Ren

I’d been summoned to another meeting about my behavior. My last. I would be damned if I made the same mistakes this season. If there were a hand to shake or a baby to kiss, I would do it. I would become the baseball equivalent of an ass-kissing politician. It didn’t matter that I hated being in the public eye, aside from ball. It was part of the program. They didn’t call it “The Big Show” for nothing.

So, while I may have earned my reputation—lashing out at the douche bags who taunted me with their cameras while inadvertently slipping into the role of a womanizer—I knew it was time to clean it up.

This season I was determined to turn that around. I didn’t have it in me to keep up the charade anymore. I was going mute. As silent as a church mouse. But as much as I hated admitting that to Jake, the assistant coach who had scheduled the meeting, I was hard pressed to try and stop the shit storm I was about to walk into.

“Jake, I’ve got it covered,” I assured as we walked down the hall toward one of the conference rooms of the hotel.

“Don’t bother pleading your case,” he said, refusing to glance my way.

I blew out a slow breath of frustration and kept my pace just behind him. Resolved to deal with whatever shit they decided to dish out, I kept my mouth shut and followed him through the door. It was only when I saw the woman sitting at the head of the conference table that I faltered.

Jake looked back at me and nodded toward an empty chair. “Shut the door and take a seat, Makavoy.”

But the sight in front of me—long, dark hair I could still feel dance over my skin, large round brown eyes, lashes for days, and perfect, plump lips—rendered that order impossible. Shock filtered through my system as I looked on at the only woman I ever loved. Cool as ice, she sat in her seat, her gaze locked on her tablet.

Jake cleared his throat, and I saw her reluctantly lift her eyes to meet mine. There was a beat of recognition, a flicker of the two us in them before her gaze moved back to the iPad in her hand.

I already knew her play.

I bit my lip to hide my smile and took a seat at the opposite end of the table. I felt the solid burn, the inescapable urge to feast on her. It had been too damn long.

Two years. Two fucking years I’d waited to set eyes on her again, and I was going to take my time. I let them drift from the table back to her. She was furiously typing out a text on her phone before she set it down to face me head-on. “Morning, gentlemen. Good to see you, Ren,” she said evenly.

“Likewise, Erica,” I mused as I soaked in her flawless face.

She looked sharp and completely unfazed. She’d been ready, but I was still reeling. Her hair was tied back in a sleek ponytail, and I clenched my fists at the urge to free it. She was every bit of the woman I remembered, but even more beautiful. Time had been kind to her and a motherfucker to me.

Jake took the seat next to her. “You two know each other?”

“We’re well acquainted,” she said sharply, dismissing the year we spent together.

But I wasn’t about to let it go and leaned in Jake’s direction. “Very well acquainted. We—”

“Baseball is a small world,” Erica said, cutting me off and turning to Jake. “Shall we start?”

I kept my eyes on her as she handed her iPad to him. “This is what I propose.”

Jake scanned it and nodded toward me. “Erica is with Zellner PR, New York. We got the call from Walter yesterday that you’d taken it upon yourself to relieve him of his position. She will be representing you throughout this season.”

All amusement left my face. “You mean the team?”

“No, I mean you, Ren,” he said pointedly. “Do you see the rest of the team in here? Whatever objections you have, I frankly don’t want to fucking hear them.”

I let out a chuckle. “Not even the fact that I gave this woman her first orgasm?”

Erica shook her head as if she was prepared for that, her demeanor unchanged. She gave me a stone gaze. “Ren, let’s be adults. I’m here to help you.”

Unable to resist, I raised my hand like a good boy.

“For Christ’s sake,” Jake said as he glared over at me. “Ren, this is my last time walking you to school. Either let this happen, or I’ll make goddamn sure this season hurts. I’m over this shit. You aren’t the only catcher in the League.”

“Nope,” I said confidently, crossing my arms, “but I’m the catcher you need.”

Erica chose that moment to jump in and hand my ass to me.

“You snub your teammates. You’re the only man in the League with an all-woman fan club. You’ve got zero respect from those you need it from. And you’ve lost millions of dollars in endorsements because of your indiscretions. So, you tell me, Ren, does Jake need to be explaining this to you? Does anyone? You want to be taken seriously as an athlete? I’ll do my best to turn this around, but I need your full cooperation.”

I could see it then, in her eyes, I repulsed her. She wasn’t acting anything like the woman that left me shattered. She was shrewd, cold, yet so fucking beautiful. I hated the way she looked at me. I expected it, but it got under my skin. Still, I felt the bittersweet relief of just sharing space with her.

Cornered in a way I’d never imagined possible, but just as easily as I had done three years ago, I handed her my fate. Because I had no choice.

“All right then, Erica. Tell me,” I said, steepling my fingers underneath my chin, “how do you plan on fixing me?” I couldn’t resist sucking my bottom lip. Her eyes flared.

“There’s no fixing you, Ren. It’s all about perception, and before this season ends, we’ll make them all believers.”

I leaned forward, determined to keep her engaged. “Make them believe what, exactly?”

“That you’re an athlete with a heart for and to play baseball. Because that’s all you have left.”

Touché, Ms. Wild, but you made it so ball was all I had left.

I kept that comment to myself. This had to be a pre-season gift from the god of baseball. Not only did I have her attention, I would have her all season. I’d had two years to think about why she left me so callously. Two years of a well-deserved explanation I had every intention of getting.

She stood and shook hands with Jake before she walked in my direction. I tilted my head back to get a good look at her but remained planted in the leather chair. All business, she pushed a printed schedule in front of me. It was impossible to ignore the hint of mint in her hair, the vanilla scent on her skin, or the curve of her hips in the skirt she wore. Her long locks slid over her shoulders like silk. Silk I used to wrap in my fist before I rode her into screaming my name.

“You’ll be working double time during training. This is your itinerary preliminary to the season. You will be doing multiple interviews due to the public interest you’ve provoked to start the trek back into the good graces of the fans. I have prepared some questions, and we will go over the answers in the morning.”

I didn’t bother glancing at it as I studied her face, her eyes cast downward.

“My cell number is on the top. I’ll be in touch.”

Jake held the door open and closed it behind her with a “thank you” as she left. I unclenched my fists as he sat next to me. “She’s your one chance at turning this circus into something respectable.”

I held my palms out in surrender. “I agree.”

Jake’s brows drew, full of suspicion. “Don’t get any fucking cute ideas.”

“I’m out of them, Jake. Scouts honor,” I said, folding the paper in half and sliding my fingers along it.

“I doubt the Scouts would let you in. Don’t piss on her, Makavoy. Just let her do her job.”

I had been a Scout, but he didn’t need to know that. “Like I said, Jake, I’ve got this covered. I’m done with all the bullshit. You can tell them, or I’ll tell them myself. Either way, I’m not for sale other than on the field. You might do well to remind them of that. My private life is just that: private.”

“Your behavior off the field is a reflection on this team, Ren. You know that, and the fact that I must spend time away from what’s important to help manage your shit is ridiculous. Your contract’s up after the season. You might do well to remember that,” he said, snuffing out the rest of the argument.

I’d gone too far, drawn too much negative attention to myself, to the team. My heart beat erratically in my chest as I thought of the repercussions of not signing for another season with Denver. I was throwing it all away.

But in a way, I felt rewarded by the sight of the woman who just walked out the door. But because of her, ball was all I had. And my heart, well, that belonged to ball now, too, because she’d handed it back to me with enough seam scars to never forget it.

Jake shut the door behind him as I absorbed Erica’s words. It was evident she had washed her hands of me when she left for New York; her actions had said as much. I knew without a doubt she didn’t want to have a thing to do with me in Arizona either. But before the season ended, I would make damn sure I got the satisfaction of an explanation.

It wasn’t about revenge; it was about living with the feeling that, for all that time, I’d been wrong about her. And I fucking hated it. Opening the door, I shoved the paper into my pocket and paused when I saw her waiting for me on the other side of the hall.

The thrill of seeing her after so much time was cut short when she spoke to the floor between us.

“Ren,” she said softly. “I’m asking you—no, I’m begging you, not to bring us or our past up again in front of anyone. I’ve worked so damn hard to get to where I am, and I don’t want anything circulating.”

“Ashamed of me?” I asked with a chuckle as I stood in the doorway, my arms on the frame. She may as well have shot me in the chest as she brought her dusky gaze to mine with a “Yes.”

“Don’t give it a second thought,” I assured.

She closed her eyes as if it pained her to look at me. I was hoping that was the case as my gut churned. I kept my voice level despite the need to confront her, ignoring the fire brewing in my chest. “Tell me something. If you hate me so much, what are you doing here?”

She opened her eyes with steely resolve. “I have a job to do. I didn’t come by choice. You have a job to do as well. So, can we at least just keep this civil?”

Ignoring her plea to keep the peace—though I had every intention of playing along with her tactics to better my image—I took a step forward, closing the space between us. I was enjoying her discomfort far too much to let her off the hook so easily.

“Suddenly you’re worried about the state of our relationship? That’s rich. You know, I haven’t changed my number. A phone call would have been nice. ‘Hey, Ren, how are you doing?’ or something to that effect.”

She shook her head. “I won’t do it. I won’t rehash our past.”

“It’s funny you say that,” I said with a slow exhale, commanding her eyes.

She let out a breath of her own and threw her shoulders back, nothing but fight in her stance. “Oh?”

I nodded. “I think you’re right.”

Relief covered her features as she spoke. “You do? That’s good because—”

“Yeah, it was a long time ago, Erica. There’s no sense bringing up the past.” But it was all I could see when I looked at her: a curious brown gaze, a beautiful smile the first time we locked eyes, my name whispered in prayer from her lips as she clutched me to her, her head thrown back the first time I fucked her, her tears the first time she told me she loved me, our late-night talks in the dark, naked and wasted on each other, the fit of her in my arms when she needed me, the feeling of her when I needed her, the sweet catch of her breath the first time I told her I loved her. It was all there, on replay and circulating in the air between us. I hadn’t imagined her love for me. I knew it, and she did, too. And then it was gone, and so was she, like we never happened. No trace but the ache that I tried to kill with every swig of liquor, every thrust of my cock, or punch I threw. I’d acted out of hurt at first, and it had spiraled into something I never wanted. But the more I woke up and hated myself, the more the pattern grew. Staring at her, still fucking hurt, brought out anger I didn’t realize I was still holding onto.

With Erica in Arizona, I wasn’t sure I could handle letting that door swing open again. It was just a matter of a season before she walked away again, and this time I could keep myself from being ripped apart when she did it.

But I would have to keep my distance. Even as the thought crossed my mind, I took a step toward her.

She surveyed my face for any sign of a catch for my earnest cooperation. She knew me too well.

“Okay, then. That’s—” she swallowed. “That’s great, Ren. I just . . . want to get along and get you out of this mess.”

I inched forward as she plastered herself to the wall. Her eyes dilated as I leaned in. Undeniably responsive. She always had been, and my cock twitched in recognition.

“I’m all yours, Wild. Do what you will.”

Steadfast, she pushed at my chest before she crossed her arms defensively. “Don’t come at me like that. Don’t be a pig.”

“I’m just being sincere, Erica,” I taunted. “Maybe that’s a foreign concept to you. To say something and mean it.” I couldn’t help it. It made me look like a whiny, jilted bitch, but then again, I’d never got the chance to state my grievances when she fled my apartment in Atlanta. She deserted me in the most cold-hearted fucking way imaginable.

She searched my eyes as the anger brewed. “What happened to you?”

“Me?” I taunted innocently, taking a step back before I forgot myself and did something fucking stupid. Because I was done with stupid. “Can’t say much has changed.”

“The headlines indicate otherwise.”

“You know better than to believe everything you read,” I said absently.

Arms still crossed, she raised a brow. “So, you’re not the biggest douche bag in Major League Baseball?”

I clicked my tongue at her. “Not a nice way to start our friendship by insulting me.”

Her shoulders slumped. “Sorry, you’re right. I apologize.”

Crowding her again, I dug in, my eyes masked. “For what exactly?”

She hesitated. “For insulting you.”

“Oh, is that all?”

“Ren, I—”

“You left. I guess that’s all I need to know,” I said, giving her space back and shoving my hands in my pockets. I was burning hot and throwing cold. Space from her is exactly what I needed. “It’s going to be a good season. Let’s focus on that.”

“I don’t follow ball anymore.”

“No?” I shrugged. “A traitor to all things, I guess.”

Narrowing her eyes, she tilted her chin toward me. “Traitor? Hardly. I think I’ve done enough time.”

“Jail sentence, huh?” I leaned in again, my arm above her head, my lips an inch from hers. I could feel the same vibrations between us. “So now it’s my turn to ask. What happened to you?”

She opened her plump lips, and I placed my finger on them. “On second thought, I don’t give a shit.” Her eyes widened as I pushed off the wall and started to walk away. I spoke over my shoulder. “Let’s not get this twisted; you work for me now until I say otherwise. My nights are my fucking own. Make me look good, but don’t get in my way.”

She was on my heels in an instant. “So that’s how you’re going to play this?”

I stopped, and she ran into my back with a thud. I stood with her breath on my neck and closed my eyes. “I’m not playing anything, Erica. I don’t have an angle. I’m done making headlines for anything other than ball. But you can bet your sweet ass that I’m not yours to handle. It’s my image you’ll manage, not me.

“Ren, you just said—”

I turned to face her again, stifling the jilted bitch inside me to bring the brutal bastard forward. “It’s about ball. I’ll play along. Paint any picture you want, just remember you don’t know a damn thing about me anymore. So, don’t pretend to.”

I was a few steps down the hall when she called after me. “Oh, I know you, Ren Makavoy! I’m betting there’s a deck of cards in the front pocket of your jeans. Oh, and I’m positive you still take off your shirt and sanitize the toilet seat before you take a shit!”