Chapter 2
Gabby spent Saturday evening working on her latest novel. As Taylor got older, it became harder and harder to write. It was easy when her daughter was little, but once Taylor started crawling and walking around things had become a little more challenging. The other day Taylor had run up to Gabby’s laptop and tried to read over her shoulder. Granted, Taylor couldn’t read all that much yet, but that wouldn’t be the case in a few years. That meant Gabby had to wait until her daughter went to bed in order to find time to write. Or, now that Jax was back, for the weekends she was with him.
On Sunday morning, Gabby spent some time tidying up the house before heading over to her mom’s. Her sister, Grace, was meeting her there and the three of them were going Christmas shopping. Gabby still had quite a few things to get and time was running out. Christmas was only three weeks away.
Grace’s car was already parked out front when Gabby pulled up to her mother’s house. Her sister had changed a lot in the last two months since she’d met Alexander. She was getting out more, for one thing. Gabby no longer had to bribe Grace to go shopping. In fact, this outing had been her sister’s idea.
The muffled voices of her mother and sister greeted Gabby as soon as she walked through the door, and she followed the sound to the back of the house. “I’ve been doing some research online, trying to find something I think I can pull off.”
“What exactly are you trying to pull off?” Gabby asked her sister as she strolled into the room. Her mom was sitting on the bed, putting on her shoes, and Grace was leaning against the far wall, her arms crossed.
Caroline Lewis finished tying her shoe and hurried across the room to give her oldest daughter a hug. “We didn’t hear you come in.”
Gabby returned her mother’s embrace before raising her eyebrow at her sister, letting her know she was still waiting on an answer to her question.
“I want to make a big Italian dinner for Alexander. It’s his first Christmas since being discharged and I want it to be special.”
“What about your boss?”
Grace looked confused. “Beth?”
“She’s good at cooking, right?”
“Beth’s more of a baker,” Grace said. “I think her fiancé does most of the cooking.”
“Well, there you go. Ask him.”
“I can’t ask Drew.” The aghast look on her sister’s face was almost comical.
“Why not?” Gabby asked.
Grace opened her mouth, and then closed it again before responding. “I don’t know. I’d just feel awkward about it, I guess.”
“Well, if you want to cook a nice meal for your man you’re gonna have to get over it.”
Grace rolled her eyes. “That’s easy for you to say.”
“It’s not a bad idea, Grace,” their mother said, getting in on the conversation for the first time.
Sighing, Grace picked her coat up off the bed and draped it over her arm. “I’ll think about it, okay?”
Gabby didn’t get a chance to respond before her mother went into herding mode. “Let me get my coat and we can get out of here. I’m starving and I still have a lot of shopping to do.”
Three hours later Gabby and Grace were weaving through racks of clothes. Their mom had made a beeline for the bathrooms as soon as they’d entered the store, and so far she’d been MIA.
“Is Alexander all moved in yet?” Gabby asked as she held up a shirt for inspection.
The sides of her sister’s mouth turned up slightly in a girlish smile Gabby hadn’t seen in a long time, not since Grace found out her husband wasn’t coming home from the war. “He was going to bring a couple more boxes over today and that should be it.”
“If that smile of yours is any indication, I’m guessing the whole living together thing is going well?”
Grace glanced up at Gabby, and then away. “Yeah.”
“Well, I’m happy for you. You deserve it.”
Her sister bit her lower lip and averted her gaze to a dress on the rack next to her. “What about you? How are things between you and Jax? I mean . . . have you two . . .”
Gabby knew what her sister was asking. “No. I haven’t slept with him again.” When Grace remained quiet, Gabby knew she had to say something else. She hadn’t meant to make it sound as if Grace shouldn’t have asked. Gabby had confided in her sister about it, after all. “It’s made things between us more complicated. As if they weren’t already complicated enough before.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“I have no idea.” That was the crux of the issue. What her heart and body wanted weren’t in line with what her mind knew she should do. But this wasn’t the time to get into all the complexities of her relationship, or lack thereof, with Jax. Gabby could see their mom heading toward them and knew she needed to end the conversation. “I’ll figure something out.”
“Sorry I took so long,” their mother said. “I ran into Maggie as I was coming out of the bathroom. You remember Maggie, right? Her husband, Bret, used to work with your dad.”
“How’s she doing?” Grace asked.
“He retired last month and they’re moving to Arizona in the spring to be close to their grandchildren.” As quickly as she’d started the conversation, their mother switched gears. “Speaking of, I saw the cutest pair of shoes. I want to see if you girls like them. I think they’ll look adorable with the outfit I got for Taylor.”
With a new objective set, Gabby placed the shirt she’d been looking at back on the rack and they all headed over to the kids’ shoe section.
By the time they called it a day and arrived back at their mom’s house, Gabby’s feet and legs felt as if they were about ready to fall off. They’d hit twelve stores in less than five hours. It had been a long time since she’d been on her feet for that long. The good news was that she was officially done with her Christmas shopping. Now all she had to do was drag it home and wrap it all. The thought brought a new sense of dread.
Grace handed her the last of Gabby’s bags and she placed it in the trunk of her car before closing it. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” Her sister shifted her weight and Gabby knew something was coming. Probably something she wasn’t going to like.
When Grace continued to hesitate, Gabby sighed. “Just spit it out already.”
“I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but you and Jax need to talk this out.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. We had sex. It was a mistake. End of story.”
“I don’t believe that and neither do you,” Grace said.
“It doesn’t matter.” Gabby walked to the other side of the car and opened the driver’s side door. “I’m not going there again.”
Grace nodded. “I understand. He hurt you.”
“I’m over it.”
“Are you?”
Maybe this new side of her sister wasn’t as great as Gabby first thought. Grace used to let things go. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. Maybe it was more that Gabby really wanted her sister to forget about it. “I have to be. He’s Taylor’s father and she deserves to have him in her life. I won’t deny her that.”
“Okay. I get that you don’t want to talk about it. But if you change your mind, I’m here.”
“Thanks.” Before Grace could come up with another angle of questioning, Gabby said her goodbyes and ducked behind the wheel, waving to her sister as she drove away.
It was close to seven by the time she pulled into her driveway and Jax would be bringing Taylor home soon.
Gabby was placing the last of the shopping bags into the back of her closet when she heard the doorbell ring. She made sure everything was hidden, and then went to answer the door.
The cool outside air rushed into her home, followed quickly by a streak of red that was her daughter, who made a beeline for her bedroom with no more than a “Hi, Mommy” and left the sound of giggles in her wake.
Jax stepped inside, chuckling. “I think maybe she had a bit too much sugar this afternoon.”
Not wanting to keep the door open, Gabby had no choice but to close it, leaving her standing in her living room alone with Jax. “What all did you give her?”
“We made Christmas cookies today and I think she ate more than she made. Luckily Mom had an apron for her to wear or else her clothes would have been covered in cookie dough.” His face lit up as he talked about spending the day with his daughter. It tugged at Gabby’s heart strings, bringing up a bunch of feelings she didn’t want.
“I’m sure she’ll settle down in an hour or so.”
He smiled. “Probably.”
***
A lock of Gabby’s blond hair had fallen out of her ponytail, her loose curls tickling the side of her face every time she moved. The urge to brush it back out of the way was strong, but he resisted. Jax knew it wouldn’t stop there. He’d want more. Like he’d wanted more the last time he’d stepped into her personal space to pick a piece of lint from her jacket.
It had been completely innocent, until he’d touched her, felt the heat coming off her body, calling to him. He’d looked into her eyes and in that moment he saw the same need reflected there that he felt deep in his soul. Instinct had taken over and before he knew it she was lying naked beneath him and he was buried inside her.
Gabby tucked the hair behind her ear, drawing his attention back to the present. “Are your parents going to pick her up next weekend or . . .”
“Yeah. Mom was hoping to pick her up from the babysitters so they can beat the Friday rush.”
“I’ll let Emily know.”
There was awkwardness in the air that never used to be there between him and Gabby, and he had no idea how to fix it. After Taylor’s nightmare the night before, he didn’t know if he deserved for it to be fixed. He’d caused his little girl pain. He deserved to suffer. “I should get going.”
A look of relief showed on Gabby’s face and it was like a knife to his heart.
“Mommy, why don’t we have a Twist-mas tree like Grandma and Grandpa?” Taylor walked into the room, dragging her favorite stuffed animal behind her.
“I just haven’t had time to drag everything out of the attic yet.” Gabby ran her hand over the top of their daughter’s hair in a loving gesture. “Maybe we can do it this week before you leave on your trip with Grandma and Grandpa.”
“I can get everything down out of the attic for you if you want,” Jax said.
“That’s okay. I can—”
“Come on, Daddy. I’ll shows you.” Before Gabby could even get her refusal out of her mouth, Taylor took him by the hand and coaxed him to follow her down the hallway.
Jax shrugged as he let his daughter lead him down the hall to where the attic access was in the ceiling. He reached up to pull the rope that would lower the staircase. “I need you to stand back.”
Taylor moved closer to her mother, one arm wrapped around Gabby’s legs.
The fold-up ladder creaked as he lowered it. He looked over his shoulder at Gabby. “Is there still a light up there?”
“Yeah. As soon as you get to the top it’ll be on your left.”
Jax nodded and climbed the steep rung of stairs leading up to the attic.
He’d only been in Gabby’s attic once before. They were fixing up the room that would become Taylor’s nursery. It had been a happy time for both him and Gabby. He’d been so full of nervous excitement that he hadn’t paid much attention to the attic itself or what was up there.
Gabby’s house wasn’t all that big, but it still took him several minutes to locate the artificial tree and two boxes of Christmas decorations mixed in with several boxes of toys and baby clothes. He couldn’t help but wonder why Gabby was holding on to Taylor’s old clothes. Was she hoping to have another baby one day? Or maybe she was holding on to them for her sister.
As much as it shouldn’t matter what her reasoning for keeping Taylor’s baby clothes was, Jax couldn’t shake it off. He carried the boxes Gabby needed down the ladder and placed them along the wall.
Once everything was down, he folded the ladder back up and made sure the access panel was secure before grabbing one of the boxes from where he’d left it. “Did you want these in the living room?”
“I can get them.”
He met her gaze and held it for a long moment. “I’m here. Let me help.”
She didn’t answer right away, seeming to weigh her options. Finally, she nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”
Jax didn’t stay long after putting the boxes in her living room. It was getting late and he knew Gabby would want to start getting Taylor ready for bed. As much as he wanted to stay, he knew he had given up that right when he’d decided to leave them. He had to be content with the fact that he got to see them both on a regular basis.
The ache in his chest grew as he drove away from Gabby and Taylor toward his apartment a few miles away. It wasn’t anything fancy, but that wasn’t why he’d picked it. He’d wanted to be near Gabby and his daughter in case they needed him.
He came through his front door, flipped on the hall light, and dropped his keys on the counter. After spending the last two days with Taylor, his place was really quiet. He grabbed a glass from the cabinet, filled it with water, and strolled into the living room to see what was on television.
After surfing through the channels, he found an old movie he hadn’t seen in a while. It was full of action, which he was hoping would be a good distraction.
An hour later, he realized it wasn’t. His thoughts kept drifting back to Gabby. Well, Gabby and the conversation he’d had that morning with his dad. He knew he needed to tell her where he’d been for the first three years of their daughter’s life—why he’d left—but he had no idea how. And truth be told, he was afraid of how she would react. Gabby was a bit unpredictable, but that was one of the things he loved about her. She was also stubborn, which was how he’d known that if he’d told her back then she would have altered her life to stay by his side and support him. He couldn’t let her do that.
Jax drained the last of the water from his glass, turned off the television, and headed to his bedroom. Stripping out of his clothes, he ambled into the bathroom to take care of business and brush his teeth before climbing into his bed.
As he lay there with his arms folded beneath his head, he thought over his options. If he and Gabby were going to talk they were going to need to do it without Taylor around. This was too important and the subject matter too serious for a three—almost four—year-old to overhear. It already seemed as if his absence had affected her enough. He didn’t want to be the cause of any more nightmares.
With his parents taking Taylor for the weekend, it was the perfect opportunity, but he would need to figure out a way to get Gabby to listen to him. She’d been closed off since he’d returned and even more so since they’d given in to the attraction they still felt for each other. Sweet talking her wasn’t going to get his foot in the door.
But maybe honesty would. Gabby didn’t like it when people beat around the bush. She preferred direct and honest. He could still remember the end of their first date when he’d walked her to the door, hands sweating, trying to figure out whether or not he should kiss her good night, when she’d surprised the hell out of him by asking if he was going to kiss her already.
The challenge in her eyes had pushed his doubts away. He’d closed the distance between them, cupped the side of her face in the palm of his hand, and pressed his lips to hers. Looking back on it, Jax was pretty sure he started falling in love with her that night.
Thinking about their first date and how Gabby had felt pressed against him had his lower half waking up. He groaned and rolled over to bury his face in his pillow. To say he was sexually frustrated was an understatement. Gabby was the only woman he’d slept with since the night of their first date four and a half years ago. The little taste he’d gotten about a month ago hadn’t been enough. Not by a long shot. However, he had no desire to find another woman to satisfy his sexual urges. His body wanted Gabby and so did he.
Jax tried to think of something else, anything else, but it wasn’t working. If he thought about work, it brought back the time when Gabby had showed up at his job after hours in the sexiest librarian outfit he’d ever seen.
He hardened at the memory, and Jax knew what he was going to have to do if he had any hope of getting sleep. He snaked his hand into his boxers and grasped the base of his rock-hard cock. As he had many times during the three years he’d been gone, Jax let his thoughts take over as he stroked himself, imagining it was Gabby touching him.
It didn’t take long for him to feel the surge of energy shoot up his cock. He gasped, calling Gabby’s name as he climaxed. Wishing—hoping—that one day she’d forgive him and it wouldn’t only be memories warming him in his bed.