Chapter 6
Gabby held her breath until she heard Jax walk away. A fresh tear rolled down her cheek and she brushed it away with the back of her hand. She was so mad at him. Furious. Enraged. She didn’t think there were enough words in the English dictionary to describe how she was feeling. That’s how upset she was.
Before she’d thought it was fear of being a father that had sent him running. She’d said as much at the time and he hadn’t corrected her. That had been bad enough, although on some level she could understand it. She’d been scared herself as a first-time mom, but she figured they’d get through it. Together.
So many thoughts were flooding her mind, including the fact that he could have gone off and died and she might never have known. That ticked her off more than anything. How could he have done that? Didn’t at least his daughter deserve to know if he’d died?
A part of her wanted to charge out there and give him a piece of her mind. The more rational part, however, knew that wouldn’t solve anything.
She sat up and turned on the light beside her bed. The hall was quiet, so she figured he’d gone to sleep. It had been a while since he’d stood outside her door. According to the clock on her nightstand, it had been over an hour.
Trying to make as little noise as possible in case he was still up, Gabby made her way across the hall and into the bathroom. She waited until after she’d closed the door before turning on the light.
It took a few seconds for her eyes to adjust, and then she went to the sink to wash her face. She was hoping that maybe that would help calm her down enough so she could go to sleep. Normally, she’d make herself some chamomile tea, but that would mean going to the kitchen and possibly waking Jax. She was just going to have to get by without it.
The mirror above the sink showcased the damage an hour-long crying jag could do to one’s complexion. Gabby’s eyes were red and swollen and her entire face was blotchy. All she needed were a few zits to go with it to round off the look.
She turned on the water, leaving it a little on the cold side, and splashed some onto her face. It helped. Some. But it didn’t work miracles.
After blotting her face dry and putting on some moisturizer, hoping it would help balance out the blotches, she reached for the doorknob and turned off the light. She opened the door and stepped out into the hall. Right into Jax.
She wobbled slightly and he grabbed hold of her forearms to steady her. Gabby hated to admit it, but even after everything she’d learned tonight her body still reacted to his touch. It didn’t help that he was standing there in nothing but his boxers.
As soon as the direction of her thoughts registered, she pulled away, almost falling flat on her butt. Luckily, she backed into the doorframe and she used it to keep herself upright. “What are you doing up?”
He acted as if he wanted to reach for her again, but lucky for her, he kept his hands to himself. “I was going to ask you the same question. I heard you up moving around and wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I told you earlier I was fine.” It was so much easier lying when he wasn’t standing right there in front of her.
“You’ve been crying.”
She didn’t see a point in trying to deny it. The proof was right in front of him. “Yes.”
Jax raised his hand as if he was going to cup her face, but halfway there he closed it into a fist and lowered it back down to his side. “I hate that I hurt you. It’s not what I wanted. I wanted . . .”
Gabby waited, but he didn’t go on. “I need to get back to bed.”
When she went to push past him, he stopped her, his body blocking her path. Her heart rate sped up as he moved in closer. If any other man did this to her, she would be filled with fear. With Jax, her body was screaming “take me” even while her mind was trying to get her legs to run as quickly as possible. Her body was winning.
This time he did reach up and cup the side of her face, tilting her head so she would meet his gaze. “I didn’t want you to suffer with me and I knew you would. I wanted to spare you from the pain of watching me die. I couldn’t do that to you.”
Her nipples, hard and ready with him this close, rubbed against his naked chest, sending an electric shock directly to her sex. She sucked in a breath and closed her eyes, trying to focus.
“I’m sorry, Gabby. You can’t know how sorry I am.” He leaned in, his lips beckoning her. It would be so easy to forget—lose herself in him again.
As tempting as it was, she couldn’t do it. “So you made the decision for me.”
That seemed to bring him up short. He looked down at her, confused.
With a little room to breathe, Gabby was able to think more clearly. “You didn’t trust me to make the decision for myself, so you made it for me.”
“That’s not—”
“That’s exactly what you did.” Gabby stepped out of his arms, feeling her anger return. She concentrated on that and not his half-naked body. “You didn’t trust me to decide for myself, to decide what was best for me.”
He seemed stunned by her outburst, but she kept going.
“You had no right to decide for me, Jax. None. It was my decision and you took it away from me.”
Before he could respond, Gabby ducked under his arm and made a beeline for her bedroom. She slammed the door shut and turned the lock, something she rarely ever did, and let her back slide along the wood as she lowered herself to the floor.
Several minutes passed with no sound coming from the hallway. It was like a replay of earlier that night, except she wasn’t crying this time. Of course, as soon as she heard his footsteps retreating down the hall, her anger began to dissipate, leaving her feeling raw and exposed.
She’d heard the saying ‘rip your heart out’ over the years, and she’d thought she understood it after Jax left the first time, but what she was feeling now was much worse. He’d chosen for her, not trusting that she would do what was right for her and her baby. It was as if the wounds from him leaving three years ago, wounds she’d worked desperately to heal, had been ripped open again and had salt poured into them.
Forcing herself up, she went to her desk and turned on her computer. There was no way she was going to be able to sleep, so she might as well do something productive. It was a good thing she was in the middle of writing a shootout between the hero and the bad guys. She needed to get out some of her frustration, and what better way than to kill some fictional characters? It was a better option than breaking something over the head of a certain man who was currently sleeping on her couch, which sounded pretty good at the moment.
Gabby closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and let her fingers dance over the keys. She poured all her anger out, letting it consume her hero as he closed in on one of the bad guys. By the time she finished the scene, her hero was covered in blood with four dead bodies lying at his feet, but Gabby had to admit she felt a little better.
As she sat there staring at the words she’d written, she began to feel the lateness of the hour. She knew she needed to at least try and get a few hours’ sleep.
After saving her work, she powered down her computer and stood, stretching her stiff muscles. She’d been sitting in the same position for hours.
Gabby could barely keep her eyes open as she crossed the room to her bed.
The mattress dipped when she crawled under the covers. She rested her head on her pillow, letting its softness soothe her even more. Within seconds, she was asleep.
***
It was a long night. Jax ended up spending most of it staring at the Christmas tree. The lights weren’t on, but it was better than staring at the ceiling.
He kept replaying what Gabby had said over and over in his mind. Was she right? Had he not trusted her? It hadn’t played out that way in his head at the time, but he did recall his mom saying something along those lines.
Eventually, the first rays of the sun began peeking through the curtains and he decided sleep wasn’t going to come for him. He slipped on his jeans, folded the sheet and blanket Gabby had given him the night before, and placed them on the end of the couch with his pillow. Then he went to the kitchen to see what he could dig up for breakfast.
Gabby’s refrigerator contained everything he needed to make a decent breakfast. He pulled out the eggs, milk, ham, cheese, and found some potatoes and onions in her pantry. Considering how early it was, Jax didn’t figure Gabby would be up for a while but that didn’t mean he couldn’t fix something for both of them. Besides, it might help him get back in her good graces again. That was probably wishful thinking on his part, but it couldn’t hurt.
Jax turned the oven on to preheat and took his time cutting the ham, potatoes, and onions before mixing them together with the eggs, milk, and cheese. By the time he had everything combined, the oven was ready. He poured everything into a glass baking dish, covered it with tinfoil, and popped it in to cook.
Once that was done, he was left wondering how he should pass the time. He wanted to check on Gabby, but something told him that wasn’t such a good idea. She’d been pissed at him last night. The last thing he wanted was to make it worse.
A brief look outside told him that things hadn’t improved much during the night. Icicles hung from the tree branches and car mirrors. A glance at the roads confirmed that the snow plows hadn’t been through and he doubted they’d see them anytime soon. If the rest of the city was like this, the salt crews would have their hands full making sure the main roads were clear.
Jax picked up his phone from where he’d left it on the coffee table and checked his email. He’d gotten eight new messages in the last twelve hours, five of them from clients. If he’d known he was going to be stuck here for any length of time, he would have brought his laptop.
Two hours later, his belly full of the breakfast casserole he’d made, he sat on the couch, flipping through channels on the television, trying to find something decent to watch that wasn’t cartoons. That was where Gabby found him. Or, at least, that’s where he was when she strolled out of her bedroom. She completely ignored him and walked into the kitchen.
He debated for a split second whether or not to give her some space but decided against it. Taking his time, he made his way into the kitchen and rested his elbows on the island. “I made breakfast casserole.”
She opened the dishwasher and began putting dishes away. Once she’d finished with that, she went to the refrigerator, took out the orange juice, and poured herself a glass.
“Are you not talking to me this morning?” he asked.
“There’s nothing to say.”
Gabby didn’t even bother to look at him. She did, however, lift up the foil on the casserole. He wondered for a moment if she was going to pass on it, but she got a plate out of the cabinet and scooped out a healthy portion for herself.
After heating her food up in the microwave, she brought her plate to the table and sat down, bypassing Jax.
He went to take the seat across from her. While he wanted to continue their conversation from last night, he thought he’d start out with something a little safer. “The roads are still covered with ice. I’m honestly surprised we didn’t lose power.”
She glanced up at him, and then went back to her food.
“It looks like I’m going to be stuck here for a little while longer.”
Nothing.
“Are you planning to ignore me all day?”
Gabby finished swallowing and took a drink of her orange juice before she spoke. “I haven’t decided yet.”
“I think we need to talk.”
Again, she remained silent.
He waited until her plate was empty. “I was wrong.”
That seemed to get her attention. Or at least he thought it did until she stood and took her plate to the sink without saying a word.
Jax pushed away from the table and followed her into the kitchen. “I thought about what you said and you were right. I should have talked to you . . . told you what the doctor said. It was wrong of me to take that choice away from you.”
She stilled, her gaze never leaving her hands.
It was now or never. Jax knew he needed to put it all out there because if he didn’t, he might never get another chance. “I was scared. Terrified. When I found out, I didn’t know what to do. The doctor wanted to see me again to discuss my options. I almost didn’t go. I might not have if not for my dad.”
“You told your dad, but not me.” It was the first sign she was actually listening to him.
“I don’t know why, but yes. As soon as I got the call I drove to his work and waited for him.”
Gabby pressed her lips together and gripped the sink in front of her. He knew he’d hurt her again.
“We sat in the parking lot until sunset and he convinced me to keep the appointment.” Jax shook his head and took a step closer, longing to reach out for her but knowing he shouldn’t. “The doctor said my best chance was to go to a hospital in Chicago. They were doing some cutting-edge stuff with lasers and he said it was my best chance at getting the mass removed without causing permanent damage.”
He saw her blink and hoped she wasn’t going to start crying. There was no way he’d be able to stop himself from trying to comfort her if he saw tears.
“It took me three days to decide to do as the doctor suggested and go to Chicago.” He didn’t hold anything back. “I told you I had to go see a client.”
“I don’t want to hear any more.” She spun on her heels and practically ran to her bedroom.
Jax hightailed it right after her. He’d run away three years ago and look where it had gotten them.
The door to her room began closing in his face and he thrust his hand out to stop it.
“Leave me alone, Jax. I don’t want to talk,” she yelled through the semi-closed door.
“That’s too bad because I’m not going anywhere. We need to talk about this.”
“No, we don’t. It doesn’t matter anymore. You left. What more is there to say?” He could have sworn he heard some of the same shakiness in her voice from the night before, and suddenly her running away made sense. She didn’t want him to see her cry again.
“I’m coming in.” It was all the notice he gave before pushing the door open and walking inside.
Gabby stood near the center of the room, her face flushed and her eyes full of moisture. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I need to tell you. It’s been hanging between us and we can’t keep dancing around it.” It was killing him to keep his hands to himself, but he managed it somehow. “Taylor deserves better than two parents who avoid each other whenever possible.”
“I don’t—”
“Yes. You do,” he said in the gentlest tone possible.
Sitting down on the edge of her bed, she crossed her arms and fixed him with a hard stare. “Fine. Let’s talk. Did you even think about telling me the truth back then?”
“Yes.”
“So why didn’t you?”
He saw the fire in her eyes again and knew he needed to tread lightly. “I didn’t want to scare you if it was nothing, so I wanted to wait and see what the other doctor in Chicago said. I was hoping the specialist I’d seen here in St. Louis was wrong.”
She waited.
“While I was waiting to see the new doctor, I couldn’t help but look around. Almost everyone there was with someone—a husband, a wife, a parent. They varied in age to not much older than me to my parents’ age. But the one thing they had in common was how worn out they looked. They all looked exhausted. I knew if the doctor didn’t have good news for me that this would be my fate, too. Our fate.”
Unable to handle being so far away from her any longer, Jax took a seat beside her on the bed. She stiffened. He didn’t know if she was bracing herself for whatever came next, or if she feared what would happen if he touched her. Especially considering where they were.
“The doctor laid it all out for me. Best case scenario would more than likely include months of physical therapy.” He sighed. “I couldn’t do that to you. Or Taylor. So I chose to leave you both, hoping that if I made it I could come back to you.”