I was still sitting on the couch when Caroline got home from work. She had an early shift tonight and we planned to watch the newest episode of Oak Island we had recorded and have a glass wine. Yeah, I know, exciting stuff, but it was a Monday after all. I struggled to keep up our usual banter over the show, guessing if the “treasure” was from pirates, Knights Templar, or aliens. Uncle Joe was a history buff and so we’d both watched and read a lot of things growing up that most people our age found boring: Local history, international studies of culture, lost tribes, treasures, and dinosaurs.
She must have taken notice of my reduced conversation because she paused the show and turned her complete attention to me.
“What’s going on with you? I was expecting you to talk my ear off about Lucas and your first day, but you haven’t said a word about either. Did something happen today?” she asked gently as she moved closer to me and put her arm around my shoulder. Just having her there made me feel better. She’s been the one constant in my life and her opinion matters.
“Lucas kissed me today.” I blurted, my face suddenly hot. I still felt where his beard rubbed my face when he dominated our kiss on the couch. I’m glad he had some self-control because I was ready to ride him like a cowgirl. I think that would have ruined whatever it was we had going on.
“Was he not a good kisser? Bad breath or too much tongue? Tell me what we are working with so I can help figure out a way to fix it. This is the first guy you’ve actually liked and I’m not going to let you destroy it before it has even started.” She was suddenly very stern.
“He was a fantastic kisser. Probably the best I have ever had. It was amazing, Caroline. His kiss silenced my brain. He led me where he wanted me and for the first time, I felt right inside. Like he means something more to me than the rest. Does that make sense? I don’t feel like I can explain it right to make you understand.”
“You love him.” She beamed at me.
“I can’t love him. I met him less than a month ago. I wanted to have sex with him tonight but he stopped us. He said I wasn’t ready and he would wait until I am.”
“You fell in love with someone you just met and it scares the shit out of you. You have to trust your heart on this one. If your heart is saying he is a good guy, then he must be. You are the best judge of character I know. Follow your heart and it won’t lead you astray.”
“I hope you’re right because there is something else that happened with him tonight.” I said, finishing my glass of wine and pouring myself another glass. It had been at least three hours since he dropped me off so a second glass at home shouldn’t give me a hangover in the morning.
Caroline must have recognized the distress on my face because she engulfed me in a hug, giving me the strength she somehow knew I needed. She pulled back and said something that will stick with me forever. “So, are you ready to talk about Jason?”
“How…how did you know it was about him?”
“That look on your face. It was the same one you had when you and your mom first arrived at the house. You looked like someone told you Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny weren’t real, but you had to keep the secret to protect other kids. You were always more mature than your age. While I was happy playing with dolls, you were worried about things like bills and stuff. Jason hurt you and you have never gotten over it.”
“I’ve just never been able to understand how he could hurt my mom like he did. I get that he never wanted me and was happy to be rid of a screaming kid, but how could he tell her so many lies and abandon her?”
“He abandoned both of you, Maddie. You always act like it is no big deal, but that’s how I know when you’re upset over him. He’s the only one that puts that lost, vulnerable look on your face. There is nothing wrong with you, and I have tried for years to get that through your think skull. I’m glad you are giving Lucas a chance. He seems perfect for you.”
“He is perfect and so damn sexy. If his kisses are any indication of what is to come, pun intended, then I’m damn excited for the future.” I laughed it off, trying to get the topic of such serious matters. “Besides, we work together so I don’t want to jeopardize my new position by jumping into something prematurely. Taking the time to get to know him better before we have sex just seems right.”
“That’s how you know he is right for you. You are willing to wait but want to keep spending time with him. Now, enough about how awesome he is. Why were you talking about Jason tonight? What brought him up, on your first day of work, no less.”
“Your mom called me and said she and your dad will be here Saturday and Sunday. She knew you were off and Uncle Joe is going to the baseball game with his Army buddies. She wanted to spend some time with us. Anyway, he asked about other family and I brushed it off until we went to dinner at the bar where we first met. I told him about Jason and him abandoning us and he suggested that maybe I talk to your mom about it. That she possibly may have some information for me. He delicately said that with my age, I may not know everything or remember it correctly. I thought about it, and there is some truth to his statement. I only know what I remember since I was too hardheaded when I was younger to talk to your mom about it at all.”
“I think we should call her and see if there is anything she knows. Maybe there is something in your mom’s stuff in the attic that would help you to understand everything.” Picking up her phone, she dialed her mom. At least the news was still on so I knew they were awake.
“Hey mom!… No, everything is okay. I’m going to put you on speaker, it’s just us here.”
“Hey girls! What’s going on?” her comforting voice came from the phone between them.
“Hey Aunt Lisa. I was hoping you could answer some questions for me about my mom and Jason.”
“Sure, sweetheart. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know but why are you calling so late in the evening?”
“I’ve just been thinking about them a lot lately and I was hoping to understand what happened better. Just trying to move past the bad and into the good.”
“Who’s the guy?” she asked with a smile in her voice.
“How did you know there was a guy?”
All the while, Caroline smiled at me and silently laughed. We never could hide anything from them. We tried sneaking alcohol one night and had taken our first sip when they walked in. Instead of yelling at us or grounding us, they sat with us and let us enjoy our tasty beverage. Big mistake. All they had was gin and we thought it would be a good idea to mix it with orange juice. Yeah, really bad idea. After that and a couple of other less-than-genius ideas they caught on to, we were afraid to try anything too crazy, convinced they would pop up and catch us.
“You’ve never asked about what happened, never wanted to talk about it. Then you get a new job, and suddenly start asking about the past. The only reason to confront past hurts is to be able to move forward toward a new future. So, I’ll ask again. Who is the guy?”
Caroline could no longer stay silent and openly laughed at the conversation her mom and I were having. It was tough enough having the sex talk with her without dying of mortification.
“His name is Lucas Walters and I met him about a month ago. We met on the evening of Caroline’s blind date. A few weeks later he contacted me. He was the recruiter that reached out to me for my new job, only he wasn’t sure I was me until I called about the position. He is helping me get acclimated to the new job and is my liaison to the board of directors. Aunt Lisa, I really like him.”
“Maddie is in love” Caroline sing-songed into the phone.
“Is that true, Maddie. Do you love him?”
“I think I do, Aunt Lisa, and it scares me so much. What if he’s like Jason? What if he breaks my heart?”
“Maddie, honey. Life is a risk. You never know what’ll happen from one day to the next but you can’t let fear ruin your chance at happiness. Love is worth everything, even heartbreak. You risk everything for love and if your heart is telling you Lucas is the one, trust it is the truth. Now, I’ll be there Saturday morning and I’ll see what I may have to help you understand the past a little better. Your mom kept diaries when we were younger so I’ll see if there is anything in her boxes. I‘ve waited for years for you to be ready to look through her stuff. Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Yes Ma’am, I’m sure. Thank you, Aunt Lisa.”
“Never thank me sweetheart. I love you like you were my own and I am honored that you are my daughter.”
Her words, like always, brought tears to my eyes. I was so lucky they took me in and raised me, not one time treating me different than Caroline. They could have let me go into the system, but Aunt Lisa is the best kind of friend imaginable.
We hung up the phone and Caroline brought me in for another hug. She was my strength and the closest person I have in my life. I don’t know what I would do without her.
“I love you, you know that, right” I asked her, hoping she understands just how much she means to me.
“I know and I love you too. You are my best friend, my sister, and my confidant.”
“And hopefully, one day soon, you will tell me about Andrew.” I tried and approached him very carefully. For her to keep quiet means it was bad or hurtful. I wished she would tell me so I could help carry her burden like she did mine.
“Maybe.” That one word said so much. My poor Caroline was heartbroken and wouldn’t allow anyone to help her. For over two years she’s been in a funk and I was determined to break her out of it.
The rest of the week flew by with Lucas and I eating lunch together at the office. Each day, he surprised me with something new and delicious.
I felt like I’d gained a few pounds this week, not constantly running around at the bar. My feet were so happy being able to wear pretty heels that spent most of the day sitting nicely against the wall behind my desk. I’m a country girl at heart and I’m more comfortable barefoot indoors.
Throughout the day, we’d walk into the other’s office for a particular question and end up in a heart stopping kiss. They were mostly slow and sweet. With each brush of his lips to mine, I fell more in love with him.
How do you tell someone you have just met you love them without sounding crazy? I knew he had feelings for me, he admitted it to me, yet I still held back. Afraid he would break the little piece of my heart he already had. What would happen if I gave it to him entirely and he destroyed it?
He drove me home after work everyday and, even though I hated the traffic, I treasured the time we were in his car enclosed in our own little bubble of happiness. That’s what I felt around him. Happiness.
We took turns playing songs from our playlists, seeing how our music taste matched up. We had a lot of the same tastes from Elton John to Avenged Sevenfold. I was slowly making him a Breaking Benjamin fan and he was introducing me to this really eclectic band called the Dead South. It is catchy Canadian Bluegrass. Yeah, I know, strange. At first, it’s a little weird but it grows on you quicker than you want to admit. Catchy ass songs.
Friday rolled around and we only worked half a day. Lucas wanted to take me out for lunch and as we were driving into downtown, I had a sudden craving. It didn’t take much convincing for him to pull into the Varsity. People came from all over to have one of their famous burgers or chili-dogs.
We got in line and placed our order when the lady yelled at us. We had to order fast because the place is always packed, but after trying one, most people are willing to get a little bruised for them, though when you are my size, lines are intimidating.
We ate in his car at a little park a few blocks away. It was nice outside today, the humidity not terrible, and the weather actually felt like Spring. The blue skies above make me happy, and I felt like my mom was watching over me, smiling.
I wondered if she would like Lucas. Would she give him the speech about treating me right and always taking care of the people you love? Probably, knowing her.
I looked over at him and wiped some chili off his cheek.
He smiled at me and we sat in silence enjoying each other’s company. It was nice not having to make small talk with someone. A person’s ability to handle silence showed me a lot about them. He, so far, hasn’t felt the need to do anything more than look out at the park, and every so often squeeze my hand.
I leaned over the gear shifter and he turned his head to meet me in a soft kiss. I pulled back and got lost in his eyes. They were the most amazing jade green that contrasted against his dark hair and beard.
“How did I get so lucky to find you?” he asked, causing my heart to soar. His voice was gravelly and his eyes appeared to glow in the afternoon sun as he took my cheek in his hand.
His thumb slowly caressed me as I leaned into him for comfort.
“I’m the lucky one. You are pretty amazing Lucas and I’m glad I took the chance to open my heart to you. Please, be careful with it.”
“It is the most precious gift I have ever received and I promise to treasure it, always.”
I looked deeply into his eyes for any sign that he was lying. All I saw was love looking back at me.
“Let’s get you home so you can get some rest before your company arrives tomorrow.” He reached over and buckled my seat belt back, securing me before we drove back onto the interstate.
The drive was over faster than I wanted and I was sad I wouldn’t see him until Monday at work. Aunt Lisa and Uncle Joe were staying until Sunday afternoon to spend as much time as possible with us. I think they may have empty-nest syndrome and I often wondered why they don’t adopt or foster kids now. They were great parents and are only forty-three years old.
Caroline and I have been gone for nearly three years and I think they would be happy if we lived back home again. They both tolerated Atlanta but preferred the smaller cities and communities, over the hustle and bustle.
Lucas walked me to the door, just like he has every afternoon, making sure I got inside safely. He was slowly becoming more affectionate with me each day, but still wouldn’t let things get past making out on the couch.
“Would you like to stay for a while? Caroline picked up the first call shift tonight so she is at work until eleven. We can order a movie and we can get some take-out delivered? That’s is, if you don’t have any other plans?” I ask, hoping he can stay and cuddle with me on the couch. We may not be ready for sex, but I am ready for some rubbing and grinding.
He left me sexually frustrated each day and while I know waiting is best, I was horny. I needed something more than my BOB and I hoped he didn’t think I am being too forward.
“I would love to stay with you. Let me run down to my car and grab my gym clothes so I can get comfortable.” He kissed me and was out the door.
I made us both a sweet tea and went to change into my nicest shorts and t-shirt and settled into the living room.
I was on the couch, looking over the movie selections when he walked back. He stopped short and his eyes glazed over as he took me in. His eyes roamed from my face, slowly down my body and back to my face again, pure lust showing through. My nipples became hard and my panties were soaked just from his inviting gaze.
“Are you okay?” I asked him, trying to gauge his reaction to my appearance. I hoped he wasn’t disappointed with my hair pulled into a messy bun and my t-shirt and shorts but I wanted him to see the real me. Not the professional persona I displayed at work.
The fancy clothes and make-up were fine for work and special occasions, but I preferred to be comfortable whenever I could.
“You are so fucking beautiful. I love that you don’t feel the need to stay all primped and pristine around me. You are comfortable enough to be, well, comfortable around me.” He growled as he stalked toward me in his fitted suit pants and dress shirt. His tie and jacket gone and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, displaying his muscled forearms.
“I want you to see the real me, the imperfect girl who enjoys cop dramas and cooking shows and doesn’t like to be fixed up all the time. This is me, Lucas. Take it or leave it.” I shrugged my shoulders like his decision to accept or reject me didn’t cause my heart to beat like a drum in my chest.
“I choose take.” He grabbed me and forcefully pulled my body into his.
His tongue breached my lips, seeking dominance and submission from me. I gladly gave into him, lips smashing and tongues battling, trying to convey my desire for him.
He pulled away and placed his forehead to mine. I love this connection we have, faces together, breath intermingling, a promise of forever in our eyes.
Holy shit! I do love him!
“Let me get changed and we can find a movie.” I showed him my bedroom and went back into the living room, to try and catch my breath. The smile on my face felt amazing. I was in love.