Chapter 3
With Christmas less than three weeks away, Gabby felt as if she were about to lose her mind. She’d had to work late Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, which meant she and Taylor hadn’t been able to put up the tree and decorations. So when she managed to leave work on time Thursday evening, she knew it would have to be the night even if she was dead on her feet.
After picking Taylor up from the babysitter, she drove home and ordered pizza. She figured that would give them more time to decorate.
“You ready to set up the tree?” Gabby asked.
To her surprise, her daughter didn’t seem as excited about it as she thought she’d be. Taylor had asked her at least a dozen times this week if they could decorate the Christmas tree.
Gabby placed the base of the tree down on the couch and went to kneel in front of her little girl. “What’s wrong?”
“Daddy’s not here.” Her lower lip jutted out in a pout.
“You’ll see Daddy next weekend when he comes to pick you up.”
Taylor’s head started shaking. “Daddy has to help put up the Twist-mas tree, Mommy. That’s what daddies do.”
Gabby felt her chest clench. She thought it would be a few years before Taylor began to question why her mommy and daddy weren’t together. Why she had two Christmases. Two birthdays. Two . . . everything. “Some daddies do, that’s true. But when mommies and daddies don’t live together then sometimes it’s the mommies and daughters who decorate the tree.”
Her daughter shook her head again. “I want Daddy.”
“Your daddy’s not here right now, sweetheart, but you can call him on the phone and talk to him if you want.” It wasn’t a perfect solution, but the offer seemed to calm her down.
Taylor smiled.
Gabby went to get the phone and dialed Jax’s number. It rang twice before he answered. “Hello?”
He sounded out of breath and it brought back memories of the last time she’d heard that sound from him. It had the muscles in her belly tightening in anticipation. She’d obviously gone too long since spending some quality time with her vibrator. “Hi. It’s me. Gabby.”
She heard some noise in the background and a muffled reply from him. “Sorry. I’m just finishing up at the gym. What’s up?”
“Taylor wanted to talk to you.”
“Sure. Put her on.”
Gabby swallowed as she handed the phone to her daughter. Not because she was nervous about Taylor speaking to her father, but rather the image of him at the gym, muscles flexing under the strain of lifting weights . . .
Something poked her leg and she looked down. Taylor had the phone in her hand, using it as a means to get Gabby’s attention. “Daddy wants to talk to you.”
She took the phone and brought it to her ear. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He didn’t sound as out of breath now, which was good. It made talking to him easier when she wasn’t imagining him naked and on top of her. “Taylor asked if I could come help set up your tree. I’m free tonight, so I can come over, but I didn’t want to step on your toes.”
One glance in her daughter’s direction and Gabby knew she didn’t really have a choice. If she said no, Taylor’s heart would be broken. She was too young to understand the complicated situation. “It’s fine. I ordered some pizza. It should be here in about twenty minutes.”
“Great. That will give me enough time to grab a quick shower and head over.” Gabby heard a door opening and wondered if it was him going into the locker room. She tried to push away the images of him naked in the shower, the warm water cascading over his body. “I’ll see you in a few.”
Jax disconnected the call, leaving Gabby standing there feeling antsy in a way she hadn’t experienced since high school.
“Is Daddy coming?” Taylor asked, practically bouncing up and down at her mother’s side.
She put on the best smile she could muster. “Yes. He’ll be over in a little while. Now, help me sort out these decorations. Maybe we can get that done before the pizza gets here.”
Twenty-five minutes later, Gabby was paying for the pizza while sneaking peeks at the street for any sign of Jax. Despite trying to keep busy while they were waiting on the food to arrive, Gabby had worked herself up into a mess of knots. She wasn’t even sure she was going to be able to eat at this point.
“Have a good night,” the young man said as he backed away, slipping the tip she’d given him into his pocket.
Gabby was about to close the door when Jax’s vehicle pulled up to the curb, sliding in behind the car of the guy who’d delivered their pizza. She stood there frozen as Jax got out of his car, waved to the young man who’d left her doorstep only moments before, and proceeded to make his way up the sidewalk. His hair was slicked back from his recent shower and he looked completely relaxed.
“Sorry I’m late. One of the trainers stopped me on the way out and asked if I could help with her website.”
Irrational jealousy surged to the surface as Gabby pictured this unknown woman who most likely didn’t need to worry if the extra belly fat from having a child would spill out of her jeans. It was stupid and not what she should be thinking about at that moment. Or ever, for that matter. Jax wasn’t hers anymore. He could date anyone he wanted.
“Are you all right?” Jax was frowning.
“Fine.” Gabby turned on her heels and marched into the kitchen to get some plates, berating herself the entire way. She needed to get it together. Fast.
“Daddy!”
“Hey, Pumpkin.”
Gabby set the table for the three of them, putting a couple of pieces on Taylor’s plate before setting the box in the center. She’d ordered a large, thinking they’d have leftovers, but that was before she knew Jax would be joining them. When they were dating she remembered times when he would eat an entire pie himself. Hopefully what they had was enough.
Jax strolled into the kitchen with Taylor in his arms and placed her in her seat. He pulled out the chair next to her and lowered himself down.
“What would you like to drink?” Gabby asked Jax as she handed Taylor a sippy cup full of water.
“Water’s fine.” He grinned up at her, their gazes locking for a moment before he refocused on his daughter.
Taylor dominated the dinner conversation. She was excited that her father was there, and because she hadn’t seen him since Sunday, she had to catch him up on everything she’d done. Gabby had to keep reminding her to eat her food.
Jax helped her clean up, gathering the empty pizza box and napkins and throwing them in the trash while Gabby rinsed the plates and cups and loaded them into the dishwasher. It all felt very normal, comfortable. If only the butterflies that were dancing in her stomach would calm down.
While they were waiting on the pizza to arrive, Gabby and Taylor had opened all the boxes and untangled the lights.
“Hmm. Where should we start?” Jax asked, rubbing his chin as if he was contemplating some great mystery.
Taylor giggled. “With the tree. With the tree.”
He hit his forehead with the heel of his hand. “Of course. What was I thinking?”
Gabby shook her head, laughing despite her anxiety. He was so good with Taylor and it was clear to see how much his daughter adored him.
It took them over an hour to put up the tree, decorate it, and set out all the other decorations Gabby had stuffed in the boxes, but by the time they were done her entire house had been transformed. She’d even put up lights along the mirror in the bathroom.
As the evening wore on, Taylor began to slow down. “Time to get your pj’s on.”
Taylor shook her head even as she tried to rub the sleep out of her eyes. “Not tired.”
“Come on, Pumpkin. Let’s get you ready for bed and I’ll read you a story before I go. How about that?” Jax said.
“Okay.” Taylor slid off the couch and took hold of her father’s hand before guiding him toward her room.
He sent Gabby a look. She wasn’t sure if it was an apology or a look of resignation.
Gabby began gathering the empty boxes and stacking them inside one another. She’d store them in the closet until it was time to take the decorations down. It was easier than dragging them back up into the attic. She was sure Jax would do it for her if she asked, but that wasn’t something she wanted to do. The sooner he left her house the better.
***
Jax tucked his daughter in her bed and leaned in to give her a kiss good night.
“Daddy?” Taylor stared up at him with blue eyes so like her mother’s.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
A wave of emotion made it hard to swallow. “I love you, too, Pumpkin. Now get some sleep. You have preschool tomorrow.”
She rolled onto her side and clamped her eyes closed.
His chest vibrated with a suppressed laugh as he let himself out of her bedroom.
When he emerged from the hallway into the main living space, he found Gabby in the kitchen. She was wiping down the already clean counters. But what did he know? Maybe they really did need washing. “Hey.”
He saw her back stiffen before she responded without looking at him. “Thank you for putting her to bed.”
“You don’t have to thank me. She’s my daughter, too.”
Gabby kept her back to him and he noticed she’d rubbed the same spot at least a half dozen times.
Closing the distance between them, he placed a hand on her arm, trying to get her attention.
She jumped.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she said, already beginning to put distance between them.
Jax knew he was going to have to do something to fix things between them. If that meant telling her why he left three years ago then so be it. But not now. Not with Taylor down the hall and able to interrupt them. He didn’t want to rush this. It was too important.
Knowing she wouldn’t agree to sit down and talk with him about anything other than Taylor, he latched on to his one bargaining chip. “Are you free tomorrow night? Since Taylor will be with my parents, I wanted us to sit down and discuss custody arrangements.”
She whipped her head around to look at him, all thought of cleaning seemingly forgotten. “What custody arrangements? You’re not . . . I mean . . . I let . . .”
He started to take a step toward her, but stopped himself. “Calm down. I’m not going to try and take Taylor away from you, if that’s what you’re thinking. I just want to talk about some specifics. Christmas is coming and I want to make sure we’re both on the same page, that’s all.”
“Oh.” She visibly relaxed. “Well, we can talk about that now.”
“I’d rather do it when we don’t have the potential of little ears overhearing.”
Gabby looked toward the hallway but, of course, there was no one there. She took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and lifted her chin. He’d always liked to refer to it as her game face. “Of course. What time?”
“I was thinking around six. I could bring Chinese.”
“You don’t—”
“Let me buy you dinner. It’s the least I can do for interrupting your weekend.”
She scraped her teeth over her bottom lip, drawing his attention. He tamped down the urge to rub his thumb over her abused lip and suck it into his mouth.
“Gabby?”
“Okay,” she said, barely loud enough for him to hear.
He smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “All right. I’ll see you tomorrow night at six.” He paused, wanting to say something else but failing to find something that would express what he wanted to say without making her shut down even more than she already was. “Good night, Gabby.”
Jax didn’t wait for her to say it back. He grabbed his coat and left, reminding himself that waiting to say what he needed to say would be better for both of them in the long run.
***
He spent most of Friday trying to catch up on work. The end of the year was always hectic. All his clients seemed to have a to-do list a mile long and, of course, they wanted it all done before the end of the year.
At one thirty he removed the glasses he used solely for when he had to spend hours staring at a computer screen and rubbed his eyes. Jax had been at it since seven thirty that morning and all the letters and numbers were beginning to blur together. He needed a break.
Leaving his glasses balanced over his keyboard, he padded into his small kitchen and opened the refrigerator. There wasn’t a lot there as he hadn’t been to the grocery store for almost two weeks. It hadn’t seemed necessary when his mom had sent him home with a bunch of leftovers, but those were gone and he was left with not much more than the basics. He was honestly surprised he still had milk that hadn’t expired.
Deciding to go in a different direction, he grabbed what was left of the loaf of bread his mom had sent him home with and checked to make sure it was still free of mold before retrieving a can of tuna from the cabinet. It wasn’t ideal, but it would fill him up. He had at least three more hours of work to finish before he could call it a day.
Jax didn’t realize how hungry he was until he took his first bite. He’d almost devoured the entire sandwich when his cell phone rang. Stuffing the last of it into his mouth, he jogged back over to his desk to see who it was. “Hi, Mom.”
“I have someone here who wants to speak to you.”
He glanced at the clock on his computer. It wasn’t even two yet. “I thought you weren’t picking Taylor up until three.”
“The news said we’re going to get snow tonight and your dad wanted to get there before it starts. He didn’t want to deal with all the crazy people on the roads.”
While Jax had heard they were going to get some snow, he doubted it would be more than a dusting. St. Louis wasn’t exactly known for huge snow falls. But he couldn’t blame his dad for not wanting to mess with people who suddenly forgot how to drive at the first sign of snow.
“I want to talk to Daddy.” His daughter’s voice sounded in the background.
Jax grinned. “Put her on.”
His mom chuckled. “Here she is.”
“Daddy?”
Tucking the phone between his ear and his shoulder, he rinsed off his plate and set it in the sink. “Hi, Pumpkin. How was preschool?”
That was all his daughter needed to start telling him about her day. Apparently, one of her friends had gotten a hamster and their mom had brought it in for show and tell. “Can I haves a hamster, Daddy?”
Jax could only imagine Gabby’s reaction to that. He decided it was probably best to change the subject rather than try to explain to a three-year-old why she wasn’t getting a hamster. Although, he figured it could have been worse. He had been only two years older than Taylor when he began begging his parents for a puppy. “We’ll have to see. Are you excited about your trip with Grandma and Grandpa?”
And she was off again, this time telling him how she’d introduced his mom to her babysitter. He leaned back against the counter and listened.
It was hard to believe he’d missed three years of her life. He’d missed her first words, her first steps, and even her first day of preschool. Nothing could bring those moments back. Nothing. But he was determined to make up for them.
She went on for another five minutes before abruptly handing the phone back to her grandma. His mom laughed. “You should see her. She’s staring out the window with the biggest smile on her face.”
“She’s excited,” Jax said. “Call me if you need anything.”
“I know how to handle a three-year-old. You were once that young, you know?” He could almost see her rolling her eyes through the phone.
“Sorry. I forget.”
She snorted, but let it go. “Taylor told me you stopped by her house last night and helped put up the Christmas tree.”
He heard the question behind her comment, but ignored it. “Taylor wanted me there, so she had Gabby call me.”
His mom was silent.
Jax didn’t know if that was because she didn’t like his response or if she was waiting for him to say more. Either way, she was going to be disappointed. “I should get back to work.”
There was an extended pause on the other end of the line before his mom responded. “All right. I’ll let you go. I’ll text you when we get checked in at the hotel.”
“Love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, son. Take care of yourself.”
He ended the call and sighed. His parents had no idea of his plans to talk to Gabby tonight. They’d get their hopes up if they knew and he didn’t need the added pressure. He’d hurt Gabby by leaving, and at the very least he wanted to start rebuilding that trust with her. Explaining why he left was a step in the right direction. Even if he she would never let him into her heart again, they had to find a way to get past this tension. It wasn’t good for Taylor.
Deep down, Jax hoped one day he’d be able to make it up to Gabby, to love her again the way she deserved. But for now he’d content himself with her being able to look him in the eye and not shrink away from him every time he came near. It was a lot to ask, he knew that, but he at least had to try. For Taylor’s sake.
And for his own. He needed Gabby, and those three years without her in his life had only solidified that fact.