet she padded over to the door, slowly creeping it open. Surprisingly it was dark, save for the iridescent nightlights lining the walls.
Okay, just a drink of water then back to bed.
Somehow, a part of her had always imagined that Noah’s office was always open. That somehow he and the men who worked for him were superheroes like the Justice League or something. But apparently even superheroes needed sleep. Besides, she knew better. These guys were no heroes.
Well, maybe the others were, but Noah certainly wasn't.
When she reached the kitchen, she dragged a glass out of the cabinet. Suddenly, all of the lights flickered on and she squeaked and jumped, whipping around.
"Oh shit. Sorry. I didn't realize anyone was in here. I just came for—"
Lucia put up a hand. "No, it's fine. I was the one skulking around in the dark."
Matthias nodded. His eyes went wide, and he somehow managed to look every which way but directly at her. Oh no. He was pissed. She’d had him lie to Noah. And now Noah was undoubtedly pissed. That was her fault.
"Matthias, listen—"
He started talking at the same time that she did. "Lucia, look I never meant to—"
And then he gestured to her. "Ladies first,” he said with a smile. He still wouldn’t look directly at her, nor did he come any further into the kitchen. Instead, he hung by the wall. But he'd certainly come in here for a reason.
"Look, Matthias. I'm so sorry. I never should have dragged you into this and had you looking for information for me. I certainly never should've asked you to keep it from Noah, your boss. I know how he is and I know you were trying to help me, but I was wrong to ask you to do that."
His eyes flickered to her and quickly looked away again. "Lucia, it's fine. It was my choice to comply or not. I chose not to tell him, but I'm sorry I broke your confidence and told him anyway. I was worried you were in danger and, as it turns out, you were. If it had been simple information, I never would've told him."
She rounded the giant island in the kitchen and approached him. He immediately took a step back. Looking even further away from her if that was possible.
Damn, he was so mad at her. "Matthias, I consider you a friend. And I used that. And that makes me a bad person and I'm really sorry. I hope that you can find a way to forgive me."
He frowned but still didn't look at her. "Forgive you? Honestly, it's fine. I would do anything to help you. You’re family. I'm not mad."
Lucia stared up at him. Then she planted her hands on her hips. "Oh yeah, then why is it that you can't look at me?” She opened her arms. "Can we hug this out, start fresh? I won’t take advantage of our friendship again. I promise."
Matthias flushed and hugged the wall like she had cooties. Like the last thing on earth he wanted to do was hug her. Maybe he wasn’t a hugger? No, they had hugged dozens of times.
Fine.
If Matthias wouldn't come to the mountain then she would bring the mountain to Matthias. She closed the distance between them, her bare feet barely making a sound on the concrete. And then she wrapped her arms around him tight. Go ahead and escape this hug, she thought. But Matthias didn't escape. It took a second, but then he wrapped his arms around her. She had never noticed how tall he was, and he was nearly as solid as Noah.
Geez, did Matthias have muscle? Why hadn't she ever paid attention before?
She’d always taken the mildly geeky exterior, with the glasses and superhero T-shirts, and categorized him as a nerd. Which to her usually meant soft. How had she never noticed that her friend had muscles?
Granted, they weren’t like Noah's. No one had muscles like Noah. She knew she was probably biased, but still.
"I'm really sorry, Matthias."
"You have nothing to be sorry about."
She didn't know how long they stood there, but then Noah's voice came from behind, cold and furious. "What the fuck do you think you're doing running around here naked?"
Matthias immediately released her, but Lucia took longer to step back. When she turned to face Noah, she took in the sight of his boxers and his completely bare chest, and damn it, she salivated. That didn't mean she didn't still hate him. It didn't mean she wasn’t still furious with him, and it didn't mean that she trusted him. All it meant was that she was human. The man looked good.
Good enough to lick, honestly. And she had.
There was still so much she wanted to try with him, so much they hadn't had a chance to do. All the things she’d heard JJ talk about, she wanted to try with Noah. Well, now you're not going to because, hello, we hate him.
Yes, she hated him. But that didn't mean she didn't want to lick him. And somehow, simultaneously, she wanted to murder him, too.
"I am not naked." She slid a glance down at herself, slightly flushing. Shit. She hadn’t put on shorts. She slid a glance to Matthias, who was looking anywhere but at her or Noah. "Sorry. I'm not used to having to cover up.” She turned to Noah. "Besides, you're the one who told me to make myself at home."
Through gritted teeth, he ground out, "That doesn’t mean run around here naked. Matthias is here. Or did you forget?"
"I was just coming for some water. No one was supposed to be awake. The lights were freaking off. Bite me."
From behind her, Matthias scoffed. Noah's eyes glinted and his smile went menacing and predatory. "Anytime. You just tell me where."
And then something happened to her body. It was like her lady parts had softened, readying her body for him to have her against any flat surface. Hell, screw a flat surface. The wall would do if necessary.
Why did he do that to her? She didn't like him. You don't have to like him to want him. Wasn't that the truth? But the last thing on earth she was ever going to do was let him know that.
"Sorry, Noah. Not interested. What's that thing that guys say sometimes? I'm just not that into you?"
And with that, she turned and headed back for her bedroom. She could feel Noah's eyes on her ass. Let him look all he wanted, because he was never going to touch it again.
Did she just—she just walked away from—what the hell? Noah glared at Matthias. She’d had her hands all over the kid. Noah had to work hard at not killing him right now out of pure jealousy. "Keep it shut."
Matthias put up his hands, but the kid’s lips twitched as if he was fighting back a laugh. "You got it boss. Keeping it shut."
But Noah wasn’t in the mood. He never slept anyway, but the moment he’d heard Lucia's voice he’d snapped awake and he’d gone looking for her. The image of her wrapped around another man was enough to make his trigger finger itch.
He didn't want her wrapped around Matthias. What he wanted was the two of them in his bed, her underneath him, over him, in front of him.
Never going to happen again. Stop living in your fairy tale. Deal with the problem at hand.
But since he’d lived that fairy tale, it was impossible to let it go. Especially as his dick kept coming up with elaborate schemes to get her back in bed. Most of which sounded totally doable in the moment.
"You want to tell me what you were doing with your hands on her considering she's not wearing any clothes?"
Matthias swallowed hard but shook his head. "Noah, I didn't touch her. She came over here and hugged me. I think she could tell I was deliberately not looking at her."
"Damn straight you weren’t looking at her. Not if you want to keep your goddamned eyeballs.”
There was that lip twitch thing from the kid again. “I like my eyeballs where they are, thanks.”
“You seemed to be hugging her back." Noah narrowed his gaze.
Matthias rolled his eyes. "Mate, Lucia is family. Of course I hugged her back. I'm not mad at her, and I'm not the one she's mad at. If she's handing out free hugs, I'm taking them. If you want some hugs of your own, you might want to talk to her."
Noah stared at Matthias. He wasn't usually so defiant. He knew the kid looked up to him. Granted he could use some better idols. He also knew the kid knew enough to fear him a little. "Yeah, you might be right about that." Except so far no amount of talking or apologizing was working. But as he watched her ass stroll down the hall, he knew he had to keep trying.
Noah followed after Lucia, knowing it was probably a bad idea. But lately he was full of all kinds of bad ideas. He grabbed the door before she could slam it behind her. "Lucia, wait.”
She pushed against the door. "Noah, what am I waiting for? We don't have anything to say to each other. You were right. Someone is trying to kill me. They broke into my apartment, and one of your men is injured because of me. So I'll listen to you. I'll do what you want, shut up, and go where I'm told. The only thing I ask is to be able to work. And for you to not talk to me, touch me, or even look at me."
"Sorry, I can't do that last part."
She opened the door and Noah nearly tumbled in. "Why? Why can't you? Because you had no problem lying to me for years, watching me struggle and suffer. Now, when I ask you to do something that would actually help me recover from that, you refuse to do it?"
"You don't understand." Noah lowered his voice so only she could hear him. "Ever since I touched you, I can’t help but think about it. So if it's more convenient for you, if it makes things easier for you, I will try. But I have to look out for you. I just can't help it."
“You’re telling me you can't help it? Try, or better yet, talk to me. Tell me what the hell is going on. Tell me who that man in my apartment was, or at least who you think he was. Something tells me you weren't surprised to see him there. Something tells me you expected him to be there. And you keep saying my life is in danger. I think you know who's after me."
Noah sighed. He couldn't tell her. She knew that he was the one who'd hurt Rafe, but she didn't know the rest. The rest would shatter any possibility she ever had of trusting him again. He knew how she felt about him. Hate was a strong word, but right now she was so far past hate. She wanted to completely annihilate him for life. Not that he blamed her.
"You know I can’t tell you that."
She crossed her arms and stared him down. "So far, my experience is when you say things like can’t, you mean won't. I don’t want to hear about how it's for my own good or how you’re protecting me. I'm done unless you are going to start talking to me, treating me like I'm someone who deserves to know the truth. Otherwise, I have no interest in saying anything to you."
"Lucia, this is in your best interest."
"You keep saying that. You’ve broken into my place, you’ve chased off boyfriends that might've liked me. You've interfered in my life by paying for my apartment and paying for Nonna's house. You have interjected yourself in every aspect of my life, so much so that I'm not even allowed to live it for myself. Then I find out you killed my brother. I ask you for answers, anything, and you think that taciturn bullshit is going to work on me?" She sneered at him. "Get the hell out of my room. I don't want to see you. I don’t want to talk to you. I’m done. As a matter of fact, you might want to transfer my case to some other security firm or something, because I don't want to be anywhere near you."
"It's nice to want things, princess. Trust me, I wish you didn't have to know. I wish we could just go back to being Noah and Lucia, and I could tease you and you not be mad at me anymore. But we can't. This is real life now, real brass tacks. I'll do my job and stay out of your way, but I'm not going to hurt you anymore than I have to."
Noah turned and walked out, very gently closing the door behind him. The anger simmered just under his skin. He hated the way she looked at him now. Contempt, distrust— it was all there. She was right. He had interjected himself into her life. At the time, he had told himself he was protecting her, keeping an eye on things, making sure she didn't need anything.
She was right. It was selfish.
He was just trying to assuage his guilt over Rafe. And now, he’d hurt the only person in his life he’d ever cared about. The only person he was even capable of loving. Actually, make that the two people. Rafe and Lucia.
He stormed back toward his room, catching Matthias in the kitchen as he scarfed down the remnants of a key lime pie. "You're on Lucia duty tomorrow. She’s got some fitting for the show, I think.”
Matthias stopped, fork midway to mouth. "Okay, who am I going with?"
Noah sighed. "We’re stretched thin. I think I can send Dylan. We’ll put him in the audience while you’re back stage with Lucia. There's a lot of security already there. The event has security to protect the models, so we’ll use the set up to help protect her."
Matthias nodded. "We’ll make it happen."
Noah rolled the tension out of his shoulders. He hadn’t been able to sleep because he kept picturing how she would look at him all day tomorrow. Plus, he was needed on another job. He hated not being there to protect her, but he would make sure there was someone there who could. She trusted Matthias, as evidenced by the way she’d wrapped her little body around him. Noah suppressed the twinge of jealousy. Matthias was a kid. He’d worked hard to save the kid’s life so killing him now would be counterproductive.
"Good. Call me if there are any issues."
"Will do, boss."
Noah stomped back to bed, as if he were going to get any sleep anyway. He might as well just get in a workout, because every time he was around Lucia, his thoughts kept him up.
Because you want more. More of what happened that night three weeks ago when he had altered her world. Well, just like he’d told Lucia, it was nice to want things. Unfortunately in this case, he was never going to get what he wanted again.