Chapter 14

Bea

I had to admit, breakfast with Cameron was definitely unexpected, but not at all unwanted. After the dream I had the night before, I was terrified that I would get all clammed up seeing him, but with his adorable shyness kicking in, I felt compelled to be sarcastic and assertive. It actually worked out pretty well, and I got to spend my morning with a handsome guy, eating delicious food in the restaurant. I really didn’t want the date to be over, but I knew that I needed to end it and remind myself that I was only here for a limited time, and that getting too attached most definitely would be a bad thing. So, I said goodbye, meaning it when I told him I would come find him for a private ski lesson, and headed back up to the room.

When I got upstairs, I found a note from Hailey, telling me to meet her in the lounge when I got back so we could go out into town and do some shopping. I swore that girl had a serious shopping habit, but I didn’t mind at all because if I had that kind of money, I would have a shopping habit, too. I took off my tennis shoes, pulled on my black leather boots, and grabbed my jacket and scarf on the way out the door.

Just like she said she would be, Hailey was sitting at the bar, drinking a mimosa and chatting up the cute guy behind the bar. I shook my head and laughed as I approached, finding Hailey to be so fun and outgoing, something I wished I could be all the time. I stood next to her and smiled as she gulped down her drink and winked at the bartender.

“You ready?” I asked.

“Sure am,” she said.

“You have a shopping problem,” I replied. “I love it.”

“Ha! I love it, too.” She laughed as we walked through the building. “So, I saw you with Cameron this morning in the restaurant.”

“Why didn’t you come say hi?”

“You guys looked so involved in conversation, I didn’t want to break it up,” she said, smiling as we climbed into a cab.

First, we went to the coffee shop in town and got some coffee, something I was starting to feel like I needed after the long night that I had. Then, we went from store to store, perusing the shelves and giggling every time we saw a celebrity walk by. This place was definitely a celebrity haven. That was for sure.

“So, I heard you mumbling loudly in your sleep last night,” she said. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“Yeah,” I said quickly. “I don’t remember it, though. I just woke up in a cold sweat. It was very strange.”

“Don’t you hate that?”

“Yeah,” I said, chuckling nervously. “Really sucks. So, what are we shopping for today?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “Some new clothes and maybe some gifts to send back to my parents so they aren’t too pissed at me.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I was the needy friend.”

“Don’t apologize. You saved me from their yearly wrath.” She laughed. “I did not want to go over there at all. So, what happened this morning? Did he knock on the door?”

“No.” I giggled. “It was actually kind of funny. I walked out in the hall to see if there was a paper to read, and when I opened the door, I almost knocked him over. He gave some excuse about bringing a bagel up to the room next to ours. The thing was, I had been up before the sun, and I knew that the people had left, so I called him out. Just at that moment, the maid walked out of that room, and he gave in and told the truth.”

“Which was?”

“He had been waiting there all morning, waiting for me to open the door.” I laughed. “He was going to do that whole act, just as an excuse to ask me out to breakfast. At first, I was going to put him off again, but he, like, opened up to me and told me how nervous I made him and how much he wanted to take me to breakfast. I mean, how could I refuse?”

“That is really sweet.” She smiled. “What did you guys talk about?”

“Pretty much everything,” I replied. “He is a lot sweeter than I thought he was going to be. It isn’t often that you find a hot guy that is also charming and open like that. It was really refreshing. I actually really enjoyed eating with him.”

“That’s nice,” she said, being standoffish.

“Okay,” I said, standing in front of her. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she said. “What?”

“It is not nothing when you answer me with, ‘that is really sweet’ and ‘that’s nice.’ So, spill it. What is it that you want to say about this situation?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I mean, I love that you are finding this connection with anyone other than Grant, so I don’t want to ruin it but…”

“But what?”

“It’s just that you should be careful because Cameron is a hopper,” she said, shrugging.

I immediately heard what she was trying to tell me, and my mind went a little hazy. I had gone out to breakfast, let my guard down, told myself to not get attached, and there I was, spilling my guts to my best friend like some lovesick puppy. Maybe she was right. Maybe I picked the wrong guy to get over Grant with. I was never the girl that could separate her feelings very well, which was probably why I had an entire collection of chick flicks at home, waiting for another broken heart. At the same time, I wanted to believe that after Grant, I had learned my lesson and at least built up some kind of wall, even if it was made of paper and not stone. I didn’t want to think I was the girl that would fall for anything just because it felt like I was in a real-life romance novel.

I took a deep breath and picked at the fuzz on the sweater on the rack in front of me. Hailey was holding up clothes to herself in the mirror, and I felt like a complete idiot. She looked at me in the mirror and sighed, turning toward me.

“Look, all I’m saying is this guy goes from town to town, working,” she said. “That is his career. He doesn’t have a home base, he has been doing this a long time, and I doubt that he is magically ready to just settle down. I just don’t want you to fall for him. I know how sensitive you are right now. I just don’t want to see you get hurt. You know I love you like a sister.”

I nodded my head up and down, thinking about Cameron and about what Hailey was saying to me. For some reason, I understood everything that she was saying, but I still couldn’t imagine staying away from him. It just seemed too difficult. Grant had really taken a toll on me, but what she wasn’t realizing was that I wasn’t brokenhearted about it at all. I felt freer now than I ever had in my entire life. I felt free to feel or not feel anything I wanted for anyone. I felt free to have my heart broken or to break someone else’s heart. I also felt free to have an adult relationship where I knew that the end was near, but the time leading up to it could be absolutely amazing.

I wanted to feel that rush again, that rush you had when you were with someone and you wanted to be nowhere else. When your heart palpitated in your chest just thinking about them. All the sweet emotions before eventually they wore off, leaving you with just what you had built in the in-between. Maybe it was reckless, but it was exactly what she had set out to do before booking this trip. Only now, she was having second thoughts, realizing that my heart may indeed get dented.

“Look, Hailey,” I said, smiling. “I appreciate your concern, your care, and your love for me, but I assure you that I am in no way worried about the outcome of all of this. I do not think for one second that I will get attached enough to have my heart broken, but if I do, then so be it. Maybe it will be good for me. Maybe it will be the replacement heartbreak for the one I never felt for Grant. I am honestly not worried about any of it. I am having a good time, for the first time in my entire life. You have given me something that is priceless, a newfound freedom that puts me in control of my own heart, and I promise I am never going to waste it again.”

“Well,” she said, chuckling. “That was quite the speech. I am so happy that you feel that way. I wanted that for you for a very long time. Do you know what I think you should do?”

“What?”

“I think you should sleep with him, get everything you can out of it, and then don’t leave him your number,” she said, smiling. “Do what men, including him, have done to women for years. Take control of your sexuality, do what you want to do, and go into it with no thought of ever carrying it on past this vacation. Then, you are protecting yourself, and at the same time, getting that feeling of freedom out of your system, so you can go home and be more productive than ever.”

“I like that idea,” I said, thinking about it. “I think that is actually a brilliant idea.”

“Good,” she said, tossing me a sweater. “Then let’s get you ready for it.”

I smiled and watched her walk off through the shop, stopping and staring at myself in the mirror. I could do this. I could be the girl that took what she wanted and left. I could be in control of my emotions, right? In reality, I felt strong and powerful in that moment, but it was different when I was sitting in front of him, looking into his soft brown eyes. When he stuttered, or stammered, when he opened up in a last-ditch attempt to get me close to him, I pretty much folded inside, wanting to be close to him. Just during breakfast, I thought about my dream, about standing on the top of Denali with Cameron and sitting there before sunrise, listening to the silence with each other. I had taken more from my dream than just amazing sex. I had taken the desire to be alone with that man, just the two of us, far away from everything else. Really being with him on a level I wasn’t really sure I was ready for.

My thoughts were interrupted by Hailey, who was calling me over to look at a new pair of snow pants. I sighed and smiled, looking at myself in the mirror one last time before walking over to her and giving my opinion. While I was there in body, my mind was somewhere else, combing the quiet of the morning snow and searching for a reason behind my intense reaction to this man. Either he was going to be the answer to my freedom, or a shot fired in the dark, striking me right in the heart. Only time would tell.