Chapter One
Molly
“Hey, Mol – you get the answer for number four yet?”
I looked up and blinked at my best friend, Rebecca. We were sitting at the small table in our kitchen, roasting in the late-afternoon sunlight as we poured over homework.
Rebecca made a face. “No,” she said. “Ugh. This sucks, I’m so tired!”
“I know,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I am, too.”
“Remind me why we thought this was such a good idea again?”
I burst out laughing. “Because it is,” I said, shaking my head. “Besides, are you telling me that you’d rather be out working some minimum wage job?”
“Hey,” Rebecca shot back. “I have a degree.”
“Yeah, so do I,” I said. “And before I sent in my grad school applications, the only place willing to hire me was Starbucks!”
Rebecca snickered. “I know,” she said. “It’s awful.”
“But just a few years, and then we’ll be librarians,” I said encouragingly, pushing my workbook back towards my best friend. “And that’s gonna be awesome.”
Rebecca nodded. She pushed her glasses further up the bridge of her nose. “Yeah,” she said. She sighed. “God, did I tell you? My dad is still trying to get me a job at his stupid firm, even though I don’t want it.”
I frowned. “That sucks.”
Rebecca’s parents hadn’t exactly been supportive of her decision – and mine – to enroll in a master’s program for library science. Since she’d started grad school, there had been no fewer than ten attempts to get her to drop out and “get a real job,” according to her asshole of a father.
“Yeah,” Rebecca said. She sighed. “It just hurts, you know? They’ve always accepted Alex, no matter what he did. He’s the golden child.”
I rolled my eyes. “Tell me about it,” I said, trying hard not to blush at the mention of Alex’s name. Rebecca’s older brother Alex was twenty-eight, gorgeous, and the biggest asshole I’d ever met. At six years my senior, I’d been in awe of Alex ever since Rebecca and I had met in grade school. I’d always nursed a secret crush on him…and he’d always teased me. No, teased isn’t the right word. Teasing implies some kind of friendliness, some hint of warmth.
No. What Alex had done – all of the things he’d done, over the years – had been mocking me, not teasing me.
It wasn’t even close.
“Alex is a special kind of jerk,” I said to Rebecca, tossing my brown curls over one shoulder.
“God, I know,” Rebecca complained. She shook her head. “My parents just like, forgive him for everything! He can’t be stopped,” she added. “It drives me crazy.”
Now that Alex was in my head, I hated to admit it, but I was starting to feel all warm and fluttery.
“I remember the first time I met him,” I said, an unfortunate dreamy quality sneaking into my voice. “He was a jerk, even back then.”
Rebecca frowned. “What happened?”
I flushed. “Oh, it was dumb,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.”
Rebecca nodded. “I should really be getting back to this anyway,” she said, pointing down at her work. “It’s due tomorrow.”
As Rebecca hunched over her work, I closed my eyes and thought back to the very first time I’d ever met Alex Travers.
“Hey, Molly! Over here!”
I glanced around in a panic, looking for my best friend Rebecca. We’d just started sixth grade, and it was the first year we’d be in separate classrooms. I’d been having anxiety about it all summer. My mother had basically told me to stop whining and get over it, that I’d make new friends, that maybe even it would be a good idea to put some space between Rebecca and me.
But that didn’t make me feel any better. I was a shy, nervous wallflower, just like Rebecca. We’d bonded in fourth grade, when a teacher had put us together on a project. Ever since then, we’d been close friends. I didn’t want to face the treacherous world of middle school without her.
“Hey!” I yelled. “How was your first day?”
Rebecca made a face as I pushed my way through the crowd.
“Not good,” she said when I got closer.
I sighed. “Me, neither,” I said. “I can’t believe this, it sucks so much. I wish my mom would call the school and have them put me in your class.”
“I know,” Rebecca said. She groaned. “My stupid brother is late – he’s supposed to be picking me up and taking me home. You want a ride?”
“Your brother?” My heart skipped a beat in my chest. Alex, Rebecca’s brother, was seventeen and a senior in high school. I’d never met him before, but I had seen pictures hanging in the hallway of Rebecca’s house. Alex was the hottest guy I’d ever seen. He looked just like Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic. Just seeing his pictures was enough to make me feel all hot and squirmy.
“Yeah, Alex,” Rebecca said, tossing her light brown hair over her shoulder and groaning. “I hate him, especially since he started driving! He thinks it makes him like, so cool, but he’s such a loser!”
“Why?” I wrinkled my nose.
“Because Mom and Dad let him get away with murder,” Rebecca said. She pulled her hair into a messy bun, then slung her My Little Pony backpack over her shoulder. I followed into the crowded hall and together, we pushed through the other kids. It was crazy – being with Rebecca always made me feel better, more confident about myself.
I had no idea how I was going to get through this year without her.
I shrugged. “I wish I had a brother,” I said, even though I was secretly happy to be an only child. “I get so lonely sometimes.”
Rebecca glared at me over the tops of her glasses. “You definitely don’t,” she said. “Having a brother sucks. It’s like, the worst thing on earth.”
Late August in New Jersey meant hot and humid days and I could barely breathe as I followed Rebecca outside. A line of cars was parked in front of the school – moms and dads hugging their kids and bundling them into the waiting cars.
“I don’t see him anywhere,” Rebecca said, shielding her eyes from the sun. “You should probably just take the bus.”
“No,” I said quickly.
Rebecca gave me a funny look. “Molly? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I mumbled, my cheeks burning bright red. “I’m fine.”
Rebecca slumped down and sat in a patch of shade on the concrete, crossing her legs over themselves and hunching over her backpack.
“I knew he’d be late,” she said, shaking her head and looking sour. “I told Mom he’d be late, but she didn’t care!”
I knew better than to argue with my friend. As much as I loved being best friends with Rebecca, I didn’t know why she seemed to hate her brother so much. How could anyone hate someone so cute, with that twinkle in his eye? He was pop-star handsome, surely he had to be really friendly and fun.
At twenty minutes past four, the roar of an engine filled my ears. I looked up to see Rebecca’s dad’s Mustang convertible, candy-apple red with the top down. Sure enough, the handsome boy from the photos was behind the wheel. When he saw Rebecca, he honked the horn and smirked.
Rebecca took a long time climbing to her feet. Alex threw me an amused look, then turned to his sister.
“Rebecca!” Alex said, smirking. “I had no idea you were such a little lesbo! Who’s this charming friend?”
“Shut up, Alex,” Rebecca said through gritted teeth. “This is my best friend, Molly.”
Alex made his eyes wide. “Oh, the famous Molly!” He raised an eyebrow and snickered. “I’ve heard so much about you!”
I bit my lip, blushing harder than I’d ever blushed in my life. It was almost as bad as the time I’d wet myself in second grade, right in the middle of the school play Alice in Wonderland.
“Hi,” I said shyly.
“Is that all you can say?” Alex teased. “The way Rebecca talks about you, I would’ve expected a lot more! Still growing out of your baby fat, I see,” he added.
“Shut up, Alex,” Rebecca hissed. “I hate you!”
Alex clucked his tongue and shook his head. “Well, too bad, sis,” he said. “Molly, care to join us?”
Still blushing, I clambered into the tiny backseat. Looking down at my chubby belly poking out of my shirt, I slunk down low.
“So, Rebecca, fun day at school?”
“Leave me alone,” Rebecca snapped. “I hate you. Just take Molly home.”
“Such anger!”
When Alex pulled up in front of my house, Rebecca got out of the passenger seat and let me out.
“Bye, Molly,” Alex said casually, winking at me. “You’re sexy.”
“Alex!” Rebecca cried, blushing herself. “I told you, leave her alone!”
The last thing I heard as I ran inside was Alex’s cold laughter, filling the air like smoke.
“Earth to Molly!” Rebecca said, snapping her fingers in the air.
I blushed hotly, the memory of Alex’s taunting still lingering in my mind.
“Sorry,” I said quickly. “What did you say?”
Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Okay,” she said. “I can obviously tell you’ve got a thing for someone! You’ve been drifting off all afternoon! Spill,” she commanded, cocking her head to the side and looking at me over the edges of her glasses.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied. “I don’t have a crush on anyone!”
Rebecca shook her head and laughed. “You are so full of it,” she said. “Just tell me, Mol. You know I don’t care!”
I bit my lip. It’s your brother, I thought, wondering if I could ever confess how I really felt about Alex. But instantly, I knew – there was no way Rebecca would ever be accepting. Even if she didn’t totally hate her brother, she didn’t like her parents for favoring him. And while I knew she was right, it still made me feel a little weird.
"I can't," I said, biting my lip. “I don’t know. I don’t think he’d ever like me!”
“Well, I can’t even give you advice if you won’t tell me,” Rebecca said dryly. She closed her textbooks and leaned back in the chair with a sigh.
I wrinkled my nose. “You’ve never had a boyfriend, either.”
“Hey!”
“Well, it’s true.”
Rebecca looked sheepish. “No,” she said. “But I have had sex, remember?”
“I don’t know what I want,” I said softly.
“If he’s a college boy, he probably just wants sex.”
Again, Alex’s handsome face popped into my mind.
“He’s older,” I said. “Five or six years.”
Rebecca rolled her eyes. “Alex is twenty-eight, and he’s still the biggest pig I’ve ever met. I don’t know how mature most guys are around that age, but I’d expect something better.”
I sighed. “Can we just not talk about your brother for like, ten minutes?” I asked, shaking my head. “It’s not that I don’t like him…”
“I know, you’re sick of my complaining,” Rebecca said. “I’m sorry. I’m just kind of mad – I really wish my family would come around!”
I nodded. “I know.” Suddenly, an image of a guy from school popped into my head. He wasn’t anything like Alex – he was lanky and lean, with dark hair in a braid, but he had smiled at me a couple of times. Once, he’d even told me that he liked my jeans.
“So?” Rebecca raised an eyebrow. “Who is this mystery would-be lover of yours?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Don’t say lover,” I said. “It’s so gross and seventies.”
Rebecca laughed. “Okay. Would-be suitor, then. Who is he?”
I swallowed hard and sat up straight. I’d never been a good liar, especially to Rebecca. I really hoped she’d buy my story.
“His name is Dan,” I said. “He’s the only guy in my class.”
“Oh, really,” Rebecca said. “Hey, I think I know him! Dark hair, always wears those sunglasses?”
I nodded. “Yep. That’s him.”
“He’s cute, he looks like a nice guy,” Rebecca said. “Wait – how do you know he’s older?”
I flushed brightly. “Um, I guessed,” I said. “He just seems to mature.”
To my immense relief, Rebecca nodded. “Yeah, you’re right,” she said. “So, you gonna do it?”
“Do what?”
“Ask him out,” Rebecca said. “God, Molly! You’re so dense sometimes.”
“I don’t know,” I said. My heart was pounding quickly just thinking about it…and I didn’t even like Dan in that way!
“Oh, come on – what do you have to lose?”
I sighed. “I guess you’re right. I’ll think about it.”
Rebecca grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Don’t think about it – just do it,” she said. “Oh, Mol! I’m so proud of you!”
I blushed. “Thanks, I think.”
Rebecca nodded. “Trust me, this is good!” She raised an eyebrow. “Maybe you’ll get a boyfriend!”
I bit my lip. I hope so, I thought. But when I closed my eyes, it was still Alex’s face in my mind.