Chapter 6: Casey

I was glad to be back home, back in my normal routine, and back remembering why exactly I left the wedding without a word. I could hear Seth packing up his pencils and crayons after he finished drawing his latest building. He was obsessed with drawing buildings, whether they were giant skyscrapers or little houses in the country. He was my little architect. As I heard him jump down and start running through the kitchen, I chuckled to myself, remembering he was only four years old. His light brown hair and hazel eyes made him look almost like my twin, which was good since I didn’t want anyone to know who his father was. However, when he curled up in my lap, shy and timid, and looked up at me with his big smile, I could see Dex hidden under the surface. It broke my heart every single time but I knew the choice had been mine and therefore the consequences were mine to bear.

My mother’s laugh behind me drew me from my thoughts as she caught Seth and sat him in the chair, tickling him to get him to calm down. It was dinner time and my favorite time of the day since I could sit with my family and talk about the week. It would be a week as of tomorrow since I escaped the warm, comforting clutches of Dex at the wedding but I still couldn’t get him off my mind. I worked all week, trying to make some extra money. My mother wanted me to continue to have a life and I knew she really loved looking after Seth. It was like he finally gave her something to do that took her mind off the silence that haunted our house since my father died. She was livelier than ever and I could see the young woman I remembered from when I was a small child burn inside her eyes.

I pulled the potatoes from the stove and scraped them into a large bowl, plopped a spoon in them, and joined my mother and son at the table. Though I loved feeding my son, I let my mother have the honor at dinner. It always brought a smile to her tired face. Seth was a lucky boy, he had two people who loved him more than the world. I sat down at the table and began to pass the food over to my mother. As soon as she handed it back to me and I went to fill my plate, a knock echoed from the front door. I looked up at my mother who stared at me with unknowing eyes. She had already begun feeding Seth so I sighed, set the food down, and pushed back from the table. It was probably some salesman trying to sell us more of something we didn’t need. I grabbed the door handle and opened the door, looking down at my messy hands.

“I’m sorry,” I said, noticing an expensive pair of shoes in front of me. “We don’t want….”

As my eyes moved up a very expensive pair of slacks and over the chest of a very strong and fit man, my eyes landed on Dex’s beautiful grin. My mouth dropped open for a moment and I stood there, just staring at him in the doorway. He was holding a beautiful bouquet of fall themed flowers and looked slightly awkward standing in a dirty hallway, primed and tailored for the big city. He raised his eyebrows and shifted in his stance.

“Um, may I come in?” I shook the look from my face and moved to the side, shut the door and stepped back in front of him. My heart raced, knowing he knew nothing about Seth, not even the fact that he existed at all. Seth’s laughter floated through the air and I watched as Dex’s face scrunched slightly in confusion.

“We just sat down to eat,” I said sheepishly, looking down at the floor.

I watched him look around the room, realizing he hadn’t been back here since the night we had amazing sex on the same couch that was still sitting in the living room. The smell of his cologne was intoxicating as he unbuttoned his suit jacket and casually stuck his hands in his pockets. I knew he was waiting for me to invite him to dinner but I didn’t know what I should do. If he came back there, he was going to meet Seth and I was terrified that he would put two and two together. I shifted uncomfortably in my shoes, trying to stall so I could come up with a good enough excuse. I could tell he wasn’t going to leave until he came into the kitchen. I sucked in a deep breath and met his gaze, feeling my heart flutter under the pressure of his deep blue eyes. God, why did he have to be so sexy?

“Would you like to come into the kitchen with me?” As soon as the words left my mouth, I was overcome with fear. On one hand, I couldn’t think of a better face to open the door to but on the other hand, I hadn’t even mentioned my son to Dex. I knew this introduction would be difficult. He smiled and reached up, pushing a piece of hair out of my face.

“I brought these for you,” he said, handing over the flowers.

“Thank you. They’re beautiful,” I said with a smile. “Well, let me get them into some water.”

I turned toward the kitchen and held my breath as we walked toward the room where my mother and son were waiting. As I rounded the corner, I glanced over at my mom who froze. She quickly recovered, clearing her throat and smiling at Dex. I grabbed a vase off the counter and turned around to watch Dex’s face when he found Seth sitting at the table. I watched as he tried to hide his surprise of finding my mother sitting at the table feeding a four-year-old boy. It took him a second but he used his normal charm to twist that surprised expression into a nice smile. I wanted to grab his attention, completely fearful that he would start to put two and two together but I also didn’t want to make it obvious.

“So, Mom, you remember Dex,” I said, smiling.

“Yes,” she said with a kind wave. “How are you, sweetheart?”

“I’m well, thank you,” he said.

“And that little messy bug right there is my son, Seth,” I said, holding my breath and waiting for his reaction.

“Hey little buddy.” Dex chuckled. Seth looked at him with wide eyes before putting his head down with flushed cheeks. He was really shy just like I was and it took him a long time to open up to new people, which was good since I didn’t want Dex to have any idea that Seth was his son. “You’re shy just like your momma.”

I finished filling the vase with water and arranged the flowers inside, walking over and setting it on the table. I figured it would be rude to not invite Dex to join us. As much as I wished he would simply excuse himself and leave, I feared he would continue to stare awkwardly at the three of us. I sat down and pulled out the chair next to me, looking up at Dex.

“Would you like to join us?”

“Oh, uh, no. I wish I could but I have another meeting across town,” he said, shaking his head.

“Still working? You are a busy man,” my mother said with a chuckle.

“Yeah, my company never lets me rest,” he said uncomfortably before turning to me. “I actually just stopped by to see if you would have dinner with me tomorrow night.”

I put the napkin back on the table and walked over to the counter to get a glass of water. My heart was beating uncontrollably and I tried to hide the fact that my hands were shaking. I knew it was a terrible idea to be alone with him again. The battle between good and evil began in my head and I could feel three sets of heavy eyes staring me down. I set the glass on the counter and took a deep breath, trying to weigh my options as fast as I could. Finally, realizing I couldn’t make him wait forever, I turned back to him and smiled.

“Sure,” I said with a forced smile. “I’d love to.”

“Great,” he said, letting out his held breath. “So, I’ll pick you up at six?”

“Mom?” I hoped she was going to say she had some mission event but she didn’t.

“Sure! Me and little man can have a movie night,” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“Awesome,” Dex said, backing from the room. “It was really good seeing you guys, I have to run though, the meetings wait for no one.”

I nodded and followed him to the front door, realizing he was in a bit more of a hurry than made sense. He was the owner of the company, not the errand boy, they would surely understand if he was a few minutes late. When he reached the front door, he opened it, winked, and walked out. I followed the door closed with my hands and stood with my forehead pressed against the wood. What had I just agreed to?

My attention was drawn back to the kitchen when my mother mentioned bath time to Seth. I told her I would do it, glad to get my mind focused on something else. As I bathed Seth, looking at his sweet smile and amazing curiosity, I smiled, knowing everything was just as I wanted it to be. Dex coming back, for a short of amount of time, shouldn’t affect my life in any way. I decided right then that I was not going to reveal to Dex that Seth was his child, there was no point. Dex was not the kind of man who would ever be okay with being tied. I knew that about him and I was okay with it, I’d always been okay with it. Still, I couldn’t allow him into my son’s life in such an important way when he was only going to leave town again soon.

The chaos of getting Seth out of the bath and in his pajamas occupied my mind for the next hour. But after two bedtime stories and a kiss goodnight, I tiptoed from his bedroom, down to the living room, and plopped down on the couch. I ran my hand over the cushions, remembering how good Dex felt inside me that night, how he filled perfectly. I thought about the earth-shattering orgasm he give me and at that moment, I almost wished he would knock on the door again. I hadn’t been interested in any other man since that night and it had been a really long five years alone in this apartment. I made my mind up that I wasn’t going to tell Dex about Seth but that didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy his comfort while he was in town. At the most, he was going to be here two weeks and instead of worrying about feelings, I needed to worry about how to get him in bed during those two weeks.

There was nothing wrong with me putting aside my feelings and actually enjoying something, or someone, for once in my life. I went through a lot over the last five years and I thought that maybe, I was allowed to enjoy myself a little bit. Sure, there were plenty of men out there if I just wanted to get laid but there was something exhilarating, passionate, and lustful about Dex. His amazing body sent shocks of desire shooting through me every time I saw him. So, then and there, I made a promise to myself that I would enjoy every bit of him and then, when he left, I would go on with my life.