Widow Maker
I stare at the two pink lines on the fifth pregnancy test and cry; that fucking asshole. I knew last week when I missed my period that I was pregnant, you can't have that much-unprotected sex and not expect it. “Fuck girl what are you going to do?” Mel asks me.
“I can't have it, not now.”
“Really! Can you do that?”
“No,” I say feeling deflated, tears running down my cheeks.
“You gonna tell him” I look up at her.
“He called me a cunt Mel, said I earned my Cut on my back.”
“So! What you’re never going to tell him?”
“I don't fucking know I just found out myself; I don't even know if I'm going to keep it.”
“Would you give it up for adoption or just get rid of it” I stare at the five sticks two with two pink lines, one with a big blue cross, another with the word pregnant another with the words six weeks
“FUCKING FUCK IT ALL TO FUCKING HELL!!” I yell throwing the stupid sticks at the wall making Mel duck
“Damn girl,” she says as I sit back on the toilet.
“Sorry!” I say as she kneels down in front of me.
“Well, we don't have to do anything about it now ok” I smile at her pulling her in for a hug, her perfume making me feel sick, and I push her back.
“What?”
“Your perfumes, making me sick,” she sniffs herself.
“Hey, this is Beyoncé bitch, it smells divine,” she says all posh like
“Yeah, well, it smells horrible to me.”
“Ava are you gonna tell the guys at the club” I look at her shaking my head.
“No, not until I know what I'm gonna do.”
“Do you think he misses you” I laugh at her
“He probably had the whores in his bed the second he got back” Mel frowns at me, and the pain of that thought I had gotten over rips through me, and I burst into tears. Mel grabs me as I cry so hard that her perfume and that thought has me jumping up and throwing up in the sink.
**
Two months go by, and I missed the appointment, I had to have a termination, I was sitting there in a nondescript office with pamphlets about STD'S protection babies and all other baby related things when the nurse had called my fake name that I gave her. I was laying there ready to have it done, but I couldn't, I got dressed and left not even looking back at the building as Mel drove. As I lay in bed, I wonder what Scythe was doing or who he was doing was it Summer Saffron Bliss (fuck stop thinking about him). Already feeling pissed off knowing I have to go in and tell Preacher tomorrow that I was three and a half months pregnant, had my nervous even more on edge. I’d dreamt of the same thing over and over, grey stormy eyes and a mouth so mouth-watering I wanted to cry.
*
As I head into the clubhouse Magic and Hammer are out the front talking, he's only just started coming back to the clubhouse. He was in the hospital for a good month, and his wife Maria kept him home for the other month. He's still limping, but he seems to be getting back to his former self “Hey darlin’ how you feelin’” he asks me as he pulls me in for a hug.
“I'm good how are you feeling.”
“Better now I'm back at the clubhouse.”
“It's good to have you back,” I tell him.
“What are you here for?”
“I need to talk to Preacher, is he inside” Magic looks at me.
“Yeah darlin’ in his office.”
“Ok,” I say giving him a peck on the cheek.
“Widow” Magic says, and I look at him.
“What?”
“You good” I roll my eyes at him.
“Yes, Magic I'm fine.”
“Ok,” he says as I make my way into the clubhouse, some of the guys are sitting around Boogie Hawk and worm are sitting playing pool. “Widow!” Hawk yells, and I make my way over to them “here you gotta taste this,” he hands me a shot glass, but I give it back.
“Nah I'll pass.”
“Why not?” he asks me.
“Because it's ten in the morning.”
“I've seen you drink earlier than that before,” he says, and I look at all three of them.
“All right, what's going on?”
“You tell us,” he says
“What?” I ask seeing Justin walk in, in his new Prospect jacket. When he sees me, he walks the other way (that little shit). “FREEZE!” I yell at him, and he turns back to me, I walk right up to him, “What did you do?” I ask a panicked look on his face
“Nothin',” he says, shifting on one foot then the other.
“FLY” I yell, and he gives me the evil eye but doesn’t say anything.
“You got somethin’ to tell us Widow,” Hawk says, but I don't turn around, I just stare down my walking dead little brother.
“No,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Not what we heard” I slowly turn around and face him still holding my brother
“And what have you heard Hawk,” I ask, and he smiles.
“Heard you're knocked up” I take a deep breath.
“How'd you hear that,” I ask him knowing it was Justin
“A little fly told me” I turn to my brother grabbing his Prospect Cut and slam him up against the wall hard.
“What the fuck Justin?” I ask Justin
“It fell out of the trash bin when I was emptying it” I punch him in the stomach.
“WIDOW!” is yelled, and I turn around to face my father.
“What?”
“Leave him be” I step away from him and go to Preacher's office door and knock.
“Come,” he says, and I walk in.
“Hey, boss, I need to talk to you.”
“Sit,” he says, and I sit in the chair facing his desk, and he sits back. “What's up Widow?” I sit forward looking him in the eye.
“I'm pregnant,” I say, and he just stares at me.
“And,” he says
“I just thought you should know.”
“What do you want Widow, you want to leave the club?” I look up
“Fuck no!”
“Then what do you want?”
“I don't know.”
“How far along are you.”
“Three and a half months.”
“And the father,” I bite my lip.
“He's not an issue,” he laughs, and I look up at him.
“So, when Scythe finds out you're pregnant with his kid, you think that's not gonna be an issue.”
“I don't know,” I say honestly.
“Are you gonna tell him” I shake my head
“I wasn't planning on it.”
“Why?”
“Why? You heard what he said to me, Preacher.”
“I did.”
“Then why in the fuck would I tell him I'm pregnant.”
“If you’re sure than I'm fine with it, but just make sure, do you still want to do jobs” I look at him and nod.
“Just until I'm too fat,” he laughs.
“Widow I think you're makin’ a mistake, not tellin’ Scythe but it's your life, here I got a job you and Asphalt take it” he hands me a folder.
“Thanks, boss.”