I wake up early, mostly because really I didn’t sleep at all. Part of me wanted to stay up with Tanner last night because I knew neither of us would sleep easily, but I didn’t want to take the chance of blurring the already very light line drawn between us. It’s already hard enough as it is to keep my hands off him, to keep myself closed off – I’m not sure I could have lasted with a tired mind. It feels like the line we drew is in pencil, which makes it really tempting to just erase a little section and see what happens.
Shit. I need to find a Sharpie. And fast.
After I walked upstairs last night, I spent at least half an hour looking at the photos hanging in the guest bedroom. Every photo told a story, and I found myself asking questions as I looked around. What lake was this? Why is there a Band-Aid on Tanner’s knee in this one? Who’s this woman with the silver hair? I wanted to know everything. I love the way this house feels, the way it smells. I can’t explain it, but it’s like the most perfect little life happened here and I feel special to be able to be a part of it.
I walk to the large open window and watch as the sun starts to touch the lake behind Tanner’s house. I left the window open last night, letting the cold air sweep in and cool the heat that had started building downstairs before I came up. I might have also left it open hoping someone might crawl through it and hold me in his arms, but I guess that’s the young fairytale dreamer inside me creeping through.
Thinking of Prince Charming makes me think of Mariah, of what a devastating Thanksgiving this must be for her family. I don’t know much about them, or really about her, but I know that Tanner adored her and that she is the only reason I wasn’t completely unstable the night I met Paisley. Even though that night turned out to be horrific, Mariah had calmed me that afternoon. Even that small amount of time with her showed me that she was a hell of a lot smarter than me, and probably than half the adults in the world, honestly.
I pull the towel wrapped around my hair down and start gently dragging my fingers through the wet strands, still mesmerized by the sun’s glow on the water.
“I told you it was a good view,” Tanner says behind me. I turn and find him standing in the door frame, still dressed in his NYU sweatpants and white t-shirt, his hair tousled from sleep – or maybe lack thereof. The way the pants hang on his hips is more distracting than I care to admit, and I almost forget that I should probably say something. “Though I have to admit, you make it better.”
I ignore the last half of his sentence, crossing my arms. “Probably not a smart idea to walk into a lady’s bedroom without knocking. I could have been naked.”
Tanner flashes his sideways smile and I think my panties melt a little, “You’d love it if I caught you without your clothes on.”
I bite my lip, wanting to play into his banter so badly but knowing it’s trouble. I open my mouth to remind him he can’t say those things to me anymore but he cuts me off.
“Come on, I have someone I want you to meet.”
“My hair is still wet,” I point out, using the towel to dry it a little more.
Tanner smiles again, “Trust me, who I’m introducing you to won’t mind.”
I sigh and toss the towel on a small chair in the corner before following Tanner out of the room. He leads me downstairs and from the kitchen I can hear his mom and what is probably his dad conversing. The entire house already smells delicious, like stuffing and pies. I wonder how long they’ve been awake cooking. Maybe no one slept in this house last night.
Instead of heading to the kitchen, Tanner turns and leads me through a small hallway to a back door.
“Aren’t we going to say hi to your parents?”
“In a minute. First, you have to meet Jack.”
“Who’s Jack?” I ask as he opens the door, but I don’t need a response because as soon as the words leave my mouth a large golden retriever jumps up and nearly knocks me over, his huge tongue enveloping my face.
“Jack!” Tanner exclaims, pulling him off me and tousling his fur. “What’s up, buddy?”
Jack is wagging his tail and panting furiously as Tanner pets him, like he hasn’t been in contact with a human being in his entire lifetime. He licks at Tanner’s face and Tanner just lets him go to town, clearly not fazed.
“So this is Jack?” I ask, bending down to pet him. His shaggy golden hair is shiny and soft, his chocolate brown eyes taking on a copper tint that reminds me of Tanner’s when he looks up at me and the sun catches them.
“Yep, the most important member of the West family.”
I smile, scratching behind his ears and watching his leg go crazy. “Is this how your love affair for Jack Daniels started?”
Tanner laughs a little, “Surprisingly, no. I got Jack when I was fourteen, a few years before I discovered my love for whiskey. Although it does kind of make sense, now that you mention it.” He turns to grab a tennis ball in the corner behind him. “Want the ball, Jack?”
Jack jumps to attention at the word “ball” and sits down properly, looking up at Tanner’s hand with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth.
“Good boy. Now lay down.”
Jack complies.
“Roll over,” Tanner instructs, and Jack does.
“Go find a pretty lady,” Tanner says, and I’ll be damned if that dog doesn’t walk over to me and start softly whining, almost as if he’s begging me to follow him somewhere.
“Good boy!” Tanner laughs as he throws the ball. Jack goes barreling across the yard toward the lake to retrieve it and Tanner turns back to me. “That was my favorite trick when I wanted to get a girl in the dog park back in high school.”
I shake my head, a smile breaking through even though I don’t want it to. “Partner in crime, huh?”
“What good is a dog if he can’t score a chick for his human?” Tanner smiles and I roll my eyes. “Come on, my dad is going to think I named my bed Kellee if I don’t show him you’re a real living girl.” I cock my head at him in confusion and he throws his hands up, “Don’t ask, okay?”
He grabs my hand to lead me inside but I pull away, pretending I need to fix a strand of my still damp hair that fell out of place. Tanner turns back to me and I know he knows that I don’t want him to hold me, even though that technically isn’t true. But wanting it and knowing it’s nothing but trouble and heartbreak are one and the same, and I have to listen to the latter part. He gives me a small, tight smile before opening the door and letting me slide through first.
Tanner’s parents are at the kitchen table when we walk in, each of them holding the handle of a coffee cup in one hand and each other’s free hand in the other. The rising sun is casting a soft glow across the kitchen, illuminating the white tile and light blue accents on the walls. They’re sitting close, both staring into each other’s eyes as they talk and it might be the most romantic thing I’ve ever walked in on and interrupted.
Tanner’s mom startles, as if she’s just seen us walk in even though we’ve been there for a solid ten seconds. “Oh! Looks like everyone’s up,” she jumps up and pulls me into a hug, followed by kissing Tanner on the cheek. For being so small, she gives a pretty great hug. It kind of reminds me of my mom’s hugs. “Are you kids hungry? I can whip up some scrambled eggs and bacon. Or some hash brown casserole. Or waffles?”
“Sharon, I’m sure they can eat a bowl of cereal. They do have to save room for the buffet you’re preparing,” Tanner’s dad says, shaking his head as Tanner rolls his eyes. Even without connecting the obvious dots of him holding hands with Tanner’s mom, I would be able to tell he was Tanner’s dad in a crowded room. He looks just like Tanner, except just a little older and just a smidge taller. He has the same honey eyes as Tanner and the same adorable grin. “You’ll have to excuse my wife,” he says, standing. “She has a bad habit of thinking everyone in the world is starving and in desperate need of her cooking.”
“Hey!” she exclaims, popping him lightly with the dish towel in her hand. “You boys wouldn’t be as strapping as you are if it weren’t for my cooking.”
“Oh yeah Mom, I’m sure all the butter you put into everything really helps with my six pack,” Tanner says and they all laugh. I can’t help but smile, too. A little at the joke, and a little at the thought of seeing Tanner’s abs.
God, he has amazing abs.
“Well, I don’t have a six pack and I love butter. Feel free to feed me whatever you want,” I say.
“Ah! Don’t encourage her!” Tanner says at the same time Sharon throws her hands into the air and pulls me into another hug, laughing.
“I knew I liked this girl!”
Tanner’s dad reaches out his hand to shake mine, “Kellee, I am so relieved that you’re not a mattress. I’m David.”
I laugh and Tanner buries his face in his hands. “Thanks?”
David smiles, “Tanner will have to explain that one to you later. Would you like some cereal?”
“I’m not really hungry yet,” or should I say, I haven’t really eaten much other than beef jerky in the past twenty-four hours because your son has my stomach tied up in impossible knots. “But I would love a cup of coffee, if you have some left.”
“I just put on a fresh pot!” Sharon says, hurrying over to the fridge. “I’ve got regular cream, milk, vanilla creamer, and pumpkin spice creamer. And there’s sugar on the counter.”
“Jeez Mom, you’re a barista now, too?”
“I’m whatever the occasion calls for, hon.” Sharon winks at me as she pulls down a coffee cup.
As I make my coffee, Tanner and his parents joke back and forth, occasionally talking about Tanner’s classes and residency. I stand leaning against the counter and sip the hot liquid, letting it warm my entire body. The smiles on their faces are so big, so genuine – and I can’t help but feel homesick. Not just for Mee Ma and Seth and even Dad, but for the home I used to have. The complete one. The one with my mom making coffee in the kitchen and holding my dad’s hand.
Tanner slides up beside me and pours himself a cup, “You okay, Frecks?”
I nod, smiling. “Yeah, I was just thinking about my family. I should probably give them a call.”
“Want to use the house phone?”
I shake my head, “No, it’s okay. I have my phone upstairs.”
Tanner takes a sip from his mug, “Okay. Well Dad and I are going to take Jack for a walk and check a few things on my car before football starts. Do you want to come? I know my mom can be kind of overbearing.”
“I love your mom,” I smile, being sincere. “She’s awesome.”
This time it’s him who shakes his head, “Don’t let her hear you say that, she’ll get an even bigger head than she has now.”
“I heard that!” Sharon says, crossing to the sink with her and David’s cups. “Kellee sweetie, you are more than welcome to stay here with me. I could use the help in here, anyway.”
“I would love to, actually. I’m usually the one cooking on Thanksgiving at my house, so I’m feeling a little strange with nothing to do.”
“Well I’m just the person to help with that!”
Tanner helps his mom with the few dishes in the sink before he and his dad head outside to get Jack. I excuse myself for a few minutes and run upstairs to grab my phone, finding Mee Ma’s number and hitting the green phone button to call.
“Happy Gobbler Day!” she yells into the receiver after a few rings. “How is my sweet girl? Are you letting your hair down and having fun yet?”
I smile at the sound of her voice, letting it calm my nerves as I try to convince her I’ve let my hair down like she wanted. “So much fun. I’ve already lost all the clothes I brought so I’m just walking around in my bra and underwear. I think I might smoke some pot tonight, too.”
“That’s my girl!”
I laugh, “I miss you guys. Are you okay? Did you get everything started in the kitchen this morning? Did you remember to get the ingredients for pecan pie? You know it’s Dad’s favorite.”
Mee Ma sighs on the other end, “Little girl, if you don’t shush and let your old Mee Ma take care of Thanksgiving I’m going to have to pop you. You’re supposed to be focusing on that boy.”
I sit down on the guest bed, letting out a huff of air. “I don’t want to focus on him, Mee Ma. I’m just here to help him with Mariah. I think being with his family is really helping, too.”
“If you say so, dear. Has he said anything else about the color of your eyes?”
Her question confuses me just as much as it did the first time. “No, he hasn’t said anything about my eyes. Why?”
“Hm,” she pauses. “Well, I think he just needs to get a little closer, is all.”
I groan and plop back against the pillows, “You’re the worst at reminding me that I should stay away from him, Mee Ma.”
She chuckles and I can almost see her smile in my head. I love her smile, and I ache even more wishing I could have them here with me, too. “Honey, if you want to stay away from him, then do it. But don’t look to me to tell you not to follow your heart. I’m far too old to play the games you young people like to play. You can say what you want and tell me all the fibs you tell yourself, but I know better. You care about that boy, and two weeks of not talking didn’t do anything to change that – except for maybe make you care even more.”
A sigh escapes my lips and I close my eyes, wishing she wasn’t right but knowing she is. “Don’t you ever get tired of being right?”
Mee Ma lets out a short laugh, “After all the years with your grandfather, I got pretty used to it. I love you, pretty girl. Go have some fun, and for God’s sake stop acting like getting butterflies in your stomach is a bad thing. Please? For your old Mee Ma?”
I nod, more to myself than to her. There’s a new line between me and Tanner, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy this time with him and his family. As friends.
As just friends.
“No butterflies allowed, Mee Ma. But, I will try to loosen up and relax a little. Promise.”
“It’s better than nothing. Miss you, sweetie.”
“Miss you, too. Is Dad around?”
Mee Ma is quiet, both of us knowing the answer to the question before I bothered asking. Even when I’ve visited home for Thanksgiving the past few years, my dad doesn’t say much. He watches football and eats dinner, then he turns in early and the rest of us enjoy the night without him. I knew before I asked that he wouldn’t want to talk to me, but for some reason I asked anyway.
I always do.
“Nevermind, I’m actually going downstairs to help Tanner’s mom in the kitchen,” I say, breaking the silence. I know my Mee Ma is tired of thinking up excuses for him. “Just give him and Seth a big hug for me, okay? And tell them I love them.”
“I will, dear. Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Happy Gobbler Day,” I say and I hear her chuckle once more before I hit end.
Sharon and I are in the kitchen all afternoon, prepping and cooking and baking and then prepping again. I’m so used to being in the kitchen practically by myself when I cook at home and I can tell Sharon is, too. But we fall into a rhythm together and laugh and talk all day as we cook. She tells me embarrassing stories about Tanner as a little boy and asks me questions about my family and schooling, and I can tell she’s not just asking – she’s actually interested. Hours fly by in what feels like minutes and before I know it, we’re setting the table and the boys are turning off the game to join us.
“Is it just the four of us?” I ask, wondering how in the world we’re going to eat all the food we prepared. We have enough for at least twenty people, but there are only four spots set at the table.
“Right now, yes. But don’t worry dear, our hard work won’t go to waste,” Sharon says, winking at Tanner.
“Mom and Dad take the leftovers down to Dad’s office every year after we eat,” Tanner fills in. “A lot of my dad’s patients don’t have much, especially since pediatric care isn’t the cheapest thing in the world. My dad helps out by offering payment plans and he gives free services whenever he can, and every Thanksgiving we have two dinners – one here and one there.”
My heart swells and I turn to David, who’s smiling modestly at his wife. “That’s amazing,” I say softly.
“Oh, Tanner makes us sound like superheroes. We’re just normal people doing what any other family in our situation would do,” David says, still smiling.
I return his smile as I take a seat, but we all know it’s not what anyone would do. Hell, it’s not what I would do, though now I want to. I make a mental note to research how I can do something positive with my major later. Suddenly, I see where Tanner gets the goodness in his heart. I see why it was so easy for Paisley to break him, why it was so easy for him to give himself to her the way he did – no reservations, no worries of what might happen. With parents like this, how could he not?
The food is delicious and the conversation rich. I find myself smiling and laughing more at this table than I have in the past decade. Tanner and David fire jokes back and forth and Sharon chimes in with the best punch lines. Jack lies by my feet under the table and Tanner slips him a piece of turkey every now and then, making him wag his tail in gratitude. The funny thing is that I should probably feel like an outsider, but I don’t. My ribs hurt from laughing with them and I feel comfortable, home-like even.
I tell them stories about me and my hometown, about my family’s syrup business and my Mee Ma’s crazy antics. I learn about David’s road to getting his own practice and Sharon’s hard work as a stay at home mom and fitness instructor. And every now and then I look over at Tanner, and he’s always looking back at me, his honey eyes soaking into my skin.
I really wish he’d stop, but I can’t look away from him, either.
After dinner, Sharon and I clear the table while David and Tanner load up their SUV with all the crock pots and baking pans full of food.
“You ready?” Tanner asks as I load the last dish into the dishwasher.
“Are we going to your dad’s office? I just need to grab a coat and my scarf.”
He shakes his head, “Mom and Dad are going up there, but you and I have other plans.”
I lift my brow, “We do?”
He nods, “Go grab your jacket and meet me out back. And don’t wear nice shoes.”
I scrunch my nose, trying to think of what shoes I brought. Now that I think about it, I think the brown boots on my feet right now are all I have. “Where are you taking me, exactly?”
He smiles, killing me softly with the curve of his lips. “You’ll see.”