Jason
“Ka pow!” Max made an exploding motion with his hands as I walked into the newly refurbished living room. “That was about how good that apology went, just in case you were wondering.”
“Dumbass, that’s not an exploding sound, just in case you were wondering,” I snapped back, as I limped to the nearest chair and plopped down.
Reid, Max, and Colt were all there.
And I was in Hell.
The women were gone.
So basically, I had nobody to give me good advice.
But three married men were looking at me like I was their next project, because they were so bored with their lives that they’d forgotten how to live without a female by their sides.
“So, I have an idea.” Max cleared his throat.
“Last time you had an idea, Jason ended up in prison. I’d tread lightly, Obi-Wan.” Colt chuckled while Reid snorted next to him. We’d all been on the receiving end of Max’s ideas — we had scars to prove it — and yet, Max always came away unscathed, funny thing, that.
“No,” I answered just as he opened his mouth.
He ignored me.
I knew he would.
But I needed to at least still fight and hope he tuckered himself out.
“You need closure.” Max nodded like he was the wisest dating guru on the planet. New York Times bestselling dating book be damned to the pits of Hell!
“And you’re not going to get that unless you make nice with your neighbor.”
“As much as it pains me to admit…” Colt leveled me with a serious look.
“Don’t say it. Please don’t say it. He’s hard enough to live with as it is,” Reid pleaded.
“He’s right,” Colt said, releasing the most dangerous sentence known to mankind spiraling into the universe.
I sucked in a breath and waited for an asteroid to hit the earth.
It didn’t.
Damn it.
Max leaned forward, his face suddenly serious. “You can’t commit to someone new until you patch up what went wrong with Blue Eyes.”
“Blue Eyes?”
“My nickname for her. Such deep blue eyes, you get lost in the depths of—”
“Feel free to punch him.” Reid cleared his throat. “Jason, really, nobody would judge you. I’ll even hold him down.”
“I’ll video,” Colt offered.
Max rolled his eyes. “Perfect nickname aside, I think you guys should patch things up. Be the bigger man.”
“I am the bigger man!” I roared. “She walked away from me, not the other way around! I loved her. I wanted to marry her, have kids with her. I wanted a future with her!” My chest was heaving, and by the time I was done talking, I was out of breath, staring dumbly at three married men who gave me a knowing look of pity.
God, I hated that look.
I sighed into my hands. “Every time I see her, I want to yell.”
“Because you’re angry,” Max said matter-of-factly. “And where there’s anger, the heart ‘twill not grow.”
“The hell?” Colt rasped. “He just say, ‘twill?’”
“It’s a word. Look it up,” Max fired back, before giving me his attention again. “Do you really want to be the guy on the force who starts rescuing cats just so he can take them home?”
“Firefighters rescue cats,” I pointed out.
“Dogs, cats, goats — whatever. The point is this. You’re going to start picking up strays.”
“You. Don’t. Say.” I glared at him.
He didn’t get it.
Either he refused to acknowledge that he was said stray, or he was an idiot, and as much as I’d like to believe the second, I knew he was more evil genius than anything.
“Friends!” Max said, like it was the most brilliant idea he’d ever had. “You guys need to hang out again, mend the broken bridges. I say you make a list of all the things you guys used to do when you were the dynamic duo.” The old nickname was like a punch to the gut. “And when you’re done…” he shrugged, “…at least you’ll know that you can really move on, get married, find a wife who tolerates you, and get all the sex from her.”
“I can get all the sex now.”
“Aw…” he patted my knee, “…that’s cute.”
I dug my fingers into the chair and waited for some other brilliance to be suggested; instead, Colt and Reid just gave me a look of… Well, it was worth a shot.
Ten minutes later.
Three beers later.
And Colton had helped conjure up a list of things Maddy and I used to be notorious for.
Starting with setting the police station on fire.
“This is going to be the best guys’ weekend of our lives.” Max rubbed his hands together. “And just in time for the reunion this weekend, where I swear on my life, I will find you a woman who finds you attractive. You can show her your goods, and all will be well in the universe. No more accidents.”
No more accidents?
The idea had merit.
And maybe I was buzzed, but the fact that I could finally put the past behind me, finally walk under a ladder without knowing it was going to fall on me…
It sounded nice.
Living.
Not getting struck by lightning sounded incredible.
It was definitely the alcohol talking, but at the end of the night, I reached over, gave Max a high-five, and said, “Let’s do it.”
I’m going to take a momentary time out in the story, kids. Encouraging Max is like pulling the clip from a grenade and knowing it’s going to explode in your face, but holding tight anyway.
In a long list of bad ideas, this was probably the worst, but I still agreed, and I know in my gut I will regret it later.
This is a good time for you to run along and grab some popcorn, because things?
They’re about to get good.