Chapter Four
Molly
“God, I’m nervous,” I said to Rebecca, tugging at my shirt to make it sit just right on my shoulders. “I look so bloated today!”
Rebecca shook her head. “You look great,” she said. “I’ve never seen you look prettier, Molly.”
I frowned. “Something’s not right,” I muttered. “I just feel so awkward!”
“Well, you look beautiful,” Rebecca said.
Alex’s taunts flashed through my mind and I shuddered. How could anyone be so repulsive and so attractive at the same time? It not only didn’t make sense – it felt like a cruel joke from the universe.
“I know what you’re thinking,” Rebecca said quietly. “And Molly, don’t. Don’t put yourself through the ringer just because my brother is an asshole.”
I sighed. “Okay,” I said. “I promise I’ll try.”
When the time came for me to leave for class, Rebecca handed me a little pouch with some essentials.
“There’s floss in there, and mints, and some blotting papers in case your face gets too oily,” she said. “And I put in some hairspray, too. It’s windy outside today.”
I hugged her tightly. “You’re the best,” I said. I meant it, too.
Rebecca smiled self-consciously. “I just want to help, that’s all,” she said. “I won’t leave the door open in case you stay out all night!”
I burst out laughing. “I highly doubt that,” I said. “We’re just getting coffee and it’s right on campus. I’ll probably be home an hour or two later than usual.”
Rebecca raised an eyebrow suggestively. “Just have fun,” she said. “That’s the most important part, after all.”
I shrugged. “I just hope I don’t get so nervous that I do something stupid,” I said. “God, I can’t believe this is finally happening!”
“I know,” Rebecca said. “You’d better go, you’ll be late otherwise!”
Grabbing my schoolbag, I slung it over my shoulder and went outside to wait for the bus. I didn’t have to wait long – in just a few minutes, I was bouncing all the way down the highway to my university.
Class dragged on and on. I kept looking at the clock expecting to see that twenty minutes had passed when it hadn’t even been thirty seconds. Still, being excited was a good thing. Is that what I was feeling? Butterflies in my stomach, my heart beating as rapidly as a hummingbird’s?
Am I excited, I wondered as I doodled my name on my notebook. Or am I just nervous? Is that what being excited is supposed to feel like?
Somehow, Alex’s cruel words came rushing back to me at that very moment and I almost passed out. I can’t do this, I thought. Just then, the clock struck four.
“Okay, everyone,” the professor called. “See you next week!”
With a groan, I hauled my heavy body from my chair and walked towards the door. Other people pushed around me in a crush of desperate bodies and I was dragged along, powerless to stop myself.
Dan was waiting in the student union, just like he’d said. When he saw me, he smiled.
“Hey,” Dan said. “How are you? How was class?”
I sighed with relief. Class was good – class was something I could talk about, and not feel flustered.
“It was good,” I said. “I mean, you know, not really. It felt like it dragged on forever.” I flushed. Oh, shit, I shouldn’t have said that, now he’s going to think I’m obsessed with him!
“For me, too,” Dan said. “I stayed up way too late last night and now I can barely keep my lids open.”
“Oh,” I said quickly. “Um, do you still want to get coffee? I mean, tea,” I added. “If you’re not feeling well, we don’t have to do this today. We could do it later, or next week!”
Dan laughed and put his hand on my shoulder. “Molly, relax,” he said. “I’m fine. I want to do this, okay?”
I nodded. “Sorry,” I said. “I’m just nervous.”
Dan gave me a friendly smile. “No reason to be nervous,” he said. “I promise, I won’t bite.”
I flushed. "I didn’t exactly think you would bite me,” I said, shaking my head.
Dan laughed. “Look, I get it – you’re nervous,” he said. “But really, Molly, calm down. There’s no reason to be upset about anything.”
I nodded. “Okay,” I said. “Thanks for that.”
Dan led the way across the campus to Port City Java, a hip little coffee shop frequented by students and townies alike. Immediately, it occurred to me how much Alex would hate some place like this.
Get him out of your head, you’re with someone else, I thought as Dan led me towards the counter.
“So, what are you having?”
I looked up and scanned the board. “Um, I don’t know,” I said. “What’s good?”
The girl behind the counter laughed. “Everything,” she said. “What do you like?”
I wrinkled my nose. “I hate bitter things,” I said.
Dan nodded. “Let’s get her a buttercrunch toffee java freeze, and I’ll have a chai tea latte with soy milk.”
When I reached for my wallet, Dan laughed and shook his head.
“No, Molly, this is my treat,” he said. “Don’t even worry about it.”
We stood awkwardly by the counter and I listened to the whirr and buzz of the various fancy coffee machines.
“What are you liking most about the program so far?”
I shrugged. “Just being in it, honestly. It was always my dream to go to library school. Well, my dream and my friend Rebecca’s dream, too. She’s in the program but her schedule is totally different, we had to sign up for different sections because she works part time.”
Dan whistled. “Working and going to school is tough,” he said. “What about you?”
“I’m not working right now.” I blushed. “I actually got a scholarship, which is like, super rare for a terminal master’s program.”
“Good for you,” Dan said.
The barista slid our drinks to Dan and I smiled when I saw the chocolate-laden confection topped with whipped cream.
“This looks amazing,” I said as I wrapped my hands around the chill plastic cup. “How did you know what I wanted?”
Dan shrugged. “You look like a girl who likes her desserts.”
I narrowed my eyes. “What does that mean?”
“Hey, I didn’t mean anything bad by it,” Dan said. “Really, it’s cool. I have a sweet tooth, too.”
I flushed.
“Molly, if I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t, okay?”
I nodded. “Okay,” I said.
Dan led the way to a table and I followed behind. Now that my initial anxiety had worn off, I was starting to wonder just why I’d asked him out in the first place. Because Rebecca had told me to? Or because I’d actually wanted to?
I felt like a jerk thinking of the truth, but I didn’t really want to date Dan. And now, if things went well, would I be stuck in some kind of awkward relationship that lasted way too long?
Or what? Would we break up, and I wouldn’t even be able to go to class without thinking of him and how dumb I’d been?
“What’s wrong? You’re frowning,” Dan said. “Everything okay?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Um, I’m sorry. This is the first time I’ve done this,” I said.
“Done what? Had coffee with a friend?”
A friend? What?
I cocked my head to the side. “Um, I’m sorry – I don’t know what you mean.”
Dan laughed, but it wasn’t entirely a happy sound. He sounded a little embarrassed, actually.
“Molly, you’re a nice girl,” Dan said. “You really are, but I’m not interested.”
“What?” I couldn’t stop my jaw from dropping. “Then why did you agree to go out with me?!”
Dan flushed and took a sip of his latte, looking truly uncomfortable. “Molly, I’m gay,” he said.
“What?”
Dan gave me a look. “Don’t make me repeat that,” he said. “I know you understood.”
“I did…it’s just…you’re gay? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Dan laughed nervously. “I didn’t mention it because I thought you knew,” he said, shaking his head. “I thought you wanted to make a friend in your program. So you’re a little shy and awkward – that’s nothing to worry about. Plenty of people are shy and awkward, Molly.”
I sank down low in my seat. “You’re gay,” I muttered. “I can’t believe it.”
Dan gave me an awkward smile and shrugged. I hated to admit it, but the more I looked at him, the more I realized he was right. His hair was too perfectly tied with an Indian leather band, and his skin was flawless – even better than Rebecca’s, and she’s a total Sephora addict.
“Oh my god,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m so embarrassed!”
Dan laughed. “Don’t worry about it,” he said. “I’m just sorry you thought this was a date.”
My cheeks flamed bright red. “Now you probably get why I was so nervous,” I said softly.
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Dan said. He smirked. “You should’ve seen me in high school – I had more girls flocking around me than the football players.”
“I can believe it,” I said, although I really couldn’t. At least, not compared with Alex.
“Well, now we can be friends,” Dan said. “Or you know, not,” he added.
I bit my lip. “Do you think I could ask you a favor?”
Dan nodded. “Sure.”
“How…how can I get a boyfriend?”
“Oh, god, if I knew the answer to that, I’d bottle it up and sell it for a million dollars,” Dan said with a laugh. When he saw the look on my face, he pretended to groan. “Look, Molly,” Dan said. “I can’t tell you how to just get a boyfriend. But if you had a specific guy in mind…aside from me, that is,” he said.
I blushed.
“You do, you little slut,” Dan said playfully. He leaned back against his chair and sipped his latte. I wondered how I’d ever mistaken him for a straight man.
“I do,” I said, blushing hotly.
“Who is it?”
I sighed. “My best friend’s brother.”
Dan made a face. “Oh, honey,” he said. “You need to pick a better target than that!”
I bit my lip. “Why?”
Dan laughed. “I know the type. Older, gorgeous, experienced. Right?”
I nodded.
“Someone like that wouldn’t be good for you,” Dan said. “I don’t mean offense with that remark, Molly. But you should be realistic.”
I took a long sip of my chocolatey drink and frowned. “Maybe,” I said softly. “I have no idea.”