Chapter 4
Shazuul doesn’t know why he is making his way back to my cell, and he doesn’t care.
But I care. After my mount and leaving the prison wing, I grow restless. What if Varsul decides that this would be an excellent time to come put more pressure on me? As soon as he walked in my room, and saw my stiff body, he would know what I was up to. I dare not push Shazuul to go faster, for fear of being noticed. The Sethari can’t see me, and he surely can’t feel me, either, but I caution myself against being too confident.
When the door to my room finally opens and Shazuul goes in, I slip back into my body and feel a huge wave of relief. For my second try, that didn’t go too badly, I tell myself, as exhaustion overtakes me and my eyes grow heavy. I don’t even notice when Shazuul leaves and does whatever the Sethari do. I don’t even want to know. My last thought, before I slip into unconsciousness, is that I need to find the key to Khazaar’s cell.
I spend the next day hatching another plan. I need to be careful. I can’t get cocky, no matter how much elation I feel after yesterday’s escapade. Varsul doesn’t show up, but I have the urgent feeling that time is growing short. Even so, I let Shazuul leave undisturbed when he brings me my food. If there is one thing I learned during the years of oppression under the Sethari, it’s that patience and perseverance are the best weapons against the energy vampires.
Of course, it would be best if I could slip into Varsul’s head unnoticed. I throw that plan out immediately, even if it seems to be the one that would get me to my goal the fastest. Surely, he knows the code to Khazaar’s cell. He would never miss the opportunity to humiliate and possibly even torture his enemy in person, every chance he could get. I wonder what his reason is for even keeping Khazaar alive. That traitor doesn’t do anything without a reason, of that I am sure. I grind my teeth and beat against the wall with balled fists to get rid of at least some of my frustration. My plan is worthless. Varsul would definitely be able to tell if I left the room with him.
I wish I could talk to Khazaar again. Not only because I hope that he might be able to think of a way for me to get the code to his cell, but also because I feel terribly alone without him. He has become such a big part of my life in such a short time. I know I can live without him, but I don’t want to. His absence is a constant, throbbing pain that doesn’t ever let me go. I long for him, and his touch, and even for his voice in my head.
It’s no use. I just have to find a way to set him free.
My head spins as I am lying in my bed. I wonder if I could jump from alien to alien? Shazuul could take me out with him, and then I could whisper to him to go find his commander. Then I could slip into the commander without being noticed, and I could give him instructions to fly to the next planet, set all the prisoners free, and make all Sethari commit mass suicide.
I smile against my will as I listen to myself. Dream on, Cassie! As nice as it sounds, there are too many unknowns in that joke of a plan. I suspect that the only reason I can slip into Shazuul’s head without being noticed, is that he is a simple alien. The commander of the Sethari is surely of a different caliber. However, there are two points that don’t seem too bad to me. The one is the idea of landing on a planet. As long as we are drifting around in space, Khazaar and I will not be able to leave the ship. On firm ground, things would be different, assuming, of course, that the planet is inhabited and we could flee the ship. The other point is that it seems to me that I could probably figure out how to jump from pack mule to pack mule. Khazaar comes to mind again, and I wish that we had had more time together so he could have taught me more about my abilities.
Could have, it echoes in my head. Suddenly, I am done with waiting. I drum on the door with my fists and scream. Nothing happens, other than me being even more tired and exhausted than before. I let my gaze wander around the room. looking for something I could use as a weapon. My food is always served to me in bite-size pieces, so there’s no chance of ever getting a knife. There aren’t any curtains that I could fashion into a noose, in order to cut off the air supply of the Sethari. I don’t even know if they breathe like we humans do. The bedframe is made from plastic and is screwed to the floor. My plate is made of a soft material and would not impress anyone if I waved it in front of them.
Everything is pointing to me needing an ally on the outside. Someone who can help me with my escape plan, someone who can get the code, someone who can tell me when the next planet is within reach.
I only have contact with two beings. Shazuul is one, and Varsul, the traitor, is the other. I take a deep breath and force my body to relax. With my eyes closed and in my thoughts, I list the advantages and disadvantages of making an ally out of either alien.
Varsul wants something from me. A child. I could use his wish as the basis for negotiating, and offer to give myself to him of my own free will. In exchange, he would give Khazaar and the other prisoners their freedom. Even though he has clearly demonstrated that he can take me against my will, there must be a reason why he didn’t take his perverse game to extremes. The idea that he might have fallen in love with me, and therefore craves my ... affection ... is absurd. He is too cold for that. Something is nagging at me, in the back of my head, and is trying to come out, but I am too agitated to be able to catch the elusive thought. Well, maybe it doesn’t matter why he wants my consent. What is important, is that he needs it. After all, he showed me clearly enough that he is ready to negotiate, because he made the well-being of the other women and Khazaar dependent on my cooperation.
Shazuul doesn’t want anything from me – meaning that if he could do as he wished, he would love to tap my energy reserves. But offering him my life energy in exchange for his help is totally counterproductive. What would I be able to accomplish if he weakened me? On the other hand, the “only” thing he would do, is weaken is my body if he helped himself to my energy. I play the daring scenario in my head: I negotiate with Shazuul, who, in exchange for a small and much-desired snack, would get the code for me, with which I can free my beloved. Something isn’t quite right, though. How can I prevent him from sucking me completely dry, once he has me in his grip? I swallow dryly, as I suddenly see our path to freedom clearly, right in front of me.
I will send my spirit into Shazuul’s head, unnoticed, and will prevent him from taking more than one sip of me. He can have his reward the minute he tells me the code. As soon as I have fulfilled my part of the agreement, I will go with him to the cells and free Khazaar, his warriors and the women. Then … hm. What then?
Then I will sabotage the ship while in Shazuul’s body, and they will be forced to make an emergency landing. We’ll flee the ship and will somehow evade our pursuers. Khazaar and I will live happy and content until the end of our days.
My plan has more holes in it than Swiss cheese. But what is the alternative? Wait and submit? Those days are over.
I feel a kind of vague compassion for Shazuul, who won’t just be my pack mule. As soon as they discover our escape, his superiors will hold him responsible. I don’t know what they will do to him, but it won’t be pleasant. How can I justify that in good conscience? A demon and an angel are fighting inside of me. I hate the Sethari who treated me and my fellow humans like livestock back on Earth. We were just a source of nutrition, and they exploited us mercilessly. But I have been in Shazuul’s head, and even if he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, I have gained insight into how he thinks and into his feelings, even if he doesn’t have many. They were not pleasant, to put it mildly. But it is hard to just use him and then throw him to the wolves. I decide to postpone my decision, and to look for another way to save him from a death sentence. I feel some relief, even if just a little, but enough to ease my conscience.
I don’t like myself very much right now.