KAEL OPENED THE DOOR and I climbed into his truck. I tried not to think about how much was left unresolved between us or how much I wanted to move next to him and hold onto his warm body.

Old-school Kings of Leon was playing low through the speakers.

“Seatbelt,” Kael reminded me, as usual.

“You’re in no position to be bossy,” I told him. He smiled. “I’m starting the clock now,” I said. “Twenty minutes.” And I did too. I set my iPhone timer.

He smiled again. I hated that my guard was slipping and slipping fast, but the burst of relief I felt when he looked at me, head titled and lips parted … well, I didn’t hate that.

“What?” I asked him, tucking my chin into my shoulder to hide my mouth.

“It feels good to breathe again,” he responded, eyes locked onto mine. That was it. Addiction. Relapse. I couldn’t help it if I wanted to.

“Mhmm,” I teased him. “Ask me stuff,” I said to break the intensity. It was either that or give into my body and touch his shoulders, his neck, his lips.

All of the pain from the last week felt worth it just to be sitting here beside him. As I said. Addiction.

He turned the radio down.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You looked spooked. You know, by that guy who was walking out of your work.” He sounded concerned. I wanted him to be concerned, even if I wouldn’t ever admit it to him.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. Really.” It would hit me later on. I knew that. When I was alone, without the safety of Kael’s body next to me, without the protection his presence offered, it would hit me what happened, that some creepy guy came in and made a disgusting joke and knew my dad by name. I rolled down the passenger window to get some fresh air. It smelled a little like fresh rain and earthworms. It helped calm me. The wind blowing, Kael driving, the loud thrum of the engine in this beast of a truck he drives. It all helped calm me.

“Okay, as long as you’re sure?” He waited for my response.

I nodded.

“How old were you when you lost your first tooth?” he asked.

I thought about it for a second. “Six? I think. My mom said I used to eat them. Like literally I would swallow them before she caught me so the tooth fairy missed me twice.”

He bit his lip, trying not to laugh.

His next question was, “Okay, how many tickets have you gotten? In your life?”

I tilted my head. “Traffic or concert?” I clarified.

“Traffic.”

“Three.”

“Three? You’ve only been driving, what, four years tops?” he teased me. “Well, if you’re going for one a year you’re a little behind. You know that don’t you?”

I nodded.

He continued. “How many pets have you had over the span of your life?”

“Only one. His name was Moby.” I explained how I loved that furry little fella until he ran away for the fortieth time and never came back.

“Like the whale or the singer?” Kael asked.

I bit down my laugh, but missed a little of it. “Neither. We just liked the name.”

He was wearing a gray T-shirt with a navy bomber jacket over it. The jacket was tight on his arms and his jeans were black, with rips in the knees, my favorite jeans. Ever created really.

“What does the taste of macaroni and cheese remind you of?” he asked me as he turned on to the highway.

“Where do you come up with these questions?” I was laughing now.

He shrugged. “Why, did I stump you?”

I shook my head. “Mac and cheese reminds me of my mom.” I leaned forward, covering my face. “That’s always my answer.” I uncovered my face and pushed my wild hair back away from my cheeks. “But she makes … made, the best macaroni and cheese ever. From scratch. Except the noodles, of course. She doesn’t make the noodles,” I told him.

“She always told me that when I get married she’d teach me the recipe. Which is weird.” I half laughed.

“And outdated,” he added.

“Totally outdated,” I agreed.

“I have a few more questions,” he said. The turn signal clicked as we waited at a red light in front of Kroger. It was across the street from a car wash, the one where Brien and I broke up while he was vacuuming his car. He was obsessed with vacuuming his car.

“Go on.” I encouraged him to keep going so I could wash Brien from my brain.

“When did you realize that you’re different from everyone else around you?” he asked. Our eyes met, just then. It was so dark in the car, he had one hand on his steering wheel and one hand on his lap. I wanted so desperately to touch his fingers. All of the will power I summoned up over the last week had evaporated so quickly. I moved a little closer to Kael and moved his leather book bag out from between us. A small stack of papers fell out of the unzipped top; I sat them on the empty space next to me.

“What kind of car do you imagine you’ll drive in five years?”

“Hmm, probably the same one? I don’t know, I don’t care about cars,” I told him.

“What’s your biggest fear?” Kael asked me.

I answered that one without even thinking about it. “Something happening to Austin.”

Kael looked over at me and without a word, told me that he felt my worry for my brother. Kael was the first person to ever just get me so effortlessly, it was so refreshing to be around him again. So much so that it overpowered the doubt that had been clouding my mind since I had seen him last.

“My turn.” I was quiet for the last couple of questions. I didn’t have an answer for the first question he asked because I had never seen a Marvel movie.

“Do you feel like you know me now?” he asked. I shook my head.

“I said, my turn.” I was nearly next to him in the front cab now and he looked down between us.

“Put your seatbelt on, then it’s your turn.” No sooner were the words out of his mouth then a flash of light illuminated the windshield.

He had swerved into another lane. A horn blared as Kael jerked the wheel to straighten the car and I caught my breath.

I moved back to my seat at the other side of the cab and buckled in. Kael was looking straight ahead, his hands strangling the steering wheel.

“Are you okay?” I asked him.

A couple seconds passed and he swallowed. “Are you?” he asked me without looking at me.

“Yeah. You were so worried about my seat belt that you almost killed us.” I reached for his hand and realized just how hard he was gripping the wheel.

“Kael,” I said his name softly, like I did when he woke up in the morning, confused as to what continent he was on. I saw the same look on his face now.

“Kael, it’s okay. I’m okay. We’re okay. Do you want to pull over?”

He was silent. I reached across the pile of papers and the book bag and put my hand on his leg. I gently stroked his skin over his jeans.

“Pull over.” It wasn’t a question. I could see that he still hadn’t snapped out of it. “Kael.” I lifted my hand into the air. “I’m going to touch your face,” I warned him, not knowing how he would react. My body was going to give up on me if I kept going through rush after rush of fear like this. He nodded slowly and I gently placed my open palm on the side of his cheek, pressing softly into his warm skin. I kept it still and slowly rubbed my thumb across the light stubble on his jawline.

He pulled to the side of the road before I had to say his name again. His breath came in heavy puffs, thick blasts of panic. I was so happy to be there with him, so close and forgetting the pep talks I had given myself every morning and night while trying to keep my distance. I should have known that it would be impossible to stay away from him.

“It’s okay,” I said again, hugging his waist.

“Karina.” His breath came hard and fast, like he had run up a flight of stairs.

I leaned over and knelt on the cushion, my body turned toward him.

“We’re okay. Look.” I nudged his nose with mine and his eyes regained their focus. He looked like a little boy, not a war veteran. Not a man. It melted my heart. It made me want to tell him that I was falling for him, that all he needed to do was explain what had happened without any lies or bending of the truth. We had so much to talk about.

Right now, I just wanted to comfort him. He was coming down from it—wherever it was. He was coming back to me.

I moved my body closer to his.

“I’m just going to move these papers,” I said as I stacked them neatly. There was an Army folder on top with the typical Army star. Kael stilled next to me. I felt the shift in the space around us as I realized what the packet said. Cars passed us on the freeway, but I didn’t care. I wanted him to be calm, to be able to breath.

“Who’s enlistment packet is this?” I asked, curious as always. “Thought you were trying to get out?” I couldn’t stop myself. I opened the folder. That’s when Kael reached over, trying to grab it from me. “I can’t believe you’re going to re-enlist, after all you—”

And then I read the name on the first page.

AUSTIN TYLER FISCHER