Chapter Ten
ONE TRIP TO the mall later, Ashton had everything a man his age could possibly need to get him through the summer and into the fall. Harper had been her usual thorough, maternal self. The shopping had gone quickly and easily and within a few minutes of them arriving at the first store, Ashton had been joking around with her and seemed at ease. Stacey knew that she should be grateful to her sister for her help, and she was. Her internal discomfort came more from a gnawing sense of inadequacy.
How had Harper known Ashton hadn’t been forthcoming about his needs? How had she been able to figure out the situation so quickly and how had she known what to buy him? It wasn’t as if she had male children.
Once again she heard her mother’s words in her head—the ones telling her she wasn’t normal. She glanced at the calendar counting up to the birth and tried to tell herself everything would be fine. The problem was, she knew it wouldn’t be fine at all. It would be a disaster. She was never meant to be a mother.
She’d tried to tell Kit that—explaining how she loved her work so much and she’d never felt the need to be like everyone else. But he’d only laughed and kissed her, then he’d taken her to bed where she could experience normal in the best way possible.
Kit would be a good father, she thought as she brewed herbal tea. Maybe that would be enough. He would be the main parent and she would be little more than a shadow figure. She could accept not being important in her daughter’s life—what terrified her was somehow hurting Joule the way she’d been hurt as a child.
Ashton walked into the kitchen. She pointed to the teapot.
“I’m making tea. It’s not the best drink in the world, but it’s not awful.”
He flashed her a smile. “Now I have to try some.”
“Harper brought over cookies. My mother made them.”
He got a mug from the cupboard and joined her at the counter. “I remember your mother’s cookies. I’m all in.”
He would probably inhale the entire plate of them before she had a chance to finish one, but that was okay. She enjoyed having Ashton around. They were friends, or so she’d thought.
She waited until they were seated at the kitchen table, then forced herself to look at him.
“Why didn’t you tell me you needed clothes and toiletries? I asked because I was concerned. It wasn’t an empty question, Ashton. You live here now. We want you to be comfortable.”
He flushed. “I didn’t want to be a bother. Stacey, you guys have taken me in, you’re paying for a lot of my college. That’s more than anyone has ever done for me. I don’t need new clothes or anything else.”
“Yes, you do.” She thought about his ancient computer, then decided this wasn’t the time to bring that up. “We want you to have what you need. We’re very fortunate financially.” She hesitated, not completely sure how much she could discuss without crossing the invisible and ever-moving lines of social correctness. If only Kit were here. He would know what to say.
“I’m going to get a job,” Ashton told her. “Then I can pay for more things.”
She gripped her mug. “It’s not about money. It’s about taking care of you. We want to take care of you. We want you to feel safe here, and welcome.”
He blinked several times, then cleared his throat. “Thanks. I do feel that.”
“Good. If you need something, tell me. I’m not like my sister. I’m never going to be able to guess what’s going on.”
“You and Harper are really different, huh?”
“I know. She’s so maternal. She always knows the right thing to say or bake or how to decorate. She takes after our mom.”
He reached for one of the cookies. “Your mom sure can bake.”
“She’s a big believer in home and family being the most important things in the world. Everything else takes a distant second.” She looked at him. “Do you know about my Grandpa Wray?”
“No. Who is he?”
“In the 1960s, thirteen men walked on the moon. Graham Wray was one of them. He was a fighter pilot and an astronaut.”
“No way. Why didn’t I know this?”
“I have no idea. I thought I’d told you, but maybe not.” She sipped her tea. “Back then, being an astronaut was like being...” She searched for an analogy.
“Being in a boy band?” he offered with a grin.
“Maybe. Grandpa Wray was famous, as was his family. When he got back from the moon, they all went on a world tour.”
“Cool.”
“I think so but my mom hated it. She was only fifteen and thought her dad should stay home with her. The space program is demanding and he’d missed birthdays and Christmases all her life, and she never got over it.” She reached for a frosted sugar cookie. “Psychology is not my area of expertise, but from what I can piece together, Bunny decided that she was going to only focus on family. That nothing else mattered. She passed her entire skill set on to my sister, but when it came to me, I was a disaster.”
“You took after Grandpa Wray.”
“I did. He was wonderful. When the family went to Florida, they all went to Disney World, but I went to Cape Canaveral to see the space program with my grandfather. Everyone knew him and respected him.” She smiled at the memories. “They treated him like visiting royalty. I got to be a part of that. He was always bragging about how smart I was. He was the one who paid for my college. He wanted me to study astrophysics, but when I went into medical research, he teased that it was so I could help him live forever.”
“You miss him.”
“I do. He was a great man. It’s just, as far as my mother’s concerned, being like him isn’t a good thing. Like I said, I’m not like Harper, so there’s no way I can anticipate what’s wrong or guess when you need something.”
“I promise to tell you when I’m out of socks.”
“Thank you.”
They looked at each other, then away. Stacey had the sense she was missing something vital. Did Ashton want her to hug him? Did they have that kind of relationship? Harper would know, she thought with a sigh. Harper would be the perfect surrogate mother, just like she’d been the perfect parent to Becca, while Stacey was unclear on what it meant to have a baby beyond being the vessel.
* * *
Harper ran the numbers one more time. One of the advantages of all her Virtual Assistant training was she could put together a spreadsheet on a moment’s notice. The disadvantage was she could no longer hide from the sad reality that was her monthly budget.
Cathy’s stupid gift bags had cost her. Not only had the supplies turned out to be more than she’d expected, leaving her earning even less, but adding shopping time to the assembly time and including delivery, which Cathy had insisted on at the last minute, had made the project take much longer than she’d estimated. She had realized all of a dollar twenty-five an hour. All told, it had taken her nearly twenty-seven hours. That was almost half a week’s work.
She could have spent the time doing something that actually paid—like those calligraphy name cards. That was the frustrating part—she was short on money but she had plenty of work, which meant she was doing something seriously wrong. She had to get smarter about her business, and she had to figure out a way to get the money to pay for Becca’s car insurance.
She’d spent a couple of hours on eBay, looking at Schlumberger pieces for sale. Either the pin or the bangle would be enough to bail her out of her current financial mess. But then what? She would have given up something precious from Great-Aunt Cheryl all because she was an idiot.
Harper glanced at the clock, then picked up her phone and pressed a few buttons to connect with Terence’s private line at work. She knew when he took his lunch. With luck he would pick up rather than let the call go through to—
“Hello?”
“It’s Harper,” she said, not assuming that after nearly sixteen years of marriage he would still remember the sound of her voice.
“Hello, Harper. How is everything?”
He always sounded so calm and rational when they spoke. Not the least bit concerned that she might get emotional or accuse him of things. He’d always been like that—totally in control of his feelings. He’d been calm when he’d proposed, unruffled when she’d told him she was pregnant, serene when he’d confessed to his affair and deadpan when he’d told her he was leaving and that he wanted a divorce. The most agitated she’d ever seen him had been when he’d been in the middle of the allergy attack from being in the same car with three dogs. Even that had been the result of a medical emergency rather than actual emotion.
“Did you want to mention the car your aunt left Becca?” she asked, knowing neither of them really cared about small talk.
“Damn. I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you, didn’t I? I guess I wasn’t thinking about anything that day except trying to breathe. Did it arrive?”
“It did.”
“Good. At least you don’t have to worry about buying her a car now.”
Really? Because that would only be her responsibility? She didn’t know how he did it, but Terence had an uncanny ability to piss her off.
“Before we would have to deal with any car purchase, she would need to get her license, wouldn’t she? Terence, you’re supposed to be helping her get her hours in.”
“I know. I’ve explained to her that I’ve been busy. Why aren’t you doing it?”
“Because I’m doing everything else when it comes to our daughter. She asked you, Terence. Becca rarely asks you for anything. Can’t you at least get off your ass and show up every now and then? You’re supposed to see her every other weekend.”
“I’m the one who drove to Grass Valley with her. That was four days together.”
“Oh, wow. You’re right. Then your parenting responsibilities are done for the year.”
“Fine. You’re right. I’ll get some times on my calendar.”
He was going to put his daughter on his calendar. Wasn’t that special? She nearly said that out loud, but figured she’d already gone far enough with her sarcasm for one conversation.
“You also need to pay for half the insurance,” she said.
“Of course. Get me an invoice and I’ll send a check.”
Because that was how Terence rolled. God forbid he should simply pay for something. Nope, he needed to be billed. He’d actually had the balls to ask her once whether if he paid the bill in ten days, he would get a discount. She’d hung up on him because unlike her ex-husband, she did run on emotion.
“I’ll get an email out to you today.”
“Thank you. Anything else?”
Anything else? After all this time and having a child together, was there really nothing they could talk about? She knew the marriage was over and after the shock of trying to figure out how to make it on her own, she had to say she wasn’t sorry. They hadn’t been happy together for years, but still. Wouldn’t it be nice if he had a few regrets?
“No, that’s all. Goodbye, Terence.”
“Goodbye, Harper.”
* * *
Becca supposed she should be annoyed by a duty visit to a relative she’d never met, but to be honest she was kind of intrigued by the thought of meeting her uncle Kit’s nephew. Becca’s dad was an only child and Aunt Stacey hadn’t had her baby yet, so not only didn’t Becca have siblings, there weren’t any cousins, either. Unless Ashton counted. She wasn’t sure.
Normally on a half day of school, she and Jordan would have made plans, but Becca was doing her best to avoid her and their usual group of friends, mostly so she didn’t have to see Nathan. She had no idea what to do about him or who to tell. It wasn’t as if he’d done anything bad, right? He hadn’t hurt her or forced her, he’d just...suggested.
Thinking about that made her stomach hurt, so she concentrated on how well Jazz walked beside her. The Doberman kept close and was alert, but never barked or chased other dogs.
They turned onto Stacey’s street. Becca tried to remember how many times Ashton had been to visit. Two maybe, or three. Bunny had taken her and her mom to Hawaii the first time he’d come to see his aunt and uncle. It had been right after the divorce and the trip was supposed to make everyone feel better. It hadn’t worked.
The second time Ashton had visited, she’d been away with her sophomore government class. They’d gone to Sacramento to study state government. It had been interesting, but kind of lame, too. So every time he’d been around, she’d been gone, until now.
She knew he was eighteen and going to MIT in the fall. She imagined some short, glasses-wearing nerdy guy who stuttered or only talked about quasars. She smiled at the thought, then told herself she would deal because he was family.
She climbed the couple of steps to the porch and knocked on the front door. When it opened, she felt her jaw drop and her skin flush. For a second her vision reduced to a pinpoint before expanding to include the most beautiful boy she’d ever seen in her life.
He was tall, maybe six feet, with hazel-gray eyes. His skin was pale, his hair shaggy. He wore jeans and a T-shirt and athletic shoes. Nothing out of the ordinary, yet he looked like he could be doing a photo shoot for Seventeen magazine, or GQ.
He smiled. “Hi, you must be Becca. Nice to finally meet you. I’m Ashton.”
She couldn’t speak, mostly because she couldn’t breathe. Why hadn’t someone warned her? Why hadn’t her mother or aunt casually mentioned that Ashton was incredibly hot and that she might want to take an extra thirty seconds with her appearance? As it was she’d pulled her hair back in a ponytail, hadn’t even put on lip gloss and she was pretty sure her T-shirt had a stain on the front.
Bay nosed past Ashton to greet Jazz. Becca released the leash, giving Jazz permission to race into the house with her friend.
Stacey appeared next to Ashton. “Hello, Becca. I’m glad you made it before I have to leave for my doctor’s appointment.” She sighed. “Despite my excellent health, regular checkups are required so we can keep track of the baby’s growth.”
Becca managed to step past Ashton into the house. “How are you feeling?” Because talking about her aunt’s pregnancy seemed to be the only topic she could think of while in the presence of such an unexpected man.
“I’m perfectly fine. Thank you for asking. You haven’t met Ashton before, have you? I think there were timing issues on his previous visits. As I told you, he’s with us until he leaves for MIT. I’m hoping you two will be friends.” She smiled. “After all, you have me in common.”
As jokes went, it was pretty lame, but Aunt Stacey tried, so Becca laughed, as did Ashton.
Stacey collected her handbag. “I’ll be back later this afternoon. What are you two going to do?”
Kiss, Becca thought dreamily. It would be so great if Ashton kissed her. On the lips and as if he really meant it. Soft at first, but then with more intensity as he was swept away by—
“I thought we’d take the dogs for a walk,” he said. “On the boardwalk.”
“Don’t forget poop bags,” Stacey said as she headed for the garage. “Have fun.”
“Because nothing says a good time like carrying around dog poop,” Becca said before she could stop herself.
Ashton chuckled. “If your dog is anything like Stacey’s we need to bring a couple of bags.”
“I know, right?”
There was a moment of awkward silence, then he held out his hand. “I think our introduction got interrupted. I’m Ashton.”
She braced herself before shaking hands with him. Yup, there it was. Warm boy skin and tingles. “Becca. Nice to meet you.”
He opened the door on a small cabinet and pulled out a leash. “Shall we?”
The afternoon was warm and sunny but not as hot as it would be in the summer. Becca was aware of him next to her. Every now and then their arms brushed. The light contact messed with her head and made it difficult to think of anything to say.
“Aunt Stacey said you moved here from Tennessee.”
“I did. My mom’s in rehab and I ran out of places to stay, so I got stuck in foster care. I aged out when I turned eighteen, which was a good thing. Kit and Stacey had been trying to get me out to live with them for a while but Mom kept saying no.”
The info dump left Becca more speechless than before, but this time it had nothing to do with how cute he was. Instead she had to process the information. No one she knew ever said anything that honest. Not right away. Even if they did, she had no experience with foster care or rehab or any of that. Mischief Bay was a stupid little town where the worst thing that happened was your parents divorced and everyone forgot about you. But when compared with what Ashton had been through, how could that possibly matter?
“I’m sorry,” she managed.
“It’s okay.” He glanced at her. “I didn’t know how much Stacey had told you already. I didn’t mean to dump all that on you.”
“She probably explained everything to my mom and my mom didn’t want to upset me or something. She thinks I’m still nine.”
“That’s not a bad thing, Becca. Your mom cares about you. That’s nice.”
What was she supposed to say to that? Of course her mom cared about her—that was what moms did. They loved so much, they were annoying. Only Ashton’s mother was in rehab and she hadn’t wanted Ashton to live with his uncle, even if that was better for him. So maybe for him, a nice mom was something special.
The concrete boardwalk cut through the sand, running parallel to the ocean in front of them. To the south, in the distance, were the high hills of Palos Verdes, to the north, the pier and the park.
“That’s the Pacific Ocean Park, or POP as we call it. It used to be the old Santa Monica Pier. When it was torn down, parts of it were brought here.” She paused, hoping she didn’t sound too stupid. “When I was little, my mom used to take me to ride on the carousel nearly every day. It was my favorite thing.”
“We should go sometime. See if it’s still as good as you remember.”
W-was he asking her out? No, he was just being friendly and polite. She would be a fool to read anything else into his words.
“Um, sure. That would be great.”
“Stacey said you’re a junior in high school?”
“Uh-huh. And you’re going to MIT in the fall. Are you excited?”
“Mostly nervous, but don’t tell Stacey. She’s all about how great college is going to be.”
“From what I’ve heard, she was kind of too smart for high school and she left early,” Becca said. “I don’t think she fit in very well.” Something Becca was experiencing herself these days, but for different reasons.
For a second she wondered if Ashton would have an opinion on what had happened with Nathan. Maybe a guy would know what to do. Only she didn’t know him well enough to ask his advice and she was afraid the story would make her sound even younger and more inexperienced than she was.
“When you go to college, everyone in your class will be new,” she said instead. “You’ll all have that in common.”
“That’s what I try to tell myself.” He reached down to pet Bay. “How you feeling, little girl? Doing all right?”
The dog licked his hand and wagged her tail.
Becca glanced at her belly. “She’s getting really pregnant.”
“I know. The puppies are going to be great.” He smiled at her. “You’re going to have to come over and help me socialize them so they can be adopted.”
“That sounds like fun. I’ll bring Jazz so she can learn to be an aunt.”
Jazz wagged her tail at the mention of her name.
Ashton stopped and looked at her. “I know you’re busy with school and your friends, but if you have any free time, I’d like to hang out. Stacey and Kit are great but they’re...”
Becca’s heart fluttered, although she did her best to look totally normal and not as if she was going to squeal. “Adults?” she offered.
Ashton laughed. “That’s the word I looking for.” He paused.
She realized he was waiting for her to respond to what he’d said. The hanging out part. She cleared her throat and sucked in a breath. “We can hang out.”
“Good. You can tell me about your friends and school and if I get the job I applied for at Backyard Bounty—the daily farmers’ market—I’ll fill you in on the exciting world of produce stocking.”
“I hear there’s an art to stacking apples.”
“Man, now I’m already feeling pressure.”
Becca laughed and relaxed just a little. Yes, Ashton was very nice to look at, but there was a real person inside. One who was funny and sweet and nothing like gross and disgusting Nathan, and wasn’t that just the best?