By Thursday afternoon, I felt like we’d accomplished significant work on the literacy program and I was ready to get out into the field to get the final contracts signed. Within a few weeks, the pilot program was set to start and I was excited to see all the parts finally coming together. This unique program MSJ Media was allowing me to create made me feel honored to be spearheading the campaign for literacy and senior development.
Often times, seniors go long periods of time without seeing family, for various reasons, or don’t have many activities to keep them sharp and thinking. Teens, on the other hand, are often left to their own devices to stay occupied, for a variety of reasons. Without parents to champion for them at home, their ability to read, or possibly their desire to read for enjoyment, decreases, resulting in fewer graduates and less opportunities in the future. This program would bring youth with reading deficiencies together with seniors who have the desire to tutor youth and assist with reading skills.
My hope was that both groups will stimulate imaginations, spark and foster connections between the groups, and maybe a few friendships may develop out of it. I still go to my hometown library with a few of the seniors from assisted living when I am back visiting, sometimes sitting in on a reading or, more times than not, reading to a group of kids visiting the library. The librarians and volunteers give so much to encourage children to use their imagination and explore the world that a book can open for you.
I probably should have gone into library sciences or the equivalent when I went to college but I always felt like I could do more with a business degree. There would be better career choices and more job openings. I hoped that I could do this program and its participants justice.
The opening door brought me out of the daze that I had allowed myself to slip into. I had all the details of the program, along with the intense feelings of love for Lucas, swimming around in my head and I kept finding myself zoning out.
“You ready to head home? We can pick up dinner on the way in if you want. I was thinking take-out and a movie on the couch. I wanted to talk to you about something.”
I immediately got a sick feeling in my stomach and had a bad feeling overtake me.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breath out.
“Is everything okay?” I managed to get out without my voice breaking.
I don’t know why I had a feeling of doom, but I was hoping it was these new emotions I was feeling that were the root of the problem. I had never told anyone I loved them before I and I was feeling vulnerable. Scared. Weak.
He drew me into his arms and kissed me with passion and desire, his hand wrapped in my hair and his arm pulling by body tight against his. I felt his thickness pressed between us and he was definitely hard. And very large!
“Everything is perfect, baby. Please don’t worry. I saw the look on your face and I want you to know I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you. I. Love. You.” Punctuating each word with a kiss on my lips.
“I love you too. Let’s get out of here. I’m starved” I laughed, trying to deflect my weirdness and move past this slightly awkward conversation.
He had told me he loved me multiple times each day since he first uttered the words to me. Each time, another piece of the armor I had encased my heart in fell away, leaving our newly formed love to grow and blossom.
Every kiss healed me. Every touch, every caress, every uttered word gave me the strength to face my preconceived notion of love and sacrifice. I was willing to walk through hell and back for Lucas.
As we held hands on the drive home, we chatted about the expectations for next week and any areas we may have neglected so it could be addressed the following week. We had a three-day weekend because the company was closed the fourth Friday of each month.
Family Time is what the company called it and it was one of the major perks of working at MSJ Media. Not only do the employees get paid for the day but they also have the opportunity to get tickets for dozens of attractions and events all over the state. I heard that last summer they were tickets for the Panama City Beach Music Festival, condos included.
They company invests back into its employees to the tune of $5 million each year, according to their financial statements. The morale within the company is unlike anything I have ever seen. Everyone genuinely enjoys working here and the turn-over rate was very low.
In the few weeks since I had been employed here, I had begun to feel like I was part of a team that was not only investing in the company but the families behind the people who made the company run. I was amazed that no one had cross words and negative thoughts about MSJ Media. They didn’t walk around singing praises about it, but everyone did seem to enjoy their jobs and working environments. People went out of their way to make me feel welcome and a part of the family from the first day. Even if Lucas did manage to steal my lunch breaks, I was getting to know the other staff and would miss them when I spent less time in the office.
I asked Lucas about whose idea it was to start Family Time and he dodged the question with a vague response of some board member suggested it a few years back and it was a success so they kept it in place. I didn’t push on the who because, truth be known, I was not excited to meet the Board of Directors quite yet.
I had an internship my last year of college that had me interacting with their BOD and I was not impressed with them in the least. A group of individuals who wrote checks or shuffled paperwork, patting each other on the back for a job well done, while the people who did the work got no recognition and more demands heaped on them. That was a major part of my decision to wait for a career instead of settling on a job.
I think MSJ Media was worth the wait.
We arrived at my apartment over an hour later due to the horrible traffic Atlanta has. Once inside, he called for take-out from my favorite Mexican restaurant, we changed into our comfy clothes and picked out a movie.
We had been doing this for the last few days. Getting comfortable and cuddling on the couch. We hadn’t had a repeat of the make out incident from last week and my raging libido was starting to make me edgy. I was starting to think that waiting may have been a bad idea. This is the longest I have ever been with a man without sex. I’m happy we have taken the time to get to know each other on a personal level but it was now past time to get to know each other in the physical level.
We tucked into our food and were enjoying the rom-com we were watching. It was my turn to pick a movie so I made him suffer through The Proposal. I loved Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Add Betty White and it was the perfect romantic comedy.
When the credits rolled, he got up and turned the TV off, effectively blanketing us in silence. The look on his face as he stalked across the living room was one of determination and fierce hunger. He reached over and pushed me down, his body following me onto the couch, resting between my open legs.
The kiss that followed was on another level from anything that we had done up to this point. I guess he was getting as frustrated sexually as I was. Our teeth gnashed together, tongues swirling, licking and biting each other. It was maddening and erotic as hell.
I felt primal in my need for him to take me. Claim me.
It was time to see if we were compatible on all levels but I had no doubt sex with Lucas will be life changing. I let my hands travel down his toned abs, my fingers dipping into each cut, each distinct muscle isolated and rippling under my fingertips.
He stopped my hands before they got to his shorts and pulled away from our kiss. We both were breathing like we had been running a marathon. Each breath mixed with the others’, absorbing each others’ essence.
“I wanted to talk to you about something but you looked so damn beautiful I couldn’t help myself.”
“I don’t want you to help yourself, I want you to make love to me. Please, Lucas. I think we have waited long enough.” I tried to reason with him as I allowed my other hand to start its descent into nirvana.
He grabbed the other hand and placed both of them over my head holding them down with one of his. I felt so small and delicate under him but loved that he wasn’t soft with me. He was commanding and a little rough and it was making me wetter than I have ever been. I wanted him to fuck me.
I needed him to fuck me. NOW!
He kissed down my neck and I arched my aching core into his hard shaft, hoping to get some relief from the throbbing that was making me insane with lust. As he reached the spot under my ear, I was mewling and groaning as I got little movement to soothe my ache. His beard created sensation from my shoulder to my ear, and my entire body was on fire.
He pulled back and I cried out in frustration. Why was he teasing me? I could feel his arousal, so I knew he wanted me.
“Please, Lucas. I need you.” I sounded as desperate as I felt, hoping to get him to sweep me up, take me to my bed, and fuck me like he meant it.
“We need to talk before we go any further. I want to make sure we are on the same page.”
In a sudden movement that I was starting to get used to, he flipped us so he was seated on the couch and I was straddling his lap, his hard length visible through his shorts. He felt so good between my legs that I started to grind on him as he gripped my hips. He gently rocked me along his length as he started to kiss on my neck lightly.
“I wanted to ask you a few questions and then I have a surprise for you.” He said between nips and licks on my neck
“I’ll answer any question you have so ask away.” I replied honestly.
“You and I know that we are going to be taking the next step in our relationship and I wanted to ask about birth control. When I claim you—and I am claiming you—I don’t want there to be anything between us. I want to feel every inch of your perfect body, so please tell me you are covered. I am clean and have my test results from a month ago. I got tested shortly after I met you, praying for the day when I could finally have you.”
I loved he wasn’t shy about his desire and we were having this conversation fully clothed. I respected his ability to think with an erection the size of his, pulsing under me, as I eased my grinding to a slight undulation.
“I’ve been on birth control since I was thirteen. I had a problem with my, well, everything down there, and the pill has resolved some of my issues. I’m clean too. As you know, I haven’t been with anyone in quite a while and I had my physical six months ago. All clear.”
“Have you always used condoms?” he asked and I got a little defensive that he assumed I was careless.
“Have you?” my tone accusatory as I tried to climb off his lap.
He locked his arms around my waist and hauled me back against his thick shaft.
“Yes. Every single time since the very first time. I wasn’t implying anything, baby. It was selfish of me to ask that, but my inner caveman wanted to know if I was your first. I’m sorry.” As he kissed each cheek, my nose and finally my lips.
“Me too. Every time. I’m not ready to be a mother.”
“Do you want kids? We haven’t talked about it but I am curious.”
“If you would have asked me that a year ago, I’d have said no. Emphatically. Now, I think I like the idea of kids and a family in the future.”
“What changed?” his tone eager and hopeful.
“You, Lucas. You changed me and I am so happy you are in my life. I love you.”
“I love you, Maddie. So much.” As he kissed me gently. It was perfect for the moment and I wished I could freeze us here in this exact spot in time and space. Just Maddie and Lucas and their perfect love.
“Would you like to go to my lake house this weekend? I just had it opened for the summer and I would love to show you my favorite place to be, besides with you. It’s quiet, isolated from neighbors and has a reading area I think you may fall in love with. So, what so you say? What to spend the next three days getting some sun and relaxation?”
“That sounds amazing. When do you want to leave?” I was excited about getting some uninterrupted time with Lucas so I can take my time and fully explore his rock-hard body.
“Can you be ready to leave in an hour? The drive up is about an hour and a half and I need to stop by my house to grab some clothes. I should have planned better but I just got the call today that the cleaning service was able to get it opened up and groceries stocked. You can pack light because I don’t plan on letting you out of my bed the whole weekend.” He smirked at me, his beard framing his perfect face.
I couldn’t wait to wake up next to him in the morning.
“Yes! I’ll get some clothes together and call Caroline to let her know where I will be so she doesn’t worry. I can be ready to go in a few minutes.” I gave him a quick peck on the lips and jumped off the couch, practically bouncing down the hallway into my bedroom.
His laughter from the living room was a balm to my soul. The sound making me feel lighter and happier than I have ever been.
As I was putting my bathroom items into the bag, a movement caught my eye, causing me to freeze in place.
A butterfly was sitting on my vanity mirror, its wings spread out to show the beautiful royal blue center, brown edges with white dots. I was afraid to move or breathe in fear of scaring the delicate creature.
I immediately felt the tears falling from my eyes but did nothing to wipe them away. A feeling like my mother was sitting next to me, telling me how proud she was of me and how she was glad I was finally living my life, overtook me.
Her words from her letter ringing true.
Love with your entire heart. Have faith and be brave.
I will mom. I promise.
I gently placed my hand near the butterfly and it flew to me, landing with a tickle, flapping its wings a few times. I took a minute to look at the creature resting on me and I suddenly understood more than I ever had about myself, causing the final pieces of the concrete around my heart to fall away into dust. I had spent my entire life hiding in a cocoon, afraid to show the world who I really was for fear of being hurt. Lucas had given me the strength to face my past and encouraged me to fight my way out of the cocoon I had placed myself in.
My wings were able to expand and I was finally able to fly free, to experience love and all the amazing parts that go into giving your whole heart to another person. I was no longer afraid to share myself or dream of a future that I wanted. A husband, kids, forever.
I slowly walked through the apartment toward the sliding glass doors. As I slid the door open, I felt Lucas come up and gently wrap his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder to look at the blue butterfly I was holding.
“Where did she come from?” he asked without making sudden movements, almost like he was afraid she would leave.
“I found her waiting on my bathroom vanity. Isn’t she beautiful? I’m not sure how she got in but she deserves to fly free outside.”
I raised my hand and Lucas slowly slid his hand under mine as the butterfly flapped its wings and gently flew off into the setting sun.
He turned me in his arms and noticed my dried tears. “Why the tears Maddie?” he asked with a small smile on his face.
“My mom used to call my butterfly. I think she may have been telling me its okay to open my heart. To let someone love me.” I admitted, wanting him to see that he had my heart and I trusted him to take care of it. For once, I allowed myself to be vulnerable.
He pulled me into the deepest hug I have ever experienced. His arms wrapped around me, his face buried in my neck, breathing me in. As he pulled back, I saw the unshed tears in his eyes matching mine.
“I love you, Maddie.”
“I love you, Lucas.”