Chapter 30: Holly
“WHY ARE YOU nervous?” Jesse asked. “This is your home. It’s not like you just left, they took you.” “You took me,” Holly reminded him.
He rolled his eyes and shrugged. “Whatever.”
“I don’t know. It’s just been a really long time. So much has happened, and I’ve missed even more.”
Jesse stopped and pulled Holly into his arms. The baby stirred between them, sleeping quietly nestled against her breast in the carrier. “And there’s a lot of ghosts there waiting for you.”
She nodded against his chest.
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I can protect JJ, Hols,” he said sweetly.
“I know you can, but my attention will be too divided. I know he’ll be safe and loved with my family. Plus, I have to convince Charlie to join the alliance. The Compounders have a huge impact in this area, and right now, it’s probably the most stable territory we’re dealing with. It’s also one of the most neutral, and I want to consider it as potential for the new capital. Not Wythel exactly, but in the general area.”
“Which would keep you closer to home and this little guy,” he considered, absentmindedly letting her go and fluffing the light brown curls on top so JJ’s head.
“Okay,” Holly said, taking a deep breath. “I can do this. There’s no reason to be nervous.”
With her pep talk over, they walked towards the tall wall looming ahead of them.
“How many entrances to the town are there?” Jesse asked curiously.
Holly cut her eyes back at him. She trusted him two hundred percent. He had earned it, but she still liked to harass him about being AMAN and giving away top-secret information.
“Fine, don’t tell me,” he grumbled.
“It’s been well over a year, Jesse. So, I’m honestly not sure what the layout of the place is now. So much changed in the six months I was gone last time that I didn’t even recognize it. There were two main entrances then. Now? I don’t know. It’s probably best we go in through the visitor’s gate. They may give you a hard time. They haven’t exactly been AMAN friendly in the past.”
“I’m not exactly AMAN anymore,” he reminded her.
“I know that. You know that. The AMAN know that. The Compounders will only see your tattoo. Guilt by association at that point. I doubt the feelings towards them have changed much, or perhaps worsened. I mean, if they even suspected the AMAN were the ones to take me …”
Her voice faded into memories, and he knew she was thinking of Jared and how he died trying to protect her. It was a story he was well familiar with and why he knew with certainly they would only ever be friends. He loved her in his own way, more than he had ever loved another person, but not in a romantic way. She was like the sister he’d never had, and with so much pain and sadness between them, it could never be anything more than that.
“How will they even know about my tattoo?” he questioned, trying to change the subject away from Jared Hastings. It was hard enough having little JJ as a constant reminder; he didn’t need her reliving her last moments home.
“They don’t just let anyone in, Jesse. They will strip us and check for lice and disease. They will clean us and stick us in quarantine for 7-10 days to ensure no communicable diseases are brought into the compound.
“You serious? I mean the AMAN has a similar protocol for new recruits, but that’s crazy. I thought they had open trade with several towns. How does that work?”
Holly shrugged. “I know they had a program that recurring visitors could go through to gain direct access, but it’s a long process to get that kind of status. At least it used to be. Look, I really don’t know what to expect with this, okay?”
He dropped the subject altogether when he saw that she was becoming irritable. They walked in silence until she brought him to a gate with twin towers on each side and armed sentries monitoring it.
Holly looked up but didn’t recognize the men manning the towers.
“Hello, and welcome to the Compound. How may we assist you today?” one of the men asked with a friendly tone, though neither lowered their weapons.
“Hi, we’re visiting. I need to speak with Charlie Jenkins as soon as possible,” she said with complete authority in her voice. “Can you please radio him down here?”
One of the men snickered and they both shared a look.
“I’m afraid I can’t do that, ma’am. Mr. Jenkins is a very busy man. He doesn’t see to travelers directly anymore. You’re welcome to come in and warm yourself. We can make accommodations for the night if you need. Mrs. Little will see to your needs,” the first man said.
“Seriously? Why? He used to love that,” Holly whispered the last part to herself. “Radio him anyway, and tell him to get down here now,” she told the man more sternly. “Tell him Holly Hastings is here to see him.”
There was some swearing, a lot of action and movement, and the gate flew open as a little round woman ran out and stopped two feet away, staring like she was seeing a ghost. Tears streamed her face as she grabbed Holly and pulled her into an embrace.
Jesse was on full alert with the quick movements of both the lady and the guards, but he couldn’t move fast enough to block her and keep her from squishing JJ. The baby let out a squeal of disapproval that had the woman jumping back.
Holly removed him carefully from his carrier and passed the baby to Jesse, as she reached out and hugged Mrs. Little.
“It’s good to see you, Mrs. Little. How’s Jeb?” Holly asked like it was the most natural thing in the world, like she’d never left.
Mrs. Little wiped her eyes. “Stubborn as ever, but he’s well. Had a little scare with his heart a few months back, but Doc’s got him on a new diet and he’s doing real good now.”
“I’m so glad to hear it,” Holly said.
Jesse observed her closely. She was smiling, but it wasn’t quite reaching her eyes. Holly was guarding herself. He had seen it with other groups but didn’t expect it here, though he supposed in truth, she had more to lose with the Compounders than anyone else. Scared wasn’t a term he was used to associating with the woman before him, but he sensed she was just that.
“And who do we have here?” the keen woman asked looking over Jesse critically.
“Oh, this is Jesse Sullivan. My friend,” Holly said, letting her guard down for the first time.
“And this is your child?” she asked looking back and forth between the two.
Jesse knew she was asking if this was his baby, but Holly seemed oblivious and simply said “Yes.”
He already suspected they’d be the town gossip by dinnertime. As long as it didn’t bother Holly, he didn’t care what these people thought of him or them.
JJ continued to fuss, so Jesse bounced him up and down and talked to him. He caught Holly’s eyes as she laughed at the scene, all defenses down.
“Pass him over,” she finally said.
“It’s okay, I got this,” he assured her. “Catch up with your friend.”
That seemed to jolt Mrs. Little out of whatever trance she’d been in, staring at the two of them.
“Yes, please, come on in. I have a fire going where you can warm up, and I’ll call in a meal for you.”
“Thanks,” Holly said.
They followed her inside. Holly had tried to prepare Jesse for what to expect in the Compound, but the accommodations they were shown just for visitors were the nicest he’d seen anywhere since before the war.
“We didn’t want to cause mass hysteria hearing you’re here, and alive,” Mrs. Little said, with tears in her eyes and a quiver in her voice. “An order’s been called for meals for two visitors. My apologies, but until Charlie gets here and assesses the situation, that’s probably for the best, sweetie.”
“Thank you,” Holly said. “You’re right, I don’t want to cause a big to do with this. I need to talk to Charlie about a few things, and I’ll need to see my mom. How is she?”
“Oh, Karen’s doing well. Misses you. Everyone here does. It’s been so long, I can hardly believe it’s really you.”
“It’s me,” Holly said.
“Are you staying for good?” she asked, eyeballing Jesse.
“No. I’m afraid I can’t. At least not permanently right now.” Holly didn’t share her plans, only kept things light and friendly.
Jesse could see her barrier was back up. He was worried about her and what this trip would do to her emotionally. He had tried to talk her out of making it herself, and letting him relay the information for her, but she had insisted. He understood she needed to face her demons and the ghosts that haunted her regularly. The nightmares had subsided some, but she still had them. They never talked about it.
“Hey Mrs. Little, got you two trays for the newcomers,” a blonde with a thick country accent said. “Where you want the …” She stopped mid-word and the tray crashed to the floor.
Mrs. Little scolded her, but the girl’s huge blue eyes shown with shock.
“Holly? Holly, is it really you?”
Holly’s barrier cracked, and a tear slipped down her cheek.
“Hi Sam.”
Sam threw herself into Holly’s arms, hugging her close.
“I ain’t believin’ my eyes. You’re home?”
The girls cried and held each other, pulling back to look the other over.
“You look really good, Sam. I’m glad you stuck around.”
“Can’t think of any other place as home to tell ya the truth.”
Holly was quiet until the baby squirmed, and she automatically reached for him, cuddling him close to her and kissing the top of his sweet head.
“I’m Jesse,” he finally said. “Sam, picked you up in Little Endor on her mission to save Griffon Maynor, right?”
Sam blushed. “That’s right, and you are?”
“Jesse,” he said, again without further details.
Sam looked from Jesse to Holly, to little JJ and back again. She gave a soured, mournful look. “Okay, so who do we have here?” she asked, turning to JJ. Her whole voice changed going up an octave as she spoke to the baby.
He wiggled around in Holly’s arms, wide awake, and wanting down to explore. She set him down and smiled as he crawled around, then used the chair next to her to pull himself up.
“This is JJ, Sam. My son.” Holly thought it was probably best to just keep things simple with everyone regarding her biggest joy.
“He’s beautiful! Don’t much look like either of you,” Sam commented, looking between Holly and Jesse.
Jesse knew she too assumed he was the father. He was used to it and took it in stride. Since he and Holly were always together, people just assumed the kid was his. He didn’t mind. He’d been there since day one in every way that mattered, and he loved that boy. But, he had thought these people that truly knew her could at least do the math to know that wasn’t very likely.
JJ dropped back down to his knees and babbled as he crawled over to Jesse, pulled himself up holding on to the man’s jeans and raised his little arms high in the air. Without hesitation, Jesse scooped him up and tossed him into the air to a squeal of giggles.
Charlie walked in at that moment. He took in the mess on the floor from the abandoned trays of food that Sam had dropped, then looked at his beautiful fiancé. Sam had been crying, he knew from the pink color of her nose. “What’s wrong?” he demanded. “Are you hurt?”
No one had told Charlie why he was being called to the visitor center, just that it was an emergency. Walking in, all he saw was Sam. He went to her and pulled her into his arms, checking her over for any injuries.
“I’m fine, Charlie,” she said, blushing.
“They said it was an emergency. What happened?”
“Uh,” Sam was still largely in shock and didn’t know how to tell Charlie his sister was five feet away and watching them. Charlie kissed her, still reassuring himself she was truly okay, and it dawned on her that Holly didn’t know she and Charlie were together. Sam looked up, not quite meeting his sister’s eyes.
“What?” Holly screeched. “You and Sam? When? How? I didn’t even think you liked each other.”
Charlie froze at the voice he hadn’t heard in over a year. He turned slowly, taking in the sassy redhead before him. “Holly?” he said reverently. She nodded. “Where the hell have you been?”
She took a step back, anger flaring inside. “Where have I been? Where have I been? I get kidnapped and flown off against my will and you ask where the hell I’ve been?” She was yelling now. She had been free to do as she wanted for many months and part of her lashing back stemmed from the guilt that she carried from not coming home sooner.
“Dammit, Holly, I know it wasn’t your fault and you didn’t have a choice. I’m just in shock. You’re here. You’re actually alive. It’s a lot to take in.”
Sam nudged him and pointed to Jesse and JJ. Holly stepped in front of them defensively.
Charlie’s mouth hung open in shock. He looked at Sam as if some telepathic connection existed that she could explain what he was seeing.
“Look,” Holly finally said. “I’m not here to fight, Charlie. I’ve been working. A lot’s changing in the world around you. We need to talk in private. I’ve got some stuff to deal with before I can come home for good, if I come home to stay,” she said sadly.
“That’s bullshit, Hols. This is your home. This is where you belong,” Charlie said.
Holly’s defenses crashed down, and she began to cry, trying to find her strength to get through what she had to do. She had ensured they didn’t go near the trailer she had shared with Jared. In truth, everything about being here hurt. The pain and loss were too much to bear.
“I can’t stay here, Charlie. I’m sorry. I miss you all too much. I just, I can’t. I need to talk to you and Mom. I don’t even need to set foot in Wythel, if she can come here, we can just get this over with. The sooner the better, and I’ll be on my way. Please don’t ask me to stay. It hurts to much just being here,” she confessed.
Jesse stepped up and rubbed her arm reassuringly trying to give her the strength to get through it. He hated seeing her in so much pain.
“Who’s this?” Charlie asked, his demeanor changing as he took in the site of the strange man and child behind Holly.
“Charlie, this is Jesse, my friend, and my personal bodyguard,” Holly said as if on autopilot.
“Bodyguard? Why do you need a bodyguard, Holly?” Charlie demanded. “What have you gotten yourself into this time?”
Jesse went on the defense. “You don’t have to answer that, Hols.” Still keeping a close eye on Charlie, Jesse was surprised to see him stiffen at the use of her nickname and then started to relax. Jesse didn’t know that only those closest to her called her that, it was just something he had started somewhere along the way and it felt right, but for Charlie, he recognized Jesse as a close friend and ally because of it.
“Jesse, he’s my brother. Stand down. He’s not a threat,” Holly told him, turning to look into his eyes so he could see she was truly okay. It hurt being back, she couldn’t help that, but she was happy to see her brother and so far, everything was going wrong.
When Jesse started to relax a little, she turned back and walked over to Charlie and hugged him. He was stiff at first but soon wrapped his arms around her, thankful to have his sister back.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Holly told him.
“I’ve missed you too, Hols.”
She decided to change the subject and lighten things for a bit. “So, you and Sam, huh?”
Charlie grinned from ear-to-ear and looked back at his girl. “Yeah. You cool with that?”
“Can’t think of anyone better to get you walking a straight line and keep that ego in check,” Holly said, speaking directly to Sam.
“Ya mean it? You’re really okay with me and your brother?” Sam asked.
Holly let go of Charlie and walked over to Sam. “Of course I mean it.”
“But, but ya know things about me, like how I ain’t so good,” Sam said. Holly knew exactly what she was referring to, but she’d spent enough time to know that Sam was a really good person: passionate, protective, and always willing to pitch in, learn new things, and pull her own weight.
“That’s not who you are Sam. Someday you have to stop condemning yourself for it. Are you happy with him?” Holly asked.
Sam looked up at Charlie and Holly knew the answer without her saying a word. Her whole face lit up and she nodded. “Happier than I knew possible.”
“Welcome to the family then, though you kind of already were,” Holly pretended to consider that. “Huh, my heart sister with my brother? Maybe I need to rethink this.” They all laughed. “Seriously, I’m really happy for the both of you.”
“How about you, Holly? Are you happy?” Charlie asked, still eyeing the strange man and the child he held.
“Not entirely, but I’m getting there. It’s still a little hard for me, but I’m trying. We’ll talk more about that later.” She reached out and took JJ from Jesse. “This guy certainly helps a lot. JJ, this is your Uncle Charlie.” She looked up to watch her brother’s reaction. “Charlie, this is JJ, my son.”
Charlie took a deep breath, glared at Jesse for a minute, and nodded. “Cute kid. I have no doubt you’re an excellent mother. Is that why it’s taken you so long come back home? What? You thought we wouldn’t accept an illegitimate child or something? You have to know by now, no matter what happens, I still love you and will do anything to protect you, and help you, whatever you need.”
The pain in hearing Charlie believe she could have ever gone out and gotten pregnant from anyone other than her husband hurt, but she was grateful for the rest of his words. “I’m going to hold you to that very soon. Because I do need your help, and no JJ was not what kept me away for so long.”
She looked back at Jesse and gave him a sad smile. He had done so much for her and JJ that sometimes she wished she could love him. Truth was, in her own way she did, exactly in the same way she loved her brother. She reached her hand out and he took it. She pulled him closer to her.
“Charlie, I told you, Jesse is my friend and protector. I’ve made a lot of new friends away from here, and a few new enemies too, so yes, I do need a bodyguard. Besides, I would never leave JJ unprotected. That boy’s my entire world.” She fought back tears knowing what she was there to do and why she had to leave him behind. “And he may be the only father figure JJ’s ever known, but he is just a friend.”
Charlie looked confused and back at the kid. Sam gasped.
“I kept thinking he don’t look like either one of you, but I see it now. He looks like his daddy,” she said.
Holly nodded as tears ran down her cheek. “I’ve always thought so too.”
“Wait, you mean—?” Charlie sucked in a deep breath. “Wow. Well that’s gonna be a shocker.”
Sam glared at him and whispered while giving an apologetic look to Holly. “She doesn’t know.”
“Know what?” Holly asked.
Charlie rubbed his hand over his face. “Shit.”
A commotion outside drew their attention away. Holly followed as Charlie and Sam went to investigate.
* * * * *
“Dan, you’re not pulling a double again. Amos is sick, I’ve been asked to cover his shift. Now get down, it’s time to turn over.”
“But sir …” the man on the tower started to protest.
“I’m not arguing this with you. It’s guard station duty, Dan. I’m perfectly capable of handling it. Now stop treating me like a freaking moron and let me do my job.” Jared looked up and saw Charlie and some newcomers. “Hey Charlie. Sorry, man, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. What are you doing out here?” He turned to the woman She was pretty with dark red hair that stood out in an unforgettable way, but she looked really pale and was standing there staring at him awkwardly. He forced a smile on his face, sick and tired of people only seeing a broken man. “Hello,” he said to her, hoping not to spook her. There was something very captivating and comforting in her wide green eyes.
“Jared?” she asked in a shaky voice.
Shit, he hated when people recognized him. That feeling of missing out on something and that look of expectation on their faces, then the fall to reality when he didn’t remember them. It was the hardest thing he’d faced since waking up alone in a strange room at Doc’s.
Before he could respond, she ran down the stairs and closed the short distance to him, nearly knocking him over as she threw herself into his arms. His balance was better, but still not the greatest.
“Jared?” she asked again.
“Yeah?” he asked, unsure of what to do.
“You’re alive?” she asked, sobbing into his shoulder.
“I’m alive,” he said. He felt the need to comfort her. He didn’t know who she was, but she sounded so sad. It really touched him. He slowly wrapped his arms around her and stroked her long silky hair down her back.
He still struggled with close contact, but for some reason, she wasn’t sending him into a full-on panic. He just held her and let her cry. When she finally sighed her last sob, she pulled back smiling. He thought she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on.
“Are you okay?” he asked, unsure of what to do next.
“I am now,” she said. Her hands were on his face, touching him in an intimate way that should have freaked him out, but she looked at him with such tenderness and awe that it nearly broke his heart. Who was she?
He was so surprised by the stranger that he didn’t even notice until it was too late as she leaned in and kissed him. He stopped, and knew it was going to be another Callie Carter incident that would haunt him. Callie was the only girl he’d ever kissed, at least that he could remember. That didn’t happen though. His body took over, pushing his mind aside, and he kissed her back like he was a dying man in the desert and she was water. He heard the gasps of surprise all around him that pulled him back to reality.
“I can’t believe it’s really you,” she whispered.
He shot a look to Charlie for help, but not before the woman continued. “Jesse, bring me the baby.” The strange man with her passed a small child to her. His first thought was, why hadn’t the man decked him already? Jared knew everyone inside the Compound at this point and knew these two were the newcomers they had called in earlier. They had to be, so why wasn’t the guy flipping out over that kiss?
Jared looked down at the child in her arms. He often helped out with Cassie and Chris’s twin boys. He had come to find he was good with kids. The lady beamed even more radiant than before.
“JJ,” she said, and he assumed she was referring to the baby. “This is your daddy.”
Jared had been shocked by a lot of things since he woke up, but a child? He fathered a child? There was no way that was possible or that he wouldn’t remember something like that.
He backed up, hands in the air. “Excuse me?”
The hurt Holly felt was crippling. It was Jared. Jared was alive, and the relief and happiness were real and he was standing before her. Why would he deny their child? It didn’t make any sense. She looked into his eyes and saw nothing but confusion and fear.
He turned to Charlie for help. Holly had never been so embarrassed in her entire life. Did he really think she’d just make something like that up? She had never laid with any other man. He was her husband.
Charlie laughed; he actually laughed. Sam joined him, making the situation even worse. Holly couldn’t take it anymore and fled the scene holding tight to little JJ.
“What the hell is going on Charlie?” Jared asked.
“Dude, that’s Holly. Your Holly,” he said.
“What? That’s my wife!?”
“And apparently your son, too,” Sam added.
* * * * *