Lucy: So how did it go tonight? Did you finish the job?

Me: Do you have to make it sound like I’m a mob hitman with a contract out on someone?

Lucy: Yes, because it sounds more exciting that way, don’t you think? You know how I fancy the idea of being a mob princess.

Me: Tonight went well.

Lucy: WRONG ANSWER! That was a test, and you failed it. Do you know why?

Me: Um, no?

Lucy: Because Dash Amado just texted to see if I still want to play darts this weekend. DARTS, Amelia.

Lucy: Amelia, WHY WHY WHY is Dash texting me about another date? Let alone playing DARTS. You were supposed to DUMP HIM for me.

Me: I DID!!!! I did break up with him. I have no idea why he texted you, I swear.

Lucy: You must not have done that good of a job.

Me: Trust me, I did. When I drove off last night, the two of you were 100% broken up.

Me: I think?

Lucy: Don’t do that.

Me: Do what?

Lucy: Don’t punctuate it like it’s a question. You were there—this shouldn’t be a question.

Me: Yes, I’m sure I did. I broke up with him.

Lucy: Then why do I feel you hesitating?

Me: You really need to stop doing that. You are not telepathic.

Lucy: How do you know I haven’t been blessed with the gift? Maybe I’m the twin gifted with that superpower, and it’s finally getting powerful now that I’ve come of age.

Me: That is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard you say.

Lucy: But it’s true.

Me: Fine. What’s MY twin superpower?

Lucy: I don’t know. You’re good with small animals, being fake Lucy, and fake breaking up with boys?

Me: Haha, very funny.

Lucy: So just tell me this: if you for sure dumped his ass, why is he messaging me??

Me: Can you not say “dumped his ass”?

Lucy: Does it bother you when I say dump?

Me: Kind of.

Lucy: Why? Don’t tell me you feel bad.

Lucy: How did the dumping go down?

Me: We were in the parking lot, talking, and I said dating him wasn’t working out, and then I got in my car and he got in his car.

Lucy: Did you actually see him get in his car?

Me: No? Wait, why does that matter? The job was over so I drove away.

Lucy: You had ONE job Amelia, one. He wants to go out again, so…you tell me what we should do. I don’t like him.

Me: STOP YELLING AT ME, and stop saying WE. He isn’t my boyfriend.

Lucy: He wasn’t mine either! And why are you freaking out?

Lucy: Amelia, tell me the truth—do you like him?

My fingers hover over the keys, thumbs frozen.

Me: I think he’s nice.

Lucy: Nice, LOL. I bet he’d love hearing that. Nice is so boring. HE is boring.

Me: I don’t think he’s boring.

Lucy: That’s because YOU’RE boring.

Me: Give me one more night to break up with him. I’ll do a better job, I promise—although I’M POSITIVE I already did. He even said the words “breaking up”. 100%

Lucy: Darts. Saturday night. 8:00

Me: Fine. I’ll be there.

Lucy: Okay, but can I just say something? Darts are SO WEIRD.