Chapter Seven

Jimmy

 

I was just about to take a break when I spotted Cole. I’d already put the ‘Santa is feeding his reindeer! Back in 15 minutes!’ sign on my seat, and I was weaving through the crowd when I caught his eye.

He waved at me, and I froze in place. Eyes meeting across a crowded room? Talk about cliche. I wanted to cringe, but instead, a smile crept along my lips. His damn face was lit up like a Christmas tree, and it was infectious.

Why was he here?

Cole hadn’t been in touch since our date the other night. I’d seen him online on Facebook, and I knew he was alive and active. But he hadn’t sent me a single message. I figured I’d been reading his signals wrong on Sunday. Our date mustn’t have gone as well as I thought it had.

Time slowed down as Cole darted through the crowd toward me.

After it had become clear Cole didn’t want me, I had tried to write off my feelings for him. But every fake snow-sprayed tree in MerryMart made me think of the crunch of ice underfoot when I walked him home, hand in hand.

I was always prone to bouts of depression during this season. Christmas brought up bad memories. I didn’t need a failed holiday romance adding to my grief.

“Hey, St. Jimmy,” he said. Up close, he was even prettier than I remembered.

I blushed. “Hey, Cole.”

“Are you able to help a guy do some tinsel shopping?” he asked brightly.

“That’s not technically in my job description-” I started, but it was at that point that Sharon chose to walk past me.

“A customer wants your help, Santa.” She shot her saccharine customer-service smile at Cole.

“I’m on my break-”

She shot me a glare. “Your reindeer can wait another few minutes for their carrots.”

I bit my lip, frustrated. Sharon was harsh and I didn't want to give her a reason to cut my hours. But I desperately wanted to leave the store so Cole and I could have a private conversation. There were children in the store. If we stayed in here, I could hardly ask point-blank why he didn’t want to fuck me.

I forced a plastic smile at Sharon and turned back to Cole. “What sort of tinsel do you need?”

“I need a lot of colors,” said Cole. “Seth and Zane want to make pride flags out of tinsel.”

I couldn’t help grinning. “That’s a cute idea.” I wished I could get to know the guys at Agenda. From what I had gleaned from Maya and Cole, they seemed like quality people. “Santa’s on the job.”

I led Cole to the tinsel section of the room as quickly and professionally as possible. My heart pounded.

On our way across the room, a tiny child pointed and me and exclaimed, “Look! Santa!”

I cringed, torn between knowing what I had to do for my job and not wanting to embarrass myself in front of Cole.

“Ho ho ho,” I chuckled at the child. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas, Santa!”

I turned back to Cole, glad my cheeks were covered in makeup so he couldn’t tell how much I was blushing.

“Cute,” he said with a smile. What was with these mixed signals? Had Cole forgotten he was ignoring me?

“Uh, thanks. Here’s the tinsel.” I gestured to a tall, glittering wall where ropes of tinsel poured down like a technicolored waterfall. “What do you want?”

“All the colors of every pride flag we have at Agenda.”

“That’s a lot of tinsel.” I retrieved a ladder so that I could reach the pink tinsel at the top. This display was at least double my height.

We must have looked ridiculous. I was in my full Santa kit, wobbling precariously on the ladder. With extra weight throwing off my balance and too-tight shoes cutting off feeling in my toes, I was far from graceful.

I threw ribbons of tinsel down to Cole’s waiting arms. He laughed as he tried to catch them out of the air. He missed as often as he succeeded. A metallic puddle of tinsel gathered on the floor around him. I threw down a long, lime green strip and it smacked him in the face.

“Hold on!” he yelled up to me. “Let me get a basket!”

Even the baskets at MerryMart were Christmassy. They were made of red and white painted wire that brought to mind the image of candy canes and Santa suits. While I waited for Cole to retrieve one, I hung out on the top of the ladder, painfully aware of how much people were looking at me.

Sharon flashed me a thumbs-up and I exaggerated my faux-merry smile.

Cole’s basket was too small for all the tinsel he wanted. Once my feet were back on solid ground, I helped him arrange it so that as little as possible was spilling over the edges.

He still had a little piece of foil caught on his eyebrow, and instinctively I stepped forward to brush it away. The moment my finger touched his face, I realized what I was doing.

I jerked my hand back. If Sunday night had told me anything, it was that he didn’t want me to be this familiar with him. “Sorry.”

His eyes widened. “Why are you sorry? I like when you touch me.”

I checked around to make sure no sensitive customers were around. “You do? After the other night-”

“What about the other night?” His pretty eyes widened. “I had an amazing time.”

“You didn’t-” Invite me inside. “You didn’t call me.” I sounded pathetic to my own ears. I was pining over a boy not calling me as though I was still in high school.

“I didn’t know I was supposed to call you. This dating thing is pretty new for me.”

“It’s new for me, too,” I confessed. I enjoyed sex more than messy feelings.

“Then you can’t blame me for making a couple of mistakes, can you? I’m sorry I didn’t get in touch. I definitely still want to go out with you.”

“You do?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’m not sure if you remember the way you ghosted on me last year, but-”

Cole winced. “That’s valid. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks.” So I did have a chance with Cole? It felt as though helium was leaking into my chest cavity. Any minute now, I’d float up to the ceiling like a parade float balloon.

“I’m actually not just here for decorations,” said Cole. He chuckled nervously. “I kind of mentioned to Seth and Zane that your birthday is on Christmas day, and now they’ve decided to, uh- to celebrate Jimmymas.”

“What?” I said blankly.

“Jimmymas. It’s like Christmas, but instead of celebrating Christ, we’ll be celebrating Jimmy.”

“I know what Jimmymas is.” It was hard to keep my face from flushing scarlet. When I was a little kid, I tried to implement Jimmymas as a holiday so that my family could focus on me for a change. That was blasphemy to them, and I got the wooden spoon for it. “But no-one celebrates it.”

“This year, that’s going to change.” He winked at me. “If you’re up to it, you should come by Agenda after you finish work. We all hang out on Tuesday nights, and we can talk about plans with you.”

I was almost too awkward to agree. How could I show my face to the people who were doing so much for me without even knowing me?

Cole clasped his hands together in a plea. “Come on. Come over.”

“Okay, I will,” I said.

“Awesome.” And next thing I knew, he was pressing his lips to my cheek. The brush of his kiss only lasted an instant, but it was an instant long enough to make me swoon.

“Awesome,” I echoed.

Cole hoisted up his basket. “I better go pay for this tinsel. I’ll see you later though, right?”

I nodded. I was committed now. 

 

***

 

Walking into Agenda transported me. The air inside was welcoming, easy to breathe. Cole had made good use of the tinsel he bought from MerryMart. Glittering pride flags hung happily on the walls. Walking into this coffeehouse was the emotional equivalent wrapping yourself in a patchwork quilt: colorful and comforting.

Cole was busy talking to a guy who was wearing a plastic wreath like a scarf around his neck, but he took a moment to flash me that classic Cole smile and gave me a short nod.

Seth, who had been wandering around the room with a tattered cardboard box in his arms, stopped right in front of me. The last time I was here we had been separated by a counter and an espresso machine, and I hadn’t how tall he was. He would have made Talal look short.

“Hi, Jimmy,” said Seth. “Cole said you might be coming around after you finished work. It’s good to see you again.”

It was good to see Seth again too. “This time, I’m not dressed as Santa.” I smiled sheepishly. Even if my black jeans were shabby and my Green Day hoodie had a hole in the sleeve, and least I looked like myself.

“You look a lot better all punked up.”

Punked up? “More like pop-punk.”

Cole finished up with his customer and leaned across the counter to join our conversation. “Jimmy’s the sort of guy who plays acoustic covers of My Chemical Romance songs at parties.”

“You’re a musician?” said Seth. “Nice.”

“So we’ve already closed up for the day,” said Cole. “Do you want to meet everyone?”

“Everyone?” I glanced around the room. I had thought these were customers, but I supposed they must have been the friends Cole mentioned. Suddenly I felt nervous, like a contestant on a reality TV show trying to make a good impression.

“You already know me,” said Seth. “And this is my partner, Zane.” He tugged the man I had thought was Cole’s customer toward him.

“Hi, Jimmy,” said Zane. He smirked at me. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

I laughed, my voice thin and nervous. “That’s intimidating.”

Seth’s face dropped. “No, don’t be intimidated! We’re not scary, I promise.”

“I promise too,” said Cole. He came out from behind the counter and stood beside me. I felt more comfortable immediately, protected by his solid presence. “Everyone else is sitting over there-” He pointed at a table. “Are you sure you’re up to hanging out tonight?”

I spotted Maya, and she waved energetically at me. “Hi, Jimmy!”

I gulped and nodded at Cole. “I want to try.”

We made our way to the table.

“Hey, Maya,” I said.

“Grab a chair and sit with us,” she said, widening her smile.

I nodded and did as she told me. So far so good.

Maya leaned against the unfamiliar man sitting next to her. “You don’t know Topher, right?”

Topher shook his head. “No.”

“Topher here is my dear cousin,” said Maya. I could see the family resemblance. His dark skin was a shade deeper than hers, but he had similar striking features, and their eyes were the same dark amber.

Everyone here was attractive. I felt uncomfortable, out-of-place. I could see why Cole fit in, but me? I was an outsider.

“I’m Dean,” said the white guy sitting next to Topher. His beard was scruffy and his hair was tousled, and he wore a smile that quirked as though he was about to laugh, even though his eyes were deep and serious.

“I’m, uh, Jimmy. Of Jimmymas?” I tested the water with my pathetic joke, but I got a polite smile out of Topher and Maya, and Dean chuckled.

I took that as a cue for me to actually sit down.

“So does this mean Cole has convinced you to come to Agenda on the 25th?” said Dean.

“I hope so,” said Cole. He tugged his own seat close to mine so our shoulders were close together. I could feel electricity running between us where we touched.

“You guys don’t even know me,” I said. “Are you seriously going to throw me a birthday party on Christmas Day?”

“Hell yeah, we are,” said Dean. “It’s your twenty-first. We’re gonna make it the best goddamn birthday of your life.”

I raised my eyebrows so high they almost jumped off my head.

The door swung open again, and I jumped around, alarmed.

“That’s Orson,” Cole whispered in my ear as yet another person joined our table. 

Orson’s eyes were glazed as he took a seat across from me. Even if I couldn’t smell the weed on him, I would have realized he was the group’s resident stoner just from the way he dressed.

“Wait, who are you?” he said, blinking at me.

“I’m Jimmy,” I said.

“Oh, you’re Cole’s sexy Santa!” He looked me up and down with a cheesy grin. “Nice.”

After introductions were done, everyone started chatting and laughing, except Zane, who was making cocoa for the table, and me, who preferred to watch and listen. The conversation veered from book reviews to sex jokes to serious political discourse. Topher and Dean yelled over each other like they were locked in a competition to prove themselves the Alpha Leftist. We were in the middle of an impassioned debate about tactics for the zombie apocalypse when Zane came over with our cocoas.

Even though I barely opened my mouth except to sip my drink, I didn’t feel at all unwelcome. Quite the opposite, I felt like I was a part of something wonderful.

The only time things came close to being awkward was when Dean started talking about police brutality.

“I don’t want to talk about that right now,” said Topher sharply.

I’d held my breath for a moment, waiting for things to get heated, but Dean just said, “Sorry, Topher,” and then the conversation turned toward the pressing question of whether or not fish farted (only herrings and sand sharks, we found out).

There was no drama here. Just friends hanging out, laughing together, and respecting each other. I felt like I had traveled to an alternate universe, but I liked it here. I didn’t want to go back.

As I relaxed, Cole reached into my lap and squeezed my hand. I had become so comfortable around everyone else that I forgot to be anxious about being next to him, but the moment he touched me, my insides burst with butterflies again.

I cut my eyes toward him to meet his gaze. The look in his eyes made even my butterflies freeze as my heart skipped a beat. He was looking at me like I was special, like I was important, like I mattered to him. Like he really wanted to be here with me. I couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked at me like that.

I was starting to doubt my memories from the other night. Cole was giving me a lot of hints that he was still interested. Or maybe I was just so desperate that I was reading subtext where there wasn’t any.

We stared at each other like that for a moment, hands clasped, eyes locked, oblivious to what was going on around us. Cole’s eyes drifted to my lips and then flickered back up again, his pupils blown with desire. It was enough to make the muscles near my groin twitch in anticipation. There was no mistaking that look.

“Do you want to walk me back to my place again?” asked Cole suddenly. “It’s getting late.”

Dear god, I hoped that was his way of inviting me over — for real this time — because after that look he’d given me, I was aroused enough that I would go rigid at the slightest touch from Cole.

“Oh, it is late,” said Topher, checking the time. “It’s nearly eleven.”

“Who wants a ride home?” asked Zane. “There’s room in the van for all of us. I’m happy being a taxi service.”

Maya, Topher, Orson, and Seth all took him up on his offer.

Cole raised an eyebrow at me.

“I’m cool with whatever you want to do,” I said. As long as I got to go home with him.

“I’m going to go help Seth close up,” said Zane. “Figure it out before I get back.”

Cole pulled me to the side. His smile was tinged with mischief. “I’m kind of eager to get home, but I had this move all planned to get you inside my apartment. It was really smooth. I’d hate to waste all that planning.”

There went those butterflies again. “What was the move?” I asked.

“Well, I was going to ask you inside to get out of the cold and have a hot drink with me. I can’t really do that if we’re in a heated car the whole time. There wouldn’t be any subtlety about asking you to come home with me.”

“You don’t need to be subtle about it,” I said, my voice hoarser than I intended. “My answer will be the same.”

“And that answer is?” He ducked his head almost shyly and peeked up at me from under his eyelashes.

“That answer is hell yes.”

“Really?”

“If you want me.”

“Why wouldn’t I want you?”

I bit my lip. “The other night- You left me on the street.”

“Well, yeah,” said Cole as though it was obvious. “I didn’t want you to think this was just a hookup. I wanted you to know it was a real date.”

“But you didn’t get in touch afterward. How was I supposed to know you liked me?”

He sighed. “I know I gave you mixed signals. But I like you, Jimmy.” He stepped toward me, within kissing distance. “I like you a lot.”

“So to be clear, you are asking me over for sex tonight, right?”

“Hell yes.”

We headed out back to Zane’s van, where we caught Zane pressing Seth against it and kissing him deeply, his hands tangled in Seth’s shocking auburn hair.

I exchanged a look with Cole. Were we supposed to cough or something, let them know we were there?

“You two have a room at home,” Cole laughed, alerting him of our presence.

They extracted themselves from their intimate grasp, both blushing, but not looking sorry.

“So you two do want a ride then?” said Zane.

“Would it be okay to drop us off at my place?” said Cole.

“Of course it would be okay,” said Zane, beaming at us.

“Remember to practice safe sex,” said Seth.