Part 3: The Awakening
Chapter 1
The pain is still there when I wake up.
I lie there for a long time, in the spot where I fell asleep, knees pulled to my chest, and try to just breathe. I have no idea how much time has passed, but the light has changed. Instead of the blazing hot sun, there are blue stars shimmering in the sky. It has grown noticeably cooler, and I wrap my arms around myself for a little warmth. Doing this brings tears to my eyes again, because I realize that I will never feel the arms of my beloved around me again.
With effort, I push myself up into a sitting position. The wreckage has stopped smoldering. The stillness is still there, droning louder in my ears than any noise ever could. The absence of any sound tells me, more plainly than anything else, that I am the only survivor. Maybe I should be thankful for not finding anyone who had been fatally wounded. I don’t know if I would have been strong enough to watch someone die. I let my aching eyes wander over the clearing, paying careful attention to keep body parts out of my line of vision.
A coughing fit pulls me back to the present, and makes me focus more of my attention on my body. My throat is dry, and I desperately need to find something to drink. My arms and legs are covered in blisters anywhere the fabric is torn. I should be thankful to be alive, but the sight of my limbs doesn’t conjure up any gratitude. How am I supposed to survive in this weakened state? I don’t even have a weapon that I could use against the animals who supposedly live on this planet, according to Varsul.
How am I supposed to find a settlement, here in the middle of nowhere?
I use a tree trunk to help pull myself up. At first, it feels a little weird to be standing, and tentatively, I test my legs to see if they will carry me. They will, and the pain I feel when walking is even somewhat tolerable. After my slight dizziness has subsided, I feel brave enough to go back into the clearing. By now, it is so cold that I need something better to wear, and a weapon would be good, too. I’m not holding out much hope for actually finding a functioning laser gun, but maybe there’s a dagger lying around somewhere, that I could pick up.
The farther I go into the middle of the clearing, the better I am able to move. My body is a far cry from its usual sleekness, but at least it is able to do what it is supposed to: run, breathe and pick things up. I never thought that, one day, I would be so thankful for being able to do these everyday things without feeling pain.
I find a jacket very soon, but it takes some time before I can bring myself to take it off of the dead person wearing it. I stare at him, and can smell the blood soaked into his jacket. I kneel next to him, and try to pull the quilted jacket off of his shoulders as gently as possible. I see that he belongs to a human-like species, and for some reason this makes it easier for me. Almost against my will, I send a silent prayer up to the sky, both a thank you and a request for peace for his soul. When I finally get the jacket off of him, I exhale loudly in relief. I didn’t even realize that I had been holding my breath. The jacket hangs down to my knees and starts to envelop me in its soothing warmth.
I ignore the smell of blood, and keep searching for something I can use as a weapon. In this case, however, I am out of luck. I cannot find a single dagger or sword, not even a broken one. In the end, I find a triangular piece of metal, about the length of my lower arm. Its shape vaguely reminds me of a knife. Its edges are sharp enough to serve as an improvised weapon, at least for now. I return to the dead person whose jacket I had already taken, and relieve him of his scarf. I wrap it around the end of the piece of metal and try some test moves. Better than nothing, I think. At least it isn’t cutting into my skin anymore.
I look at the sky. The stars are shining brighter with every hour that passes. I look at the strange moon as if it could tell me what I should do now. In which direction should I go? Does it even make sense to leave the wreckage? I waver between leaving and staying. On the one hand, I am sure the inhabitants of Betania will have noticed the crash and will come investigate sooner or later. The only question is, will they come to loot the ship, or to look for the injured and the dead? I am leaning towards staying and putting myself in the fate of those unknown Betanians. I should be able to communicate with intelligent life forms. With the wild animals who inhabit this planet, according to Varsul, I wouldn’t be able to negotiate for my life. And the thing I am holding in my hand, my makeshift weapon, will hardly be of use against a hungry predator.
Ultimately, I decide to explore the area around the crash site in a circle. At least I will know the lay of the land, and if I should hear voices, I will be hidden well enough in the thicket, on the one hand, but close enough to make contact, on the other. Part of me is surprised that I am able to think so rationally, but anything is better than thinking about the absence of Khazaar and reliving the shock of the last few hours over and over. I really don’t know why I have a will to survive. All I know is that it’s coming from deep inside of me. Not for the first time, I wish I believed in a plan from God that would give my life some meaning. I catch myself looking at the sky again, as if waiting for a sign from above. I laugh, but it’s not a healthy laugh. It’s more of a hysterical laugh. I don’t stop laughing until I have left the clearing and step into the woods.
It is ice cold, and my breath comes out of my mouth in foggy little clouds. My fingers feel stiff after just minutes. I switch my weapon back and forth between my left hand and my right, in order to warm the free hand in my quilted jacket. I don’t risk going further than five or six steps from the edge of the clearing. The thicket is dark, and the trees are so tall that they don’t let any light in. I orient myself by keeping the border between light and shadow in sight, and walk all the way around the wreck one time. The crash site is huge, and I can tell that the clearing is not natural. It was caused by the space ship. I have to climb over a fallen tree more than once, because I am afraid to go far enough into the woods to go around them. The climbing expeditions cost me strength, and I lose all feeling for time. Once, I stop because I think I hear voices, but it is probably just wishful thinking, not reality.
By now, I am not only incredibly thirsty, but also very hungry. I see a bush full of dark-red, juicy berries, and sniff them carefully. My hunger hasn’t reached the point yet of me eating something unknown.
When I finish my walk, the blue moon has disappeared, and light is starting to come back into the sky. With every breath, I can feel the temperature rising, and I avoid the light. I have enough burns and blisters. I don’t need any more. When I reach the place from which I started out, I sink to the ground and pull my knees to my chest. I am exhausted from running around, and before I decide what I am going to do next, I need to rest for a while. I take off the dead man’s jacket and ball it up under my head. As soon as I close my eyes, I fall asleep, despite being thirsty and hungry.
It feels like I have been sleeping for less than a minute, when a noise wakes me up. I open my eyes, but stay completely still. My instinct warns me to not even move as much as my little finger. I can just barely suppress a scream when something glides right by me, not six inches from my face. This thing will give me nightmares for the rest of my life – if it doesn’t eat me first. It is definitely an insect, because it has too many feet to be a mammal. Its eyes are milky and huge on the pointy part of its body, which I assume is its face. The worst part isn’t its incredible size – it is at least as big as my arm is long, and its legs are the same size as mine – no, the worst part is the clicking noise its scaly shell makes when it moves. Almost as if in a trance, I see all the colors of the rainbow on its shimmery body. I tighten my grip on my weapon and wonder if I could manage to bury it in the creature’s unprotected belly, should it decide that I am its next meal. The antennae at the ends of its legs move past me, just barely missing me. The creature stops for a second and lets out a shrill screech before it moves on quickly. When its backside moves past me, I notice the defensive stinger, moving back and forth.
After that, there is no way I can sleep.
At least I finally have water. The branches and twigs around me are glistening with dew drops that are falling onto the soft moss on the ground. Encouraged, I lick the dew off all the leaves I can get hold of. When my tongue comes in contact with a dark green leaf with bright red spots, and goes completely numb, I realize that this probably wasn’t a good idea. The numbness spreads through my whole mouth, and I am starting to panic at the thought of what will happen when it spreads to my throat, when it disappears again. My thirst is not even close to being quenched yet, so I rip a handful of moss from the ground and squeeze it out like a sponge, until all of the fluid has run into my mouth. Nothing in my entire life has ever tasted better than this pure, clear liquid.
Maybe it’s easier for me to think clearly, now that my thirst has been quenched, because I make a decision. I am going to go out further in search of a settlement. That is better than waiting here for death. I wonder if it would make sense to climb one of the huge tree trunks. I am a little afraid of heights, but at least from up there, I would be able to see where the woods end. Is it worth the risk? The question answers itself when I take a closer look at the tree trunks in front of me. They are as smooth as glass, and I wouldn’t make it two feet up. The only tree whose weathered trunk would offer me enough hold, reacts to my touch with a shaking that knocks me off of my feet. Its branches bend down towards me and give me a firm whack on the neck. The wound burns and bleeds, and on top of it all, the blood attracts mosquitoes. Well, at least I think they are mosquitoes, at first, until one of the critters manages to attach itself to my neck, and within seconds, it has grown as big as my fingernail. Panicking, I try to rip the thing from my skin, and with a smacking sound, I finally get it to let go. Whereas, I was thinking clearly and planning my next move just a few minutes ago, I am now proceeding in a decidedly unorderly fashion. I run blindly in every direction, just to get away from the bloodsuckers. I must have already sweated out all of the water from before. My tongue lies thick and swollen in my mouth, and my skin itches.
At least I still have the makeshift weapon in my hand. Too bad I was, in my fear and loathing of the bloodsuckers, dumb enough to leave my jacket behind. This means that I will have to find some kind of shelter at night. I could make a bed on the soft moss and cover myself with foliage, I think, as I put one foot in front of the other with considerable effort.
I run slowly and carefully, intent on not changing direction. I use the fiery ball in the sky, whose rays peek through the foliage now and again, as my reference point. At some point, after what seems like an eternity, I see that the woods are thinning out. My heart beats like crazy in a mix of relief and fear. Here, I can hide, but out there I am unprotected.
Carefully, I work my way forward to the speck of light.
The shock hits me face on. It’s obvious that I haven’t reached the edge of the woods at all. Instead, I must have run in a circle, because the wreckage of the space ship is right in front of me.
I am right back where I started.