Entry 15: Truths and Realization

Date: April 7, 2013

I headed straight for the refrigerator, where I knew my mom had left our dessert.

I opened the door with a tug and as I reached in to grab the relatively huge glass bowl of fruit cocktail, the sound of Candice’s footfalls abruptly stopped. I could feel her eyes on me as she stood just a few feet away.

“Look,” I said without facing her, “I know, I should have just minded my own business and kept my mouth shut. I’m sorry I said those things to your dad.” I paused. “I just…couldn’t stand the fact that he was saying those things about Colin when they aren’t true.”

Are they? Another part of me wondered. How much do you really know about Colin? Remember: he was willing to kiss Kiera during the game. He already kissed you and you’re not even entirely sure of his intentions. He’s probably not as noble as you think.

I shook my head and carried the fruit cocktail out, placing it on the counter. I closed the refrigerator and went to fetch some bowls.

“You don’t need to apologize, Seven,” Candice said, “because all the things you said…” She took a deep breath. “They’re true.”

I twisted around to look at her. She was leaning her shoulder against the kitchen’s doorframe, hugging her elbows as she did. “My dad…” she began, “he did…things that you could say left our family scarred.” Her face scrunched up in shame and I could clearly see that she was still hesitant about sharing more.

“You don’t have to tell me, you know,” I said, even though I really wanted her to.

She shook her head slowly, her red hair moving gracefully in waves. “No, I can see that you really care about my brother, and for that, I think you deserve to know.”

She looked up at me, her green eyes determined and honest. “Colin was just a little boy—maybe five or six years old—when dad started becoming a drunk. I never really noticed when it all began. I was twelve and was caught up in my own world, but I can’t deny that the signs were all there.

“He would come home really late at night, easily annoyed and reeking of alcohol. Sometimes he didn’t even sleep in the same bed as Mom. He would sleep on the couch, too drunk to work his way up the stairs. And then the next few times he wouldn’t even come home anymore and we’d just get a call the next day saying that he stayed over at a friend’s place because he was too drunk to drive. Mom would tell him to stop drinking and he’d promise not to do it again, but nothing changed.

“And then one day, Dad forgot to bring his phone when he left in a hurry for work. It beeped with a text and when Mom checked it out, she saw that it was from a woman. She didn’t tell me exactly what the message said but it basically implied that the woman wanted to meet up again with her ‘babe’.” Candice shuddered at the memory.

My eyes widened as I listened. Colin had already told me before that his dad was a drunk, which was why he only took a few sips that surely wouldn’t get him drunk. But he didn’t say anything about this.

“Anyway,” Candice continued, “Mom didn’t want to believe it at first. She always gave people the benefit of the doubt. But what would you expect? He’d been so sweet for the past few days, even coming home sober, and she was pregnant with Cass, for crying out loud.” I could see the disgust written all over her face as she spoke. “So she headed out to Dad’s workplace to give him his phone. The secretary said that he was out, but Mom decided to leave his phone in his office for him to find later. When she entered his office, though, she knew then that the secretary had lied for him. He wasn’t out. He was too busy kissing another woman. Mom told me afterwards that they had already done…other things worse than that.

“Dad felt really awful after that. I can say that he really loved Mom, but he just felt like they were lacking in intimacy. Mom explained to me that because she was too busy with the little bakery shop she started, they didn’t have time for it. She also told me that he just wanted to rekindle the fire, but then she got pregnant with Cass and there was no way around that, so he went to seek other outlets.

“But,” she said gravely, “the one who was most affected by it all was Colin. He was always so close to Mom and he was so young…but not too young that he couldn’t understand that there was something wrong going on between his parents. Whenever Mom and Dad argued, he would cry and cry and I had to take him away to my room, let him listen to my music and pat his back until he fell asleep. This went on for a while until he just stopped crying.”

Candice paused, staring blankly at the floor. Her mind was obviously elsewhere.

My heart ached at the thought of a young Colin experiencing all that. My own parents were in love, just as his once were, and I couldn’t—can’t—imagine them ever splitting up or turning to other partners. They were my very basis for true love.

“And then?” I asked. “What happened next?”

She swallowed. “And then I don’t know. It’s like…he just snapped. He stopped caring, stopped taking things seriously. He keeps pushing Dad to the edge, which is probably why Dad said all of those things,” she said, gesturing to the dining table where I could hear low voices talking. “He’s had enough of Colin’s attitude, but you’re right, he deserved it.”

Candice didn’t say any more and I didn’t press her. Although I wasn’t the one who had experienced all of that, I understood how hard it must be to tell someone you’ve met only twice about your family’s not-so-pleasant past.

“I don’t think he stopped caring,” I said quietly. “I mean, he obviously still cares about you, Cass and your mom.”

“I know Colin loves us. I think he even loves Dad, despite how he’s doing everything he can just to spite him. Dad, after all, was the one who taught him how to play basketball, the one who bought him his first toy car,” she said. “But…I don’t know about what Dad said concerning his girlfriends. Colin seems to take you as his girlfriend seriously.”

No, I thought. It’s just because you don’t know. We’re not even really together. I remembered the conversation I had with him at the party. So what happened? I’d asked.

She became my ex.

What, just like that?

It wasn’t exactly a love match.

“I appreciate the fact that you told me all this, even though you really didn’t have to,” I said, “but I just have one question.”

“Shoot,” she said, smiling wryly.

“Why did your mom stay with him?” I asked, turning away to look for some teaspoons, “After what he did?”

She shrugged. “She loves him. She loves him even if he’s a cheat, even if he’s so immature that he would want to get back at his own son for disrespecting him after all these years. I guess that’s the sad thing about love. You can’t love someone without the inevitable possibility of getting hurt.”

From the dining table, my mom called out, “Hey, what’s taking you girls so long?”

“We were just looking for the bowls,” Candice replied. She took the bowls I’d left on the counter and the teaspoons from my hand. She started to turn away, but stopped. She looked back at me. “But you know, Seven, I’m glad you’re with Colin now.”

I tilted my head to the side and asked, “Why?”

She smiled. “Because I think he’s starting to take some things seriously now.”

I wanted to ask her what she meant by that but she was already walking away.

I shook my head at myself and moved to carry the bowl of fruit cocktail. It was pretty heavy for a dessert, and I struggled with it as I edged out of the kitchen and its narrow entrance. I stumbled a bit and it nearly slipped out of my grasp. But just in time, Colin appeared from the stairs. The moment he saw me, he immediately strode over and caught the bowl, his hands covering mine.

I looked up in surprise and found him grinning down at me. “Careful now,” he said, taking the whole thing from me and easily carrying it with one arm, “wouldn’t want to ruin your dress. You look extra pretty in it.”

I blinked rapidly at him. I was too confused to take in his compliment. “You, uh…seem to be in a really good mood.” Wasn’t he fuming just minutes ago?

“Yeah…isn’t that supposed to be a good thing?” he asked, winking at me.

“Well, I guess so but—”

“Hey, no buts,” he said, cutting me off. He took a step towards me and brought his lips to mine.

My face probably went a little like: ?!?!?!

It didn’t last that long though, and he eventually pulled away. When he did, he smiled down at me.

“Aw, you two are so adorable,” a voice said.

I whipped around to see his mom looking over at us. She was helping Candice distribute the bowls and teaspoons, while the entire table—except for Mr. Stillman—watched us.

I blushed. Why is it that people always catch Colin kissing me? I thought frustratingly. Colin didn’t seem to mind, though. He just smiled at his family (although I bet he pretended he couldn’t see his father) and walked over to place the fruit cocktail at the center of the table.

I watched him as he moved. I still couldn’t believe his mood could change so quickly. What did he do when he’d gone upstairs? What could’ve made him this happy? And what was that kiss for, all of a sudden?

Maybe he had a bipolar disorder that Candice forgot to mention…

I shook my head and stepped towards the dining table to join them for dessert, but my eyes found their way to Mr. Stillman who was sitting up straight, reaching for his bowl of fruit cocktail, and I stopped.

I bit my lip. Now that I knew the reason behind Mr. Stillman’s earlier spitefulness, I didn’t feel up to sitting a foot or less away from the guy, especially after basically calling him a terrible person who deserved his son’s anger.

I stayed right there, just a few ways away from Mr. Stillman’s peripheral vision, and cleared my throat. “Um, excuse me,” I said to everyone, “I’m sorry but I think I’ll just be skipping dessert.”

My mom’s head snapped up, looking very much ready to answer me with a big fat NO. It was understandable if she wanted me to stay and entertain the guests, seeing as those guests were the family of my supposed boyfriend.

But just as she opened her mouth to reply, Colin piped up, “Don’t worry, Mrs. Warrilow.” He took a step forward so that he was right beside me and smoothly draped an arm over my shoulders. He nuzzled his cheek affectionately against my hair. “I’ll take good care of her. I’ll make sure she won’t go wandering off somewhere.”

I managed a scowl. “Hey, I’m not a kid! And do I really need to remind you that this is my home?”

Colin’s mom looked like she wanted to squeal, like she was watching a romance movie, but she held it back pretty well and instead said, “Of course, you two should have your time together.”

From the corner of my eye, I saw Candice smiling knowingly at me.

Someone, help me, I thought.

I glanced briefly towards my mom. She was smiling. “Thank you, Colin,” she said, “I’ll be more assured knowing you’ll be with her.” She chuckled softly behind her hand.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” I whined. Colin laughed and we started to leave, but my dad called after us, “Doors are to be left open, am I understood?”

“Yes, sir!” Colin said, raising a hand to his forehead in mock-salute. I dragged a hand down my face.

We turned away from the dining table and quickly headed for the stairs. When we took the first step up, Colin must’ve realized that he still had his arm around my shoulders because he murmured, “Sorry,” and removed it.

You don’t need to be sorry, I wanted to say, feeling a little disappointed and cold without the reassuring weight of his arm.

We climbed the stairs in a silent trek, and after a minute, he said, “So, um, a while ago…”

“Yeah?”

“A while ago, you told them that you want to be a lawyer. I thought you were still indecisive about that.”

My mind travelled back, recalling the conversation. I couldn’t understand why Colin had developed a sudden interest in that. What did it matter if I told other people that I wanted to be a lawyer?

I shrugged. “Yeah, I still am.”

He frowned, confusion etched on his face. “Why didn’t you just tell them that?”

I thought about it, trying to form an answer but I ended up shrugging. “Honestly, I don’t know,” I admitted. “I guess if I do reach a decision, I’d tell them anyway, so it doesn’t matter if they don’t know that I’m struggling with choosing now…” I paused and then shrugged again. “I normally don’t tell my insecurities to just anybody.”

I expected him to tease me about being secretive, but instead he grinned. “But you told me,” he said.

I looked up into his eyes and found an implied message there. I blushed uncontrollably and narrowed my eyes at him. “And what’s your point?”

“Oh, nothing,” he said, sounding particularly in a good mood, maybe in an even better one than he already was.

After a few more steps, we reached the second floor. I led the way to my room, but Colin suddenly stopped in front of a family portrait that Mom had nailed to the wall.

“Seven, is that you?” he asked incredulously, jabbing a finger at my face in the portrait.

I frowned. In the picture I was still around the age of eight with long hair that fell unattractively straight on either side of my face. My mom had insisted on braiding it into pigtails before the shot was taken, and it was obvious that my eight-year-old self wasn’t pleased with them.

“Unless I have a twin sister who hides within the walls of this house and only comes out during family photo shoots, then yeah,” I said, “that’s me.”

Colin rolled his eyes at me. “No need to be sarcastic. You actually look cute here.” He chuckled. “This is so rich. I’ve got to take a picture of this.” He started pulling his phone out of his pocket, but I immediately grabbed his arm and dragged him away.

“Just leave it alone, will ya?” I said, glaring at him as I nudged my bedroom door open.

He dropped the pursuit for the photo and walked in, taking in his surroundings. He crossed his arms and said, “You know, it’s really unfair how you always sneak into my room and find your way to my house, while I’ve only been here once. And at that time, I was being kidnapped.”

“Well, you brought it upon yourself, you know,” I said. “If you just gave back the black notebook early on, none of that would’ve happened—”

“—and we wouldn’t be here, in your room, talking about it,” he finished for me. “We also wouldn’t have had all those fun times when I outsmarted your little plans.”

“Fun only for you,” I muttered under my breath.

If Colin heard me, he didn’t show it. He turned his attention to my desk. “Speaking of your notebook,” he said, striding towards it and examining my collection of black notebooks, “are you breeding notebooks or something?”

I was about to explain to him why I had so many, but then he took one of the black notebooks there—the one that was separate from the rest. I paled. It was my diary. I hadn’t written in it or touched it since the day I lost the black notebook; I just got too busy chasing after Colin and coming up with plans while juggling my homework to write about my day at all.

But that didn’t mean that all those other entries I wrote in it before weren’t full of embarrassing stuff about Colin, about how I wished again and again that he would notice me, and everything else that he should definitely NOT read.

“Hey!” I hurried towards him and quickly snatched my diary from his fingers. I hugged it protectively to my chest and said, “You already stole one notebook already, and you’re still thinking of peeking into another?”

Colin raised his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay,” he said. “Sheesh.” He moved away from my desk and I eyed him warily before placing my diary back in its place among the other black notebooks.

“So,” he began, making his way towards my shelf, “what were you planning to do that was so important you wanted to skip dessert for it?”

“Actually,” I said slowly, “I wasn’t planning on doing anything.”

He looked over at me and cocked an eyebrow. “So why are we in your room when the fruit cocktail’s down there?” he asked, nodding his head towards the way we came.

I planted my hands on my hips and said, “You are only here because you offered to be. I’m here because…” I bit my lip, hesitating. “…because I didn’t want to face your dad.” I looked away and sighed. “When you left the table a while ago, mad, I just—”

“I know,” he said, smiling, “I heard you.”

I looked back at him with wide eyes. “You did?”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his black slacks. “And I wanted to say…thanks for that.”

I turned away sheepishly and nodded. “It’s nothing. I just didn’t like the things your dad was saying.”

“Well, it turned out okay anyway so let’s just not talk about it,” he quickly said, looking away and focusing on the books I had on my shelf.

I looked up at him, watching the way he refused to meet my eyes, the way his hand shook just a little as he reached up to rub the back of his neck. Part of me—most of me, really—was itching to ask him about his dad and what Candice just told me. Maybe it was just the part of me that was so used to giving comfort and advice or maybe I was just naturally nosy, but I wanted to hear his side of the story.

“Colin?” I said.

“Hmm?” he asked, still not looking at me. He reached up, his long slim fingers brushing the spines of the books.

“Candice told me what your dad did, how he cheated on your mom.”

His hand stopped. It took him a moment before he replied, smiling a ghost of a smile, “So? What does that have to do with me?”

“Colin,” I said, looking at him sternly. “It’s obviously affecting you or you wouldn’t have acted like you did a while ago. Don’t try to pretend otherwise.”

Just like that, Colin dropped the act. His eyes took in a dangerous glint as he narrowed his eyes and his lips were absent of a smile. “Look, Seven, don’t assume you understand what I feel after hearing some story from Candice.”

“I know it’s not just some story, Colin,” I said, “especially not to you. Candice told me that what happened to your parents changed you somehow. You stopped caring about things.”

“What do you know about me, Seven?” he asked harshly. “You only see this happy-go-lucky guy who loves to kid around with you.” He shook his head. “You know nothing.”

His words hurt like a slap. He started to move away from me, but I grabbed his arm. He turned back, a scowl ruining his beautiful face, but I took a step towards him and made him look me in the eye.

“Do you think I’m that blind?” I asked defiantly. “I may not see the whole picture, but I can see fragments of a boy who doesn’t trust anyone to take him seriously anymore, so he doesn’t take anyone seriously either. You don’t want to end up like your mom, hurting because she still trusts someone who’s already betrayed her, hurt her. Tell me straight to my face that I’m wrong and I won’t bug you anymore.”

He looked down at me, his green eyes searching for something in mine—maybe an answer, an understanding, I don’t know, but I didn’t break eye contact. We stayed like that for a while in silence, until finally he laughed softly. “I guess I can’t hide much from someone who’s so used to seeing these kinds of things from other people.”

“You’ve got that right,” I said, stabbing his chest with my finger.

Colin sighed and turned away from me, walking towards my bed. He sat there on the cushions and dragged a hand over his face. “Seven, if you were in my place,” he said quietly, “what would you do?”

“Well, for starters, I would forgive him and—”

“No,” he said without a second thought. “I’m not going to do that. Forget I asked.”

“Colin,” I said in a placating tone, moving to sit beside him. I bounced a little on the cushions as I sat. “I know it’s going to be hard but you need to try—”

“Hard?” he asked incredulously, turning to face me. “I think you mean impossible. Seven, my mom’s being too nice on him. She should’ve broken it off with him the moment she found out. He doesn’t deserve her and her forgiveness.”

“No, your mom’s not being too nice. She just learned to forgive him, like you should,” I said. “Candice told me that your dad felt awful after what happened.”

“Really?” he snorted. “Was that after he cheated on her or after he hit her, almost killing Cass off?”

I stopped, my blood going cold. “What?”

“Candice didn’t know about it, did she?” He let out a short laugh. “Well, how could she? She wasn’t at home when it happened. It was after he promised not to meet with that woman ever again. Mom believed him, but that didn’t mean she was happy with him. He probably couldn’t take the regret and guilt so he went drinking again to wash it all away. He came home, Mom told him off and he hit her. I don’t care if it was unintentional or not, he still did it and she fell to the floor and started bleeding, luckily we were able to bring her to the hospital in time. She was nine months pregnant with Cass.”

“Colin,” I said, my features betraying my shock.

“But I have to admit that he really did stop after that,” he said, tugging absently at the cuffs of his shirt. “He tried to make it up to Mom.” He paused for a while, too busy with his thoughts. “And for the record, some of the things he said were true.”

“What things?”

“I used to…sneak out every night to parties and come home, pretending to be intoxicated so he’d know how it felt to be the sober one talking to the drunk. I even brought home different girls, not to introduce to my family or anything, but just to piss him off. I stopped doing it after…” he trailed off.

“After?” I asked, curious.

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is, I can’t forgive him that easily, Seven. I just…can’t.”

“But don’t you see?” I asked, gently laying a hand on his arm. “Doing all those things—it doesn’t change what your dad did. It only changes you. It makes you more like him. He’s the drunkard, not you. He’s the one who doesn’t take things seriously, not you. He’s the one who takes revenge. Not you, Colin.”

“But—”

“And I don’t think your mom would like that,” I quickly cut him off. When he didn’t respond, didn’t deny it, I knew I’d hit a bullseye. I smiled. “Besides, I think I’d like this Colin better.”

I wasn’t certain about it, but I thought I saw his eyes widen in surprise. I watched his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed.

As I waited patiently for him to say something, I thought distractedly about everything I’d learned that night. What his dad did to cause a break in their family and Colin’s reaction to it gave me a bit of an understanding as to why he did most of the things he did, but I knew that didn’t mean he would change overnight. He’d been bent on revenge, even in these little doses like disobeying his dad and showing his outright dislike, for years now.

I remembered a time when I was younger and I was experimenting with some paint, smearing the color all over my face. Mom had discovered the mess I’d made in my room and immediately told me to wash my face, but it didn’t come off that easily. I scrubbed and scrubbed, used steaming hot water, but in the end I still went to school the next day with green, red, and purple blotches all over my face.

I might have told Colin to forgive what his father had done, to stop doing these things to spite him, and he’s going to try and get it out his system, but it would take a long, long while before he could truly forgive his dad.

Colin twisted around to look at me and cleared his throat. “Before I go right ahead and forgive that ungrateful bastard,” he said, and I gave him a look, “can you do something for me first?”

“Okay.” I shrugged. “What do you want me to do?”

“Stay still.”

I knitted my eyebrows in confusion but obliged. He didn’t leave me guessing for too long, though.

Colin tentatively reached out and wrapped his arms around me in a hug, my head fitting perfectly into the crook of his neck like the missing piece to a puzzle. His thigh came flush with mine and he positioned his chin on the top of my head with a sigh.

“Hope you don’t mind,” he said softly.

I didn’t say anything as I listened to his heart beating steadily in his chest. Meanwhile, my heart was heavy and sinking.

Okay, so Colin’s willing to forgive his dad, but what about my notebook? I couldn’t stop myself from thinking. Is that a part of his plan to tick his dad off too?

I didn’t think so. Nobody knew about the black notebook except Colin and me. There was no real reason as to why he had to take it.

But despite that, despite all that Colin had done—spinning me around in circles and embarrassing me, snaring me in my own traps and taunting me—I still found myself gravitating towards him, facing an irresistible urge to just let go of my guard and drink in his warmth like the sips from sweet-scented tea. I still wanted him to look at me and smile at me the way he did, to kiss me, to talk to me.

If I were to be completely honest with myself, maybe I even wanted him to keep the black notebook so that I’d have a reason to interact with him. Without it, I probably wouldn’t have gotten to know Colin.

I exhaled a sigh and found my arms, almost like they were moving by themselves, rising to snake around his waist.

When Colin chuckled, I felt the rumble in his chest. He tightened his hold on me—just by a little bit—but it was unmistakable and so was the small smile on my face as my eyes slowly drifted close.

Finally, when we pulled apart, I looked up and Colin smiled down at me, a dimple appearing on his left cheek.

For some reason, I couldn’t resist it; I reached up and poked it, causing him to blink in surprise and laugh at me. He grabbed my hand and pressed it against his face, his stubble tickling my skin. He looked up at me from under his lashes as he brushed a kiss across my knuckles.

I blushed, fumbling for words, but I was saved when we heard footsteps out in the hall. After a few seconds, my mom poked her head into the room and smiled at us.

“Hey, you two,” she said. “Unfortunately, it’s time for Colin and his family to go. Cass is already getting sleepy.”

“Okay, we’ll be down in a minute,” I said, trying to shadow my sadness at the prospect of saying goodbye with a smile.

My mom nodded once and then left, but I had a feeling she was still lurking just outside, listening in on us.

Colin sighed in what sounded like disappointment. “You know, they could always make Cass sleep on the couch. And then everyone can stay a little longer and be happy.”

I swatted his arm playfully. “Colin,” I scolded him, but I was smiling.

He shrugged, pushing himself off my bed. “I’m just saying.”

“Yeah, well, it is getting late,” I reasoned, more to myself than to him.

As we exited my room, he smirked down at me. “What, you getting rid of me already?”

“I said no such thing.”

“So you want me to stay?” he asked, his eyes lighting up like the first sparks of a fire.

I didn’t answer him. I merely smiled and went on ahead. I was able to make a few steps before he caught up to me at the top of the stairs, grinning like a boy who got the toy he wanted for Christmas. When he was already walking in pace with me, he reached out as if it was the most casual thing in the world and swiftly took my hand in his.

He never once let go, even when we were at the base of the staircase or when our families streamed out of our front door and we all stood on the porch, exchanging pleasantries and trading last minute stories. My heart soared when his hand shifted around and he laced our fingers together.

I glanced over at him, and as I silently observed his shoulders, his broad back and the way they shook slightly when he laughed, I found myself tightening my grip on his hand.

I should hate him, I told myself. He may be nice and sweet sometimes and he gives the greatest hugs, but the truth of the matter is that he won’t give back my notebook. If he really does care for me, like I wish he would, he would’ve given the notebook back by now. I should hate him already.

So why don’t you? another voice asked me, not for the first time.

I always had a pregnant pause at this, wondering to myself, why did I still fawn over Colin and think about him all day? More often than not he’d been making fun of my attempts to get back my notebook and cruelly playing with my emotions, hinting something here or there and then laughing at the fact that I’d actually believe him.

Even now, as we held hands, I waited for the moment when he’d pull away and announce that I’d been tricked. Again.

And yet I still didn’t hate him. I didn’t even dislike him for all those times he was a jerk. Yes, I was hurt, but I didn’t hate him for it.

“Thank you so much for tonight,” I heard Colin’s mom say for the millionth time, bending forward to press her cheek against my mom’s. “We had such a wonderful time.”

“No, thank you,” my mom insisted. “We should definitely do this again.”

As everyone began saying their goodbyes, Colin leaned down so he could whisper to my ear, “Thanks for everything. I…I had a great time.” He added, “With you.”

“Me too,” I said, smiling up at him.

“Colin, come on,” Candice called after him. His family was already heading to the car.

“Yeah,” he replied and then turned back to me, giving my hand one last squeeze. “Bye. I’ll text you, okay?”

I grinned. “Okay. Bye, Colin.”

Why? that part of me asked again, but this time, as his hand slowly withdrew from mine and I watched him walk away, the answer came easily.

I love him.

I blinked in surprise at my own thoughts. I was ready to deny it, even if it was just in my mind, but I couldn’t find myself to do it.

Colin looked back over his shoulder at me, almost tripping down the porch in the process. He laughed at himself, his grin even wider than before, and I knew, deep in my bones and in my pounding heart, it was the truth. It wasn’t just a silly crush that I’d been harboring for years.

I was actually falling for Colin.

I just hoped, with what little hope I had left, that he’d be willing to catch me in the end.