Chapter 14: Casey

I took a deep breath, trying to understand how much pain Dex was in. He had been deceived and though it was not out of malice or ill intentions, I kept a very big secret from him. I had to believe that the words he spoke were not the words he believed to be true. I had to keep my emotions settled and at bay but he was making it very difficult. When he decided to attack my character, my truth, and my person I felt my own anger rear its head. I took in a deep breath and clenched my jaw, knowing what was coming next.

“You know what,” Dex said quietly with a dark chuckle. “I don’t even believe I took your virginity. A girl like you would have been looking for a man long before me. There’s no way you hadn’t given it up yet, especially with how easy it was for me to get in your pants.”

That was it, that was the one thing I knew I could not handle. My eyes widened at his words and without thought, I reached up and slapped him across the face. Tears streamed down my cheeks and I felt as if I couldn’t even breathe.

“How dare you,” I whispered. “How dare you question something so sacred and important. Go to hell, Dex.”

With those words, I ran up both sets of stairs and through my front door, slamming and locking it behind me. My whole body was shaking and as soon as the door was there to separate me from Dex, I completely lost it. I didn’t care that Brandon and Natalie were sitting in the living room behind me. I didn’t care that the father of my child was standing on the street below the apartment. I let it all go right there. All the emotions I’d felt over the past five years came crashing down around me. Natalie rushed over and grabbed me by the arm, leading me to the couch. My hands were shaking and I was sobbing uncontrollably. Finally letting myself feel everything was overwhelming. I couldn’t breathe or think. My head was spinning and my heart ached in a way it never had before. All I could hear were Dex’s harsh words echoing in my mind.

Natalie smiled kindly as she poured a glass of wine and handed it to me. They waited patiently while I collected myself and caught my breath. I could barely see anything through the tears and I brought the wine to my lips, letting out a deep breath as it soothed my throat. I knew I would have to tell the whole story from the beginning since Brandon knew nothing but I didn’t mind, it would be the first time I had ever spoken about it and I needed to get it out. One thing I could feel comfortable in was knowing that Natalie knew who I was. She knew my character, my actions, my love, and my heart. She would never think, even for a split second, that anything that Dex said was true. Still, telling the whole story was a bit nerve wrecking since I had never even told Natalie. She never asked. She let me have my reasoning, understanding that whatever reason it was, was probably a good one.

“Brandon, I know this is all very confusing for you.” I whimpered. “So, I’ll start from the beginning. Five years ago, I met Dex. It was Christmas Eve and the liquor was flowing, the jokes were hilarious, and we really found a connection. When Natalie left, we had sex. It was the first time for me and I didn’t give it a second thought. The next day, Dex left for his trip and within two months, I found out I was pregnant. Dex is Seth’s father.”

I let the shock move over Brandon’s face as Natalie took his hand. I knew he would have questions but I wanted to get through the whole story so he understood better. Part of me was ashamed for hiding Seth from Dex but the other part of me still stood firmly behind my decision to protect my son.

“I never told Dex because he wasn’t really the settling down type,” I explained. “When I met him, he was deep into the company: building it, growing it, and carrying on Natalie’s father’s work. He was a playboy, not because he was a jerk but because he was settled into his own life. When he came back for the wedding, I saw immediately that he was still in that place.”

I put my hands in my lap and clasped them together to stop the shaking. I didn’t want to sit here and bash Dex but he did what he did and said what he said. If I was going to tell the story I needed to tell all of it and not just what I thought they would want to hear. I knew I played a part in this and would continue to do so for the rest of my life, but what Dex said was unnecessary and hurtful.

“I thought for a second, a split second when he took me and Seth to the pumpkin farm, that maybe his ideas about the future were changing. He was so good with Seth and he really acted like he wanted more but by the end of the day, he was gone. He didn’t call, text, or anything,” I said. “Today when he showed up, it was the first time I saw him since that day. Seth has been asking about him for weeks and I didn’t know what to tell him. Downstairs he asked me who Seth’s father was, so I told him.”

“I’m sorry,” Brandon said. “I didn’t know any of that happened. I wouldn’t have just welcomed him into your home like that.”

“No, Brandon,” I said in a kind voice. “It’s not your fault. You had no idea.”

“So, I’m assuming it didn’t go well,” Natalie said with pain behind her eyes.

“No,” I said, tearing up again. “He said I was a gold digger. He said I was lying about being a virgin, that I was just trying to pin Seth on him because I slept with some dirt bag. I understand why he was angry but he went way too far. I just don’t understand how he could say things like that to me.”

“Oh, God,” Natalie gasped as she threw her arms around me. “I’m so sorry he acted that way. That is not how we were raised. I can go kick his ass for you.”

“Yeah,” Brandon replied. “I mean no offense honey, I know I’m new to the family and all, but your brother could use a swift kick in the ass.”

I chuckled through my tears, just glad that I had a support system. The truth was, I just wanted to be alone and work through this in my head. I squeezed Natalie tight and pulled away, still holding her hands.

“I love you guys,” I said through tear covered laughter. “But really, I just want to rest. I’m tired and I think a good night’s sleep would be the best thing for me at this point.”

“Okay,” Natalie said, hugging me tightly. “If you need anything just text or call. Anytime, I’m serious.”

“I will.” I sniffled. “But really, don’t worry about me. This too will pass. It’s not like I’m not used to Dex breaking my heart at this point.”

In reality, it never got easier. I still wasn’t used to Dex constantly bolting from my life and now, with his hurtful words, I was completely beside myself. Part of me wanted Natalie to stay, part of me really wanted that comfort and love that she provided but I knew if I was going to deal with all of this in my head that I would need to be alone. I was used to working issues out alone, especially with being so shy and not having very many friends. Instead, I learned how to focus my energy and work out my problems on my own. This time though, I knew there would be a lot of questions and even more tears than normal. This wasn’t just some issue with the bills or my mother, this involved my heart as well as my head.

I smiled and walked them to the door, giving them both a big hug before they left. As soon as the door was shut, I could feel the pain surge back into my chest. The silence of the house was deafening and I wished that my son was up to distract me from my pain. I turned and flipped all the lights off since my mother was already in bed. I tiptoed down the hall and to my room, shut the door, and laid my head down on my pillow. Immediately, tears began to flood my eyes again, the reality of the situation hitting me like a ton of bricks. After five years of secrecy, I finally told Dex the truth. I thought if this day ever came I would feel relieved but that wasn’t the case at all. Instead of getting this secret off my shoulders, I expelled it from my chest, leaving a dark empty hole where it had sat for so long.

My thoughts immediately shot back to five years ago when I was sitting next to that cute, charming man. I was carefree, happy, and didn’t think for a moment that things would turn out this way. I would never take it back, I loved Seth so much, but how had everything gotten so screwed up? It was one of the most pleasurable and erotic experiences of my life. It was my first time, something I couldn’t push out of my mind no matter how hard I tried. In reality, I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to remember the father of my son as a hurtful angry man, even though it would make him a lot easier for me to hate. But hate wasn’t in me, no matter how much I wanted it to be. As I laid there, I felt like I’d turned everything in a huge mess. The situation was already so screwed up, had I just made it even worse?

When we went to the pumpkin patch, I thought I reserved my feelings but after seeing Dex with Seth and the love we made that night, I flipped myself back into the realm of feelings. I couldn’t even begin to explain the emotions going through me as I watched him freak out in my kitchen and run off. My mother tried to console me, telling me I was reading too much into it, but I wasn’t blind and neither was Dex. He sped off to South America, completely freaked out by what he knew to be true. He didn’t come back to spend Thanksgiving with us, he came back to settle his thoughts and find out the truth. Well, he got the truth but from his response, he was definitely not ready for it.

I turned over in bed at the sound of my door creaking. I wiped my eyes quickly and sniffled loudly. Through the dark crack in the door, Seth wobbled in, sleepy eyed and rubbing his face. I sat up in bed and picked him up, laying him down next to me. He had bad dreams sometimes and would always come into my room to snuggle next to me. It was one of my favorite parts of the day. Though I hated when he had bad dreams, I knew his need for me wouldn’t last forever. I sat there, staring at his dirty blonde hair and scrunched nose as he drifted back to sleep in the safety of his mother’s arms. He was the only thing in my entire world that mattered and I had almost forgotten that. There were no angry words, no bitter stories, and no terrible fights that could take that fact away.

I would never see Dex again, just to keep Seth safe and happy. It may not feel good to think about but I had to take a stand, a stand that would protect my dear child forever.