Maddy
The burn of fresh tears hit me so hard and fast that I’d had to basically run from his stupid hospital room. Before the ambulance left, Max and I had exchanged numbers so he could keep me updated, and when he suggested I stop by, I’d jumped at the chance.
Because that kiss…
It felt like a promise.
It felt like maybe a fresh start.
Plus, he’d been semi-awake, right? He’d wanted it as badly as I had. Or I thought he had.
The Jason Caro I fell in love with no longer existed.
And I only had myself to blame.
My fault.
With legs like lead, I worked for the next six hours trying to smile at customers and laugh at their jokes, but I felt empty. Liza even asked if I was sick.
Sick?
Yeah, my heart was sick.
So sick and tired.
And I had all weekend to think about my bad choices and where everything had gone wrong; sadly, that memory was worn in my brain. And in every moment of weakness, when anxiety crept in, when regret filled me from head to toe, it flashed before my eyes; the day I’d ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me and thrown it away like trash.
“Marry me?” Jason was down on one knee in front of the entire graduating class.
Girls all around me were fanning themselves, giggling, wishing they were me. There were two men everyone wanted in that stupid school, Jason and his best friend, Colton. I bit down on my lower lip as our future flashed before my eyes. I wanted to go to college, and he wanted to stay local and become a police officer. Nothing wrong with that, but how could we be married and live so far away?
My sister gave me a thumbs-up in the crowd; she’d driven down from NYU just to see the proposal. It wouldn’t surprise me if she’d helped Jason pick out the ring.
I nodded, my voice gone.
The minute I made the motion.
I regretted it.
Not him.
The decision.
I stared into his hypnotic green eyes and felt sick to my stomach. This man… I would break his heart, but what other option did I have? This would destroy us. Getting married so young after only ever being with each other? Starting our lives together before we even knew who we were individually?
I knew it was wrong.
And I still said yes.
I tried not to flinch when I heard a girl behind me whisper, “She’s going to turn out just like her mom… another local bites the dust.”
My heart fell to my knees.
“Love you, baby.” Jason kissed me on the mouth. His smile was so wide, so permanently etched across his face, that I didn’t have the heart to tell him anything.
So, I waited.
I’d waited for hours.
And then I couldn’t wait anymore.
A tear slid down my cheek as I finished up my shift and headed back to the house. Jason’s truck was parked in its spot, and another car I didn’t recognize was next to it.
I wiped my tears away and slowly made the trek toward my front door, when I heard a throat clear.
I pressed my hand to my chest and looked over my shoulder.
Jason was standing there, hands inside the pockets of his worn jeans, and an old Yankees baseball vintage tee plastered against his muscular body. “I’m sorry.”
His voice was still that same gruff tenor that had every woman who knew him sighing to herself and glaring at me with envy. He wasn’t just a catch, he was the catch of the town.
And I’d let him go.
Because of a few stupid comments about my mom, because of my own insecurities, because of my own fear.
I swallowed the baseball in my throat and slowly made my way over to him. A lifetime separated us, at least that was what it felt like as I walked through the wet grass toward my past.
The thick air was already feeling more like summer every day, causing perspiration to collect on my lower back. The moon was out, and streetlights flickered overhead.
“How are you feeling?” It was a safe question, one that wouldn’t acknowledge that he basically hated me.
His lips twitched. “Oh, you know, like I got struck by lightning.”
I covered my mouth with my hand and tried to keep my laugh in. It really wasn’t funny.
Not funny.
Not funny.
Not funny.
He full-on grinned.
Causing me to burst out laughing.
I covered my mouth with my hands again and whispered through my fingers, “I’m so sorry. It’s just… only you.”
“Yeah…” he rocked back on his heels, “…only me. Look…” He pulled his hands out of his pocket and took a step forward, his toe coming into contact with the invisible chalk barrier we used to put up between our houses. “…I’m a jackass. I really have no other reason for the things I do or say when it comes to you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way, so yeah, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry that I heard you, or sorry that you said it?” Where had that brave question come from? A time machine would be extremely handy right about now.
His eyes widened a bit before he blew out a breath and looked down at the cement. “A bit of both, actually.”
“Honesty.” God, it felt like he’d stabbed me in the heart, and the worst part was that I deserved it.
“Aunt Maddy! Aunt Maddy!” Annabelle came running out of the house and down the stairs. She crossed the lawn with such relentless joy that my heart cracked even further. “I lost a tooth!”
“Whoa!” I held out my hand for a high-five then pulled her in for a hug.
Jason looked between us; dawning lit up his face and then… the worst emotion, the one I didn’t want to see.
Relief.
He looked relieved, which just pissed me off more.
“Aunt,” he said with a smile on his face. “Is Sara visiting too, then?”
Annabelle tightened her hold on my hand and then wrapped her scrawny arms around my waist.
“Go back inside, Ana. I’ll be in soon, okay?” I kissed her on the head while she nodded and ran back into the house.
The minute the door shut, I unleashed. “Do you really think I would hide a kid from you? Especially if it was yours?”
“It could have been his too,” his response.
“You really are a jackass!” I screamed, shoving him backward toward his house. The man was so built he barely moved an inch, but it still made me feel better.
He reached for me.
I jerked away.
Sighing, he hung his head. “Look, I’m sorry. Again. I just thought, maybe that’s why—”
“Maybe that’s why I left?” I finished for him. “I cheated on you and got knocked up by one of your friends? Did you even know me?”
“Apparently not, since it was so easy for you to jump into bed with one of my best friends then run away with him the day after breaking off our engagement.”
My hand went flying.
He closed his eyes as my palm stung his left cheek.
“Shit!” I shook my hand and then held it.
“Let me see—”
“NO!” I screamed at him in outrage. “You don’t get to touch me. Take your assumptions and your lit up lightning ass back to your house.”
He smirked. “Still got that spunk.”
“So help me God, I will run you over with your own truck, Jason. Don’t tempt me!”
His eyes brightened, and then they went dark. “A little violent since I last saw you. Then again, I didn’t really see your face. It was more of your tight ass as you got into his Jeep and didn’t look back.”
“If I’d looked back, I wouldn’t have gone!” I roared. “Now leave me and my family alone.” A part of me remembered that I needed to apologize, that part of my grief included building bridges that I’d broken in the past, but that part was so pissed off, it raged for justice.
“You’re reminding me of your sister,” he finally said. “Tell her I said, ‘hi.’”
“I would,” I said in a quiet voice, “if she wasn’t on some bender. For all I know, she’s dead.”
With that, I walked back toward the house, only to hear footsteps behind me.
Jason grabbed my wrist and turned me around. “What do you mean she’s on a bender?”
“I mean, she got pregnant by one of her druggie boyfriends and gave up her daughter the minute she started doing drugs again. What? Did you think I came back for you?” It was true, but he didn’t need to know that. “I’m helping raise Annabelle, because Sara won’t. Goodnight, Jason.”
I slammed the door behind me and leaned against it. My mom and dad were both quietly sitting in the living room, pretending to be watching the news.
I groaned. “I know you heard.”
“Honey…” Mom didn’t take her eyes off the TV, “…the whole neighborhood heard.”
Dad winced. “Weren’t you a little hard on him?”
I grunted. “Not hard enough. Not by a long shot. I’m going to go read a story to Annabelle and say goodnight.”
They both nodded.
And I was suddenly thankful they weren’t handing out free advice, because I was in no state of mind to take it now, or maybe ever.
Damn you, Jason.