Chapter 11

Madison

12 years later

 

The trees swayed to and fro in the warm breeze on that summer night, like they always did on the night of the anniversary of Stone’s death twelve years ago. How I remembered that day so clearly. I remembered as if it were yesterday, every day, for the last twelve years. Daniel walked on to the front porch with his head lowered.

“Hey champ,” I said.

“Hey, Mom. Russ is having a sleep over at his house tonight. All the guys will be there. Can I go?” He smiled and gave me the puppy dog eyes.

“Sure, but we always have a special dinner in honor of Dad, right?” He turned and looked away.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Mom, Dad died twelve years ago. Every day you cry. Every night you sleep with his picture on your pillow. He’s dead, Mom. You can’t bring him back. Even with a dinner.”

He sat next to me on the swing. “I think the best way to remember Dad is by letting him go. He’s tired of you crying, Momma. He’s tired of waking up to the tears on your pillow.”

Daniel wiped the tears from my eyes and kissed my nose. “You always said to remember Bryan when he was happy. All you see is Dad’s death.”

I began to sob.

“I know you were there, but you have to let it go. Alyssa suffers every day because of this and you don’t even see it,” Daniel said angrily.

“Are you saying I’m a bad mother?” I sniveled.

“I’m saying Dad is dead and you’ve never been with another man. You need to go out…on a date,” Daniel said smiling. He looked so much like Bryan.

“Maybe you’re right. About Alyssa, anyway. I need to spend more time with her and less time crying.” I kissed him on the cheek. A cool wind blew between the two of us as we sat on the swing.

“Do you smell that?” Daniel asked.

“It smells like cologne. Are you wearing any?”

“Not me.” Daniel looked around.

I stood staring at Daniel for a moment, a feeling of peace passing through my soul. I glanced up at the sunset, the ball in my throat choking me and tears burning at the back of my eyes.

“Do you think he’s here tonight?” I asked as I let the tears fall.

“If he is, he’s telling you let go Mom. It’s time to let go,” Daniel said sadly. “I miss him, Mom. I miss him more than anything in this world. I miss Bryan, too. Every day. But we have to move on. It’s been too long.” Daniel closed his eyes, remembering Stone and Bryan.

“Well, you better get packed. Russ and the guys are waiting for you.” He grabbed his back pack and pointed at it, then smiled. I nodded my head.

“Hey, Mom,” Alyssa said as she walked in.

“Hey sweetie. Love that outfit,” I said happily.

“Really?” she asked surprised.

“Yeah, when did you get it?” I acted just as surprised.

“Aunt Joanna and Uncle Kevin bought it for me last week.” She lowered her head.

“Well, you look so grown up. Come here. Let me look at you?” I twirled her around.

“Really? You think so? You hear that Danny?” she asked, poking fun at Daniel.

“Yeah, I heard it. Don’t call me Danny in front of my friends, Lyssa,” He demanded.

“Don’t call me Lyssa in front of my friends Danny.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

“Hey, your father wouldn’t want all of that bickering. Be nice to each other,” I demanded.

“I’m ready to cook Daddy’s dinner. Come on momma, let’s go,” Alyssa said.

“How about I drive Daniel to Russ’ house for his sleep over with the guys and you and I go out for pizza?” I asked.

“But it’s Daddy’s twelfth anniversary, Momma.” She stood stunned.

“Alyssa, today will be the last anniversary dinner of Daddy’s death. Maybe we can celebrate his birthday instead. He is a New Year’s baby, you know.” I smiled, looking at the expression on her face.

“Really, that sounds like fun! We can have a big party and invite Aunt Joanna, Uncle Kevin, baby Kevin, Patricia and Lena and grandma Annette. She’s coming down next weekend. I mean that’s what she told me on Facebook.” She smiled so innocently. “Oh Momma, Daddy would be so happy. So happy,” Alyssa said with tears in her eyes. “Thank you, Momma.”

“For what?” I asked.

“For never letting us forget our father. I know you told me the truth, and you never lied to me about Sylvester…and we know you’re our sister and you raised us. I’m sorry you had such a hard life because of us, Momma,” Alyssa said. She covered her mouth and began to cry on Daniel’s shoulder.

“What? Don’t you ever say that. I love you guys more than I love myself. You guys are the reason I live and breathe. You were never a burden. You both mean the world to me.” The tears fell from my eyes onto my cheeks.

“But you were like Alyssa’s age when Bryan was born. That’s not fair Mom,” Daniel said, hugging Alyssa.

“We do what we have to do, Daniel. It’s called life.”

He shook his head. “Well, it’s not fair,” he said again.

“Life’s not fair, sweetie, but as long as we have each other we have everything we need.” I hugged them both, and they both pulled away like teenagers do.

“I want a pizza,” Alyssa said.

“I have to go, Mom. They’re waiting for me,” Daniel said anxiously.

“Alright, alright. Let me get my keys,” I said.

“Look, Mom, it’s Aunt Joanna and Uncle Kevin,” Daniel shouted as he ran down the front porch steps to the car. Patricia and Lena jumped out.

“I’m going to a sleep over,” Daniel said, showing off.

“Really? A guy thing, huh?” Patricia asked. Patricia was the eldest of Joanna and Kevin’s three kids together. Lena was three years old.

“Hey Lena. Come here!” Daniel said as she jumped into his arms. He carried her up the steps.

“Hey guys,” Joanna said, carrying Kevin, Jr.

“There’s my baby,” Alyssa said.

“Here you go. Hold his head. My God. Who told me to have a baby at forty-two?”  Joanna asked as she handed Kevin Jr to Alyssa.

“Where are you guys going? I thought we were eating in?” Joanna asked.

“Nope, Momma has a new plan. We’re celebrating Daddy’s birthday during New Year’s Eve. Did you know he was a New Year’s baby?” Alyssa kept ranting and raving about our new plans to Kevin.

“Everything okay, Madison?” Joanna asked.

“I looked into the sunset today. I think he was here,” I whispered.

“Who?” Joanna asked.

“Stone.” My heart hurt just mentioning his name. God, I had loved him so much and still did.

“Maybe…you never know. Did you at least make his favorite blueberry pie?” Joanna asked, laughing.

“Of course, that’ll never stop.” Daniel stared at me. “Well, now I’ll bake it on his birthday.” I smiled at Daniel and he spun Lena around.

“Okay, mom, I have to go,” Daniel stressed.

“I’ll take him. You guys hang here and eat pie,” Kevin said.

“Daddy, can I take the ride with you?” Patricia asked Kevin.

“Sure, Alyssa do you want to come?” Kevin asked Alyssa.

“Yes, sure Uncle Kevin.” Alyssa answered.

“Come on, I’ll race you to see who sits in the front seat. On your mark, get set, go!” Patricia shouted. Patricia, Daniel and Alyssa ran as fast as they could to the car. Of course, Daniel beat the girls to it. He ran to the front of the car, opened the door, and got inside.

“I’m going to take the kids inside. Come on Lena, Mommy needs your help.” Lena followed Joanna inside.

I stood leaning against the swing. The sun set completely as I watched Kevin drive away with the kids. I wrapped my arms around myself. The loneliness of not being in Stone’s embrace had haunted me for years. I could feel him tonight. I could feel his presence.

The trees rustled in the wind and I knew he was there…with me.

“I love you, Stone. I will always love you. Only you.” I whispered.

I felt a cold hand on my shoulder and I quickly turned my head. No one was there. I smiled and, in my heart, I was content. There was no other love like ours. We were cursed from the moment we were born into the lives we led, yet we knew more about loving deeply, wholeheartedly and unconditionally, because of it. I knew I would never love another man like I loved Stone. A love like ours broke all of the rules. Our forbidden love. Our love…A love without boundaries.

The End