Chapter 29
Gideon
“Get up! I’m not going to sit here and watch you drink yourself stupid again.” Ryan’s fuzzy form comes to stand before me as I lift the glass to my lips and take another swig. The whiskey burns all the way down, scorching my insides and settling deep down into the pit of my stomach.
“So don’t.” I bite out. “I’m good.” I mumble. I empty the rest of the whiskey into my throat and stand up in search for more.
“Come on, Gideon. At the rate you’re going you’ll be dead in a few months.” Ryan grips onto my arm as I stumble before him. “Sit the hell down and get a fucking grip. It’s been months Gideon, either man up and get your fucking girl or get the fuck over it.” He huffs out a breath and leaves his hands placed firmly on his hips.
“I am over it!” I yell. “I’ve been over it!” sort of.
“Really?” he questions.
“Yes.” I state firmly. I know he can see right through me though, which is why we’re currently having this conversation.
“Cause it looks like your trying to drown yourself in whiskey. Shit Gideon, Bowlers been on your ass for months and yet all you do is throw back tumblers of whiskey. When you going to give it up?” he eyes me up and down. I hate how he knows exactly how I’m feeling or thinking. “You quit your fucking job and you’ve resulted to drowning yourself in whiskey for the past however many months. When was the last time you even left the house, to mail another letter?” I try to block out his incessant talking but it does no use. His throaty voice pierces through my walls making me more annoyed and angry by the minute.
“I stopped being Bowlers bitch the moment he pulled that shit with me.” My confession makes his eyes widen. “I won’t ever do it again.”
“You don’t mean that man. You worked you’re whole goddamn life for this spot. I can’t believe you just gave it all up.” He tries to bargain with my thoughts but it’s no use. Nothing I do can escape the guilt I feel or the loneliness that invades my bones. Adeline came into my life for the shortest amount of time and yet she made the biggest impact. All the texts, phone calls, and letters I’ve written have gone unanswered.
“What’s it for? Seriously, Ryan. Why the fuck did I work so hard to end up with absolutely nothing?” Max makes a soft noise for somewhere in the room. The damn dog always seems to be talking back to me.
“It’s not nothing. This was your life before she came along.” He bites out. Obviously the end of his rope is wearing thin.
“You don’t fucking get it, no one gets it.” I say defeated. As much as I try I know I’ll never be able to make things right again.
I watched Adeline leave the station and head towards that beat up little red car. I tried to stop her, one last time to apologize, to beg for forgiveness. But she was having none of it. So I let her walk away from me. I made a choice to watch as she climbed into the passenger seat of Jaimie Hillborn’s vehicle. After everything went down Bowler had me put on desk arrest. Meaning the only job I was going to be doing for the next year was paperwork, which lasted for about a week until I quit… for good. So not only did I essentially lose my girl but I lost my job in all sense of the word. Most of my career I’ve spent out on the battle field, what’s the point of doing it anymore when you’re stuck in a cubicle sorting paperwork?
It’s been months since Adeline walked away, five to be exact. Every single day since then I’ve been slowly drowning in my sorrows. I’ve written her a letter every day of the week since she left. I think I’ve apologized at least a thousand times in all of them.
“I get it alright. That girl had you whipped from the minute you met her. You think I don’t know what it feels like to be completely consumed by someone and then have it all crashing down around you?” I know Ryan had a wife before his most recent one, and I know she was in some kind of accident. But the womanizing Ryan I know would never be capable of what I felt for Adeline would he? “You’re not the only one whose loved and lost someone.” I place my head in my hands.
“I love her.” I admit for the first time. I never even had the chance to tell Adeline before everything went down. But I’ve written it in almost every letter since.
“You need to go get her and bring her back. Get your head out of your ass and be a goddamn man.” He slaps me on the back and stands to leave.
“Where are you going?” I ask as I watch him walk away from me.
“I got a hot date at the bar, and you have somewhere to be. I figured I’d make my departure early.” he shrugs and walks out of my house. As much as I hate to admit it Ryan’s right. I just don’t understand why I waited so long to realize it. “If I come back here and you’re still here, I’m going to knock your ass out.” he states firmly before closing the door behind him.
Max comes over and rests his head on my knees. His eyes burn a hole through my head as he stares at me.
“What?” I ask him. His eyes perk up and he lets out a howl. “I can’t just go get her, its more complicated than that.” If Snow was here right now she’d laugh at the one sided conversation I’m having. He lets out a howl and this time he doesn’t stop.
“Okay!” I shout. I get up to my feet and he stays directly by my side. I grab for the keys by the door. “Let’s go get our girl back.”