Chapter 9
**CALDER**
Rachel: Remember when you licked my nipples for ten minutes straight and I came? That was fun.
Calder: Babe, you can’t text me stuff like that when I’m in the locker room with a bunch of guys, they’ll think I have a boner for other reasons.
Rachel: Well . . . do you?
Calder: Yeah (deadpans) I just love staring at all the dicks and nut sacs in the locker room.
Rachel: That’s disappointing for me, but yay for Hayden, you two would make a cute couple.
Calder: Why do you torture me like this?
Rachel: Because it’s too much fun.
* * *
Calder: I miss you.
Rachel: This text made me smile. When do you get back to Philly? P.S. I miss you more.
Calder: Two more nights.
Rachel: Ugh, that seems like forever. Can’t you just always have home games?
Calder: I fucking wish, then I would be able to fuck you before and after every game.
Rachel: Mmm . . . I love it when you say you like to fuck me.
Calder: Seriously, it’s my favorite thing to do.
Rachel: So the blow-up doll Hayden keeps saying was your girlfriend before you met me, she’s not your main squeeze anymore?
Calder: That isn’t a real story. I don’t have a blow-up doll. Fuck.
Rachel: Awfully defensive, for someone who “doesn’t have a blow-up doll.”
Calder: That’s it, you and Hayden are no longer allowed to hang out together.
Rachel: Hey now, what about our little tripod?
Calder: The tripod is over.
Rachel: You savage!
* * *
Calder: Shea is with my brother and sister-in-law, are you coming over tonight? Please say yes, I miss you so goddamn much.
Rachel: I can’t drive to your place fast enough. I need to be in your arms tonight. Will I be able to stay?
Calder: Yes, there is no way in hell you’re going back to your place tonight. Fuck, I need you so damn bad.
Rachel: The feeling is mutual, Calder. These road trips are killer.
Calder: I know. Just a few more months and then it will be over.
Rachel: I like our late-night phone calls though, hearing your voice through the phone, it’s one of my favorite things.
Calder: Personally, I like having FaceTime sex with you.
Rachel: How did I know you were going to say that?
Calder: Maybe because you rocked my world last night with your striptease. Fuck, I’m hard just thinking about it.
Rachel: I’m wet thinking about it too . . .
Calder: Get that beautiful ass over here, NOW! I want to fuck you against a wall, then in the bathtub, and most definitely eat you out on the kitchen counter.
Rachel: Your tongue, oh my God, Calder, it’s magic.
Calder: I know, baby. Shit I’m hard thinking about that sweet pussy of yours. Hurry up.
* * *
Rachel: Have you ever thought about what life will be like after hockey for you?
Calder: Are you asking this because you didn’t like the fight I got into tonight?
Rachel: You got punched in the face, Calder.
Calder: Well aware, baby. I have the headache to remind me. It’s part of the game though.
Rachel: I don’t like it. You’re so handsome, I don’t want fists flying at your face.
Calder: You’re cute . . .
Rachel: Hmpf (folds arms) So . . . about life after hockey.
Calder: Not for a long time. You’re going to have to get used to the fights.
Rachel: Orrrrrrr instead of fighting, you can do a thumb war. Those can be very riveting. Oooooo who’s going to win? (twiddles fingers)
Calder: You want me to challenge a hockey player to a thumb war? Yeah, that’s just asking to get my ass beat. I’m okay, babe, really.
Rachel: Really? Because it looked like he got you good.
Calder: He did, but don’t worry, I’ll get him next time.
Rachel: THERE WILL BE NO NEXT TIME! No more fighting.
Calder: You’re cute.
* * *
Rachel: Question.
Calder: Possible answer, depends on what the question is.
Rachel: Now I don’t want you to get upset that I’m asking you this through text, but I’m nervous, and you know what happens when I’m nervous, I clam up, and if I don’t get this off my chest soon, I might combust.
Calder: Oh shit, now I’m nervous. What’s up?
Rachel: Well, we’ve been dating for two months now.
Calder: Yeah, best fucking two months of my life.
Rachel: You’re sweet, but I kind of want to know something.
Calder: If you don’t spit it out I’m going to call you.
Rachel: Fine, why haven’t you introduced me to your daughter yet?
I pause, staring down at my phone, my heart rate picking up, my eyes reading her words on repetition. She wants to meet Shea? I knew this time was going to come, that they were going to have to meet at some point, but I never prepared myself for it.
There are so many factors that go into introducing your child to your significant other. She is so young, so impressionable, what if Rachel and I don’t work out and Shea has already fallen in love with her? Then what?
And I know that would happen, that Shea would immediately take a liking to Rachel, it’s hard not to—she has a contagious personality that puts you in a better mood no matter the circumstances. Shea would love Rachel right off the bat, and it terrifies me to wonder what I would do if Rachel and I break up. Shea already lost her mom, I couldn’t stand for her to lose Rachel too.
Fuck, I can’t stand to lose Rachel.
But meeting Shea? I don’t know if I’m ready for that, I don’t know if I’m ready for the impact Rachel would have on my daughter, the kind of love Rachel so easily exudes.
I can’t risk it.
Biting my cheek, I read Rachel’s question over again, trying to figure out what to say, how to break the news. Conflicted, I start to type out a response but erase it, several times. After the fourth time, I give up and pocket my phone, my stomach flipping on itself. Shea is not ready, I don’t want to disappoint her again . . .