CHAPTER TWO
MILO
I opened the car door and faced the guys.
“Hey, Milo! You made it!” Jason, my older, sweeter brother joined Colton on the other side of the car and smacked him on the back. “You gonna stay in your car all night or come congratulate me?”
I shrugged and unbuckled my seat belt. “Sure, Jason, congrats. You grew a pair of balls and settled down. I’m so proud.” I jumped into his arms for a hug before he could put me into a headlock.
“Very funny,” he murmured against my hair. “By the way, Colt’s date bailed on him so I kinda sacrificed you on the family favor altar. You guys are stuck with one another. That okay?”
Is that okay? I tried to keep my face from falling. How the heck was I supposed to get over my childhood crush if he was going to be around me every second of every day that weekend? Ever since Colton took my heart and drowned it in the bottom of his parents’ pool, I’d been strategic about my visits home. It kinda pissed me off how easy it had been for us to grow apart. We went from spending every week together to barely seeing one another on Christmas. This last year he’d gone with his parents to Europe for Christmas so I was going on eighteen months of no Colton exposure . . . I imagined him kind of like the plague, only the good kind, the kind that I had to keep away from my girl parts at all costs. In theory I’d known he would be here for the wedding, I just hadn’t realized I’d be forced into his presence or that just by smelling him I would be transported back to freshman year of high school when I used to trace his name with a glitter pen.
The point was, the eighteen months had been good. I’d done some casual dating and I’d stopped comparing every guy to him. Well, sort of. Okay, let’s just say I was doing better, loads better. I was actually looking forward to the future, to graduation, to starting my life, and I couldn’t do that if I was still stuck in the past. And Colton needed to stay in the past. I refused to keep hoping that he saw me as anything other than what I was . . . a friend.
“Sure,” I heard myself croak. “No problem.”
“I didn’t think it would be.” Jason gave me a lazy smile. “Besides, didn’t you and that one guy break up like a few weeks ago?”
“Max?” I squeaked in full-on panic mode.
“Yeah.”
“Who’s Max?” asked Colton.
“Her boyfriend, they were pretty serious for a while.” Jason elbowed me and waggled his eyebrows. “Right?”
“Uhh.” Great. I was officially without words. Max was a friend—my best friend. He’d been a friend since my freshman year of college. He’d hit on me, my insecure self had thought he was gay, and, well, it was a match made in heaven. Max was gorgeous, and I was pretty sure the guy had a revolving door into his bedroom, not that I paid much attention. Guys like Max were never friends with girls—ever. But somehow it worked for us even though people always assumed there was more going on.
Until now.
“Why haven’t I heard of Max?” Colton’s gaze narrowed. “Is he a good guy? Does he still call you? Say the word and I’ll kill him if he touches you, Milo.”
“Whoa, dude.” Jason put his hands on Colton’s shoulders and massaged. “Back off, she has a brother.”
“Yeah,” I repeated. “I have a brother. Last time I checked you weren’t family.” I hadn’t meant for it to sound like a barb, but it was still hard not to feel upset over his rejection from four years ago. Even now I still felt rejected, and he hadn’t even done anything except remind me that I was the little sister. It was like a bad movie on replay.
“Believe me . . .” Colton’s green eyes held mine. “I know.”
“You’re here!” my mom shouted from the door, waving the spatula in her hand. Her black hair was piled high on her head in a bun. Pearls adorned her ears and she wore a trendy apron that had a picture of a red stiletto heel.
“That I am.” I smiled and walked into her embrace. She smelled of Oscar de La Renta perfume, my favorite scent next to Colton’s. Which was just sad when I thought about it.
“How was the drive?” She draped her arm around my shoulder. “Boys, get Milo’s stuff, will ya?”
“Sure, Mom!” Jason and Colton disappeared as Mom led me into the house.
“The drive was good.” The smell of turkey dinner filled the room, and my stomach growled in anticipation. “I made it in record time.”
Mom released me and walked over to the stove. “I still don’t know why you don’t just take the train, it’s so much easier.”
Shrugging, I answered, “I like to drive.” And I did, but I also liked to have my own car and freedom whenever I came back to New Haven. Especially this time. Being stuck with Colton all weekend was sure to make me crazy. I couldn’t even speak complete sentences around the guy, let alone be his date for the weekend wedding.
“Everything ready?” Dad bounded into the room and kissed my mom on the cheek before smacking her butt. “Oh, Milo, didn’t see ya.” He winked.
“Rogue, yes you did.” I jumped into his arms and kissed his cheek. “I missed you.”
“Missed you too, squirt.”
My eyes narrowed into slits.
“Oh, come on,” Jason said from the door. “You still think if you eat enough spinach you’ll gain another few inches.”
I ignored him and grabbed a stick of celery. “Couldn’t hurt.”
“You’re not short.” Colton snagged the celery out of my hand and stuck it between his teeth and wiggled it up and down like a fat green stick.
I reached across and snatched it back, taking a huge bite. So attractive, I know.
“You’re just . . .” He tilted his head and eyed me up and down. The celery went dry in my mouth. “Perfect.”
“Suck-up,” Jason cough-spoke. “You’re just saying that because you don’t want her to stab you in your sleep this weekend.”
Colton chuckled. “Got me there. No way am I going to escape this wedding unscathed, not with that one on the loose.” He pointed at me, and my stomach sank.
I liked being one of them. Loved being included, which I always was. But I was grown. I was finally twenty-one and graduating college. I didn’t want to be the kid sister who played basketball with the boys and refused to wear dresses.
I wanted to be a girl, and Colton had never seen me that way.
I swear he cried the day I hit puberty.
It was like he was more affected than I was that I was turning into a girl instead of a boy.
So started the first day of the rest of my life. Colton and Jason were two years older than me. In high school the girls wanted to date either Jason or Colton, which meant everyone wanted to be my friend.
My locker had more love notes in it than homework and books. I was always a good sport, passing on the notes and laughing when the guys read them.
I would have never lived it down had they known that every night in my diary I wrote my own love note to Colton. Though mine didn’t suck; mine were awesome. Not that he would ever see them. Ever. Crap. I need to go burn that book. In the unlikely case that I died this weekend, the last thing I wanted was for them to read it at my funeral.
“Be right back.” I ran up the stairs and opened the door to my childhood bedroom. Pictures of Justin Timberlake and Harry Potter littered my wall. Ah, memories.
I rummaged through my drawers and located the diary, stuffing it as far underneath my mattress as I could. Tomorrow I would burn it. Tonight I would read it, and then I would forget Colton for good. But before all that . . . before I gave up . . .
I was going to wear a dress.
And he was going to kiss me, damn it! I’d done nothing but try to forget him for the past four years and all it took was ten minutes in his presence and I was ready to jump back on the Colton bandwagon. Suddenly this weekend was about more than my brother getting married, it was also about me finally getting the thing I’d wanted since I knew I liked boys. One kiss and I’d be able to bury my diary along with the rest of my desires for Colton. I just wanted one instance where he saw me as something other than his little sister. I deserved it and I was going to take it.