Lara came back to the room this morning and found me asleep. She’s been giving me a hard time on our morning flight back to LA ever since. “That grin on your face sure was unexpected.”

“I wasn’t grinning. I was sleeping.”

“Well, whatever you were dreaming about had you smiling like a fool in your sleep.”

I roll my eyes. “And what did you do after the concert last night?”

She looks away briefly before she says, “Met some friends at the bar downstairs. Once you texted me you were going to bed, I thought it best not to bring the party up to the room.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now what brought on that smile? It was polar opposite of what I expected to find when you left the show.”

I figure the truth will hush her up. “I had three orgasms last night.”

Her eyes go wide. “Eh, er… wow. Umm, okay. Huh.” She adjusts in her seat and says, “I’m impressed. Did you have these on your own or did someone special, someone like Dex, induce these?”

“All on my own.” I just don’t mention that Dex was the inspiration behind each one. Seems every time I close my eyes, I can still feel his lips on me and the gentle sucking he did to my collarbone.

“Ew, are you gonna cum again right now? Wipe that expression off your face.”

I burst out laughing and slap her arm. “Stop teasing me. You wanted the truth. Well, you got it.”

“I love a great masturbation session.”

“Oh my God, keep your voice down, Lara.”

An older woman in the seat in front of us peers back through the crack between the seats. When my eyes meet her judgy ones, she frowns and turns back around quickly.

Lara shrugs not caring if she’s heard by everyone on the plane or not. “Wouldn’t it be hot to have sex with the pilot while he was flying the plane?”

Shaking my head, I say, “I’m not really partial to planes.”

Her hand covers mine on the shared armrest. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“So maybe you’re more a mailman type of gal. You know, a guy who can really deliver his package?”

My head goes back and I scrunch my nose. “What 80’s porn have you been watching?”

“Not porn, just my imagination… Okay, some porn, but we all watch porn every now and then.”

“Maybe I should watch some,” I say, actually considering the idea.

“If you had three orgasms all by yourself, I don’t think you need porn. Your dirty thoughts are good enough.”

“I have some good references.”

She leans closer. “Do tell.”

“No, I think I’ll hold onto them a little longer.”

“If it makes a difference, I saw how Dex looks at you over the last few days. You could have him if you wanted.”

Looking out the window of the plane into the great blue yonder, I reply, “It makes all the difference in the world.” Three more hours on the flight left to go, so I lean my head against the window and close my eyes. “I’m gonna try to get some sleep.”

* * *

After thanking Janice for keeping my kids, I drag my suitcase into the bedroom. The boys follow me in and we all lay on my king size bed together, cartoons on the large flat screen hanging on the wall. Despite that they were engrossed in the show, I’m instantly smothered in kisses and hugs and I love it. My boys take the opportunity to bounce on the bed, and despite the no jumping rule usually in place, I let them. Their happy faces are worth the potential for broken springs.

“Mama, I love you,” CJ says, and I grab him mid-jump and snuggle him to my side.

“Come here, buddy,” I say to Neil.

He bounces to his knees and then drops to my open arm, which I close around him. I kiss each of their heads and smile. “I missed you guys so much. Did you miss me?”

“Yes,” they say in unison. Then Neil adds, “You were with Uncle Johnny on tour?”

“Yes,” I reply, wanting to reintroduce them to Dex soon hopefully. “And Dex, the drummer. Do you remember him?”

“He gave me the drumsticks.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“I don’t member,” CJ says.

I rough up his hair. “You’ll see him soon and you’ll remember. You’ve met him many times.” I reach over and declare, “Ticklefest.”

After lots of giggles and catching up on their days while I was away, I start dinner. I want to make something that shows how much I love them, warming their souls while filling their tummies. I decide on homemade lasagna, which they devour, making me happy. We read books and then I tuck them in.

When I lay down in my bed, I turn on the TV. My mind drifts away from the match-making show and I think of Dex, wondering what he’s doing tonight. It was a travel day for them and no performance, so I don’t know if he’s going out or staying in and resting up. It makes me realize that I don’t really know him—his habits, his hobbies, his routine—at all. But I want to and this time I don’t feel bad for that.

I roll to my side and smile before catching up on the show, my nightmares a little less this night.

* * *

Why does a simple text seem monumental right now? This should be easy, I tell myself as I pace my kitchen. Looking down at the phone in my hand, the screen glows bright white waiting for me to type something. I feel like I’m asking Dex out on a date. Wait, am I? What seemed like a casual get-to-know-you-better plan has suddenly turned into a big date. Oh no. I turn my phone off, not ready for this at all.

Two hours later while lying on the couch, I kick my feet up on the arm and go to my message app again. This time I’m determined. I start to type: Hi Stranger, just wondering if… Ugh! Delete. Delete. Delete. Stranger? Really? Ugh!

Hi, hope you’re doing well. I know you probably need some down time when you get home next week, but I was wondering if you want to come over for a meal. I can cook for you. I’m sure it’s been a while since you’ve had food not delivered by room service. I’ll deliver it to the table though and all you have to do is show up. We can hang out, maybe play a board game with the boys. Tag is also a big favorite of theirs. Anyway, let me know.

I hit send before I can chicken out. Staring down at the rambling message, I’m so embarrassed. If there was a way to take that back, I would.

My phone buzzes in my hand when a message appears. It’s a lot sooner than I expected. Long time, no talk, Stranger. It’s good to hear from you. What day?

I laugh at the ‘stranger’ then type: You get back on Monday. How about Wednesday?

Dex: How about Tuesday?

I might be blushing that he wants to see me as much as I want to see him. Tuesday is great.

Dex: What time?

Me: 5 p.m.?

Dex: I’ll be there.

Me: See you then.

Dex: Feel free to text me anytime, dollface.

Dollface? Now my cheeks really heat. Me: Text soon, champ.

Champ!!! What the hell am I doing? He’s making me senseless.

Dex: Lol. Okay, champ is interesting…

Me: Ignore me. Just carry on with your day like that never happened.

Dex: I’ll try, but it’ll be hard.

My eyebrows rise up when I read ‘It’ll be hard.’

Dex: Did I just type that?

Me: You did.

Dex: I’ll forget about champ, but you need to forget about things being hard over here in Dallas.

Me: Now that will be ‘hard’ to do.

Dex: Are you sexting me?

Me: You’re the one sexting I believe. You started it first.

Dex: I’ll be happy to finish it too. See you next Tuesday.

Me: Another funny. Like C U Next Tuesday.

Dex: Let’s stop while we’re a’head’

Me: You’re right. Stop.

I laugh and set my phone down on the couch cushion next to me, but it buzzes again. I look at the screen and read: Just in case I wasn’t clear, I’m really looking forward to seeing you again.

Me: Me too.

* * *

Once again, I find myself pacing in the kitchen, nervous. I’m roasting a chicken and I don’t even know if Dex eats meat. How have I known him this long and I don’t know if he eats meat or not. I think he does, but it’s been a long time since we had a proper meal together. What if he’s gone Vegan in that time? I poke the parsnips with a fork to check for tenderness and then decide that I should make a salad. It’s a healthy meal all around and if he’s gone Vegan then he’ll have the two sides, at least.

The doorbell rings and the kids go running. I throw the fork on the counter and dash for the door, hoping to beat them to it. Dex knows the code to the yard gate, but I still want to be the one who greets him. “Wait, wait, wait. Let me answer it.”

The boys stop and let me in front of them. I take a deep breath and straighten my shirt before opening the door. “Hi,” I say a little breathless. I’m hoping he thinks it’s sexy. Though I was expecting him, I’m still caught off guard by how attractive he is. I waver a bit, grasping the doorknob tightly to ground me.

“Hi,” Dex says smiling at me. He’s holding a bouquet of flowers made up of lilacs, peonies, and miniature white roses. “These are for you.” Leaning in, he kisses me on the cheeks. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” I reply, impressed by the romantic gesture and look away as I feel my cheeks heat.

Turning back to his touch, his hand rubbing my arm, I see he has come bearing more gifts. He whips out some Fun Dips for the kids, shaking them in the air. “Brought these too.”

“Yay!” The kids jump up and down in excitement, snatching them from his hands.

“That was nice,” I say, then turn to the kids. “You can have them after dinner. Not before.”

After a round of disappointed grumblings from them, Dex says, “No biggie.”

“I’ll let you deal with the sugar high later.” With a laugh, I turn and nod toward the kitchen. “Come on in. I need to check on the chicken.” But I stop and turn around abruptly. “Do you eat chicken? I don’t even know if you eat chicken.”

“I eat chicken.” Relieved, I start back to the kitchen, but he stops me and takes my pinky, and says, “It’s good to see you again.” Slowly tugging me closer, he wraps his arms around me and hugs me.

I relish the closeness as I wrap my arms around him. “It’s good to see you too. Thanks for coming over.” I hear him gulp and I gulp in response, but his arms around me feel too good to get hung up in the newness and unknown of what’s ahead for us. So I take a deep breath, breathing him in, and smile. “You smell good.”

“So do you. You smell like roasted chicken.” He chuckles.

Pushing off of him playfully, I say, “That’s because I’m roasting a chicken.”

“Cool.”

“Drink?”

“What are you having?”

I enter the kitchen, but sneak a peek back at him. He’s wearing a white T-shirt that highlights his tan arms, fitted around the muscles of his biceps. His jeans are a loose, but not baggy and he has on lace-up Vans. To top it off, I can tell he’s freshly showered, not just from inhaling his clean, manliness back in the living room, but his hair is shiny and kind of enviable. But it’s the devilish smile on his face and devious look in his eyes that makes me reply, “Wine. You? I have beer, cocktails, soda, water, milk?”

“Did you just offer me milk?”

“Yeah, it’s a popular beverage around here.”

He just continues smiling. “How about a soda?”

“Sure.”

I make our drinks and tend to dinner one more time before leading Dex outside where the boys are running around on the swings chasing each other. We sit in patio chairs and watch for a few minutes before CJ comes over, and says, “I member you.”

With a big smile that shows off Dex’s dimples, he says, “I member you too, big guy.”

“Why are you here?”

I lean forward, taking CJ by the arm and pull him in front of me. Holding him by the waist, I wiggle him. “Dex is here for dinner and to play with us.”

CJ’s eyes light up. “We like Marco Polo, but Mama doesn’t let us play much since we run into things and get boo-boos.”

“Ahh,” Dex responds. “I can understand. How about tag or hide-and-go-seek?”

“Hide seek,” my little guy says, jumping up in excitement. “Let’s play. Neil, Hide seek.”

Dex stands up, offering me a hand up. I take it, catching his eye on me as I stand. He looks out over the yard and announces, “I’m it. I’ll count to twenty and then I’m gonna come find you.” He turns to go to the door, pinching my side as he does. “Better hide fast. I’m coming for you.”

The words echo the ones he told me back in Boston before I left. And I like hearing them again.

As soon as he hides his face in his hands, the boys and I run for cover. The boys go for the bushes in the corners. They’re tiny and can hide in there easily. There aren’t many spots for me, so I run to the side of the house and squat down on the other side of the garden. I hear him announce, “Twenty. Ready or not, here I come,” and I don’t know what it is about this game, but butterflies fill my stomach as I sit in anticipation of being found and trying to make it back to home base untagged.

Peeking toward the corner of the house, waiting, I hear little joyful screams and Neil yell, “I’m safe!” That makes me smile. I know very well that Dex could catch him if he wanted. To my right, I see a Dandelion growing. Just as I reach for it, I’m grabbed, hand over my mouth as I scream, his other arm holding me to him. When he uncovers my mouth, his finger goes to his and he says, “Shhhhh.”

I slide up, my back against the wood, and he leans forward. With his arms on either side of my head and his chest barely touching mine, his breath warms me over as if the sun wasn’t doing a good enough job of it. “Square one is gonna be hard to do with you looking so edible.”

My breath is rough as I breathe in his words. “Square one?”

His eyes crinkle at the corners and being this close to him makes my knees weak. He’s so close, so close that I could kiss him. His nose runs along the side of my nose and his lips brush against mine. But he pulls back, and says, “Yes, remember? Square one.” Nodding his head, he smiles, knowing damn well I’d kiss him if I had the chance. “We’re starting back at square one.”

I can’t hide my disappointment. “Oh yeah, that’s right.”

He steps back and looks down at the garden. The last time we were here was on that day I don’t like to think about. He says, “I knew it would all be okay.” Following his gaze, I see the sprouts of new lettuce growing there. “By the way,” he adds, tapping my arm. “You’re it.” Dex takes off running toward home base, leaving me standing there, my insides twisted in a new emotion, my body already missing his touch.

Instead of dwelling on the fact that I came up with this stupid square one idea, I run around and try to find my CJ. “Where are you, cutie pie?”

Giggles alert me to the corner bush, but the opposite one he ran for earlier. I hurry over and go to the back side, so he can make a break for home base, which he does. Thanks to my slow-motion running, he makes it safely there, grabbing onto Dex’s leg and laughing. Dex rubs the top of his head, and kneels down. “You’re safe, buddy. Your Mom’s still it.”

Breathless, I reach the patio. I think we have time for one more round before dinner, so I start to count and everyone else scatters. This time I tag Dex first, making him it, and I’m really starting to think he just might be it in more ways than one.

* * *

I always wondered why people drank coffee at night, until now. I don’t want this night to end. I don’t want to miss a thing, not even a moment, so I make us coffee to make it last.

Tonight, I don’t get the Dex who filled the tabloids with stories of drug abuse, legal issues, and a myriad of women. And it’s not the Dex I knew five years ago or even three. This Dex is attentive and considerate, quiet at times, and contemplative. Our conversations have been lively and his outlook on his life fascinating. He’s changed over the years. It’s been inevitable with the fame and the money, but he’s matured and has this gentle side to him that he’s showing me that I’m finding very hard to resist.

But even coffee can’t make the night last forever despite my best efforts. Tomorrow has requirements that come along with the new day that I can’t delay. Realizing the time, I say, “Wow, it’s getting late.”

“It is?” He says, looking at me. Dex is lying across the couch, his lids much heavier than they were an hour ago, his smile lazy, but so attractive.

“It’s just gone ten. It’s quite the life I’m living here in the Valley.”

“It’s a good life. I’ve had a good time.” He sits up and stretches and that V, the one that I remember so vividly from before, is exposed. “Hey, eyes up here.”

Busted. “Sorry,” I say, though I’m not really.

“It’s okay. I like the way you look at me.”

Tilting my head, I grin, feeling flirty. “How do I look to you?”

“How I look at you.”

And with that, silence infiltrates, leaving me speechless. I want to get up and go to him, everything about him draws me in, but I don’t because this is the first of many nights I hope to spend with him. I don’t want to risk the perfection of our time together.

Standing up, he says, “Thank you for dinner. I don’t think I knew you were such a good cook.”

“Sheer necessity.”

“You can afford a chef.”

“I like to cook for my family.”

“It’s a good skill to have.” Taking another step, he adds, “I guess I should get going.”

I don’t want him to though I know it’s the right thing to do. I stand up as well, and ask, “So the first half of the tour’s over. Got any plans for your month off?”

“Sleep.”

“Eh, c’mon, you get a ton of sleep.”

“I don’t sleep well on the road. I never have.”

I nod, and agree. “I never did either.”

“At least you had someone,” he says so easily.

I know he doesn’t mean anything more than the words themselves, but the reminders are hard to live with sometimes. “Yeah.”

Dex comes closer and tugs at my shirt. “Did I just make it awkward?”

“No… okay, maybe a little, but it’s real and I can’t deny a real moment. Cory was in my life. He’s not anymore. I didn’t have a say in the decision. But for the record, I still struggle all the time, but it’s good for you to see, to know who I am now. I’m not the same girl you met ten years ago.”

“No,” he whispers, pushing my hair back over my shoulders. “You’re not. You’re the woman that…” Looking away from me, he backs up suddenly. “I should go.”

“Dex?” I turn and follow after him. “What were you going to say?”

He scrapes his teeth across his bottom lip and it’s entirely distracting and more than a little teasing. “Square one, remember?”

“I’m beginning to hate square one.” I open the door for him, deflated, maybe defeated inside.

With a chuckle, he leans in and kisses me on the forehead. It’s quick and gentle, not illicit in the least, though I could use some illicit right about now. “Go to bed and get some rest. And before I go, how’s Thursday looking for you?”

“What time?”

“Five o’clock.”

“I’ll be here with the boys.”

He smiles and asks, “How about the three of you come to dinner at my house?”

“Really?”

“Really.”

I lift up on my tiptoes and hug him. “We’d love to.”

“See you then and if you get lonely, feel free to sext me anytime.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I give him a little wink because really, what else can you do but camp it up.

After locking the door and setting the security system, I lean against the wall. I’m all smiles and full of feel-goods from the night and from the man who just left. But I’m left wondering on Thursday, do we get to move to square two?