Chapter Four
BECCA SZYMANSKI CARRIED her suitcase and backpack into the living room and let both fall to the carpeted floor. She was happy, sad, mad, annoyed and relieved all at once, and her chest wasn’t big enough for that much emotion.
She’d known her mom was totally going to overreact to the dogs and she hadn’t been wrong. Just once, just one single time, she would really appreciate it if her mother would listen and respond like a thoughtful person instead of always jumping to the conclusion that not only would it go badly but it would all be Becca’s fault because she wasn’t responsible enough.
Becca was responsible. She’d gotten through her parents’ divorce without letting either of them know how devastated she was. She’d gotten through her best friend’s moving away without anyone seeing how shattered she was inside. She lived a thousand emotions her mother knew nothing about...and never would.
Becca collapsed to the floor and started to cover her face with her hands only to hear a faint whimper. She looked up and saw Jazz standing just inside the front door, her expression worried, her brown eyes questioning.
“Oh, Jazz, I’m sorry. I forgot you were there.” Becca bit her bottom lip. Did saying that make her mother right?
No, she told herself quickly. Of course not. She’d been home five seconds—it would take a while for them all to adjust to a pet.
She shifted onto her knees, then held out her arms and said softly, “Jazz, come here.”
The black-and-tan Doberman approached, then sat obediently. Becca threw her arms around the dog and hung on. “It’s okay,” she whispered against the dog’s warm body. “You’re going to be safe now, I promise. I’m going to be here for you.”
She drew back and looked into Jazz’s face. “Thor is going to stay with our friend Lucas, and Bay will be with Aunt Stacey. Lucas is a good guy. He’s a detective with the Los Angeles Police Department. He’s been my mom’s client for about a year now.” She smiled. “He’s a grown-up, so you know what that means, although he’s pretty cool with me.” She wrinkled her nose. “He always has really young girlfriends. It was creepy at first, but finally I asked him if I had to worry that he would want to date one of my friends in a couple of years.”
Jazz’s ears perked up, as if she were interested in the answer.
“He said the younger woman thing was because of trauma and that he promised he would never embarrass me that way. He said he wanted me to know that he totally respected me and my mom and that he would be there if we needed something.” She stroked the dog’s head. “To be honest, he has been really supportive and stuff with us. I’m telling you this so you won’t worry about Thor.”
She thought about her aunt Stacey. “I’m sure Bay will be good with Kit and Stacey. They have a nice house and a yard. Uncle Kit’s really fun and Aunt Stacey is super smart. She’s going to cure MS or maybe help people with MS have less symptoms. I’m never sure when she talks about her work.” She hugged Jazz. “I get it. Even though you know everyone is okay, you’re going to miss your friends, though, aren’t you? I so get that. I miss Kaylee, but she’s off having fun with her new friends. You should see what she posts on Instagram all the time.” Becca waved her hands in the air. “Look at me! Look at me!”
Jazz’s steady gaze never wavered. Becca dropped her arms to her side.
“You have no idea who I’m talking about, do you,” she said with a sigh. “Sorry.” She thought briefly of pulling out her phone and showing Jazz the videos, then told herself the dog still wouldn’t care. Because this was all new to Jazz and no matter how well trained she was, she had to be scared.
“I remember the first night my dad left,” Becca admitted in a low voice as she sat on the floor and continued to pet the dog. “I was crying, my mom was crying, my grandmother kept asking my mom what she’d done wrong. It was horrible. Uncle Kit and Aunt Stacey had just gotten married and were on their honeymoon, so she wasn’t here.”
Becca sighed. “I don’t know if anyone’s told you this, but Great-Aunt Cheryl is gone. She was really old and she died.” She shifted so she sat directly in front of Jazz. “I promise I will always take care of you, Jazz. I’ll be here. I have to go to school and stuff, but then I’ll come home. You belong here now. With me.”
She smiled. “I always wanted a dog, but Mom said we couldn’t because Dad was allergic. After the drive home, I guess he really is. Anyway, I want you to know I’m going to take care of you. I have the book of instructions Great-Aunt Cheryl left me. I’ll get copies to Stacey and Lucas. You have to believe in me, okay? I’m going to be here. I’m not going to die like Great-Aunt Cheryl, and I’m not going to leave you like my dad.”
Tears unexpectedly formed. Becca brushed them away. It was one thing to be upset about the dogs, but she refused to cry over the divorce. It had been two years and she should be over it. At least that was what everyone else seemed to think.
She knew, compared to some of her friends, she had it easy. She wasn’t shuffled from house to house and she didn’t have to deal with a bunch of new stepbrothers and sisters. In fact, she rarely saw her father. He was too busy with his new life and Alicia.
“How’s it going?”
She looked up as Lucas walked into the living room, then leaned her head against Jazz. “We’re still getting to know each other. It’s only been a couple of days, so Jazz is a little scared.”
“Sure.” He sat in a club chair across the room. “There’s been a lot of change. How are you holding up?”
She glanced at him and rolled her eyes. “Why are you asking? You know I’m mad at my mom.”
“Yes, I do. Want to tell me why?”
She didn’t know what it was about Lucas, but she could always talk to him. Maybe it was because he didn’t speak to her like she was a kid—he treated her as if she were a regular person with thoughts and opinions and feelings.
When she’d first met him, she’d wondered if he was one of those creepy old guys she and her friends were always being warned about. One of her friends had a stepdad who’d tried to touch her, which was horrible and disgusting.
But Lucas wasn’t like that. He was nice. He listened and when he was around, her mom was a lot calmer. Becca had even gotten used to the really young girlfriends. Some of them were complete airheads, but a few had given her some fashion advice. Still, what was with naming your kid Persimmon?
“She always says no,” Becca grumbled, remembering the question. “I’ve begged for a dog forever and she said it was because of my dad. Then he moved out and she still said no. Great-Aunt Cheryl left the dogs to me in her will. They’re mine. Mom should respect that.”
Lucas didn’t say anything, but then he didn’t have to. She squirmed slightly. Jazz gave her a quick lick on her cheek before flopping to the floor. Becca sprawled out next to her and held her paw in her hand.
“Fine,” Becca said with a sigh. “Three dogs would be a lot, and I’ve never taken care of a dog before.” She glared at him. “There are instructions in the book and I’ve been reading them. I know how much they eat and when they have to be walked. I’m going to take care of Jazz. I’ll feed her and play with her and pick up after her.”
She shuddered as she thought of the volume of poop the three dogs had generated over the past couple of days. Gross didn’t come close, but everything had a price.
“I’ll even clean up the yard. I’m going to be a good dog mom. You’ll see.”
“Sounds like you have a plan.”
“I do.” She sat up. “Are you really taking Thor?”
“I am. He’ll be spending his days here while I’m at work, so Jazz won’t be alone.”
“Does Mom know?”
“I’ll tell her after dinner.”
Becca chuckled. “Thanks. She can’t tell you no and there’s no way she can watch Thor and make me get rid of Jazz, so thank you.”
“That wasn’t my master plan but it does seem to solve a lot of problems.”
He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a DVD case, then handed it to her. Becca look at the cover and laughed.
“You didn’t! Sixteen Candles. Thanks, Lucas. You know it’s my favorite.”
“I do know.”
Becca had a thing for the ’80s. The clothes, the overstyled hair. How on earth did anyone ever wear leg warmers? But Madonna’s music was great and the John Hughes movies were always fun to watch.
“Come on,” Lucas said as he rose. “Bay and Thor are playing outside. Jazz should be with them to get the kinks out from her long drive down.”
“Okay.” Becca turned to her dog. “Come on, Jazz. Let’s go in the backyard.”
The slim, muscled dog rose and stretched, then walked at Becca’s side. Becca stroked her head and ears. She was all Jazz had now.
“I’ll be here,” she told the dog. “You can depend on me.” Because she knew all about what it was like to be an afterthought, and she never wanted Jazz to feel that way.
* * *
Stacey arrived at her office shortly after seven Monday morning. On days Kit had to get to school, their mornings were less leisurely and they both liked to be at the office early.
Except for dinner at Harper’s, they’d spent Easter Sunday getting Bay acclimated to her new home. Stacey had lost her nerve again and didn’t tell her mom about her pregnancy, rationalizing that she didn’t want to monopolize everyone’s attention on the holiday.
She and Kit had taken Bay on two long walks so she could get familiar with the neighborhood. Stacey had read up on pregnant dogs and had researched veterinarians in the office, while Kit had installed a doggie door so Bay could come and go as she liked during the day.
Bay was exceptionally well behaved. She’d slept in her dog bed in their room and had eaten. According to all Stacey had read, the dog seemed to be adjusting.
Stacey reviewed the latest test results from their new research direction. Proteins were an obvious area to investigate, but narrowing down exactly which ones and how they reacted was the tedious challenge. Still, progress was being made.
“Morning.”
Stacey looked up as her assistant, Lexi, walked into her office. Lexi, a tall redhead in her midthirties, placed a mug on Stacey’s desk.
“Herbal tea,” she said with a grin. “In case you were hoping I was going to slip you a little caffeine.”
“You’d never do that,” Stacey said with a smile. “You always take excellent care of me. How was your weekend?”
“Good. Busy. The Easter Bunny did his thing on Sunday morning. Oh, Sam fell out of a tree, which had me sweating a broken arm, but he’s fine. Still, what is it with kids and trees? It’s not like the trees climb all over them. It’s a tree—leave it alone.”
Stacey wanted to say that Lexi could simply tell her son not to climb trees, only she knew that advice would not be welcome. She wasn’t sure if it was all children or simply Lexi’s, but hers didn’t listen very well.
Her assistant was bright and capable. As she frequently did, Stacey thought it was a shame that Lexi hadn’t gone to college. She could have been successful in many different areas. Not that she wasn’t an excellent assistant—she was. But with three kids to support, Lexi was frequently scrambling to make ends meet. A career with a more lucrative pay scale would have been appreciated.
But Lexi had gotten pregnant in high school and then again a couple of years later. She’d married in her late twenties and had her third child by her now ex-husband.
People made interesting choices, Stacey thought. Some made sense while others simply confused her. She was never sure how much of that was her inability to relate to them versus the decision not making sense in the first place.
“How was your Easter?” Lexi asked as she took a seat across from Stacey’s desk.
“Very nice. Harper prepared a wonderful meal. I brought plenty of leftovers for lunch if you’d care for some.”
Lexi closed her eyes and moaned. “You know I love your sister’s cooking. What that woman does with brownies should be illegal.”
Lexi’s interest in food greatly contributed to her weight problem. Stacey had tried to explain that she should think of food as fuel—like gas for a car. Perhaps that would allow her to lose weight. Lexi had told Stacey that while she was the best boss ever, she wasn’t allowed to comment on her personal appearance and if she did it again, Lexi would write her up.
It had been the only moment of tension in their otherwise-successful working relationship.
Stacey honestly hadn’t understood what she’d done wrong. Kit had tried to explain that Lexi probably knew she had a weight problem and wasn’t looking for Stacey to try to solve it. Which made absolutely no sense. Not only were there health risks, but Lexi was always complaining about being tired and that she couldn’t buy cute clothes. Simply eating less would make it all go away.
But Stacey appreciated Lexi and wanted to keep her happy, so she had vowed not to say anything ever again. She’d brought in brownies Harper had made as a peace offering and all had been well.
Lexi opened her eyes. “Did you tell her?”
No need to ask, tell who what? Lexi had known about the pregnancy since Stacey had had her first ultrasound. She wanted to pretend confusion as to why it had been so easy to tell Harper and Lexi about the baby, yet so hard to tell her mother, only she couldn’t. She knew exactly why she didn’t want to confess all to Bunny.
Maybe it was a bit like Lexi and her addiction to food. Knowing the right thing to do didn’t make it any easier to accomplish.
“We have a new dog.”
Lexi blinked at her. “There’s a non sequitur. You have a dog?”
Stacey explained about Becca and the inherited dogs. “We took Bay. She’s beautiful and so well trained. With all the confusion, it didn’t seem like a good time to tell my mother about the baby.”
“Uh-huh. I’m sure someone believes that, but it wouldn’t be me. You are lucky you’re tall enough that your pregnancy doesn’t show or she would have guessed by now anyway. You’re going to be one of those annoying women who doesn’t look pregnant until the last three days.” She folded her arms across her chest. “Stacey, you know it’s only going to get harder to tell her the longer you wait, right?”
Stacey nodded, although she couldn’t imagine it being any more difficult than it was right now.
“You also have to let Karl know,” Lexi added.
“I’ve told HR,” Stacey said defensively.
She’d already filled out all the required paperwork and requested her leave. The chain of command had been alerted. Which was not, she admitted to herself, the same as telling the head of her department.
Karl wasn’t exactly her boss—Stacey had autonomy in her department. As long as her team produced results, she was left to her own devices. Still, Karl was the closest thing to a manager she had, and at some point he needed to know. Just not right now.
“Did I mention Bay is pregnant?”
Lexi’s eyes widened. “Your new dog is pregnant?”
“Yes. Significantly so. I’m going to make an appointment to take her to the vet to get her checked out.” She frowned. “Thor’s been neutered, so he can’t be the father. I wonder who it was. Regardless, we’ll have puppies soon.”
“You’re pregnant. You haven’t told your mom or Karl, but you now have a dog who’s going to have puppies?”
Lexi’s voice was filled with incredulity and shock, which didn’t make any sense.
“Why are you saying it like that? What does one have to do with the other?”
“You’re going to have a baby,” Lexi said forcefully. “Your life is going to change in ways you can’t begin to understand. The last thing you need is puppies in the house.”
Stacey disagreed. Puppies were exactly what she needed. Being around Bay would allow her to observe motherhood in a safe and nonjudgmental environment. She planned to learn from the dog and use those lessons to help herself feel more connected to her own child.
“I think Bay and her puppies will be good for me,” she said.
“You’re the boss.” Lexi stood. “I’m going to finish proofing your article, then email it back to you. In the meantime, if you have any questions, remember I’ve had three. I know it all.”
“Thank you.”
Stacey planned to call on her assistant when the time came. It would be good to have an extra resource for those questions she couldn’t ask her mother or sister.
Too much of the literature she’d read mentioned hormones and instinct kicking in when the baby was born. While Stacey appreciated the power of innate intelligence, she was concerned she was somehow lacking vital pieces—especially when it came to being a mother. She’d never been normal before—why would that change now?
* * *
Becca walked slowly up the front steps to Mischief Bay High School when what she wanted to do was run or skip or even dance. Spring Break was over. Finally! She glanced around, wondering if anyone else was thinking the same thing, then sighed. Of course they weren’t. Everyone else had gone away for Spring Break or had fun with their friends. Everyone else had plans. She’d been the only one counting the days until she could get back to something close to a life.
She sat on the stone bench to the side of the huge open double doors and faked looking for something in her backpack. She needed a second to remember how to pretend all the things she was supposed to pretend. That she didn’t miss Kaylee every second of every day. Her best friend had moved to Boston at the end of last summer. After swearing she would never have another friend as amazing as Becca, after crying for weeks about how she would never fit in, Kaylee had settled into life in Boston easily and happily.
Between Instagram and Snapchat, Becca had a clear idea of exactly how perfect Kaylee’s new life was. She even had a boyfriend. Just like Jordan, Becca’s second-best friend. Becca, on the other hand, hadn’t even been kissed, not unless you counted a couple of stupid birthday parties with kissing games, which she didn’t.
She knew it was wrong to be jealous of Kaylee learning to sail and dating the younger brother of a naval cadet, and in a way, she wasn’t. She wanted Kaylee to be happy—it was just she also wanted to be missed as much as she was missing her friend. But the texts were getting less frequent and less personal. These days it seemed as if Kaylee was texting her grandmother rather than her friend.
As for Jordan... Becca shook her head. She had no idea what to do there. Jordan and her family had gone to Mexico for Spring Break. Back in November, Jordan had begged Becca to go with her. If she didn’t have her best friend along, she would die. Then, over Christmas, Jordan and Nathan had started dating and in the end, Jordan had taken Nathan instead.
There were other friends—she was part of a group, just like pretty much every other girl in high school. But those were just regular friends. Becca had never been good at being close with a crowd. She preferred one or two people in her life, which made her weird and left her sitting alone on this stupid bench, freakishly excited about school starting in twenty minutes.
She looked around at everyone talking about their vacations, listened to the laughing and teasing and felt...sad. No, she thought. Not sad, exactly. Small. She was so small and everyone else was big and sometimes she felt as if she were getting smaller and smaller and one day she would just disappear.
Her phone chirped.
Where r u? omg I need to c u now
Becca smiled as Jordan’s drama played out in text, even as she heard her friend’s voice in her head.
Muinoup, she texted back, abbreviating “meet you in our usual place.”
She started toward the science building where she and Jordan would meet up in the girls’ bathroom. No one hung out here before school started, which meant the bathrooms were usually empty, allowing plenty of privacy for whatever revelation Jordan might want to share.
Becca wanted to hear all about her friend’s vacation. Jordan had been oddly quiet during her trip, only posting a handful of Snapchat videos and three Instagram pics. Once Jordan was finished—because Jordan always had to go first—Becca wanted to talk about her new dog and her dad and his upcoming wedding that her mom still knew nothing about.
And the car. At some point Becca was going to have to come clean about the car.
She wondered how her mom would react when she found out her ex-husband was getting married. Would she be mad or would she cry? Becca didn’t know what she was supposed to say. She wasn’t happy about it, either. Her dad already pretty much ignored her. He’d promised to take her driving over Spring Break and that had never happened—not even on the long drive to Grass Valley. She needed her fifty supervised hours. Her mom always said she was too busy, and now her dad kept flaking out on her.
She ran up the steps to the science building, pushed open the door and turned into the girls’ bathroom. Jordan was already there, texting. She smiled when she saw Becca.
“Finally! My God, I’ve been waiting and waiting. Where were you?”
Becca automatically started checking stalls to make sure they were alone. Jordan shook her head.
“I did that already. You’ll never guess. Try. You won’t, but try.”
Becca looked at her friend. Jordan was one of those people who had been born beautiful. She had dark skin and hair, and big brown eyes. She was tall, thin and always knew what she was supposed to wear.
Becca and Kaylee had been friends since kindergarten. It had always been the two of them until junior high when they’d met Jordan. Then it had been the three of them. Kaylee had always been the pretty friend, but when Jordan came along, Kaylee had to give up her crown. As for Becca, well, she was funny and smart. As if that mattered.
“How was your vacation?” Becca asked.
“Perfect. Amazing. Life changing.” Jordan spun in a circle, then grinned. “Do I look different? I feel different. More mature, you know?”
Becca studied her. Jordan wore skinny jeans and a cute, cropped sweater. Her hair was long, hanging down to the middle of her back. She had about a dozen bangles on her wrists, one ear cuff and a tiny diamond nose stud.
“You look great,” Becca offered.
Jordan grabbed her arm and pulled her close. “You can’t tell anyone. You have to swear.”
“I never tell. You know that. What? Tell me.” But as she asked, she got a sinking feeling she already knew.
Jordan released her, then sucked in a breath. “Nathan and I had sex. Not just fooling around. We did it. All the way.” She paused. “He actually put it in!”
Becca didn’t know what to say. Sure, she’d known this could happen eventually. Jordan and Nathan had been together for a while now and they had other friends who were hooking up, but still. Sex? Yet one more way Becca was being left behind.
She felt stupid and ugly and unwanted. Like aliens had come to school and abducted everyone but her because why would she be interesting to experiment on?
Jordan looked expectant. Becca tried to think of the right question. She and Jordan had talked about what it would be like to do that of course. More since Jordan and Nathan got serious, but to have done it...
“What was it like? Where did you do it? Do your parents know?”
Jordan exhaled slowly, then smiled. “It was nice. I liked it better when we were just, you know, fooling around, but it was good, too. I feel so different.” She looked at herself in the mirror. “I keep waiting for my mom to figure it out but that would mean she noticed I was alive.” Jordan rolled her eyes. “You know how she is.”
Jordan’s mother was a successful lawyer and her dad was a judge. They both adored and ignored their only daughter.
“Anyway, on Tuesday night Nathan sneaked into my room. We were fooling around, and then he got really serious.” Jordan’s eyes filled with tears. “He said he loved me and I said I loved him, and then it just happened.”
How did something like that just happen? “Did it hurt?”
“Yes, but not for long. He was so sweet. He stayed the night.” Jordan turned back to her. “I hope you find somebody, Becca. A good guy who wants to have sex with you.”
Because the only ones lining up were bad guys?
Jordan smiled at her. “I want you to know that I’m still going to be friends with you. That you matter to me. Even though we’re in different places in our lives now.” The smile gentled and became annoying like a mom’s. “You’ll catch up eventually.”
Jordan glanced at her phone. “Okay, we have a few minutes and I know you want all the details. Some are kind of personal, but still...”
Irritation flared. “I had a Spring Break, too, Jordan. It wouldn’t kill you to ask about it.”
“All you did was stay home.” Jordan sighed. “Don’t be jealous, Becca. I’m not going to be sorry that I have Nathan and you don’t have anybody. You’re my best friend and he’s my boyfriend. You’re going to have to find a way to get along.”
“Why do I have to get along with him? Why doesn’t he have to get along with me?” Becca shook her head. “And that’s not the point. Nathan and I are fine together. This isn’t even about that.”
“You’re not making any sense. Are you mad at me because everything is so great for me?”
“No. Of course not. I’m sorry.”
The words were automatic, then annoying. Becca couldn’t figure out what she was thinking or why she was apologizing. Why did Jordan get to be so selfish and Becca was the bad guy? What was going on with everyone?
She picked up her backpack. “We should go. It’s time for class.”
Jordan walked to the door, then glanced back at her. “I wish you could trust me not to leave you behind, Becca.”
Becca thought longingly of the instruction book Great-Aunt Cheryl had left her. Maybe there was a command that would make Jazz bite Jordan. Not hard. Just enough to have her friend realize she was being the biggest bitch on the planet.