Chapter 30
Adeline
“Mail’s here.” Jaimie walks into the small apartment with a stack of envelopes tucked under his arm.
“Anything for me?” I have a sliver of hope that maybe Gideon sent me another letter. It’s been a few weeks and I can’t deny how disappointed I feel. As much as I thought I hated him after everything he put me through, a part of me still loves him. That part of me is still holding on to the thought of him and I being together again. No matter how much I try to tell myself its over, my heart just won’t accept it.
“Yes, another letter from you know who.” Jaimie hands me a tiny envelope as a disapproving look falls across his face.
“It’s just a letter Jaimie.” I roll my eyes and grab for my keys hanging on the wall beside the door.
“It’s never just a letter Adeline. Every time you receive one of those you get all depressed and can barely eat for weeks at a time. It’s not good for you and…” he can’t say it. He never can.
“I know you’re just looking out for me, but I’m a big girl Jaimie, you have to let me make my own decisions.” I walk up to him and kiss hiss cheek softly.
“You want me to go with you?” he asks.
“No, I think I’ll be good. Besides I don’t want you missing another class for me.”
“You sure?” he looks concerned as I take a step out of the door.
“I’m sure Jaimie, I’ll be back later.” With that I leave.
As I walk through the park I wipe the sweat from my brow and push my hair back. I’ve been in Alabama for months now and yet I still can’t get used to the heat. It’s mid-winter and yet there’s not a snowflake in sight or a temperature below seventy. I’m secretly dying for a Massachusetts blizzard right about now.
I moved down here with Jaimie as soon as he picked me up all those months ago. He’s been a complete godsend. I needed an escape and he provided the perfect one. His apartment is tiny and claustrophobic, but his lumpy old couch is all I can afford right now. He doesn’t mind me crashing until I can move out on my own. But even though I left that place and time behind me doesn’t mean it doesn’t show up on my door step once a week in the form of a tiny folded up letter, or at least it used too.
Gideon writes me every week. And as much as I shouldn’t, I read and re-read each and every single one. I come to the park to read them in private. My surroundings grant me a sort of quiet reprieve and I’m thankful for it.
I haven’t spoken to him at all and yet a part of me is still desperately attached to him. I secretly can’t wait to receive his letters. I’ve saved and stored each and every one. Sometimes he still apologizes, and sometimes he’ll tell me about Max.
He also took the time to explain to me about my mother’s case. He made it much easier to understand all the legal terms my lawyer always used. From what I’ve read, with all the evidence against my mother and Todd they’re facing a crap ton of jail time. But what I long for most are the tiny details he’ll slip in about himself.
As I sit down against my favorite oak tree I pull the newest letter from my purse and tear it open. I stare at the words over and over. As if the longer I stare the four words on the page will make more sense.
Snow,
I’m coming for you.
-Gideon
My eyebrows scrunch together in confusion. What the hell does he even mean? The words pop off the page and pierce my heart. After months of feeling nothing, my heart suddenly flutters to life. The words repeat in my head over and over again. He told me the last time was the last time, that there would be no more letters after that.
I’m coming for you. I’m coming for you. I’m coming for you.
The words jump out at me, and crawl all over my skin. I feel them invade my bloodstream and make me go dizzy. What the hell could he even mean?
“Adeline.” His voice pierces the air around me as I snap my eyes up to meet his. My throat suddenly goes dry. All I manage to do is stare at him. My heart pounds in my chest a mile a minute.
Gideon looks like a god standing before me. His cheeks are covered in a weeks’ worth of stubble, making his jawline seem much more prominent. His hair is slightly longer and falling every which way. It looks as if he’s grown a foot or two, but I know that’s impossible.
His eyes capture me completely. They’re tired and anxious all mixed in one. I can see the battle he’s fighting within himself. His hands are tucked into his jean pockets. Part of me wants to run directly into his arms while the other part wants to run for the hills.
“Gideon.” His name falls off my lips in a broken whisper.
I’m coming for you.
“What are you doing here?” I ask sheepishly. The way he looks me up and down I can’t help but blush. I feel the redness creep up my chest and cheeks. My hands cover my belly in an attempt to hide my growing bump. Thank god I decided to wear an oversized T-Shirt.
“Did you get my last letter?” he asks huskily. I can only manage to nod in response. “Did you read it?” he asks again. My fingertips tighten around the edge of the paper when his eyes zero in on the letter in my lap.
“Yes.” I nod my head.
“Then you should know.” He takes a step towards me. I stand up with my weight against the tree, using its strength as support.
“Know what?” I whisper, completely mesmerized.
“That I was coming for you.” He takes another step, and then another, and another until he’s standing only inches away from me.
I’m coming for you.
I replay the words over and over again.
“Why?” I ask. My eyes zero in on his lips and I can’t help the ache that forms deep down in my belly.
“Because I love you, Snow.” Inhale. “I should have told you that before things got so fucking complicated.” There he is, my Gideon. I knew this uneasy man standing before me was just masking the beast that the lies within. “God I fucked things up so badly.” His arm comes out and rests against the tree by my head. His chest is centimeters from my own. He’s so close. Any closer and I swear he’d be able to hear my racing heart, or worse find the secret I’ve been hiding underneath my shirt.
“Gideon… I” His other hand reaches forward to land on my hip as his mouth comes down to meet mine. Out of all of the scenarios that went through my head, seeing Gideon like this wasn’t one of them. I’ve been back and forth on calling him. Whenever I was at my lowest low I’d reach for the phone until Jaimie talked me out of it. It got to the point where I had to block his number completely, to avoid temptation.
“Wait!” I push against his chest the moment his lips reach mine. A small panic attack threatens to make my heart jump out of my butt.
“What’s wrong?” he pulls away with his brows pinched together. His eyes travel down my body right to where my hand rests against my stomach. “What are you hiding?” he goes to remove my hand but I shrink away.
“I…” I’m at a loss for words. How do I tell the only man I ever loved that I’m having his baby? After all he did to me? After I ran as far away from him as I possibly could? I feel his fingers lift my shirt as his eyes widen in shock.
“Shit, you’re…”
“Pregnant.” I force the word past the ball of cotton lodged in my throat. I glance away as my cheeks alight with fire.
“But it was only one time.” My shoulders slump in disappointment. His eyes search mine as if he’s remembering. “Hey wait, look at me.” he forces my eyes back to his, and for the first time in months I’m met with longing and need. The way his eyes shine makes my heart lurch in my chest. How can my body and heart be so forgiving while my brain is still a few steps behind? “We’ll figure it out…together.” He promises. A stray tear slides down my cheek and he swipes it away with his thumb.
“How?” I manage to squeak out. “You hurt me so bad Gideon.” I confess. When everything happened my heart literally shattered into a million pieces. I’ve spent the last five months slowly putting it back together again. I cover my face with my hands, not wanting to show him the pain he caused me, the pain he still causes me.
“Not a day goes by that I don’t regret what I did to you. I love you Snow. I’ve loved you since the first day I met you. I wanted you when I found you in my yard, craved you when I had you in my bed, loved you when I watched you run across the beach without a care in the world. I haven’t stopped.”
“I can’t do it again Gideon.” I sigh. My hand rests against my belly protectively. “It’s not just me anymore, you broke my heart and I won’t let you do that to my baby…to our baby.” he swallows hard.
“I’ll do whatever it takes.” He says with conviction. I believe him, but it’s going to take a hell of a lot more to trust him again.
“I don’t know if that’s enough.” I sigh as I look away. With Gideon standing so close to me my entire body and mind is going haywire.
“I’ll prove it to you. I’ll show you it is.” His thumb and forefinger grip my chin and force me to stare back into his dark pools of chocolate. “I’ll spend the rest of my fucking life, proving it to you.” His words are laced with heavy conviction. I stay there transfixed on the beautiful man before me. I manage to nod, and then wonder if he even saw it.