Maddy
It was the ultimate bad idea: stir up feelings, pretend like we didn’t have all of this pain and rejection between us, and just ride into the sunset, or in my case, toward downtown as if nothing had happened in ten years, when everything had.
I blamed myself.
But I also blamed Jason.
I was angry at him for not understanding when I’d tried talking to him about it, for not getting how the logistics didn’t work — wouldn’t work — and I wasn’t willing to risk our friendship, our love, even if he was.
I cleared my throat and tried to ignore the way my palm heated against his thigh, and how close I was to places I used to touch while he was driving; things I would do that would make me blush if I thought too hard.
How were we never caught?
Or arrested, more than twice?
It was truly a miracle.
Especially with all the shenanigans that had gone on in this truck. I knew, without a doubt, that if I slid my hand into the back pocket of the driver’s side, I’d find a bag of M&Ms, just in case, right along with a box of condoms.
I swallowed and kept my eyes forward, as images of Jason peeling off his shirt and tossing it outside the truck flashed in the forefront of my mind; him unbuttoning his jeans while I gasped into his mouth, the truck idling in the dark at the football field near the bleachers, his body hovering over mine as our mouths connected, bodies synced…
Sex with Jason had always felt right.
Not like I had done anything wrong.
Even though we’d been young…
He’d felt like my forever.
And nothing was ever awkward; it had only been perfect.
“I love you, baby,” Jason sighed against my neck, his teeth grazing my skin, causing me to let out a little moan as I fumbled for the front of his jeans. His dark laugher filled the clear night air as he helped me along, and then pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him. “We don’t have to rush.”
“I know.” I didn’t tell him I was afraid of what would happen after graduation — what would happen to us. I didn’t tell him I was terrified of staying, of what our lives would look like if we just stayed. I didn’t want to be that person, and a part of him knew that, but we didn’t talk about my fears because I didn’t want him to think I didn’t love him enough to stay local. “I love you.”
His face relaxed as he stole another kiss.
The sound of a condom opening paired with our mouths all over each other, dying for another taste; teenage bodies aching for release far beyond their realm of understanding. He pulled my cheerleading skirt up, then dug his finger into my black Spanx. I let out a gasp as he moved me to my knees and slinked them down my thighs. I stood in the truck bed, under the stars above the football field, and looked down at his hungry green eyes. He kissed the inside of my thigh and tugged the Spanx over my knees. I gulped when they were at my feet, when I stepped out and lowered myself back onto him.
Wrapper discarded.
Just us.
Joined where he’d thrown another touchdown under the bright lights. Why couldn’t it always feel like this? Just us, no harsh whispers, no judgment, just me and the boy I loved?
“You are my everything.” Our foreheads touched as he made promises I wanted him to both break and keep.
I kissed away the words. I lost myself in him as he moved inside me, as the fall air reminded me time was running out. As I spotted his jersey in the bed of the truck and felt tears well in my eyes. His skin was hot to the touch, and with each slow movement, each thrust, I thought to myself.
This. Is. Perfect.
And the wind blew as I clung to him for dear life, moving with his body as we both cried out — as his name fell from my lips.
I pressed my free hand to my chest and sighed.
“You all right?” Jason grinned over at me.
He was all man now.
All. Man.
From the way his jeans molded against thick thighs that you were sure never missed leg day — ever… to the cut chin, chiseled features, and I won’t even start on what that man looked like in a uniform.
“Yeah,” my voice croaked. “I’m good, just… thinking.”
“Stop.” His smile was warm, melting me from head to toe as if I’d been shivering in the cold all this time, just waiting for him to invite me inside for hot chocolate.
Oh, this is bad. I should have never said yes. My defenses are already down after three minutes! Imagine two days!
He pulled behind the police station.
I frowned. “What are we doing at your work?”
“Ah, today I’m not a cop. I have it off, remember? Freak injury where the God of Thunder decided to strike my ass with lightning? You were there…”
I grinned, sucking my bottom lip between my teeth. “Yeah, looked rough. You screamed like a girl.”
He glared. “I’m pretty sure I passed out first.”
“After you pissed yourself, yup.”
He gave me a shove while I laughed. “I didn’t piss myself.” He seemed uncertain.
I put him out of his misery. “Okay fine, you didn’t, but it could have happened. Imagine your embarrassment then.”
“I got struck by lightning in front of the girl who stole my heart and never gave it back. Imagine my embarrassment now.”
I sucked in a breath.
He looked away. “Sorry, that was uncalled for.”
“No.” I reached for him, but he was out of the truck before my fingers could grasp at his tanned and toned arm. “Sorry,” I said, as he shut the truck door and walked around to open mine.
By the time he did, his expression was clouded, yet he was smiling.
He grabbed the blue backpack that held almost as many memories as the damn truck, threw it over his shoulder, and motioned for me to be quiet.
My eyes narrowed.
Was he?
No, he wouldn’t do that.
Couldn’t he get fired? There had to be another reason we were at the police station, reliving old times, with his damn backpack.
I prayed I was wrong, when he pulled out a firecracker and held it up.
“Jason…” I warned, “…you could get fired.”
“It’s almost time for the first lunch break. Nobody’s here, and if they are, I’ll just blame it on some punk-ass high school kid who had the nerve to interrupt my brunch date.”
“Did you say brunch?”
He pulled out a bag of gummy worms and then two cups of Top Ramen. “Be right back. I need some hot water.”
He walked right into the back door of the station then returned with both cups steaming and a fork poking out each side.
I took my cup and grinned. “I haven’t had Top Ramen since… well, since high school.”
“You mean you don’t often challenge your body by using up two days’ worth of sodium just so you can have a noodle-fest? That’s not normal.” He grinned over his cup. I could almost feel it, the tether we used to have, trying to snap between us and hold tight.
And then he looked away.
And it was gone.
“I’m more of a quinoa-type of girl,” I admitted.
He jerked his gaze to mine. “Please tell me you still eat meat.” He looked pale.
I nodded. “Still eat—” I choked out “—meat,” when my eyes accidentally fell to his crotch then back up again. Freaking well done!
His eyes widened before he coughed out a laugh. “Good to know you don’t discriminate.”
Someone shoot me.
We finished our soup in companionable silence before he grabbed a set of matches and winked at me. “You ready for this?”
“Jason, I don’t—”
He lit the firecracker and tossed it into the dumpster behind the station.
The second it set off…
We ran like hell, hand in hand, to the front of the station where several cop cars were sitting.
Jason grinned then dashed into the station and right back out. He unlocked the closest car and jumped in.
I followed, my teeth chattering, as he sped off and turned on the siren.
I sunk into my seat. “Please don’t tell me we just stole a cop car.”
“Eh, Chief won’t care.”
I paled. “The chief? We stole his cruiser?”
Jason burst out laughing. “No, we stole mine, but I’m not supposed to be working, so we’re still living on the dangerous side there, Candy Lips.”
My heart sped up.
Candy Lips.
I’d loathed that nickname.
He’d said I tasted like candy.
It was so romantic — yet embarrassing — when he referenced it around school that I’d started calling him Candy Lips, too. His friends gave him hell; he said they were just jealous they only had their right hand and Victoria’s Secret, while he possessed the real thing.
Jason accelerated. I let out a squeal as we pulled into the old high school parking lot. It was nearly empty since it was the beginning of July, and people were out of school already. Though there were a few sparse cars littered around, probably because of summer practices and camps.
“Let’s see what else this magic backpack holds.” He grabbed it, and we stepped out.
“Wait…” I leaned over the cop car, “…you didn’t pack it?”
“Nope…” he shrugged. “This backpack is the result of too much beer, followed by whiskey and a few shots of tequila, unmanly confessions, and Colt’s big fat mouth.”
“Oh great…” I laughed. “He has enough dirt on both of us to make me nervous.”
Jason snorted. “And yet he’s been sitting on the dirt all this time. Kinda makes a man worried.” He nodded toward the high school. “Shall we?”
“How do you know where to go?” I wondered out loud.
“I follow the memories,” was his answer.
I stopped walking and crossed my arms. “What do you mean, you follow the memories? We have memories everywhere, including the local jail.”
He looked uncomfortable as he glanced away and then over my head, refusing to make eye contact. “He said our first stop was the police station, and I’d know where to go next. The day we set off firecrackers was the day—”
“Stop.” My eyes widened. “No, he wouldn’t, right? He’s not…” It was my turn to get nervous. I stuck my finger into my mouth and chewed off one nail, then another.
Jason smirked. “Come on, where’s your sense of adventure?”
“I left it back at the police station with the firecrackers,” I said in a deadpan voice. “We’re twenty-seven. We can’t just…” I gulped.
“Exactly.” He squeezed my hand briefly. “We’re twenty-seven. We can do whatever the hell we want.”
I shouldn’t have squeezed back.
I did anyway.
My hand itched with need to touch his palm again.
I knew in my soul…
It was going to change me, that one touch.
I also knew I wasn’t ready for a change of that magnitude.