Chapter 9

Stone

Joanna walked in. I opened one eye as the kids continued to sleep.

“Let’s go,” She whispered, grabbing Alyssa from my arms. Alyssa woke up screaming. Joanna quickly handed her back to me. Daniel woke up and started to cry, too.

“Daddy!” Alyssa screamed.

“I’m here baby, I’m right here,” I said, trying to comfort her.

“Daddy, momma,” she whimpered, placing her fingers back into her mouth. Joanna stared at me anxiously. I could tell she didn’t have any kids. She was at a loss.

“Let’s go. We can go to my house. My sister has everything set,” she said smiling. I held Daniel and Alyssa and as we walked out of the room, Kevin was walking at a rapid pace towards us.

“Kevin, what is it?” Joanna asked.

“My office…Now,” he demanded.

We turned around and walked back to his office.

“I just got a call from Jackson. He said Madison disappeared. He thinks she might be here…looking for you.” He glanced over at me. My heart was beating out of control. I placed the kids on the couch.

“We have to find her before they find her,” I demanded.

“Look, this shit is getting ridiculous. I’m a doctor. I’m putting my b…” Kevin shouted.

“I know. You’re putting your ass on the line to help four worthless, trailer trash orphans who don’t deserve your help. I get it,” I yelled.

“That’s not what he means…” Joanna interjected.

“What do you mean, then?” I asked, staring at Kevin.

“Stone…this is a very dangerous situation your sister is in right now. Kevin’s been threatened. I’ve been threatened. What do you want us to do?” Joanna asked.

“You offered to help…didn’t you?” I asked angrily.

“For the kids Stone…the kids. You need help.” Joanna pleaded.

“Goddamit! Do you actually think I give a fuck about a hit? They’re the only ones I give a fuck about,” I barked pointing at the kids on the couch.

“The withdrawals are going to hit you. They are,” she stressed.

“Please, you don’t understand. Maddie needs me. She’s alone out here. If they find her, they’re going to kill her. Please…” I begged. “Please…help me find her before they do.” I placed my hands over my face. I couldn’t help but cry. My heart was broken in a million pieces knowing that Maddie was out there, alone and scared. She never had anyone to protect her, just me.

“Let’s get these babies to my house and then you can search for her. I’ll stay with the kids,” Joanna said reassuringly.

“I’m not getting mixed up in this shit, Joanna. I’ll lose my license. I’m sorry,” Kevin said.

“I understand Kevin. But, I’m not going to let those kids suffer,” Joanna said as she grabbed Alyssa and kissed her forehead. “Let’s go Stone…now.” She glanced over at Kevin and walked out of his office. Kevin stood there staring at us. I turned around.

“Thanks man, I’m sorry.” I extended my hand to him.

“You will be…if something happens to Joanna.” He turned around and walked away from me. I shook my head and kept walking, holding on to Daniel. We walked towards the elevator as the doors opened. I thought about Maddie on the way down to the lobby. I knew as soon as I left this hospital my battle with my addiction would begin. My battle to save Maddie would never end.

 

 

We drove to Joanna’s house. My eyes were pinned on every pedestrian on the street, especially the ones that looked like Maddie. As I sat in the back seat with them, Alyssa and Daniel held me close. Alyssa sucked on her fingers and played with my hair. Daniel held my hand as he looked out of the window.

“Can we pass by the bus depot?”

“Stone…the kids are in the car. We can’t risk something happening to them.”

“You’re right. I just thought I saw someone who looked like Maddie,” I said, staring out of the window.

“I know…everyone is going to look like Maddie, Stone. Don’t worry, we’re going to find her,” she said softly.

We drove up to Joanna’s house over a long, tarred driveway. The house was white with black shutters. A small house, not very fancy, but homely. She opened the back door, and I carried the kids inside the house.

“Sorry it’s a mess. I was in the middle of cleaning out the attic.” Joanna said.

“Hey sis.” A woman dressed casually in sweats and a t-shirt said to Joanna.

“Hey Jenna, this is Stone…and these two are Alyssa and Daniel.”

“Hi Stone and look at these two cuties. Hi. I’m Jenna, want to see your room?” she asked happily. Alyssa and Daniel just stared at her.

“Hey, it’s okay,” I said as I knelt down in front of them.

“No daddy. You’re leaving…again” Daniel had tears in his eyes.

“No champ. That’s not true. Daddy’s never leaving you again,” I said.

“I’m scared, daddy. The bad man is coming. Right daddy? Right?”

“What bad man?”

“Andrew daddy…Andrew.” The heat in my face made my blood boil.

“He’s never coming here, Daniel. Never. I promise.”

“He has a mommy. He’s mean to her daddy. He’s mean. I don’t like him.” Daniel shook his head and began to cry. I grabbed him and brought him close to my chest.

“No one’s ever going to hurt momma again,” I whispered. “Not even me.”

“Come on, let’s go check out your room.” I grabbed their hands and followed Jenna to the room.

“Surprise!” Jenna shouted.

“Wow!” Daniel yelled.

“Dolls!” Alyssa shouted.

“You see! Now you can play.” Alyssa and Daniel ran to play with the toys in the room. Jenna sat and played with them. I snuck out of the room and walked down the hall to Joanna.

“I’m leaving. Is that okay?” I asked.

“Be careful…please,” she said nervously.

“I will.” I gave her a hug. A deep hug. A hug that meant I wasn’t coming back without Maddie. “Thank you.”

“Here…take my car.” The tears streamed down her cheeks. “I don’t want Madison to be scared,” she whispered as she handed me the keys.

I nodded and walked out of the house. I listened to the laughter, the happiness in Alyssa and Daniel’s the voices as they laughed and giggled with Jenna. For the first time in a long time I felt whole. Even though I had been feeling nauseous, and I didn’t have an appetite, in front of the kids I had needed to keep up the facade that I was okay.  Joanna was right. The withdrawals were coming, and I was feeling sick as hell. I needed to find Maddie, no matter what.

I returned to Joanna’s house after searching for Maddie for six hours. I was irritable. I was sluggish. I was pissed. I had looked everywhere and I couldn’t find a single trace of her blonde hair anywhere. I opened the door and slammed it.

“Stone, is that you?” Jenna shouted.

“Yeah…” I barked.

“We’re in the kitchen baking cookies,” she yelled. I walked over to the kitchen and looked in. Daniel and Alyssa were covered from head to toe in cookie dough.

“Jesus, really Jenna?” I yelled.

“What?” she asked nervously.

“They’re a mess. I thought you were taking care of them!” I shouted.

“Daddy, look…it’s a heart,” Daniel said with tears in his eyes. “It’s for momma, daddy.” He lowered his head, and I wanted to kill myself.

“That’s…That’s awesome, champ.” I walked out of the room, holding on to a stomach that wanted to explode from emptiness. I hadn’t eaten. I was exhausted. I didn’t know what to do with myself.

“Stone?” Jenna whispered.

“Yeah…” I said, still holding my stomach.

“Joanna’s coming back from the clinic now. I think she has something for you.”

“Thanks, I’ll be in the kid’s room lying down.” I turned around and walked towards the room. I sat on the rocking chair, thinking of Maddie. I knew she must be terrified. I couldn’t take the pain in my heart. I had to find her. I leaned my head back in the rocking chair and, even with the horrible, wrenching pain in my stomach, I fell asleep. Maybe I just passed out.

“Hey.” I heard someone say. “Hey, Stone. Wake up.” I opened my eyes slowly to find Kevin standing in front of me.

“What do you want?” I growled.

“I have a prescription for you. It’s Gabapentin. It’ll take the edge off.”

“Good, because I have shit to do.”

“Look, Joanna asked me to help, and that’s what I’m doing. Didn’t I find Madison for you? Why am I the bad guy all of a sudden?” Kevin grunted.

“You’re not. You’re an asshole.” I said sarcastically.

“Really? That’s nice. I’m leaving.” He was about to walk away when I called out to him.

“Dr. Kesslar?” I said.

“What?” he replied angrily.

“I’m sorry. I’m just irritable. I’m not feeling well,” I said apologetically.

“I understand. You’re going through withdrawals. How did your search go?” he asked without looking at me.

“I didn’t find her. I’m going again today. Where are the kids?” I glanced around the room.

“Eating breakfast with Joanna and Jenna. Well, be careful,” he said as he walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

I got up slowly from the rocking chair, my stomach twisting and turning and my head pounding. I walked over to the bathroom, turned on the shower, and got in. The hot water steaming over my body felt so good. I needed to get ready to look for Maddie. There was nothing else on my mind, except for her.  I walked back into the kid’s room and grabbed my backpack. The gun I bought when I was getting high and living recklessly was packed in my bag with my water bottle. If Andrew thought he was going to take Maddie from me again, he thought wrong. He was the first person I was going to kill. I would be the last person he would ever see…alive.