Chapter 31
JESSE WANTED TO punch this guy in the face. It had been a long time since anyone had pissed him off enough to see red. Who did this douchebag think he was, treating Holly like that? After everything he had heard about Jared Hastings, the last thing he ever expected was to have to protect Holly from him. How could anyone deny JJ? He was the sweetest baby in the world and this man, this supposed father, all but flipped out at the thought. “Charlie, what the hell? I have a kid? No one told me I had a freaking kid!” Jared started yelling.
“I’m sorry, man. We didn’t know. I swear, I just found out myself. I would never have blindsided you with something like this. I was still recovering from the news when you happened to show up. What are you doing here?”
“Amos is sick. I’m covering the tower for him today,” Jared said.
“Shit. I’ll call in a replacement,” Charlie told him.
“No. Please. I can do it.” Jared sat down hard on the steps and his wooden leg clanked against it. When it did, his pants shifted, and Jesse saw the peg leg for the first time. Jared’s elbows rested on his thighs and his hands framed his head as he rocked back in forth, looking pained. He squeezed his eyes shut and then reopened them. “Give me this, Charlie. I’ll be okay. It’s just a lot to take in, and something normal, like watch, will do me some good.”
“Okay, but I’ll be around and I can cover it myself if you need me.”
“Appreciate it,” Jared said honestly, still trying to wrap his brain around that enchanting goddess being his wife and bearing his child. A son. He had a son. He was still in too much shock to even begin sorting through how he felt about that.
“I’m gonna run and get Doc,” Sam said.
“No, it’s okay. I’m just overwhelmed. I’ll be fine,” Jared promised.
Sam shook her head. “No, this is a big deal, Jared. Doc should be here.” She looked over at Charlie, and he nodded as she ran off to find him.
“Please, Charlie. I can get through this. I don’t want any more sedatives. I just found out this woman’s my wife and I have a son. I need to deal with that in my own way.”
“I agree, Jared. I do. I promise, no sedatives this time, but I’d still like Doc nearby in case you need to talk or change your mind.”
“Okay,” Jared conceded.
“You have to deal with this?” Jesse asked. “Deal with it? What kind of prick are you? Do you have any idea what that woman’s been through? She has mourned you every single day. When I first met her, I’d never in my life seen someone with a bigger death wish. She cried herself to the point of exhaustion for days. She wouldn’t eat, wouldn’t drink. She just wanted to die. If it wasn’t for JJ, she probably would have. She still cries herself to sleep at night when she thinks I’m not awake to hear it. She still battles nightmares from it regularly. And you, what? Don’t want a wife anymore? Not ready to be a daddy? Well too bad! That is an amazing woman who loves you and the sweetest little boy in the world. What the hell is wrong with you?” Jesse yelled at Jared.
Jared stared at him blankly. His eyes filled with confusion, regret, and frustration.
“He has amnesia,” Charlie said calmly in Jared’s defense. He sat down on the steps next to him and clapped a hand on his friend’s back. “When the helicopter came for Holly, her men fought back. They weren’t going to let them take her, but one of the guys was shot and killed and, in the confusion, they grabbed her. Jared made a run for her and tried to stop them. He was shot, lost a chunk of his arm here,” Charlie lifted Jared’s shirtsleeve exposing massive scarred tissue on his arm. “His leg below the knee was shattered. Infection set in and Doc had to amputate it. But the worst of all, was that the impact to his leg threw him off-balance and backwards, cracking his head open on a rock buried beneath fresh snow. He was in a coma for months. He’s lost about three years’ worth of memories. I appreciate your concern for my sister, I really do. It’s obvious she means a lot to you and you have clearly been there to help her through everything, but before you start yelling at this man, learn what he’s been through.”
“She felt familiar in my arms. I don’t know how else to describe it. They told me I had a wife. I laughed in their face. No way would someone like that marry someone like me.”
“Jared, we talked about that,” Charlie warned him.
“I’m not being self-deprecating, Charlie. I’m being serious. I mean the idea in abstract was hard to take in, but did you see her? She’s freaking gorgeous. What would someone looking like that, want with me?”
Jesse laughed. “She once told me you always put everyone above yourself, even when you didn’t realize you were doing it. That you had a good heart and despite your obstacles, you were a survivor and the best man she’d ever known.”
Jared sat quietly taking it all in. He was still largely in shock, he also had a job to do and that gave him focus and made him feel like he was contributing.
“I have to get to work,” he said, and left.
“I’m sorry about what happened to your friend,” Jesse told Charlie. “Holly needs to know. She’s hurting right now and doesn’t understand. I think it would be best if I talked to her.”
“Be honest with me. Who are you to my sister?”
“I’m just a friend. There’s honestly nothing like you’re insinuating going on between me and Holly. She’s still crazy in love with her husband.”
“And if she wasn’t?”
“Wouldn’t change a thing. She’s like a sister for me. I care about her and the kid, but not in that way. I will protect her with my life, and not just because it’s my job. She’s been through a lot this past year. She’s also doing some pretty amazing things, but I’m going to let her explain all that.”
Charlie noted the pride in his voice as he spoke about Holly. He wasn’t one hundred percent convinced he was telling the truth but had no reason to not believe him either.
“If you think it’s best to hear it from you, then go ahead. Doc will be here shortly, and he’ll want to see her. Old family friend.”
Jesse nodded. “Thanks.”
He got up and headed back inside the building they had been shown earlier in the day. The abandoned tray of spilled food still lay on the ground, and Jesse realized he was starving. He knew Holly must be, too. Before he began the talk, he ran back outside. Charlie was on the stairs heading up to talk to Jared some more.
“Charlie?”
“Yeah, everything okay?” he asked looking down at him.
“The girl, Sam was it? She brought a tray of food for us earlier but was obviously shocked and dropped it. Any chance we could get a meal?”
“Oh, sure thing. Sorry about that. I’ll call it in myself. They’ll put a rush on it.”
“Thanks.”
Jared looked down at them from above. “Is she okay? Holly, I mean.”
“She’s a lot stronger than even she gives herself credit for. She’ll be okay,” Jesse assured him.
Jared nodded. “Would it be okay with you if I spoke with her after my shift?”
Jesse looked confused as to why he was asking. “She’s your wife, and she has a mind of her own. That’s not really my place to say one way or another. You’ll have to ask her.”
“Oh, I just thought …” Jared’s voice trailed off. Jesse Sullivan was a strong, handsome man. It never dawned on him that they weren’t together. They had looked like a happy, picture-perfect family when he first seen them together.
“Like I told Charlie. Holly and I are not together. She’s still in love with you, even when she thought you were dead. I need to go talk to her. Explain what happened to you. I have no doubt she’ll be happy to speak with you.”
“Wait,” Jared said. “Charlie will you watch the tower for a few minutes?”
“You sure?” Charlie asked sounding surprised.
“I’m sure. Look, what was your name?” he asked Jesse.
“Jesse Sullivan.”
“Jesse, right now you probably know her better than I do, but I feel really bad about how I handled things earlier. If she’s as important to me as everyone keeps telling me, then I think maybe I need to be the one to talk to her.”
Jesse struggled with the idea but conceded. “Don’t lie to her; don’t pretend. Tell it to her straight. She deals with stuff better that way.”
“Okay,” Jared said as Charlie relieved him, and he struggled down the stairs, determined not to show weakness in front of Jesse Sullivan.
“Come on up and keep me company. Sam will be here with your dinner shortly,” Charlie said.
* * * * *
Jared made his way to the cabin he saw the beautiful woman flee to. He didn’t knock and regretted it when he walked in. She was breastfeeding the baby. It felt like an intimate moment that he shouldn’t intrude on.
This is your wife, he told himself. That is your child. Keep it together and just talk to her.
“I’m fine Jesse, just give me a few minutes,” Holly said without even looking up. Jared noted she didn’t move to cover herself and again wondered if what the man had said was really the truth.
“He seemed to think otherwise,” Jared said. She turned to look at him with red rimmed, swollen eyes. The realization that he had caused her to cry affected him on deeply. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something inside him screamed that he needed to fix it.
“Jared,” she said, as if she was struggling to believe it was true.
“Hi,” he said awkwardly. “May I sit, or would you like me to come back when you’re done feeding him?”
“It’s fine. He’s starting to fall asleep and won’t be much longer though if you’d rather not.”
A part of him wanted to run away from this alternate reality he didn’t understand, but he wasn’t going to allow that to happen. A big part of him was lost, and from what everyone had told him, she could be the key to it all.
“I’m sorry I didn’t handle things better earlier. You surprised me,” he said, choosing honesty.
Holly snorted. “Surprised? I thought you were dead. I’m still not convinced I’m just seeing a ghost.”
“You’re not.”
JJ stretched and popped off her boob where he had been eating and yawned. He cooed and snuggled closer into his mother’s chest. Jared’s mouth dropped open and he drooled. He had never seen a woman’s breast before that he could recall, but he knew these were magnificent.
“I know,” Holly said. “Ever since JJ was born they just seem to keep getting bigger.” She smiled and laughed to herself. “Remember that time I complained I’d never have boobs like that Playboy pinup model you had stashed in your drawer?”
Jared knew his face was turning a hundred shades of red. He had kept all his dad’s old magazines and used to look at them when he was young. It had been a long time since he had even thought about that. He didn’t remember the incident she was referring to, but he knew exactly what magazines she was referring to and no one knew about those.
He took a deep breath and decided maybe Jesse knew best. Direct approach.
“Actually,” he started. “I don’t remember that. I don’t remember anything. I’m sorry. Doc calls it amnesia. Best he can tell I lost about three years of my memory. That includes you. I’m so sorry. The squad has told me all about you, about us, so I know some things, but I don’t remember them. No one mentioned just how beautiful you are,” he said in awe, staring at her.
A tear slipped down her cheek. “You don’t remember me at all?”
He shook his head sadly. “No. I really wish I did. You don’t know how sorry I am.”
“What on earth do you have to be sorry about?” Holly asked. “Was it from the incident? You know, when they came for me?”
He nodded. “Yes. Apparently, I hit my head pretty hard on a rock or something. Doc said I nearly bled out in the snow.”
“I watched you for as long as I possibly could. I couldn’t get to you, I could only watch it all happen. You were lying there. The fresh white snow was seeped in bright red. You didn’t move. I thought you were dead, Jared. I would have fought harder to get back home if I even suspected you might be alive. I’m sorry. I could have returned months ago, but I didn’t want to face it. I didn’t want to come back without you.”
Her pain was evident, and it hurt his heart. This woman had mourned him, had loved him. Everything he had been told was true. He could see it in the pain in her eyes staring back at him.
“I’ve seen you in my dreams,” he blurted out. “I thought I was just imagining it based on what others told me, but in my dreams, you are always more beautiful than I could fathom, and I assumed my mind just made it up to help make some sense of it all or put a face to a name or something. I was wrong. My dreams didn’t nearly do you justice. I’m not usually so forward, I am just kind of shocked to see you. Like this can’t be real, so I can say whatever I want without repercussions.”
Holly laughed. “I know what you mean. I’m having a hard time believing you’re really here, but if I’m dreaming, that’s okay. I hope I never wake up. It’s so much better than the nightmares that usually haunt me. I’ve always had nightmares, except with you. You keep them away.”
“How do I do that?”
“I don’t know, but you do.”
“I wish I could remember,” he said solemnly. “Um, no one mentioned a kid. You said he’s mine?”
“Yes. This is JJ, Jared Junior. He’s almost nine months old. I didn’t realize I was pregnant. You don’t remember Griffon, I guess.”
“Griffon Maynor?” he interrupted, asking.
“Yeah. You remember him?”
“He was my boss at the lumber yard. They told me he turned AMAN. It’s really hard for me to grasp that. He was a good guy.”
Holly sighed sadly. “I suppose in his own warped way, he still is. He was the one who came for me that day. I’ll never fully forgive him for it, but we’ve made a sort of peace agreement over it at least. He had reasons. Not good ones, but to him they were.”
“Are you with him?” Jared asked. “I heard you had been, before, uh, before us.”
“Jared, I chose you. I still choose you. I will always choose you. There’s not been anyone else, there never could be,” Holly told him honestly.
He gave her his first real smile. There was a spark in his eye that showed her he was still in there somewhere. She leaned over and held his hand. She hated feeling him stiffen, even if only for a moment.
“Look, I heard you. I get you’ve lost some memories. I really hope you get them back someday,” she sniffed, “because there were some really good ones. And I know if you’re missing three whole years and all of me in there, that just sitting here talking with me, letting me touch you, is hard, because I know you, Jared Hastings. I know everything about you.”
He wanted to pull back at her accusation. There were things in his past he had never confessed to anyone. People may have suspected, but he had never confirmed anything. The abuse at his dad’s hand had been like a dirty little secret. Staring down at the boy in her arms, he couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t equipped to be a father. He’d never had a real one in his life. Others said the day the world ended was the worst of their lives, but for Jared, it was the best day and the start of a new life, because his parents had been away and never made it back. It had stopped the abuse. He knew he could never do to this baby what his dad had done to him, but he was also terrified of reproducing any part of the man he had loathed his entire life.
He knew deep down, there was no way he could ever confess such a thing to Holly. She may have been his wife. He may have loved her. She was beautiful and easier to talk to than any person he’d ever met. He felt comfortable and more confident just sitting there with her, but to face his ugly past and allow anyone else into it in even the smallest way was unacceptable.
He linked his fingers with hers and squeezed. “It’s not quite as hard as it should be,” he confessed.
His comment earned him a big smile, and he realized there wasn’t much better in life than Holly’s smile. It made him smile, too.
“We got through so much once before, we can do it again. If you still want me. There are some things I still have to do though, Jared. Things I have to finish first. I didn’t come back to stay. I came back to leave JJ with my mom. Not for good, just a few months while I work through some stuff. I have so much to tell you about what’s happening out there. You won’t even believe it.”
Jared looked confused, “You’re leaving? You’re leaving the baby here and taking off?”
Pain sliced through her at the accusation. “It’s not like that,” she said, pulling her hand back.”
“You just got here, Holly. I have so many questions I don’t even know where to begin and you’re telling me you’ll only be here what, a few hours? A few days?”
She sniffled. “I never wanted to set foot here again. Can’t you understand that? I thought you were dead. It took every ounce of strength I had just to come here because I knew it was the safest place for JJ.”
“But I’m not dead. I’m right here,” Jared said, shocking himself. Where was all this coming from? He didn’t know. It wasn’t like him to be so bold, especially with a girl. He decided to change directions. If she was leaving the kid, his kid, then he needed to be man enough to step up and take that responsibility. “Can I hold him?”
Holly felt like the ball on a ping pong table. Her emotions were up and down and all over the place. Jared was alive, but he wasn’t quite the Jared she had left behind. He was different. She didn’t think he’d want anything to do with JJ when she first told him, but now he wanted to hold their son. She couldn’t deny the request. The baby was still sleeping in her arms but she gently transitioned him over to Jared’s without waking him.
“Until Matty and Zach were born, I had never been around babies before, but you’re in luck, kid cause they’ve given me plenty of practice.”
“Matthew and Zachary? Cassie. Oh my gosh. Cassie had twin boys? She always said she’d have two sons named Matthew and Zachary.”
Jared smiled at her. “Yeah, the twins are one now, and into everything. Quite the handful. JJ will be a piece of cake after dealing with those two.”
Holly watched as he picked up and marveled at the baby’s small hands and felt the soft curls on his head.
“He’s so tiny,” he said, staring down at his son.
“He came in like a little whirlwind, and there were complications, but he’s a tough guy. A survivor, like his daddy.”
A survivor? Holly truly thought he was a survivor?
“How much do you know about me?” he wondered awkwardly aloud.
She touched his arm and stared into his eyes leaving him exposed and vulnerable. “I know everything about you, Jared.”
He shook his head. “That’s not possible. I’m …”
“Not good. Too damaged. My father beat me as a child. I’d hide in the back of my closest and pray he thought I wasn’t home just to get a break from it all. I was happy he never came home again after the world stopped. I don’t deal well with close proximity or being touched or touching others. I’m a loner who keeps to himself. It’s not that I don’t like people, I just know they only see the evil of my father within me. Callie Carter once tried to kiss me at a barn dance I asked her to. Took me a month just to work up the nerve to ask her but when she tried to kiss me, I froze and ran away.”
He looked at her, horrified as she ticked off some of his deepest darkest secrets. “There is no way I would tell you something like that, ever.”
Holly laughed. “Yeah you did.”
* * * * *
Sam had walked in quietly during the barn dance recollection. “You shoulda seen her in Little Endor, Jared. She was something. Holly Jenkins, leader of the hottest men to ever come through there. Her, a woman, leading all those men. It was something special. She kept ‘em all to herself but laughed and joked with anyone who came near the others. Then she met Callie there. Callie had been taken by the AMAN and was rescued by the Endorians. That’s where I met her. Holly was so jealous of Callie she couldn’t see straight. I thought she was gonna try and kill her in her sleep to be honest. We asked to leave with you guys, and she almost turned us down because of Callie.”
“I did not,” Holly said, laughing.
“Oh yes you did. You were spitting mad when Jared sided with Milo to let us come along and you shot daggers at Callie the first half of the trip.”
“Maybe,” she confessed. “Fine, I was jealous. Feel better, now, Sam?”
Sam laughed. “Yup.”
Jared felt confused trying to keep up with the story. “I don’t understand. Why were you jealous of Callie?”
“It wasn’t Callie exactly, it was just that I knew she was your first crush and she was so happy to see you, like you were some hero or something coming in to save her. I don’t know. I just was.”
A deep laugh behind her had her turning around. Milo was there with his arm around Callie Carter who looked white as a ghost.
“You still got a bit of that green-eyed monster in you?” Milo teased.
“Shut up. I don’t have any problems with her. You know that, right Callie?”
“You weren’t exactly happy when I started seeing Milo either. So I was never really sure. I just knew to stay away from Jared if I wanted to continue breathing.”
They all laughed. “Don’t listen to them Jared. I wasn’t that bad.”
Jared looked her up and down again, trying to understand it all. Why would Holly have anything to be jealous of Callie Carter over? How could she possibly have cared who he had liked as a kid so much? It was a lot to take in and overwhelmed him.
“Doc’s here, Jared,” Sam said, stopping the light banter that had begun. “He’d like to talk with you, if you’re up for it.”
“Oh, stop treating him like some invalid. He’s fine. Holly’s here and there is nothing better in this world for him than her,” Ashlyn said walking in with Doc trailing behind.
“Ash,” Holly said, jumping up to hug her friend. She made her rounds to say hello to Callie and Milo while she was up. She discovered they were not only still together but had gotten married the month before.
“Wow. That’s crazy. I feel like I’ve missed so much,” she confessed. “I wish I had been here for it.”
Milo held her tight. “Don’t sweat it. We know you would have if you could. How did you get away? It was the AMAN, right?”
Holly sighed. “Yeah, it was Griffon actually. I’ll tell you all about it some other time. I’m just happy to see everyone. And I’m sorry. If I had known. If I had just tried to reach out, I would have been here.”
“Holly they had you captive, and you couldn’t possibly have known.”
“Actually, they didn’t. Not for a long time at least.” She looked over at Jared. “I thought he was dead. I wasn’t strong enough to come home and face that. I’m sorry.”
Milo hugged her tightly. “Don’t be. You did what you needed with the information you had. What now? Why now?”
“We’ll talk later,” Holly whispered as Scott and Jacob walked in.
“Do we have to hold this reunion up in this shithole?” Jacob complained.
Scott picked Holly up and swung her around. She almost kicked Jesse as he walked in. He grinned as he set he back down. “Our nefarious leader has finally returned. Always knew you’d make it back,” Scott said.
Jesse saw several people enter the room from where he was perched on the steps of the tower talking with Charlie Jenkins. He didn’t quite know what he was walking into, which put him on edge, but Holly’s feet flying towards his face wasn’t quite what he’d imagined. She was laughing and crying and being passed from person to person for hugs. Charlie had told him her squad was arriving, but what he saw was a group of misfits, not the tactical team that had bested rogues and made alliances with more towns than he could count on two hands. A team that monitored AMAN traffic more closely than the militia themselves.
“Jesse, come on, let me introduce you to everyone,” Holly said. She looked alive again, vibrant, and happy even. He feared she would back out of the mission before them, and he had come to believe in that plan. Believe in her.
The security side of his brain had already kicked into action, memorizing the faces and assets of each person in the room. He didn’t feel they were a threat to Holly exactly, but could certainly be a threat to her mission. Jared Hastings was sitting in a chair holding a sleeping JJ in his arms while talking to an older man with white hair and a strange accent. Jesse wondered what they had talked about and if Holly would share it with him. Right now, Jared looked like a beaming new dad. As it should be, Jesse had to remind himself.
Holly took him around and introduced him to each and every person present. He learned that, aside from the old man who was the Compounders’ head physician they called Doc, the remainder comprised most of Holly’s squad. Jesse knew each of them through the stories she had told, but they seemed quite protective of her and not very happy to see him.
“Who exactly are you?” Milo pressed.
“This is Jesse Sullivan, Milo. He’s a friend and my protector. Treat him as such,” Holly warned. Jesse was a little taken aback. He had seen many sides of his fiery redheaded friend, but never quite this one of ultimate authority. He was used to seeing her as the negotiator.
“Since when does Holly Hastings need a protector?” Scott asked.
“Since I got mixed up in some territorial disputes and am negotiating some pretty big treaties. I’ve made a lot of new friends, but inevitably some enemies, too. Jesse watches my back and has earned my ultimate respect. Are we clear?”
To Jesse’s surprise, all heads nodded in agreement.
“What the hell are you into now, Hols?” Milo asked.
“Later, I promise. Right now, I just want to relax, catch up and enjoy being home.”
“Can’t we actually go home, or at least into town for this?” Scott whined.
Holly shrugged. “Jesse and I haven’t gone through newcomer orientation or quarantine yet.”
“Why the hell would you have to do that?” Scott asked.
“I’ve been gone a long time, Scott. I assumed it’s the standard process now.”
“Well sure, for newcomers. Which is not you. You vouch for Jesse, don’t see why he can’t join you, if that’s what you want. Long as he’s not AMAN, no one here will much care. What happened to the Holly Hastings who stood up to the lot of them and demanded this riffraff pack be let in?” he pressed.
Jesse and Holly shared a look.
“He is AMAN, isn’t he?” Jacob demanded. “Shit, you accepted an AMAN bodyguard? Have you lost your mind? What did you say the name was again?”
“Jesse Sullivan,” Holly said, before Jesse could stop her.
Jacob’s eyes widened. He knew the name, but no one knew the face. “The Ghost,” he said softly. “Holly, he’s not a freaking bodyguard, he’s a damn assassin. Steinfeld’s henchman. What the hell are you doing following Holly around?” Her squad surrounded him as Holly jumped in front of Jesse to protect him.
“Back off, right now!” she told them, and again to Jesse’s amazement, they obeyed. “I know exactly who and what Jesse is. We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of, and you know how I feel about that. It doesn’t define a person. Jesse’s story is his business. His past is none of your concern. If he wanted to kill me, I’d have been dead a very long time ago. As it stands now, I don’t go anywhere without. Period. You don’t have to like it, but you do have to accept it.” The baby started to fuss. Holly looked over to find Jared staring at her like pieces of a puzzle were being put into place. She grabbed Jesse’s hand and kept him behind her as she walked over to check on the baby.
“A baby? Where the hell did you get a baby, Jared?” Scott asked.
Jared stood, bouncing JJ lightly as he started to settle back down. “Didn’t you hear the good news?” he beamed. “I’m a dad!”
* * * * *