Pit Stand – Sometimes referred to as the “war wagon.” This stand, on the inside of the wall adjacent to the pit stall, is where key team personnel, most notably the crew chief, car chief, and often the team owner, sit during the race and communicate strategy. It is outfitted with satellite television screens, timing and scoring information, radio controls, and other communication relevant to race operations.
I bit my nails nervously while Alley and I sat on my toilet. Well, I sat on the toilet; she sat on the edge of our tile tub, biting her own nails.
Last night Mr. Jangles ate my birth control pill. This wouldn’t have been so bad except this was the fourth pill in my cycle he’d eaten this month. When I took a closer look at the dates on the box, I should have started my period by now. I was now a week late, which would have led to only one weekend I could have possibly gotten pregnant, the weekend Jameson flew home before the last race of the season. That was the night we spent the majority of our time in bed.
“This can’t be happening,” I muttered incoherently to myself.
Even though I was talking to myself, Alley replied, “You? How the hell am I going to keep track of your shithead of a husband with three kids? Did you know that in Phoenix I had to separate him and Colin three times in the matter of an hour after the first practice session?”
“You’re the one who got knocked up,” I replied defensively. “That’s hardly my fault or Jameson’s.”
“I didn’t say it was your fault,” she sighed and slumped down, holding the pregnancy test in her hand. “I blame these Riley men.”
“I agree.” I finished peeing on the stick and then sat next to her. “Axel just turned one. How the hell am I going to manage another one?”
“You better not turn pink, you asshole stick!” Alley shouted at the innocent pregnancy test. Then she started crying in a very melodramatic way. “Why does this keep happening to me?”
“I think I remember this conversation we had, or at least I think I do.” I turned toward her. “I asked what the best birth control was... and you said: No sex.”
She held up the sticks in my face, both sporting the pink lines. “You clearly didn’t listen to me.”
“Neither did you, hypocrite.” I held her positive stick up in her face.
We stared at each other for a moment, started crying, and then resorted to lying in my bed all morning after Emma came by. We did nothing but watch reality TV until Nancy arrived with the kids.
Nancy had been watching them so we could take the boys to the Lake Norman Air Park to meet Wes so they could leave for Tulsa and the Chili Bowl.
On the way back to our house in Mooresville, I told Alley I thought I might be pregnant.
Alley, the hard ass bitch that she could be, broke and started bawling because she was three weeks late herself and hadn’t told anyone. So we stopped off at Wal-Mart on Norman Station Boulevard and picked up a few pregnancy tests and a box of donuts.
Nancy let herself in and came upstairs to my room with all the kids. I’m not sure how she could handle them all, but she had Lane carrying Noah, who looked like he was carrying a bomb that was about to explode.
Axel was on her shoulders with a very large grin and a chocolate donut in his chubby little hands. Most of the chocolate had been licked from the donut and was either on his face or in Nancy’s hair. In her arms she had Lexi, who was sound asleep, and she was pushing Charlie in the stroller.
I wondered for a moment why she didn’t have Noah in the stroller, as well, but it appeared she had too many bags in there to actually fit kids in it.
Axel started squirming when he spotted me in the bed.
“Mama, Mama!” he practically flung himself off Nancy’s shoulders to get to me.
She had to set Lexi down before this could happen, which irritated Axel. As I’d said before: when he wanted something, he wanted it right away.
Pushing myself up from the bed, I went to him in fear for Nancy’s hair that he was pulling on to get down.
“Calm down, buddy. Mommy’s right here.”
He smiled wide. “Mama.”
There was nothing better than a hug, but a hug given by a child is by far the greatest feeling. They gave everything to you unconditionally because that was what they felt.
Somewhere along the way of life we lost that—the ability to do as we feel rather than what we think.
Not my baby, though, he loved me.
“Did you have a good time with Me-Ma?” I sat down on the edge of the bed with him.
That was when Nancy, just as Emma did after she went shopping, showed us everything she bought for the kids.
Axel nodded with a chocolate smile and curled up on my lap to eat the rest of his donut.
Emma reached over to take Noah from Lane when he found the donuts we had on the bed. Lane had a habit of forgetting he was holding something when chocolate or sugar of any kind was involved.
“It appears you’ve already had a donut, Lane,” Alley deduced after seeing his chocolate smile.
Lane shrugged carelessly and continued the selection process. Once he had his specific donut selected, he crawled up next to his sleeping sister on the bed and patted her head.
“Mommy,” Lane began, “I was thinking today ...” He paused, took a large bite from his donut, and looked up at Alley as she looked over at him, pulling her long hair into a bun. “I wanna get a taboo like Daddy has.”
Emma, clearly not thinking, piped up, “It’s called a tramp stamp, Lane.”
Alley tossed a pillow from my bed at her head. “It’s not a tramp stamp. Yours is worse!”
Emma had recently let her hair grow out to cover her trasher token she’d gotten over a year ago.
“Yeah, well, I covered mine up.”
“So did Spencer,” Alley pointed out.
Emma pointed at Lane, who was watching this debate curiously. “Then how does your four-year-old son know about it?”
Lane raised his hand but didn’t look up from this donut. “I’ll be five soon.”
Alley and Emma were too caught up in their argument to notice.
“It doesn’t matter, he still knows, and now he wants to be just like his dad,” Emma said matter-of-factly. “Let’s hope that never happens.” She placed Noah in the stroller beside Charlie to contain the little squirming peanut.
“You know what, Emma?” Alley pushed her knocked up theatrical self from the bed and stood in front of Emma. Her five-foot-nine stance hovered over Emma’s barely five-foot height. Once she was standing there, ready to pounce, her emotional pregnant side took over. “What the hell am I going to do?”
“About what?” Nancy asked curiously, looking at me and then Emma and Alley.
“She’s knocked up again,” Emma announced.
Alley was under a great deal of stress these days. That was the only answer for what she did next. The only answer I could come up with at least. I thought she’d been hanging out with Jameson too much, and that was precisely why she was so stressed.
Alley attacked Emma, Emma attacked Alley, and there the kids, Nancy, and I sat, watching.
“Take it back!” Alley screamed at her, pulling at Emma’s waves of black hair.
“No, you take it back!” Emma countered, pulling Alley’s hair.
This went on for a few minutes. It wasn’t like they were really doing any sort of damage to one another, just wrestling and yelling.
Lane, who was sitting next to me, leaned over and nudged my shoulder with his. “I think Mommy give soon.
“I don’t know, Lane, your mom is tough. She has Emma on size, too.”
Lane rolled his eyes. “I mean with the taboo, Auntie.”
“It’s a tattoo, Lane, not taboo. If you tell the tattoo artist you want a taboo, you’ll end up like Emma and have to grow your hair out.”
“I said tattoo.” He sighed.
“I’m curious”
I let out a giggle when Alley spanked Emma’s ass and said, “I’m only doing what your tattoo says.”
Glancing down at Lane and his donut, I continued, “So what will your tattoo say?”
“Not sure.” He licked his donut. Axel, who was still sitting on my lap, took Lane’s donut from him and handed him his “already licked” donut as a peace offering. “It be manly, though.” He looked up at me. “Why he always still my food?”
“Steal your food?”
“That’s what I said.”
“Okay, that’s enough, girls,” Nancy said, separating them. Emma was panting heavily as was Alley. They both slumped back on the floor on their backs, exhausted. “What’s going on?”
“Alley’s pregnant and being an emotional bitch,” Emma told her breathlessly.
Alley swung her arm up and smacked Emma in the throat.
“There are children present, Emma,” Nancy told her.
Lane hopped down from the bed, went over to Emma, and held out his hand out.
Axel followed suit and did the same thing.
“Since when does he do that?” she asked, pointing toward Axel after handing Lane a dollar bill.
“I’m not sure. Last week he pooped a dime so I’m assuming someone is giving him money.”
Axel and Lane were satisfied with their money and sat down on the bed again.
“So you’re really pregnant?” Nancy asked, helping Alley off the floor.
“Yes,” Alley spit out. “Your son and his super seed knocked me up.”
“That’s what the taboo should say!” Lane announced happily, jumping up and down on the bed. “Suber seed!”
We all looked at one another. I started laughing hysterically. Nancy couldn’t help it and gave way to her snorts and giggles.
“Sway’s pregnant, too,” Alley said in between her own laughs.
“Sell out.”
“Wait.” Nancy waved her arms around. “So you’re both pregnant?”
You could literally see the excitement building. Nancy would adopt an entire country of children if she could. The only reason she and Jimi stopped having kids was because Nancy had too many problems having Emma so soon after Jameson, so her doctor advised them not to have any more.
“Try to control your enthusiasm,” I told her. “You already have five grandkids, seven if you count the Lucifer twins—which you do for some reason.”
“That doesn’t matter. I love all my grandchildren, even the ones that are not technically mine.”
Just as she said this, Charlie, who she had picked up from the stroller, puked all down the front of her. She held him close, puke and all. “Regardless of what they do.”
THE NEXT FEW days passed quickly, and I found myself keeping busy with Axel to avoid the truth. I was pregnant again. I made it to the doctor in town to confirm, and sure enough, another positive result.
And then the day finally came when Jameson was set to arrive home. I did the only thing I could to avoid reality. I made cookies, and that turned into a full on feast.
“Do I tell him now, or do I wait?” that was the question I’d been repeating to myself for the last three hours.
Any minute now, Jameson would be home from the Chili Bowl that he won. I wasn’t sure whether or not to tell him tonight or later. I didn’t want to take away any excitement he had from his win. Not that it wasn’t exciting to have another child, because it was, but I hated for anything to get in the way of the thrill of an earned victory at the Chili Bowl.
And, oh, did the thrill shine? Jameson could hardly control himself that night. Once the guys got back around five on Sunday night, everyone gathered over at our house.
Already drunk, Jameson of course attacked me the moment he walked through the door.
I went with it, and then there I was, watching my very drunk husband recount his victory.
“What I want to know is, since Tommy set up both our cars... how the hell did you win?” Justin asked, picking up Lily, who came running to him when Axel pushed her down and stole his Mr. Piggy back from her.
“Maybe the same reason why you always win Turkey Night and I don’t,” Jameson replied, leaning back in the chair. His eyes took on an amused look when he thought of all the times Justin had taken Turkey Night from him. “I swear Irwindale hates me. I’ve never run good there.”
“You won a few years back,” Justin reminded, Jameson taking a seat next to him.
Jameson chuckled. “Still... I haven’t won since. I’ve been every year since I was what ...” He looked over at Spencer. “Seven?”
Spencer nodded.
“See, that track hates me. Loves you, hates me.”
Making my way back into the kitchen to check on the food and make sure everything was kept stocked, I realized our house was full. Most of Jameson’s pit crew was there, along with the sprint car teams, and most of our family, as well.
Even with all this excitement around, I was still nervous that I was once again pregnant. I thought back to when I got pregnant with Axel during our “friends with benefits” days.
This was different in so many ways, but it didn’t stop me from being nervous.
What if he didn’t want another kid?
We had finally adjusted to Axel and traveling with him—how would one more fit into that?
So there I was, milling this over in the kitchen and eating cookies when Jameson approached me from behind.
“Here,” his drink in hand swung around the front of me as he placed his chin on my shoulder. “Ami made it. It’s good.”
“What is it?” I sniffed the cup. “Christ Almighty, is there anything besides alcohol in there?”
He chuckled and took a drink. “It’s root beer and rum. Mostly rum.” He pushed it toward me again. “It’s good.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” I turned in his arms to face him.
“You’re not drinking?” His eyebrow arched in question as one hand rubbed down his jaw.
“No... not tonight.”
“But I won the Chili Bowl,” he pouted. “We’re celebrating.”
“I know that.” I sighed and hugged him. “I just... well, I....”
Sensing my hesitation as I fumbled over my words, he pulled back to look at me. A long moment passed before he smiled. “Are you ...?”
I didn’t know what to say so I nodded.
“Say it,” he demanded with a smirk.
“What?”
“Say it,” he repeated, the smirk growing into a full-fledged grin.
I slapped his shoulder and stuck another cookie in my mouth.
“Why?”
Jameson stood quiet for a moment before he tipped his head to the side. “I just want to hear you say it.”
Our eyes locked, that silent bond between each other spoken. He wanted me to say it because when I found out with Axel, I never actually told him—he guessed it, which he did again. He wanted to hear the words this time.
I leaned forward, motioning for him to come closer before I smiled; he trapped me between the counter and the island with his arms, hovering over me.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered in his ear. His arms that were wrapped around my waist tightened. “Are you happy?” You couldn’t miss the apprehension in my tone.
“Yes, of course I am,” he pulled back to look at me, his fingers curled under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Did you think I’d be mad?”
“Well, no.” I paused and looked around as Ryder walked into the kitchen to get food and drinks. “I just... I worried that adding another kid would complicate this more for you.”
“Nothing is complicated about us expanding our family.”
“So you’re okay with it?”
“Yes,” he nodded eagerly. His grin widened as he took another drink of his mostly rum. “Couldn’t be happier right now.” He started walking toward the family room before he spun back around and stood in front of me. “Are you happy?”
“Yes,” I answered immediately.
And I was. I wanted more kids; I just didn’t think it’d be this soon.
Jameson left to party with his boys in the family room while Alley made her way back into the kitchen. She’d just put the kids to bed upstairs and looked exhausted.
“I remembered why I hated being pregnant,” she huffed and stuffed a cookie in her mouth.
“Why’s that?” I asked, leaning against the counter.
Nancy walked by with Axel sleeping in her arms and motioned toward the stairs. I assumed she was putting him to bed for me. He had this ability to fall asleep anywhere and at the most random times—like in the middle of dinner or in the bathtub. The bath was a problem, and well, so was dinner after he inhaled mashed potatoes up his nose one night.
“I hate all the hormones and the cravings, oh, and the exhaustion.”
“Me too.”
“Did you tell Spencer?”
“Yeah, he noticed how big my boobs were,” she looked down. “I had to buy a double-D size bra.”
I laughed once. “Was he happy?”
“Yes and no. He’s nervous about how much he’s away from the kids already, and now we’re adding another when Lexi isn’t even one yet.”
It was tough on everyone involved in racing, not just the drivers. The crews, spotters... they all sacrificed any sense of normalcy.
Alley laughed and looked over at me. “Let’s just hope we don’t have them on the same day.”
I FINALLY CONVINCED Jameson to come to bed around three in the morning. He grabbed Axel out of his room and brought him to our king-sized bed.
Axel curled up against his chest and fell back asleep almost immediately.
“Why did—”
Jameson’s index finger silenced me and then moved to his lips where he whispered, “Shhhh….” And then he pointed down to Axel. Moving closer, he rested his hand on my belly.
After a few moments, he spoke. “Do you think it’ll be a girl?”
“Hmm... I kind of hope so,” I said softly, trying not to wake Axel.
The good thing about him was he slept like me. Jameson could start a sprint car in his room, and he wouldn’t wake once he was asleep.
Lying there with my expanding family, my anxiety over our lifestyle got to me.
“Do you think... I mean... it’s soon to be having another baby, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess so. But I wouldn’t change anything about it,” he turned over, propping himself up on his elbow to look over at me. The sun was starting to rise over the lake, the light filtering in through the sheer drapery. “I know I’m not around much, honey, but this,” he motioned to us lying in bed. “I live for moments like this. Having another baby only sweetens that for me.”
“Sweetens?” I giggled softly.
He laughed as well before kissing my forehead. “I just feel bad that I’m living my dream, and you are taking care of our family. You’re my pit stand.”
“Is that what you think? That you don’t help?”
“I don’t really,” he shrugged. “Even when you’re at the track with me, I feel like you’re the one having to keep track of him, and now another baby, I just worry about your sanity in all of it.”
“Just like you... I wouldn’t change anything. I love being Mama Wizard. Being at the track is where I’d rather be anyway, with you, as your pit stand.”
His eyes focused on mine and then fell closed.
“I love you,” he whispered, intertwining our hands together.
THE NEXT MORNING, I heard quite possibly the cutest thing ever. Jameson and Axel talking.
“Good morning, little man,” I heard Jameson say as he opened the door to his bedroom. Axel was never fun to sleep with so we ended up putting him back in his bedroom this morning so we could get some sleep.
“Daddy!” Axel chirped like he hadn’t seen him in days. Snuggling into the bed, I laid there and listened to them on the monitor.
Jameson must have sat down with him on the floor because I heard him say, “Here.”
He usually did this when you sat down in his room, and he began handing you toys he thought you needed.
“Did you miss Daddy when he was at the Chili Bowl? I won by the way.”
“No,” Axel answered. I knew he missed him, but being one, he hardly understood what you were asking. Unless you asked if he wanted ice cream... the answer to that was always, “Yeah!” complete with a head nod.
“Well, that doesn’t make me feel any better, little man. I missed you guys.”
They seemed to play for a while before Jameson spoke again.
“Did you know Mommy is having a baby?”
“No.”
“She is. You’re going to be a big brother.”
“No.”
“I think you’ll make a good big brother. We need to work on your sharing, oh, and potty training.”
I could hear the rustling of Axel’s diaper as Jameson got him changed and then the ordeal of dressing. Axel loved to take his clothes off, but refused to put any back on.
“Come on, little man. Let’s go get Mama some decaf coffee.”
“Yeah!” Axel chirped with enthusiasm.
“So I mention Mama and you finally say yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“We need to work on that, too.”
“No.”
I think Axel understood more than we gave him credit.
When I heard the Expedition start up in the garage, I turned the monitor off. My hands moved from behind my head to my stomach where new life was forming. It was crazy to think something was growing inside me again—part of me and part of him, together.
Moments like this, I understood why people chose to be alone in life and the fear of getting hurt. Losing someone to death was easier than losing them to heartache.
If what I had with Jameson simply vanished, the heartache would never die.
Regardless of the happiness I felt having my family together, the family we created was worth any risk of ever being hurt. Just like the racing family we were, we stacked our pit stand with equipment to get us through this crazy life, oh, and added kids along the way.