Chapter Twenty-Eight
BECCA THOUGHT MAYBE she should explain her reaction to Ashton, then told herself it didn’t matter. He, of all people, would understand why she could never be sure what to expect from her father. He said all the right things, but when it came to showing up...he didn’t.
All three of them got out of their cars at the same time. Becca walked toward the porch, letting her dad come to her. Ashton was right beside her, as was Jazz. The Doberman kept glancing at Terence as he approached, as if ready to protect her pack from the man who had been so sick on the drive to Mischief Bay.
“Hey, Becca,” her dad said as he got closer. “I was hoping to catch you.”
Why? Only she didn’t ask the question in part because it was stupid and in part because she was afraid he might tell her something she didn’t want to hear.
“Hi, Dad.” She pulled her house key out of her pocket and opened the door. “This is Ashton. Ashton, my father Terence Szymanski.” She held in a smile. “And you remember Jazz, Dad.”
Her father kept his distance from the Doberman. “Nice to meet you, Ashton.” He nodded at Jazz, who walked through the open door, but stayed close. “Becca, I’d like to talk to you about a few things.” He looked from the dog to Ashton and back. “Maybe out here, because of my allergies.”
“I’ll take Jazz into the backyard,” Ashton said. “Just shout if you need anything.”
And he would be there to protect her, she thought as he closed the door.
“Who’s your young man?” her father asked as he took a seat on the porch steps. Becca settled next to him.
“Ashton is Kit’s nephew. He’s staying with him and Stacey until he goes to MIT in September.”
“Are you two, ah, seeing each other?”
“Yes, Dad. We’re dating.”
“Oh.” Her father stared at his car. “I didn’t know.”
“Mom does. She’s fine with it.”
She wanted to say more, like if he ever bothered to see her, he might know things about her life. But he didn’t care—not anymore. He had Alicia and their new life.
“Okay, then I guess I’ll talk to her.”
“Whatever.”
“Becca, come on. Give me a break. I’ve been gone for two weeks on my honeymoon and before that I was getting ready for my wedding. I’ve had stuff to do.”
“Right, and before that you were buying a house and before that you were busy dating and before that, you were moving out and getting settled. It’s been two years since you left us. Two years and you never have time for me.” She stood and glared at him. “How do you think that makes me feel? You were supposed to help me learn to drive, but you never even showed up. It’s not like you have five kids and you can say you forgot. There’s just me.”
He met her gaze and nodded slowly. “I know. You’re right and I’m sorry.”
“You always say that. You tell me over and over again you’re sorry, but nothing changes. Mom messes up but when she apologizes, it means something. At least she tries.”
Her father tensed. “I’d prefer it if you didn’t bring your mother into this.”
“Why not? She’s part of my family, too. She takes care of me.”
“I take care of you, as well. Who do you think pays for half the things you have?”
Her eyes filled with tears as she hurried up the stairs and grabbed the door handle. “I’m not something you pay for. I’m your kid.”
Before she could go inside, her father reached for her.
“I’m sorry.” He touched her arm. “Becca, that came out wrong. Please talk to me. I’m really sorry.”
She looked into his blue eyes. They were the same color as hers—a little lighter than her mom’s. She wanted to bolt, but told herself that wouldn’t fix anything.
“You keep saying it,” she whispered. “I wish you’d stop.”
“Me, too. Please give me another chance. I swear, I won’t let you down. I love you, Becca. You’re my daughter and you will always mean the world to me.”
More than Alicia? Only she recognized the danger of asking that particular question. She had a bad feeling she wouldn’t much enjoy the answer.
“Okay. I will, but you have to promise not to blow me off again.”
“Cross my heart. We’ll have dinner together next week. That’s what I came by to say. That I miss you and want us to spend some time together. So dinner? Does that work?”
She hesitated before nodding slowly. “Sure.”
He hugged her and kissed the top of her head. “I’ll text you a date and time.”
She nodded. He walked to his car, waved and was gone. For a second, she just stood there, willing herself to believe everything was going to be okay between them. That he got it and everything would work out. Only he’d broken promises so many times, she wasn’t sure she still had the faith to believe in him.
* * *
One week after leaving the hospital, Stacey couldn’t believe how much she appreciated and admired her mother. Bunny had always been a ridiculous figure in her life. Even as a child, she’d been dismissive of all the things her mother knew how to do. But after being home with Joule for seven incredibly long days, Stacey knew her mom was more than amazing. She was a hero.
The house was chaos. No reading, no books, no videos had prepared her for the keening sound that was her daughter’s cry. Worse, every cry sounded exactly the same. There was no difference between Joule Wray being hungry or needing her diaper changed or wanting to be burped. The adults were expected to figure out what was wrong and fix it. Unbelievably, sometimes she seemed to cry for no reason. None! There was simply nothing wrong and yet there she was with that sharp, ear-piercing scream, tormenting them all.
While Stacey and Kit looked at each other in alarm, Bunny clucked and murmured and sang until JW—as they’d taken to calling her—was quiet again. Bunny had skills and patience and an unnatural ability to exist on practically no sleep. And the most shocking thing of all? She said JW was an easy baby who rarely cried. How was that possible? If JW was one of the good ones, how had the species survived? Wouldn’t other mothers have either run away or refused to have more children?
Stacey finished cleaning the kitchen. She’d already eaten and showered and dressed. She liked to keep busy, so as to avoid JW as much as possible. Bay wandered through the kitchen.
“I don’t know how you do it,” Stacey told her dog. “It’s a nightmare.”
Bay gave her a calming look, as if saying it would get better. After all, her puppies were already weaned and being adopted. In a couple more days, Bay would be an empty-nester and life was good.
“It’s not like that for me,” Stacey told her. “Kit and I are going to have JW for the next eighteen years.”
Bay wagged her tail.
“Easy for you to say.”
For some reason, Bay wasn’t bothered by the baby’s cries, nor was Ashton. He’d already mastered feeding and had no problem with diapers, regardless of their contents. Like Bunny, he had an ability to calm JW and soothe her back to sleep. Stacey might be able to help people with debilitating diseases, but when it came to her own daughter, she was useless and preferred to stay out of the way.
She was about to retreat to her bedroom to check her work email when Bunny cornered her in the kitchen.
“JW needs to be fed,” her mother told her.
Stacey hoped she didn’t look as terrified as she felt.
“You can do it.” Her mother sighed. “I’ll prepare the bottle. You go get her.”
Stacey wanted to tuck her hands behind her back and refuse. She wanted to say it was Kit’s turn, only it wasn’t and he’d gone to school to finish up some paperwork for the end of the semester. He’d mentioned going to lunch with a couple of his friends and Bunny had encouraged him, no doubt because he was a man.
JW began to whimper in her crib. Stacey tried not to wince as she walked down the hall and into her daughter’s room.
The nursery decor had turned out well, she thought. The cool gray walls had just a tint of pink to them, which went nicely with the cream-colored furniture. Cheerful prints hung on the wall and Kit was talking about painting some kind of mural. But all that faded in the background as Stacey approached the crib. Fear clawed at her throat, making it difficult for her to breathe. Adrenaline triggered her fight-or-flight response and she had no intention of fighting.
“Just a baby,” she chanted softly to herself. “Just a baby, just a baby.” Somewhere she’d read those words were supposed to help, the assumption being a baby wouldn’t judge. Stacey had yet to find the words the least bit comforting.
JW lay on her back, tightly swaddled in a blanket, her eyes closed, her mouth opened as if she were going to start crying for real. Panic joined fear. Stacey hurried close and wrung her hands as she said, “It’s okay. I’m here and your grandmother is just in the kitchen.”
JW opened her eyes. Stacey knew that her daughter’s vision was still blurry and there was no way she was reacting to Stacey’s voice directly, so it was all circumstantial that JW stopped whimpering at that exact moment, but it was gratifying, nonetheless.
“Hi,” Stacey whispered. “I’m your mom. Your dad is going to be much better than me, but he’s out right now. I’m sorry about that.” More sorry than JW would ever know. “I need to pick you up and feed you. Your grandmother has you on a schedule. Everything I’ve read said schedules are important and I can support that. Your cooperation would be appreciated.”
JW began to cry.
All right, it was obviously too soon for reasoning, Stacey thought as she sucked in a breath, then bent over to pick up her daughter.
Despite several lessons in the hospital and Bunny showing her over and over again, Stacey still had trouble getting her hands and arms in the right position. Plus, even while swaddled, JW tended to move. Stacey couldn’t imagine the horror of trying to bathe her. As far as she was concerned, Kit could deal with that.
She cradled her daughter the way she’d been taught and slowly walked over to the rocking chair. After sitting down, she got JW in position just as Bunny appeared with a bottle.
Stacey tested the temperature of the formula. Her mother would have done that already, but Bunny would lecture her if she didn’t do it herself, then she pressed the bottle to JW’s tiny mouth and hoped her daughter would take the meal.
There was a second of nothing, then JW opened her mouth and latched on to the bottle. Stacey relaxed.
“See,” her mother said. “You’re doing just fine.”
Stacey thought maybe fine was stretching it, but she allowed herself to relax a little. JW drank steadily while Stacey held her and slowly rocked back and forth.
This wasn’t so bad, she told herself and tried to believe it. It wasn’t that she didn’t care about her daughter, it was that she was ill equipped to deal with her. Babies frightened her—especially her own. She felt inadequate and helpless—not emotions she enjoyed.
Ashton and Bay wandered in just before JW finished her bottle. He sat cross-legged on the floor and Bay flopped next to him. Seconds later, the last remaining puppy raced in and threw himself at his mom.
“You’re getting it,” Ashton said as JW finished the bottle. He leaned over and grabbed a small towel from the changing table, then held out his hands for the baby.
“I wish.” Stacey glanced toward the door and lowered her voice. “This is a nightmare. I can’t do this for the next eighteen years. I can’t.”
Ashton grinned as he shifted JW into position, up against his chest and shoulder, then began to gently pat her back. “You don’t have to. From what I hear, she’ll be eating solid food by at least five years old. So that’s thirteen years of no bottle feeding.”
“You think you’re funny.”
“I am funny.”
Stacey glared at him, but didn’t speak.
JW burped twice. Ashton kept her in position for a few more minutes.
“I heard from my mom again,” he said.
Stacey stared at him, trying to read his mood. “Are you okay?”
“No, but I’m dealing. She wanted money again and I told her no again. I said that I loved her and wanted her to get better, but I wasn’t going to help her buy drugs. She started screaming at me so I told her I was going to have to let her go until she wants to talk to me because I’m her son and not just to get money.”
“What did she say?”
He looked away. “Nothing I want to repeat.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. I love her but I can’t let her drag me down.”
There was something about his voice. She stared closely and wondered if he was crying. Did men his age cry? Kit almost never did, although he had teared up the night he’d proposed and again when she’d told him she was pregnant.
Stacey sat in the rocking chair, feeling awkward and ridiculous. Ashton had done the right thing—he would be fine. Only...
She slid onto her knees, then leaned forward to hug him. He wrapped his free arm around and held on tight, JW nestled between them. After a couple of seconds, he drew back and smiled at her.
“Thanks.”
She had no idea for what but decided to take the easy way out. “You’re welcome.”
Ashton offered her JW. “Want to hold her?”
“Do I have to?”
He grinned. “Not for me. I’m happy to carry her around forever.”
Which was wonderful except, come September, Ashton would be gone. Bunny would leave even sooner, then Kit and Stacey would be on their own. It was going to be a level of hell she couldn’t begin to imagine.
* * *
Becca couldn’t stop smiling. She’d aced her driving test with what she thought was an impressive 91 and now was able to drive her car anytime she wanted, as long as it was okay with her mom and she followed the rules of her provisional license. But still!
Her mother had suggested a dinner out to celebrate and told her she could invite Ashton. Lucas had joined them, as had Bunny. They were at Pescadores, a local seafood restaurant in town.
“I’m so proud of you, I’m ordering myself a glass of champagne,” Bunny declared, her smile impish. “Although part of the celebration is that Kit and Stacey are home alone with the baby for the first time. I suspect I’ll be getting a lot of texts.”
Harper shook her head. “Mom, don’t. You know it’s terrifying to have an infant in the house. You must have been scared when you first had me.”
“Don’t get in the way of my fun. I’ve earned it.”
Becca’s mom ordered a glass of red wine while Lucas had a Scotch. Becca and Ashton each got a soda.
“School’s out, you have your license and a new job,” Lucas said, grinning at Becca. “It’s pretty good to be you.”
“It is. I’m excited about the summer. I’ve got a lot going on.”
Harper leaned toward her mother. “Did Becca tell you she’s getting Jazz certified as a therapy dog? She’s going to take her to the memory unit at your retirement community.”
“She did tell me and I think it’s wonderful.” Bunny smiled. “You can come visit me when you’re done with your volunteer work so I’ll get to see a lot more of you.”
Harper caught Becca’s gaze and gave her a sympathetic glance. Becca smiled. She wouldn’t mind seeing her grandmother a little more, but stopping by every time she went over with Jazz would be difficult. Of course Bunny was super busy with her friends, so maybe she wouldn’t always have time.
Lucas said something and her mom leaned close to hear what it was. As Becca watched, Lucas touched her mom’s arm.
It was no big deal—just a light brush of his fingers, but there was something about it that made her feel funny. Like her stomach was upset, but different. She told herself she was acting crazy, only when her mom straightened and saw Becca looking at them she got the strangest look on her face—like she’d been caught doing something wrong.
Becca felt her mouth drop open as she stood up. “You’re dating!”
Everyone stared at her and she blushed. She didn’t know what to think or say or do, but somehow she knew this was all Lucas’s fault. He was supposed to be her friend, not her mom’s. Everything about this was wrong.
“Becca,” Ashton began, but she shook her head, then turned and ran out of the restaurant. When she got to the parking lot, she realized she didn’t have anywhere to go. She’d come with her mom and Lucas. Ashton had brought Bunny. She could walk home but the house was far and she would feel stupid the entire way.
She pulled her phone out of her pocket. She and Jordan were supposed to be friends again. Maybe Jordan could pick her up. Or—
“Becca, I’m sorry.”
She put her phone back in her pocket and started to walk away from her mother, weaving between parked cars. “I’m not talking to you.”
“Becca, please. I’m wearing heels and I’m going to hurt myself.”
Becca slowed, then turned. Her mother walked over to her, her mouth turned down at the corners. They were between a Mercedes SUV and a Lexus sedan.
“A lot of people in Mischief Bay have money,” she said, folding her arms across her chest.
“Yes, they do.”
“But not us.”
Her mother gave her a slight smile. “We are more in the average income range.” Her mother drew in a breath. “I feel like an idiot. Not just because we’re talking out here like this, but because I didn’t realize how much you’d grown up. I treated you like a kid and you’re not. I should have told you about Lucas.”
“So you are dating him?”
Her mom hesitated. “We’re seeing each other.” Her tone was cautious.
“What does that mean? What aren’t you telling me? Are you getting married?”
“What? No. God, no. Becca, it’s Lucas. He’s a really nice man and I enjoy his company and yes we’re seeing each other, but it’s not anything more than that. Let’s all think about his last girlfriend and the one before and the one before that. Which one of these isn’t like the other?”
“Because you’re—”
“Please don’t say old, I beg you.”
Becca held in a smile. “So it’s just temporary?”
“Yes. I’m getting my dating feet wet again, so to speak, and he’s, well, I’m not completely sure what he’s doing with me. For now, it’s nice.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I honestly don’t know. It was a knee-jerk reaction because I know it’s temporary and I don’t want you to think I’m sleazy or anything. Plus, he’s the first guy I’ve seen since the divorce and that’s weird.”
Becca wondered if they were having sex, then shuddered at the thought. No way she was asking that question. Parental sex was just not supposed to happen under any circumstances.
“I was keeping the secret because of me, not because of you,” her mother added. “I hope you can understand.”
There was something in those last words. Becca groaned. “Because I didn’t tell you about Ashton?”
“Did I say that?”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Mo-om.”
Her mother linked arms with her and they started back toward the restaurant. “Maybe it’s a thing with the women in our family. Maybe we all keep romantic secrets.” Harper grimaced. “God, I hope that’s not true. If it is, your grandmother has a secret man in her life, too.”
“Grandma’s too old to want a boyfriend.”
Her mom grinned. “Let’s see how you feel about that when you’re her age.”
“I can’t imagine it at all.”
“You should enjoy being young. It goes fast.” Her mom stopped walking and faced her. “Becca, I really am sorry.”
“I know. You can stop saying that.”
“I will, it’s just we’re finally back talking and I don’t want to mess that up.”
“You didn’t. I promise.”
“Good.” Her mom hugged her. “I love you, sweet girl.”
“I love you, too, Mom. And if Lucas breaks your heart, I’ll tell Ashton to beat him up for you.”
“I couldn’t ask for anything more.”
The looked at each other and began to laugh, then together went back in to dinner.