I jerked awake, panic sitting heavy on my chest. The feeling was so suffocating that I couldn't breathe, I couldn't—

Calm down.

My head in my hands, I gulped for air. I counted back from ten, focusing on each breath I took. Slowly, the panic abated. Most of it, anyway. Something was still wrong. Something, I couldn't tell what.

I couldn't even remember any bad dreams.

Wiping sweat from my brow, I took in the room around me. It was still dark outside. Everything was quiet. There were no shrill or loud noises that could explain my panic or what had woken me. Or why I still felt alarmed.

I hadn't experienced anything like this since my first year in LA when I’d woken up with a bad feeling, only to receive a phone call minutes later, telling me Rhys had been in a car accident that night.

Fuck.

Rhys.

The moment I focused on my brother's name, I knew where this panic was coming from. My brother was scared. Massively scared if I could feel it like this. I wasn't so in touch with my twin that I got any sense of the day-to-day things he went through. Only the major stuff made a blip on the radar—and jerking awake at night was more than a blip.

Had something happened to him? Another car accident?

In the dark, I fumbled for my phone.

Please. Please pick up the phone, bro.

I called his number and let it ring until it went to voice mail. I tried again, with no better luck.

Oh, c'mon. Just let me know you're okay.

As it was, I could only hope the reason he wasn't answering his phone was that he was sleeping, or being a jerk.

Unwilling to stop before I exhausted all my options, I sent a text message next.

when you read this, give me a call!!

I waited for a few seconds, and then the messenger display showed me that the message had been read. So, Rhys was awake and alive and okay enough to look at his phone. But not okay enough to answer my calls or reply to my message?

rhys, please, im worried.

Sure enough, that message was read, too.

Three dots showed up on the screen. He was typing!

Ever the impatient one, I sent another message before he was done.

Call me!!!

Then his text popped up on my screen.

Nothing to worry about. Everything's fine. We can talk tomorrow.

Yeah, right, like he was actually going to call me.

im holding you to that, I typed. Then I glanced at the time on the upper left corner of my phone. y are you up at 5am?

Bad dreams, was all he sent back. He didn't even bother asking why I was up. He probably knew. He knew why I was worried. But he wouldn't tell me.

My brother could be so damn difficult if he wanted to be, always keeping everything to himself. He'd been that way even when we were children. His toys he'd shared freely, but not his thoughts.

But this also meant that I had years of practice at getting information out of him. When I had him on the phone the next day, I would make him spill. I was happy to let him run off and do his own thing as long as he wasn't getting hurt, but the low-level panic that still hummed through me let me know we'd crossed that line a while ago.

I put my phone away and tried to go back to sleep.

It was no use.

I couldn't help but wonder. What had happened to Rhys? His bad dreams couldn't be so bad that they would wake me, could they? If so, what had to happen to a person to cause that kind of reaction?

Around 6 a.m., I gave up on sleep, turned on the light and got out of the bed. There was still a bit of time before the rest of the house woke up, so I had to find a way to distract myself from all the questions and worst-case scenarios buzzing through my mind.

My gaze fell on the book lying on the desk in front of the window. It was the novel Zander had gifted me.

Read me, it seemed to say. What else have you got to do?

Sitting at the desk, I sighed to myself. I didn't want to think about Zander now either. Maybe I should just board the next plane back to LA.

Or better yet, I could drive down to Connecticut where Rhys was living with that asshole he called a husband. There had to be some way I could get through the gates if I tried hard enough.

Lost in thought, I opened the book in front of me without really noticing what I was doing. It was there, and my hands needed something to do, and then I was reading.

And then I got an idea. A crazy idea.

But those were kind of my thing.

* * *

Later that morning, after I'd wolfed down my breakfast, I grabbed Kade and dragged him out into the yard again, where we could talk in private. Well, relative privacy. Little Mary kept circling around the yard with her skipping rope, but she was counting her skips so loudly, I doubted she heard us.

Kade glanced back at the house. “I have a baby to nurse, you know? Where's the fire?”

“I nearly had a panic attack last night.”

My friend's eyebrows went up. “You mean you had a bad dream? Is everything all right?”

“No, not like that. It's like... you know that time Rhys was in car accident? Kinda like that. Only a bit different, I guess? But that's not what's important.” I gestured wildly with my hands. There were so many thoughts in my head and they all wanted to come out at once.

“You think something happened to Rhys?”

I nodded, glad that Kade wasn't giving me crap over this. He'd been with me the night of that car accident, and to date, he was one of the few people who didn't question the bond I had with my brother too much. Which made explaining everything easier.

“Did you try calling him?”

“I did, but he wouldn't answer.” I shook my head. “Got a message from him saying he was okay, though. I still wonder what happened but I don't think he's going to tell me.”

Kade's expression turned sympathetic. “That sucks.”

“Yeah, which is why I'm not going to sit around and wait any longer. I gotta do something. He's my brother and I know he's not well. I know!”

“I get that, but... don't you think he would tell you if he needed your help?”

I snorted. “You don't know my brother.” Kade really didn't. Rhys had visited me in LA only once, and my friend had been touring another state during that time. “He's the type who suffers in silence.” And I wasn't the type to let that continue.

Kade frowned, regarding me a bit cautiously. “What are you going to do?” The way he said it, I knew he realized I already had a plan and he wasn't sure he was going to like it.

“I'm going to infiltrate.”

“Infiltrate?”

“His community,” I clarified. “I'm going in. He won't turn me away once I'm past the gates, I know it.”

Kade's frown deepened. “And how exactly do you plan to make it past the gates?”

“Oh, that's easy,” I said waving my hand. “They'll let me in if they believe I'm married, right?”

Kade fixed his gaze on me. “Please tell me you're not planning to get married just to get in there.”

“No, please, that would be crazy.”

Kade arched an eyebrow, letting me know without so many words that crazy was exactly what he expected from me.

“I don't need to get married,” I assured him. “I only need to make them believe I am.” It was brilliant.

“You don't have a marriage license,” Kade pointed out.

I waved him off again. “I'm sure those things can be faked. How closely are they really gonna look?”

“Pretty closely if you're a married omega traveling alone. That just doesn't happen in their world.”

Hah! “Who said I was going to be alone?”

My friend looked at me as if I'd suddenly grown a second head. “What are you talking about?”

“When I couldn't go back to sleep this morning, I started reading that book Zander gave me and what do you know? It features a fake relationship. That gave me the idea. I don't need to be in a relationship to see my brother. I only need to convince the Vinists that I am. You know how these people think. If they see me with an alpha by my side, will they even think twice about my marital status?”

“No, probably not,” Kade admitted slowly. I could tell he wasn't as in love with this idea as I was, but that didn't matter. I only needed to know that it was going to work.

“See? Problem solved.”

“Not exactly,” Kade disagreed. “What alpha are you going to borrow for this?”

I shrugged. “I don't know. The one who gave me the book that sparked the idea?”

I almost had to laugh when Kade's mouth fell open. “Zander?” he asked in disbelief. “Just yesterday you were hell-bent on avoiding him, now you want to get into a fake relationship with the guy? Are you sure you're not pregnant? Because that's one hell of a mood swing.”

“Don't be so dramatic. Zander knows Rhys, he would want to help. And since he gave me this book, that means he knows how it works! It's all just pretend. Nobody gets hurt.” And it would allow me to spend some time with Zander and figure out what it was that I was feeling for him. It was a win-win scenario, really.

“Are you sure it's all just pretend in the book? How many romance novels have you read? Because that's not usually how it goes.”

I had read exactly zero romance novels. But so what? “Does it matter? My life's not a romance novel.”

Kade sighed, but it seemed he had no counter-argument for that. “Do you really think this is a good idea?”

“Honestly? I'm not sure, but it's better than sitting on my ass.” If Zander was anything like the boy he used to be, he would understand. He would help me without asking too many questions. It had been a long time since we'd been each other's best friend, but in a way, I still trusted him. He would do the right thing.

Kade's shoulders slumped. “There's nothing I can do to stop you, is there?”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“I wish you'd reconsider.” His face looked pained, though. He really wasn't a fan of this idea. Oh well, he'd come around in the end when I saved my brother from his asshole of a husband.

“I know, but I can't. Sorry.” I turned back toward the house when I was stopped by Mary, her face flushed from skipping rope.

“Do you want to have tea with me and Mrs. Panda?”

Kade stepped up to us, an evil glint in his eyes. “I'm sure he would love to have tea with you and Mrs. Panda. You're such good company.”

I shot my friend a look to let him know I was on to him. Obviously, he wanted to delay me going back to the bookstore, but that wasn't going to work. “Of course I'll have tea with you,” I said to Mary. “But can we make it afternoon tea? I've got some really important business to take care of first.”

Mary tilted her head at me, forehead creasing. “Can I come?”

“Yeah, Nick,” Kade said, clearly amused. “Can she come?”

I glared at Kade. “Don't you have a baby to take care of?”

“I'm sure Shane's on top of it.”

Must be nice to have a partner who's got your back, I caught myself thinking before I turned back to the little girl in front of me who still waited for a reply. “I'm afraid you can't come, but if you're good, I'll bring you back something nice.”

“Something nice?” Mary's eyes went as wide as china plates.

“Yeah.” I ruffled her ginger hair. “Something really nice.” No idea what that was yet, but I was going to figure something out.

“Yay!”

That was that taken care of. Across Mary's head, I shot a victorious grin at Kade.

My friend wasn't ready to give up yet, though. As soon as we entered the house again, he called for Conner. The boy came out of the living room with a book in his hand and a curious look on his face. “Something the matter?” he asked.

“Nick's going to the bookstore.”

Oh, that was just not fair. I could hardly tell Conner that he couldn't come along without a good reason.

“Are you really?” Conner looked at me.

“It's okay if you don't want to come. I mean, you just went yesterday.” He couldn't possibly want to go again already, could he?

“Are you kidding? I could go there every day,” the boy said emphatically.

I tried hard to keep my expression neutral. How could I explain my fake relationship plan to Zander while Conner was listening in? “Isn't there anything you'd rather do?” I asked. “I mean, I have a car and free time, I could drop you off wherever.”

“He's eleven,” Kade cut in. “You're not going to drop him off wherever.”

And this was exactly why I was never going to become a parent. “Oh, c'mon, he's a smart kid. He'll be fine.”

“It's all right,” Conner piped up. “Actually, I already have plans anyway.”

“You do?” Kade asked, mystified.

“I told you. Jake's dad is taking us to the zoo.” Conner glanced at me. “But if you could drop me off at Jake's house, that'd be cool.”

“You can walk to Jake's,” Kade said. “It's fifteen minutes up the street.”

Conner shrugged. “He says he has a car and wants to drive me. Why should I say no? I'm gonna go get my stuff.” And with that, he went up the stairs. I really didn't mind taking him to his friend's place. Miles better than taking him to the store with me.

“Looks like you got out of that one,” Kade said.

“It'd be cool if you could stop trying to throw my cousin's children in my way.”

“Just be glad I'm not making you change Hope's diapers.”

“Yuck.” Reason number two I was never going to be a parent.

Kade grinned. Then the humor faded from his face again. “You're really gonna do this, huh?”

“Yup.”

My friend rubbed his temples as if he could feel a headache coming on. I almost felt sympathetic. Kade was scared of the Vinists and he had good reason to be, but couldn't he see that was exactly the reason I had to do this?

“Just wish me good luck,” I said.

“All right.” Kade offered me his hand. “I wish you good luck. And that your childhood friend or crush or whichever has a little more common sense than you do.”

I smiled. “He was always the brainy one.”

But he'd also always had a hard time saying no to my crazy plans.

I could only hope that hadn't changed.