Chapter 3

Stone

I spent an entire year looking for Maddie and the kids. I went back to Maryland a couple of days after Jackson showed up at the apartment and Jackson was nowhere to be found. As a matter of fact, no one knew who the fuck he was. I had returned from Maryland to Syracuse to attend my father’s funeral. His insurance policy had lapsed and Annette had to pay for the funeral in full. She also gave me money to go to Maryland, then sent me money to return home.

The sight at the cemetery was surreal. I walked up just as they were filling in the deep hole in which he laid. I was so happy my father was dead. I couldn’t express the amount of joy I felt in my heart knowing that the person who raped and impregnated my sister, the love of my life, was in that casket and it was because of me.

I killed him.

Me.

And I didn’t give a fuck.

Annette spent the rest of the time sitting near his gravesite. The fresh dirt piled high over his body, six feet under.  She sat by the headstone that read “Mickey Shelton, Beloved father, son…” and some other bullshit. I wanted to crack the headstone in half, but Annette’s grief was so overwhelming I didn’t have the heart to do it. She was crying so hard that she was gasping for air. I sat next to her, even though I really didn’t want to, and wrapped my arms around her.

“You’ll be fine. My father was a piece of shit, Annette. You deserved better.” I whispered.  She glanced up at me and shook her head.

“It’s not that. I’m flat broke now. What am I supposed to do?” she asked, staring at me. I sighed deeply.

“I’m going back to work tomorrow. I’ll help you out. You can move to Syracuse with me.” I offered without really wanting to, but she was in a bind. I thought I owed her that much since I killed my father right in front of her and she didn’t rat me out.

“Thanks, but I think I’ll go back home to Oklahoma and stay with my sister. She called me, you know?” she asked as her eyes widened to avoid another round of tears sliding down her cheeks.

“I didn’t know. That’s great.” I patted her on the back and grabbed her hands to lift her up on her feet.

“You can keep the car if you’d like,” she said as she wiped her tears.

“Thanks, I can really use it to go back and forth to work. I’ll give you a ride home.” She held onto my arm and we walked to the car. She turned around to look back at gravesite, then whimpered and sat in the car.

“May you never rest in peace, you bastard, never,” I whispered, staring at the dirt that was settling into the ground on top of his casket. I almost felt his presence. The presence of Evil. Chills crawled up and down my spine. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up as his presence became stronger. I opened the car door, sat down, and began to drive. A howling wind shook the trees surrounding us and heavy rain began to fall, reminding of the night I drove the kids to his house.

Every memory of my father was one of hate. But I hated him the most because of what he had done to Maddie. The only lesson I’ve ever learned was not to be like him. Yet, here I am. One year later…just like him, hooked on drugs, barely surviving. Lost just like him. I had lost my family just like him. I was broken and I couldn’t be fixed. I was him.

I woke up with the worst hangover I had ever had. My head was pounding and my stomach was gurgling. I drank Hennessey all night long at the bar just down the street from the apartment. What I really needed was a bump. I rubbed my nose gently, and it started to bleed profusely.

The blood dripped down to my lip, and I cursed the day I was born. I was hung-over and longing for a fucking hit of blow. I glanced over at the clock. I only had a half hour to get to work. I got up quickly, took a shower, and started getting dressed to get the hell out of there on time. I started feeling sick, my hands were shaking and my stomach was bubbling. My cell phone buzzed on the dresser. It was Rick. My boss.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Yeah, dude, where the fuck are you? You were supposed to be in at seven this morning. We had to cancel the move to the city because of you. Stone, I like you a lot, you know that, but you’re fucking up way too much.” His tone was stern. I had fucked up…again.

“Give me another chance Rick, please.” I pleaded.

“Listen to me, you need to get into rehab. Do you understand? If you don’t get into a program by the end of this week, you’re fired. Now get your ass in here,” he shouted. I pinched my nose to stop the bleeding and headed towards the door.

I was so regretful.

Regretful of everything.

The worst thing I ever did was not get on that plane and go to Maryland.

I fucked everything up.

I drove to work in a hurry, praying to God that Larry, my dealer, was working today.  I pulled up in front of my job and parked near the bus stop. I got out and saw Larry standing with the other guys from work, talking shit as usual.

“Larry, can I talk to you for a minute?” I motioned with my hand to get him away from the others.

“Not now, Stone. I’m busy.” He brushed me off like I was some piece of shit in the street. The anger in my body rose from zero to sixty and I clenched my fists at my sides. I walked over to him, grabbed him by the arm, and dragged him away from the others.

“What the fuck, man!” he yelled.

“I told you! I need to talk to you! Don’t ignore me!” I grabbed him by the throat and pushed him against one of the trucks.

“Get off me, Stone!” he yelled.

“Do you have any or what?” I whispered as I held the collar of his shirt tightly.

“Look man, Rick told me I needed to stop. I can’t give you any more blow. You need help man. You need help,” he whispered, trying to get a hold on my hands wrapped around the collar of his shirt.

“I need it man…please. I feel sick.” I was begging.

“No…You need help.”

I loosened my grip on his collar and stared directly into his eyes. I saw my reflection and the pain in my face said it all.

I needed help.

I needed a hit.

I needed something.

I turned and walked towards Rick’s office.

The door was closed, which could only mean that he was fucking his nineteen-year-old babysitter again while the kids ate breakfast in the back room. I didn’t care. I needed to speak with him. I opened the door and stormed in.

“What the fuck?” Rick said as he pulled out of her, holding on to the condom with his hand. She glanced over at me seductively, her brown eyes smiling. She reminded me of Maddie and I smiled back. “Go clean up, Rebecca.” He turned and shouted at me. “You…close the door.” He pointed at me as I watched Rebecca walk by me quickly, her breasts exposed and ass out for everyone to see. We all knew he was banging the babysitter. The only one who didn’t know was his wife.

“We need to talk,” I said sternly.

“First off…don’t ever barge in here like that again. You got me?” He was talking to me while cleaning his dick. I turned around to face the door, pretending I didn’t just see that. “What’s your story, Stone? You need a bump?” He chuckled.

“Yeah, I do. I need a fucking bump badly, but I can’t do this shit anymore. I need…help. I need to keep looking for Maddie and the kids,” I whispered softly, where only I could hear myself talking.

“Look, my sister has a friend who works in Montgomery, New York. There’s a facility up there where you can stay. You have to stay for thirty days to get clean. You can’t keep living like this, man. You’re fucked up.” He glanced over at me with a concerned look on his face and I knew he was serious.

“How far is that? Montgomery, New York.” I asked, rubbing my nose. I felt a nosebleed coming on.

“About three hours from here.” He adjusted himself in his pants and went to the sink to wash his hands. “Look, Stone, I know you want to get Maddie, but you have to be right in the head to do that. She’s nowhere to be found. You should move on with your life.” He grabbed a paper towel, dried his hands, then dropped it in the trash.

“She is my life.” I answered without thinking twice.

“Move on. Do you want to go or not? You won’t have to pay. It’s on me.” He walked over to me, placed his arm around my shoulder, and whispered, “You have your whole life ahead of you kid. Don’t do this to yourself. Take my advice and go. I’ll make the phone call right now.”

I shrugged his arm off my shoulder.

“If I go, will you help me find Maddie?” I asked as the blood started to pour out of my nose.

“Yeah, man, let me make that phone call. Go to the bathroom and get cleaned up.” He took out his cell phone and asked for a woman named Ruthy. I walked out and headed to the bathroom.

Rebecca had the kids by the hand and was walking back towards Rick’s office. She stopped in front of me and whispered in my ear.

“I know Rick is old, but he is a good lay. I just need someone to take care of me. He does you know,” she said, trying to convince herself. I grabbed her hand and moved her away from the kids so they wouldn’t hear us.

“Why do you have to screw him Rebecca? Why can’t you just be the babysitter?” I asked.

“Because he won’t pay for college, or clothes, or anything. That was the deal.”

“You’re just a prostitute. He doesn’t love you, you know.”

“I know, but I don’t have my parents anymore. They were killed last year in a car accident.”

“It doesn’t matter what you have to do to survive. You don’t have to do this. I have to go.”

She stood standing there with her mouth open, ready to respond, but I didn’t let her. I walked away towards the bathroom and turned to look at her once more. She reminded me of how Maddie risked everything to take care of those kids and got mixed up with Andrew, who almost killed her. I felt sorry for her. I knew why she was doing it. But if she stopped now, maybe she would have some self-respect left in her. Maybe she could lead a normal life. I wondered what Maddie, and the kids were doing? I wondered if she had her own life.

Someone knocked on the bathroom door.

“You okay?” Rick asked.

“Yeah,” I shouted through the other side of the door.

“They’re here,” he whispered.

“Who’s here?” I said as I opened the door.

“Ruthy and Darwin.”

“Who are they?” I asked.

“They’ve come to take you to rehab,” he answered.

“Why do you care so much Rick?” I asked, shaking my head.

“Because my son, Rick Jr., died of an overdose and I didn’t know he was hooked on heroin. Straight A student. Played on the soccer team in high school and when he went to college, his roommate got him hooked fast. Before I knew it, he was shooting the shit up. I found him on the floor, face down in his own vomit.” My heart sank into my stomach. “Go…I couldn’t help him, but I can help you.”

“Okay…I’ll go.”