Part 4: The Twofold Bride
Chapter 1
Zeyliv follows me into my dreams.
I sleep, but it is not a restful sleep. When I wake up, I am dripping in sweat and breathless. My pulse is hammering as if I had run a marathon. The temptation to just stay in bed and wait is huge. I would love to just pull the blankets over my head and never get up again. And dream of Khazaar. Now that I am certain that he is alive, a hurricane of conflicting emotions is raging inside me. They are so strong that I am scaring even myself. How far am I willing to go for a love that wasn’t created that long ago?
I answer myself. I am ready to do anything so we can have a future together. And if that means that I have to share a bed with Zeyliv, I will survive that, too. My wounded and imprisoned alpha warrior won’t like it. I wonder if I might be able to keep this affair a secret from him. Then I remember Hathura’s fate, and I know that lying isn’t an option. I will need to tell him. Maybe not right away, but at some point. Khazaar has enough confidence to know that he need not fear any competition. My heart belongs to him. If I can save us by using my body, then every damn minute I spend with Zeyliv will have been worth it.
But I have another problem. Zeyliv expects me to bear him a child. I, however, have no intention of staying on Betania long enough to put his son and heir into his arms. In fact, since day break, I only have two – three, if I count the market day – days to leave this cursed planet. No matter with whom, but I need to get out of here.
I snuggle wistfully in the pillows one last time before I get up and face the day. I really want to take my fate into my own hands today, instead of waiting for Zeyliv to be bedside and make demands. It is high time to show him what I’m made of, if Khazaar and I are to have a future together. I have found love in a way I would have never thought possible. And now that I have known love, I will defend it tooth and nail against anything that wants to destroy it.
The thought of hatching a spectacular escape plan with my darling, his men, and my women – for they have really become that in my eyes, my women – brings a smile to my face for the first time in days. I will not give up, not now that my happiness is within reach. While I am getting up and in the bathroom, I make a list of priorities in my head. I need to know how Khazaar is doing. And I need to get Zeyliv to make concessions for me, and it would be best, if he didn’t even notice.
That will be tough, because Zeyliv is the leader of his people for a reason. He is intelligent, he is strong and he knows how to apply his power. And, not to be overlooked, he is also a manipulative scumbag.
I take special care with my appearance today. I brush my blond locks and put them in an up-do that makes me seem few centimeters taller. He has not fulfilled his promise yet to get me some clothes that fit, but it doesn’t matter. I tie an improvised belt around my waist, and gather the fluffy garment until it reaches to my ankles. A little cold water is enough to bring some color to my cheeks. The woman in the mirror looks at me skeptically. My cheek bones protrude sharply and emphasize my determination. I don’t really like this new Cassie, who hides her vulnerability behind a wall of toughness. I never wanted to be someone who gets her way by manipulating others or making them feel small. Unfortunately, I cannot think of another way to achieve my goal. I will not be able to get Zeyliv to just let us leave by asking him nicely.
I step out into the hallway and start looking for someone who can tell me where I can find Zeyliv. The whole house seems to be in mourning, because there is a dull silence everywhere. The first woman I run into answers my question by spitting on the floor and turning away from me. I take a few deep breaths to calm me down. Her unfairness makes my face burn with rage, but how can I explain to her that I alone am not at fault for her mistress’ death? I have no luck with my second attempt, either. Finally, the third person I meet points the way to the garden.
Zeyliv is sitting under a tree, his back leaning against the trunk. His eyes are closed, and this gives me the chance to gather my thoughts. Now that I am standing in front of him, I suddenly have no idea what to say. His Machairos are not with him, and this puts me at ease a little. The big cats could have given me a hint about his mood, but when I am alone with him, I feel more … how do I feel? Definitely not safer. I knew from the first time I saw him that this man is dangerous. While I am still thinking about how I feel, he opens his eyes. Every thought about myself shrinks. The only thing that counts for him is the debt I owe him. And he will make me pay dearly.
Before I can stop myself, I ask him the first question that comes to mind. “What will happen to the child?”
He presses his lips together. “Isn’t it a little late to be thinking about what will happen to the boy?”
His rhetorical question makes my heart race. In his arrogance, he lays the entire blame for Hathura’s death on my shoulders, and I will not put up with it. Every idea of diplomacy forgotten, I stand tall before him. “Oh no, I will not take all the blame,” I hiss at Zeyliv. “First, it was you who beheaded her. Second, I would bet my right arm that Mangali is the one who told you of her suspicion. What did she say? That Hathura and I were keeping secrets from you?” His pale face tells me that I have hit the nail on the head. “Did you really think that your main wife and I were planning your death, or something equally absurd?” I shake my head. I don’t know which words to use to explain to Zeyliv that Hathura had helped me. “I discovered her secret,” I say finally. The anger is gone. I sit down on the ground at a safe distance from him. “And because she was afraid that it would come out, she agreed to get more information about the survivors for me.” My awkward attempt to talk around the real scope of my abilities has failed. I can see it in his tense attitude.
“Then why the drama about the list?” he asks factually.
“I don’t trust you,” I respond. “You have intimidated me from the beginning, have manipulated me and have forced me to do things I didn’t want to do. Your stated goal is to send me into the heads of your business partners as your personal spy, so I can give you a financial advantage. Who knows how far you will go?” I am astounded that he is letting me speak, and I can’t stop the flood of words. “Next, I had to uncover a crime on your orders, a crime that wasn’t even one to begin with, in my eyes. You know the result. They two of them preferred to die together than to live without each other. What’s next? Will I have to examine every one of your people and report as soon as they disagree with one of your decisions? Where is the line, Zeyliv? Tell me!”
“You don’t understand,” he accuses me. “I need the money I will earn because of you. We need it.”
“Then explain it to me,” I insist. But he shakes his head no.
“It’s not only complicated, but also none of your business. It is something that concerns only my people and me.”
I despair at his stubbornness and his pride. I would bet that there is something else behind this greed for money other than the desire for riches. But what? I consider looking for it in his thoughts, but he can see this in my face. “Don’t you dare,” he barks at me. “You have already created enough disasters. If you ever slip into my head, the same fate as Hathura’s awaits you.”
And we’re right back where we started, I think. “Will you punish Mangali, too?”
“For what?” he asks. “She warned me that the two of you were keeping something from me. For that she deserves a reward, not a punishment.”
He really doesn’t get it. This is his blind spot, the steadfast belief that Mangali acted out of love for him. “Mangali hated your main wife.” I say. He winces, but hides this involuntary movement immediately with a shrug of the shoulders. “I assume that you and Mangali married for love? And then when it became apparent that she couldn’t bear children, you had to take Hathura as your wife, too. Hathura gave you a son, and in the ardor of your feelings, you made her your main wife.”
“And you can see how it ended,” he says bitterly. “The boy I thought of as my son is the child of another man. The woman whom I promoted above all others turned against me to stab me in the back and to make me the laughing stock of my people.”
I almost feel sorry for him, leaning against the tree there and sharing his suffering with me. But not enough to not bring him back to reality. “If you are honest with yourself, then it really is your wounded pride that is making you miserable. A woman succeeded in deceiving you. Just admit it.” I wonder if I have gone too far, because his reaction is unmistakable. He growls his dull feline purr and his fingers turn into claws.
“I loved them,” he says with a voice that is both animal and man. “Both women. And the boy.”
“If you really loved Mangali, then why did you allow her to be demoted? She decided not to betray you. She decided to not go behind your back. And what did she get for that? You put another woman in front of her, whose only service was to bring a child into the world. Do you call that fair?”
He stands up. If I didn’t know better, I would think he was trying to get away from me. With his last sentence, he needs to prove that he still has the upper hand. “I will await you in one hour. Today, we will further test your skills. You had better try hard to satisfy me. Some of my people are asking for your head.”
Without any effort whatsoever, he has managed to put me on the defensive. He knows that I am dependent on his protection, because, in the eyes of many, I am now responsible for the deaths of at least three people. He has achieved his goal. I will need to fight for my freedom all by myself, without a single ally.
Fear has taken hold of me once again.