Chapter 12: The Compound
CHARLIE AND SAM fell into a routine of sorts. She was aware the others had noticed it, too, but she didn’t know what to do or how to stop the runaway train she’d seemingly jumped on. She worked six days a week at the diner. On her day off, she always made sure to go back to the trailer and catch up with her squad, despite Charlie’s protests, but on the nights she did work, she had quickly fallen into a pattern of going to Charlie’s to spend the night. She wasn’t proud of it and hated that her squad knew it. She tried to play it off at first, but they had demanded to know where she was staying as they all worried about her. And truth was, if it had been any of them, she’d have felt the same way, so she couldn’t begrudge them that.
She also knew they didn’t buy the ‘we’re just roommates’ protest, even though to a large degree that was all it was. Charlie insisted on sleeping on the couch and giving her the bedroom. Sure, they’d make out every now and then, but he had never tried for anything more than some seriously hot kisses. She warmed simply thinking of them.
She recalled the first time she stayed over. He had given her her first-ever foot massage, and she wasn’t embarrassed at all to admit she was now completely addicted to them, and she had fallen asleep in his chair. She had been shocked to wake up in a bed, fully stretched out and her body not full of kinks and cramps for once. She’d had a small twin size bottom bunk in Little Endor, but the room she shared was crammed with thirteen other women. It was then she had taken to sleeping in a fetal position holding her meager possessions close to her body for fear they’d be stolen. Over the years, they’d been anyway, but she had continued to sleep in that defensive position that left her body cramped and her muscles tight.
She didn’t want to think about what it meant, that she was comfortable enough in Charlie’s bed to stretch out and actually relax. Maybe it was his famous foot rubs that did it for her. She wasn’t sure.
She also could never forget that first morning after, walking into the living room and finding Charlie Jenkins asleep on the couch, shirtless. Only a blanket loosely covered his lower body. Her mouth had watered seeing him, long and lean and stretched out on the couch and it had awoken parts of her that she had only heard about from the other women in camp and suspected was long since dead in her. She’d been very wrong.
Charlie continued to be the perfect gentleman. They practically lived together, and yet he still never made a move to touch her. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to. She had seen the physical evidence on more than one occasion, letting her know he definitely wanted her. She felt equally elated and guilty for it. The more time they spent together, the harder it would be to leave, but for his sake, she knew she had to end things soon.
It was another day at the diner and Sam made up her mind. Tonight she would tell him that things weren’t going to work with them, that she would be moving back to Jared’s with the others. Her heart was already in too deep. He had slipped passed all her defenses, and she knew it was going to hurt like hell, but for him, it was best thing, and she cared too deeply for him to drag him down to her level.
She was sad and quiet walking into the apartment after work. Charlie was waiting with a big piece of blackberry cobbler and a cold glass of water.
“Where’d this come from? We ain’t have cobbler on the menu tonight.”
“Mrs. Worthington made it. I spent the afternoon visiting mom up at the bunker.”
“And you didn’t just stay up there?”
“No, why would I?”
This was why they had to have the dreaded talk. He gave up time with his family at the bunker, and a comfortable bed to sleep in, just because he knew she would be there.
“Don’t ya think your mom wanted to spend time with you?”
He came over and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. “Don’t ya think I’d rather spend time with you?”
He lowered his head, no longer hesitating as his mouth took control of hers. Sam was his girl, and despite her hesitations, he felt they were growing closer every day. No way would he miss a night with her to hang out in the bunker, no matter how much grief he caught for it.
Deepening the kiss, his tongue swept passed her lips to duel with hers. A groan of desire escaped him, and he felt her stiffen in his arms.
“Charlie, stop.”
He looked confused and maybe a little hurt, too.
“We can’t keep doing this,” Sam said, but she couldn’t stop the swell of tears in her eyes.
Charlie brushed a stray tear from her cheek. “What’s wrong, Sam?”
She shook her head, no.
“Hey, whatever it is, I promise we can work through it.”
“It ain’t that simple. Don’t you see? I ain’t no good.” She took a deep breath and tried to stop her body from shaking. She’d never told a soul all she’d done and what had been done to her, but she needed him to understand. He was the leader of the compound and deserved far better than her.
“Tell me what’s bothering you, ‘cause I know you, and I know that’s not true.”
“You only see what you want to see. I’ve done things I ain’t proud of, Charlie.”
Sam had worked hard to bury her demons. For the first time in her entire life she felt safe, making it even harder to tell him the truth.
“Explain.”
“You are so good and pure and kind. You’ve been safe your whole life. You got no clue what evil lurks outside these walls.”
“I know enough,” he said, thinking of what the AMAN had done to Lily’s sister the night they had taken her, of the endless abuse Jared had faced at the hands of his father, and of the betrayal of Pastor Weaver that led to his father’s death.
“Sometimes life happens and all we can do is react. Tell me, Sam. What do you think you did that is so unforgivable?”
She couldn’t look at him as she spoke, so she concentrated on the ground even when he took both her hands in his, encouraging her to continue.
“I’ve killed people, Charlie, and I don’t even feel bad for that part. I had to do what I needed to do to survive, but that’s not even the worst of it.” She wasn’t sure she could actually tell him.
“Go on,” he said calmly.
She shuddered. “I was with the AMAN for a while.” Charlie stiffened before her. “I never made it to headquarters. They grabbed me in the woods. I was hunting nuts and berries to eat. Mama told me not to, but we was starving. I couldn’t take it anymore. They grabbed me from behind and we was long gone before I even realized what was happening. I was fifteen at the time. I always carried a knife with me. So, when the first come for me, I killed him. Three dead before they realized I had the weapon. They was taking me back to their headquarters where’s they take all the girls. I tried to escape and they seen fit to make an example of me.”
Charlie wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him trying to reconcile her story with the young girl she had once been. She was so strong and ornery, he couldn’t fathom any one getting the jump on her like that.
“Go on,” he whispered.
She shook her head no. “I can’t, I ain’t never told this to no one. Some suspected things, but I ain’t never told a soul.”
He kissed the top of her head still holding her tight. He knew if he looked in her eyes, he’d see tears. “I need to hear it, Sam.”
“It’s too much. The things they did to me. I can’t talk about it. You don’t understand. I can’t have no babies after those monsters. They ruined me. ‘We’re gonna make an example of you,’ they said. By the time they’s done with me, they said I weren’t fit for the whore house even. Left me to die in the woods. I was hemorrhaging and barely holding onto life, too stubborn to die, when Gideon found me.”
“The leader of Little Endor?” He asked, his voice shaking in barely controlled rage.
“Yeah, he saved me. The women there, they fixed me up, but told me I’d never have no babies. I’m too damaged for you, Charlie. Don’t you see? If people knew my story, they’d never accept me. You’d lose everything. I ain’t worth that kind of trouble.”
“Sam, you are.”
“That’s nice to say here where we’re alone and all, but what others think matters. Holly’ll be home soon. She knows enough. More than most. She ain’t ever gonna be okay with this. She knows I ain’t no good.”
Charlie laughed and relaxed a little for the first time since they started the conversation. “You think Holly wouldn’t approve of you for me?”
She nodded against his chest still refusing to look at him, but her arms were now tightly around his waist.
“Do you know anything at all about Jared Hastings?”
She looked up at him in confusion. “What? What does Jared have to do with this?”
“You ever noticed how the Compounders stare awkwardly at him?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard some of it. They are crazy. There is nothing wrong with Jared Hastings.”
Her defense of his brother-in-law warmed his heart. This woman was so much stronger, braver, and compassionate than anyone he had ever met, and she didn’t even seem to know it. It was a sweet irony of sorts.
“Jared was the town’s reject.”
She made a fierce growling noise and opened her mouth to rebuke him, but he laughed and shushed her.
“Shh, let me just tell you the story.”
She pouted, not happy at all that he was talking negative about one of her leaders.
“Jared was abused as a child. No one really knows to what extent, but it was bad. Like really bad. Like show up to school with bruises and dirty clothes that didn’t fit, bad. No one intervened. They say his father was a mean and nasty drunk. He was away when the fallout happened and never came home again. Probably the best thing that could have happened to Jared. He lived on the outskirts of town, just a boy, by himself, quiet, not really making eye contact, and extremely awkward. At least that’s what they tell me.”
“Doesn’t sound like Jared.”
“No, it doesn’t. He was still a little awkward when I first met him, but he never backed down where my sister was concerned. Boy did he piss me off, but in hindsight, I respect the hell out of him for it. If even half of what everyone says about him is true, he’s fought his entire life just to survive under scrutiny and ridicule and without any help from anyone. And look at him now. You didn’t know him before. You are fiercely protective of him and his image. People here, regardless of his relationship with Holly, who everyone adores, if you haven’t noticed, still look down at him, call him damaged goods, not good enough for her. What do you think?”
“I think they should all be strung up for even thinking such a thing! I cannot imagine Holly without Jared or vice versa. He’s a strong, natural leader and we all adore him. What they’re saying just isn’t true. He isn’t awkward or damaged.”
Charlie gave her a knowing look.
“It’s not the same thing.”
“It’s exactly the same thing. Even hearing your story, Sam, I can’t look at you and see the damage you see. I see a beautiful, strong, woman leading men with a clear and level head. Someone I’m proud to have by my side. I will never be ashamed of you. You will never bring me down. I am who I am and if people can’t accept that, that’s their problem.”
“You and your sister are much more alike than you think. My first day inside the Compound, after she blazed a path for us to even get inside, she said almost the exact same thing to Jared. He was worried he would hurt her image, that people would see her differently because of him, which we all thought was insane, but we didn’t know about any of his past and stuff.”
“Maybe it’s you and Jared that aren’t so different. Cause those fears of yours are unwarranted, too.”
“You can’t know that, Charlie. Holly was already a rebel. Leader of a rogue squad. You are the leader of these people, an entire community. It’s different.”
“Then I’ll take that risk, because you are worth it.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You are to me. Just, promise me something.”
“What?”
“Dinner tonight, at the diner.”
“In public?”
“Yes, in public. A real date.”
“But …”
“No buts. If you’re right, I’ll apologize and make it up to your anyway I can, but if I’m right, and we don’t cause a scene or the next apocalypse, then you agree to be my girlfriend. For real.”
He wagged his eyebrows up and down and she couldn’t help but laugh at him. At times, he seemed so mature and grown up, highly respected in the community, but when she got to know him, he was really still just a boy, goofy, sometimes awkward in his own way, and always fun to be around.
“I don’t think I could ever tell you no.”
“Good,” he said, leaning down to kiss her. “Pick you up at six. I have meetings all afternoon, so you won’t have the chance to back out.”
She let out a frustrated breath and scowled at him.
He loved her sass. “Stop worrying so much.”
“Go to work already.”
“See you at six?” he was still worried she’d bail on him.
“Yes, I said already. Now git.”
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